Top 100 Music Humor Quotes
#1. Disco's are tricky. You look a total wally if you dance too early but after one crucial song tips the disco over, you look a sad saddo if you don't.
David Mitchell
#2. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Rita Rudner
#3. DJing for people is fun until someone comes up with a phone screen that has 'PLAY SOME RIHANNA' written on it. I prefer to play older songs because they're the ones I personally enjoy dancing and singing along to and modern dance music bores my brains out.
Alexa Chung
#4. I just don't - Ronan. My ears are bleeding!
Ronan turned down the music.
Maggie Stiefvater
#5. Satan rejected my soul; as low as he goes,
he never quite goes this low.
Morrissey
#6. You think publishing is tough but the music world is ten times tougher.
Jeffery Deaver
#7. I am hated for loving.
I am haunted for wanting.
Morrissey
#8. Real estate is the best investment on earth, however, when the music stops playing, which happens occasionally, don't be the one left without a chair.
Steven Ivy Attorney Entrepreneur
#9. I remember seeing McCoy Tyner in concert, and thinking that the music was incredible, but wanting to be invited in. I figured that humor was the way of letting the audience in. I've gotten a hard time about it, but I love to be funny onstage.
John Lurie
#10. The heart has a heart of its own.
Morrissey
#11. Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.
Richard Belzer
#12. We were like deaf people trying to dance to a beat we couldn't hear, long after the music actually stopped.
Brandon Sanderson
#13. I'm forever near a stereo saying, 'What the fuck is this garbage?' And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Nick Cave
#14. The tune was wailing and mournful, almost flagrantly so, and the total effect was of a heartbroken piccolo being parted forever from its bagpipe lover.
Peter S. Beagle
#15. I see the world, it makes me puke,
But then I look at you and know,
that somewhere there's a someone who can soothe me.
Morrissey
#16. While you're singing something romantic, I can't get the lyrics to 'Love and Marriage' out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#17. Keith Richards on change - "It's gotta go up and down. Otherwise, you won't know the difference. It would be just a bland, straight line, like lookin' at a heart machine. And when that straight line happens, baby, you're dead.
Jessica Pallington West
#18. You're playing the creepy vibe a little hard," I said. "Might as well go for broke, put on a black top hat and pipe in some organ music.
Jim Butcher
#19. Girls have got balls. They're just a little higher up, that's all.
Joan Jett
#20. And make no mistake, my friend, your pointless life will end; but before you go, can you look at the truth?
Morrissey
#21. There is nothing, he tells me, more odious than a German. However, their women are seductive, and they make the world's most beautiful music. My employer sings me a German song. He sounds like a buffalo in distress. Afterward he makes me read to him from the Bible.
Sofia Samatar
#22. I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Paul McCartney
#23. It's true - there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows.
Cheryl Cory
#24. I used to dream, and I used to vow;
I wouldn't dream of it now.
Morrissey
#25. I pull out a zippered CD case, but unfortunately, it's slim pickens inside, and I say this not only because the choices are bad, which they are, but because there actually is a Slim Pickens CD inside.
Melissa DeCarlo
#26. A Jazz man should be saying what he feels: humor, sadness, joy ... all the things that humans have.
Bob Brookmeyer
#27. Can you squeeze me
into an empty page of your diary
and psychologically save me?
Morrissey
#28. It was the music that finally roused Leo back to consciousness. "Hey. I like that old song," he croaked, completely oblivious to the calamitous chain reaction of the previous 10 seconds. That is until he realized there was a dead body separating him and Kay.
Delora Dennis
#29. Then, with an extended, falling glissando of disgust, the whole string section, plus flutes and piccolo, surged toward the brass, leaving the music critic and his deed - an early evening frites and mayonnaise on Oude Hoogstraat - illuminated under a lonely chandelier.
Ian McEwan
#30. One of Renee's friends asked her, "Does your boyfriend wear glasses?" She said, "No, he wears a Walkman.
Rob Sheffield
#31. America is deeply rooted in Negro culture: its colloquialisms; its humor; its music.
Sonny Rollins
#32. I never knew she liked country music," Smitty said in awe.
