Top 100 Monkey Quotes
#1. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin
#2. We're not going to save the monkey unless we can shed the monkey. And the greatest impetus, the greatest inspiration to the expression of our higher selves comes in the confrontation with psyche that occurs in the psychedelic experience.
Terence McKenna
#3. If I'm on my own, I'll speak to 'Monkey' to generate new stuff for the act. I mean, I don't do it for moral support, although I wouldn't say that's out of the question. In fact, I could do it, I might do it ... yes, I think I should actually start doing it more.
Nina Conti
#4. Depends on if this is an ass chewing session or a rational discussion. I've had enough shit flung at me today that I'm feeling like a monkey.
Lorelei James
#5. Claiming my right to follow whethersoever science should lead ... it is as respectable to be modified monkey as modified dirt.
Thomas Huxley
#6. No way. I still get these horrible flashbacks of that night and wake up crying, terrified that some sexed-up howler monkey is going to attack me.
Kylie Scott
#7. He doesn't look very smart," Diesel said. "He's not even giving me the finger."
"Can monkey's do that?" Hal asked.
Carl gave him the finger.
"Cool!" Hal said.
Janet Evanovich
#8. Weetabix - a British cereal biscuit whose taste and texture are generally thought to be improved by the addition of monkey come.
Christopher Moore
#9. It's like the television equivalent of one of those cymbal-banging monkey toys being duct-taped to your forehead.
Matthew Norman
#10. When a monkey nibbles on a weenis, it's funny in any language.
Alan Garner
#11. I don't consider writing a quiet, closet act.
I consider it a real physical act.
When I'm home writing on the typewriter, I go crazy.
I move like a monkey.
I've wet myself, I've come in my pants writing.
Patti Smith
#12. Barry, you're over thirty years old. You owe it to your mum and dad not to sing in a group called Sonic Death Monkey.
Nick Hornby
#13. Someone who never has fun with money misses the point. Someone who never invests money will never have any. Someone who never gives is a monkey with his hand in a bottle.
Dave Ramsey
#14. Just as no monkey is as good-looking as the ugliest of humans, no academic is worthier than the worst of the creators
Nassim Nicholas Taleb
#15. Somebody said my name, asked if I was okay. I didn't answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, hairy ass on my eyelids.
David Wong
#16. Our names and titles are assigned randomly by a small monkey who has been fed an exceedingly large amount of gin.
Brandon Sanderson
#17. Gape long enough into a looking glass and you'll eventually see beauty. The same can be said of self-analysis, and as soon as one apes oneself, a second monkey is born.
Anthony Marais
#18. I concluded to myself that if I were the hunter, I would shoot the monkey so that it would no longer have the chance to put other hunters in the same predicament.
Ishmael Beah
#19. Your mind makes you dance like a monkey all the time ... Now you have to become stronger; you have to make the mind dance. Make it dance on the stage of mantra. For that, mediate and repeat mantra.
Swami Muktananda
#20. Anand, look at the back of my hands. No hair. The sign of an advanced race, boy. And look at yours. No hair either. But you never know. With some of your mother's bad blood flowing in your veins you could wake up one morning and find yourself hairy like a monkey
V.S. Naipaul
#21. I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.
Kristen Schaal
#22. Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think about was shopping and jellybeans. Points to the monkey mind.
Anna White
#23. That's the thing about this game
you get a little monkey on your back. You go 0-for-3, you go 0-for-6, pretty soon you start pressing. You keep trying a little harder, and the harder you try, the worse it gets. So, anytime you can break out of it by getting a base hit, it feeds confidence.
Mike Candrea
#24. They'd never get here in time. It's easy. A lobotomized monkey could do it." "And where are we going to find a lobotomized monkey at this time of night?
Jasper Fforde
#25. Sabrina suggested they burn their orange monkey sweaters and blue heart covered pants but Daphne refused. Granny took Sabrina aside and apologised for the outfit, saying that Mr. Canis might not have been the right choice to shop for girls. After all, he was colour-blind.
Michael Buckley
#26. If we do not accomplish it in time, what has begun with a monkey may not end with a monkey. Next even a swarm of mosquitoes may decide to challenge your authority.
R.K. Narayan
#27. The full moon rises. The fog clings to the lowest branches of the spruce trees. The man steps out of the darkest corner of the forest and finds himself transformed into ...
A monkey?
I think not.
Garth Stein
#28. If you have talent, but no morality-monkey riding upon your back, then, of course, this is where you should stop.
Kat Lowe
#29. Life is like the monkey bars: you have to let go to move forward. Once you make the decision to leap into entrepreneurship, be sure to loosen your grasp on old concepts so you can swing your way to new ones.
Leah Busque
#30. Twitter can no more produce analysis than a monkey can type out a work of Shakespeare.
Eric Schmidt
#31. Since early morning he had been like a monkey with the key to the banana plantation after discovering he was breathing the same air as the greatest hero of all time.
Terry Pratchett
#32. I find, however, it's a much more freeing way to live. It certainly beats walking around with the "Don't you know who I think I am?" voice in your head. I find that only leads me down dark monkey-mind paths and patterns of behavior that benefits no one.
Patrick Fabian
#33. A lion does not flinch at laughter coming from a hyena. A gorilla does not budge from a banana thrown at it by a monkey. A nightingale does not stop singing its beautiful song at the intrusion of an annoying woodpecker.
Suzy Kassem
#34. Thou hast been with the Monkey People - the gray apes - the people without a law - the eaters of everything.
Rudyard Kipling
#36. This is the monkey mind of which Zen speaks: the mind that worries, doubts, frets about the past, makes lists, all the time chattering like a monkey.
Patricia Monaghan
#37. I've done the performing monkey stuff and massive breakdowns, it's just they weren't documented.
Moby
#38. I was the green monkey, the pariah. And I had no friends. Not just a few friends, or one good friend, or grudging acceptance by other misfits and outcasts. I was alone. All stinking alone, without even an imaginary playmate.
Harlan Ellison
#40. Picture this," said Magnus. "Me with a little monkey friend. I could teach him tricks. I could dress him in a cunning jacket. He could look just like me! But more monkey-shaped.
Cassandra Clare
#41. I am afraid of radium and polonium ... I don't want to monkey with them.
Thomas A. Edison
#42. I do not stay to be nice. I stay because it is my duty - " "But, Mama can't find out, Muddy," Addy cautioned, interrupting him. "She'd have a heart attack." " - and because Adara has promised me hot monkey sex," Brand finished.
Lexi George
#43. That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.
Kristin Cast
#44. I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child.
Augusten Burroughs
#45. A monkey was the President, though maybe not the first. And there was peace and harmony throughout the universe.
Tom T. Hall
#46. I didn't want a world in which I had to choose between blind human babies and tortured monkey ones. To be frank, that's the sort of choice I expect science to protect me from, not give me.
Karen Joy Fowler
#47. The first book I could call mine, my first book, was a picture book, 'The Magic Monkey' - it was adapted from an old Chinese legend by a thirteen-year-old prodigy named Plato Chan with the help of his sister.
Nick Flynn
#48. Patty Flood and her good mood were starting to get on my nerves. Her mood was so good it was almost a physical thing, a monkey on a leash that she let leap all over the furniture, delighting only its owner.
Elizabeth McCracken
#49. We spend our lives guessing at what's going on inside everybody else, and when we happen to get lucky and guess right, we think we 'understand.' Such nonsense. Even a monkey at a computer will type a word every now and then.
Orson Scott Card
#50. Lady Macduff: Now God help thee, poor monkey! But
how wilt thou do for a father?
Son: If he were dead, you'd weep for him. If you would
not, it were a good sign that I should quickly have a
new father.
William Shakespeare
#51. The monkey liked most humans. They left food cans outside their homes for his family to rummage through in the morning
sun. Some yelled and threw sticks, but were slow and didn't bite. Humans were mostly harmless.
Cole Alpaugh
#52. I'd waited for this opportunity with Claudia for a long time - ever since elementary school when I tried to impress her on the monkey bars and woo her with my crayon drawings. But I couldn't have been with her any sooner. You can't expect someone to love a shadow.
Suzanne McKenna Link
#53. The animal is making quite a mess," the butler droned.
"Are you referring to the monkey, or to my nephew?" Fennington drawled, strolling into the room.
"Hm. How long did you lurk outside the room waiting forthat opportunity?" Bennett asked
Suzanne Enoch
#54. If you understand why a monkey in a family is always mocked and harassed, you understand why monks are rejected by all
both old and young.
Francois Rabelais
#56. The rich rarely give a black dog for a white monkey, my friend. It's the way of the world.
Karen Essex
#58. Each of us promenades his thought, like a monkey on a leash. When you read, you always have to such monkeys: your own and one belonging to someone else. Or, even worse, a monkey and a hyena. Now, consider what you will feed them. For a hyena does not eat the same things as a monkey ...
Milorad Pavic
#59. People have always called me Schneider Monkey just because of my energy and mass consumption of bananas. Plus, I just love monkeys, so I thought, 'Well, I love monkeys, I love my fans, why not put the two together?'
Max Schneider
#60. The character of the monkey just grew from something out of his face and my granddad's personality. They fused, and that's what I ended up with! The monkey belonged to a friend of mine, and I saw that it had such a little beguiling face and it grew from there.