Yeah, that must make her prime mate material for a Smith. She'll fit right in at one of your hootenannies."
-Mitch to Smitty
Shelly Laurenston
#33. The Little Drummer Boy was playing in the background for what seemed like the third time in a row. I fought off an urge to beat that Little Drummer Boy seneless with his own drumsticks.
Dana Reinhardt
#34. Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil.
It was "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake.
David Wong
#35. It's so shameful of me: I like you.
Morrissey
#36. Man, didn't anybody ever tell you that art is propaganda? It doesn't matter whether you think it should be or it shouldn't be, it just is, and motherfucker, like or not, you're sitting on a funky Magna Carta.
Paul Beatty
#37. Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you.
Even I, sick and depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you.
Morrissey
#38. Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?
I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.
Oscar Wilde
#39. Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.
Jim Moorman
#40. You say: 'Oh, please forgive'
You say: 'Oh, live and let live.'
But sorry doesn't help us.
Sorry will not save us.
Sorry is just a word you find so easy to say (so you say it anyway).
Sorry doesn't help us.
Sorry won't protect us.
Sorry won't undo all the good gone wrong.
Morrissey
#41. I'd love to...but only with you.
Morrissey
#42. Tried living in the real world instead of a shell, but I was bored before I even began.
Morrissey
#43. My conception of New York City came from rap music. I envisioned it as a place where people shot each other on the street and got away with it; no one walked on the streets, rather people drove in their sports cars looking for nightclubs and for violence.
Ishmael Beah
#44. Rejection is one thing - but rejection from a fool is cruel.
Morrissey
#45. They said her duck recipe and the Chinese music were so dramatic everything else sounded anemic.
Frank McCourt
#46. While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory.
Dweezil Zappa
#47. I take making music seriously, but you have to have a sense of humor about yourself. I invite people into my life. That's how I do it.
Mac DeMarco
#49. I peeked in the bag. Do you know what was in there? I'll tell you what was in there: a collapsible tray table. Is there any sadder purchase in this fucking world? Maybe a CD of C+C Music Factory's Greatest Hits, but that's about it.
Caroline Kepnes
#50. The flanger setting ... makes it sound as if the chord is being chewed over thoughtfully by a large genie accustomed to telling long, implausible stories
Tim Brookes
#51. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing
soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex ... well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is.
Jhonen Vasquez
#52. There are some bad people on the rise;
they're saving their own skins by ruining people's lives.
Morrissey
#53. She paced back and forth while I rinsed and decided to face the music - or the Echo.
Lila Felix
#54. I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
Edith Sitwell
#55. I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know ... I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen
#56. I remembered that Beethoven's symphonies had sometimes been given names ... they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused to lie down and die.
Alan Bradley
#57. Attracting musicians is rather like inviting flies over to tea: they are tolerable for half an hour, but when they begin to touch the food, you either wish they would go home or die.
Michelle Franklin
#58. To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.
Morrissey
#59. On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn't keep in touch. They're probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.
Craig Ferguson
#60. The musical equivalent of St Pancras Station.
(on Elgar)
Thomas Beecham
#61. We hate it when our friends become successful.
Morrissey
#62. I'm gonna go put my earplugs in and practice piano for hours until my fingers bleed. I practice the piano with the focus of Helen Keller - and nothing can distract me from the scent of the music.
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Karen Quan
#64. I'm not sorry it stopped. [on Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"]
David Mitchell
#65. I have been thinking about what might happen if they installed clappers to turn on and off the lights in a concert hall. Maybe they could spare the cost of hiring some people for the next rock concert.
Linnea Gelland
#66. (aside) Oh, you are well tuned now,
But I'll set down the pegs that make this music,
As honest as I am.
William Shakespeare
#67. Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.
The Kinks
#68. There is no one who has ever created music with the combination of intelligence, intuition, depth, creativity, and humor that Jerry Garcia has. His work and life will continue to be a limitless source of inspiration for all of us.
Bruce Hornsby
#69. A life that partakes even a little of friendship, love, irony, humor, parenthood, literature, and music, and the chance to take part in battles for the liberation of others cannot be called 'meaningless' ...
Christopher Hitchens
#70. The Who had a great sense of humor. And they were also very serious when it came down to making music.
Jason Reece
#71. We didn't need light & shade, irony or humor. An iconic Daltrey bellow could convey an extrodinary range of human emotion; withering sadness, self pity, loneliness, abandonment, spiritual desperation, the loss of childhood, as well as the more obvious rage & frustration, joy & triumph.
Pete Townshend
#72. Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music.
Chuck Klosterman
#73. Dave walked closer to me, his dark eyes combing my every move. "Do you always hold your guitar like that?"
I dropped my pick. "Do you always shop at Hot Topic?
Tara Kelly
#74. There are more than enough
to fight and oppose;
why waste good time
fighting the people you like?
Morrissey
#75. My love, wherever you are - whatever you are - don't lose faith. I know it's gonna happen someday to you.
Morrissey
#76. Sad, slow music in the small hours of the morning isn't just sad and slow music. It's a narration. And through the myriad of morning dew, we are the twinkling stars that fade with the rising sun.
Dave Matthes
#77. Oh! to shoot for the stars if feels right. Aim for my heart if it feels right.
Maroon 5
#78. God, come down, if you're really there -
Well, you're the one who claims to care!
Morrissey
#80. If you were a country," I said, "what would your national anthem be?"
I meant a pre-existing song
"What a Wonderful World" or "Que Sera, Sera" or something to make it a joke, like "Hey Ya!" ("I would like, more than anything else, for my nation to be shaken like a Polaroid picture.")
David Levithan
#81. Oh, I can't help quoting you, because everything that you said rings true.
Morrissey
#82. Charlie whistled "Amazing Grace" as he drove. It was all I could do not to whip my head around and snap, Are you kidding me? Couldn't he pick something more appropriate, like "Shout at the Devil" or "Don't fear the Reaper"? Some people had no sense of the proper music for a kidnapping.
Jeaniene Frost
#83. New Rule: Stop calling bagpipes a musical instrument. They're actually a Scottish Breathalyzer test. You blow into one end, and if the sound that comes out the other end doesn't make you want to kill yourself
you're not drunk enough.
Bill Maher
#84. All Bach's last movements are like the running of a sewing machine.
(on Bach)
Arnold Bax
#85. At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.
Tina Fey
#86. ... .For instance, I hated Pearl Jam at the time. I thought they were pompous blowhards. Now, whenever a Pearl Jam song comes on the car radio, I find myself pounding my fist on the dashboard, screaming, Pearl JAM! Pearl JAM! Now this is rock and roll! Jeremy's SPO-ken! But he's still al-LIIIIIVE!
Rob Sheffield
#87. When he wasn't making quirky jokes about his mother like this - it happened more than once - he mainly spoke at me, about his job and about his band, Jettisoned Airplane, an electronic music duo, which had been formed in March, inspired by the plane that had gone missing and not yet been found.
Olivia Sudjic
#88. You don't like me, but you love me; either way, you're wrong.
Morrissey
#89. How can anybody say they know how I feel? The only one around here who is me, is ME.
Morrissey
#90. In our world, I rank music somewhere between hair ribbons and rainbows in terms of usefulness.
Suzanne Collins
#91. They were strong singers, with swift minds and open good humor--arrogant enough to think they could stand on a stage and dogged enough to have done the work to get there.
Vivien Shotwell
#92. Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.
Johnny Cash
#93. There aren't many kids today as good as you are. Kids today are selfish; they don't think of others. They're too busy listening to devil music on their eight-track players to think of anyone else.
K. Martin Beckner
#94. Some people have lives; some people have music.
John Green
#95. I wish I was a rapper. There are certainly times when I wish I could just drop an album and channel all my ideas, anger, humor and energy into some music and be done with it.
Todd Boyd
#96. Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
Jerry Seinfeld
#97. I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.
Ricky Gervais
#98. I don't do 'black music,' I don't do 'white music' ... I make fight music, for high school kids.
Eminem
#99. As in music, when we hear the crescendo building, suddenly if the music stops, we begin to hear the silence as part of the music.
Chogyam Trungpa