Nina Conti
#61. I'm not saying it's cold but that brass monkey over there is looking really worried.
Glenn Scrimshaw
#62. The lion's blessing is in his strength; the monkey's blessing is in his cunning; and the elephant's blessing is in his might.
Matshona Dhliwayo
#63. That was a pygmy marmoset by the way. Just in case you were wondering."
I wheezed. "Thank you oh Walking Monkey Dictionary.
Colleen Houck
#64. I think the discomfort that some people feel in going to the monkey cages at the zoo is a warning sign.
Carl Sagan
#65. I'm not drunk,' I said indignantly.
You were just dancing like some wood nymph five minutes ago. You took your shirt off and now you're latched onto me like a little monkey. So don't tell me you're in complete control of yourself.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#66. I looked like a monkey trying to wrestle a football.
Sam Snead
#67. Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can.
Stephen King
#68. Mrs. Francis, may I introduce the Scourge of the Skies, the Terror of Dairy Farmers, the Lord of Lactose, Master of the Cheese Pirates of Snow Monkey Island, Captain Cheesebeard.
Sean Cullen
#69. Year by year, the monkey's mask reveals the monkey
Matsuo Basho
#70. Once I finished, I got that procrastination monkey off my back! And I started seeing doors opening.
Eric Thomas
#71. Writer is a monkey, jumping from one tree to another in the jungle of words.
Mehmet Murat Ildan
#73. The mind is like a monkey swinging from branch to branch through a forest, says the Sutra.
Thich Nhat Hanh
#76. In a way, fasting is like the "calming of the monkey mind" effected by the rosary prayer: both are means of stilling the effervescence of relatively superficial preoccupations.
Robert Barron
#77. Demons, please! I ain't your hell-monkey. Really don't have time for this! Nick
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#78. It has taken us two million years to elevate politics from the level of a monkey squabble, to a level comprehensible to a six year old child.
Peter J. Carroll
#79. Cable cars are fun - everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey.
Eddie Izzard
#80. So what does correlate with brain size? The answer, Dunbar argues, is group size. If you look at any species of primate-at every variety of monkey and ape-the larger their neocortex is, the larger the average size of the groups they live with.
Malcolm Gladwell
#81. A misfit like me getting anywhere in Hollywood as I somehow have, seemed, certainly at the time of 'Spanking The Monkey,' kind of out of reach, or not a very realistic take.
Jeremy Davies
#82. I should also point out that there is a secret code in each chapter and if you figure it out it unlocks the next level and you get better weapons to fight the zombie quarterbacks on the Pegasus Bridge. So get cracking, you task-oriented monkey brains.
Amy Poehler
#85. The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
Evan Esar
#86. Hello, companion," said Magnus.
The monkey made a terrible sound, half snarl and half hiss.
"I begin to rather doubt the beauty of our friendship," said Magnus.
Cassandra Clare
#87. I haven't seen a half-monkey, half person yet.
Glenn Beck
#88. Our society spends a lot of money on prison bars. For the sake of our kids, let's invest in monkey bars.
Darell Hammond
#89. Some impudent young Parisian had made a malicious reference in his presence to the latest theories suggesting a link between primitive man and lower species. Dumas replied: "Yes, sir, I do indeed come from the monkey. But you, sir, are returning to one!" He
Umberto Eco
#90. An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
Charles Darwin
#91. I love going into the centre of London because people don't give a monkey's about you or who you are. You can be in a restaurant and no one notices you or if they do they won't show it.
Teddy Sheringham
#93. I have a swizzle stick shaped like a little monkey," announced Rose. "Let's help the dead man with his problem.
Seanan McGuire
#94. At the market I ate a piece of a grilled monkey - it looked like a naked child.
Werner Herzog
#95. I loved Super-Monkey; always wanted to do something with him but it never happened.
Elliot S! Maggin
#96. Your friend is so ugly and hairy.
Hey, you'll upset my monkey !
We were talking to the monkey...
Malachi Jones
#97. Everyone here was the cleverest little monkey in his or her particular tree. Except now we're all in one tree together. It can be a shock. Not enough coconuts to go round. You'll be dealing with your equals for the first time in your life, and your betters. You won't like it.
Lev Grossman
#98. One monkey don't stop no show. Not one, not six. The struggle continues.
Toni Cade Bambara
#99. Sillus have friend," the little monkey dude says, looking up at me with wide eyes. "Family. Lots. Go get, they help huntress.
Tera Lynn Childs
#100. A determined soul will do more with a rusty monkey wrench than a loafer will accomplish with all the tools in a machine shop.
Robert Hughes
