Top 100 Monkey Quotes
#1. In all honesty, if somebody asked me the secret of auditioning for Americans, I don't know. Often, I do what's called self-taping for America. I go over there quite a lot to sit in a room and do stuff in front of people. You feel like a performing monkey. It's bizarre.
David Wenham
#2. Fighting! Fighting like white-trash dumb monkey ...
-Park's mom
Rainbow Rowell
#3. A monkey was carrying two handfuls of peas. One little pea dropped out. He tried to pick it up, and split twenty. He tried to pick up the twenty, and split them all. Then he lost his temper, scattered the peas in all directions and ran away
Leo Tolstoy
#4. I knew Rick Pitino was going to make them play that outbreak, monkey defense. He's been doing it all his life.
Shaquille O'Neal
#5. I am not going to spend any time whatsoever in attacking the Foreign Secretary. If we complain about the tune, there is no reason to attack the monkey when the organ grinder is present.
Aneurin Bevan
#6. I like to think I am confident and secure and mature enough to know Nick loves me without him constantly proving it. I don't need pathetic dancing monkey
scenarios to repeat to my friends, I am content with letting him be himself.
I don't know why women find that so hard.
Gillian Flynn
#7. On Keith Richards: He's like a monkey with arthritis.
Elton John
#8. Long story short: I don't know shit about whatever dancing monkey of the moment is amusing the plebes.
Antonio Garcia Martinez
#9. I learned the way a monkey learns - by watching its parents.
Prince Charles
#10. Della pretty much told him the same thing. And she gave him hell. The kind of hell only Della can dish out. Told him he was a piece of monkey shit and that he should go have himself castrated.
C.C. Hunter
#11. I can train a monkey to wave an American flag. That does not make the monkey patriotic.
Scott Ritter
#12. MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
Ambrose Bierce
#13. Right." Sadie looked dazed. "You've got a monkey butler. Why not?
Rick Riordan
#15. I've said before, Harry, no need to hide your light," said Alice, squeezing his hand. She giggled, "Dance, monkey, dance.
Hanif Kureishi
#16. Suddenly, I developed an acute case of Tourette's syndrome, Fuck! That fucking-shit-son-of-an-ass-monkey-dick-weasel!
Christine Zolendz
#17. Hello," Magnus said to the monkey. The monkey did not reply. "I shall call you Ragnor.
Cassandra Clare
#18. I thought I'd had wild monkey sex.
I didn't know the meaning of it until Shy taught it to me.
Kristen Ashley
#19. I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.
Mark Twain
#20. I confess freely to you, I could never look long upon a monkey, without very mortifying reflections.
William Congreve
#21. It is not so important to be serious as it is to be serious about the important things. The monkey wears an expression of seriousness which would do credit to any college student, but the monkey is serious because he itches.
Robert M. Hutchins
#22. I furnished the body that was needed to sit in the defendant's chair.
[Explaining his role in the Scopes Monkey Trial.]
John T. Scopes
#23. every time a reader leaves a book review, a crippled monkey gets a free banana. I
Bobby Adair
#25. The monkey said, "Bad. Bad, shitty bad.
Robert Reed
#26. Frankly, sharing a media market with Chuck Schumer is like sharing a banana with a monkey. Take a little bite of it, and he will throw his own feces at you.
Jon Corzine
#27. The brown monkey's instinct to kill is correct; such men are dangerous to all monkey customs.
Robert A. Heinlein
#28. Medea? Don't worry. Satara's rooms are far enough away that you won't be subjected to the sounds of wild monkey sex. (Stryker)
Ew! You were right, Mum. I should have allowed you to cut his throat. Get me out of here as quickly as possible. (Stryker)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#29. Monkey mind is actually a Buddhist term that refers to a mind that is restless, agitated, confused, or that is hard to control.
George Mumford
#30. People go to the zoo and they like the lion because it's scary. And the bear because it's intense, but the monkey makes people laugh.
Lorne Michaels
#32. But then, after all, we are all alike, for we are all derived from the monkey.
Albert Einstein
#33. Little red wagon, little red bike, I ain't no monkey but I know what I like.
Bob Dylan
#34. The heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids.
David Wong
#35. Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey.
Charlotte Perkins Gilman
#36. The sweater didn't fit me, of course. Even with the sleeves rolled up I looked like a baggy monkey picking bananas. But to my way of thinking, at least in winter, woolly warmth trumps freezing fashion any day of the week.
Alan Bradley
#37. Mary was a famous fairground attraction but she doesn't really count as she rather famously turned out to be a monkey.
Sandi Toksvig
#38. You are not a spiritual being in a monkey body you are a monkey pretending to be a spiritual being controlling itself.
Christopher Zzenn Loren
#39. You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?
David Letterman
#40. I finally understood why so much monkey business happened in the backs of buses. Put us in close proximity, with wheels spinning under us, and nothing to do but wait, we're going to start thinking of lovely uses for our bodies. I don't care who you are.
Laura Anderson Kurk
#41. Earlier today I had sex with a monkey and then roasted and ate it with a glass of choir boys' piss. I like to get in the mood.
Peter Milligan
#42. The ego is like a clever monkey, which can co-opt anything, even the most spiritual practices, so as to expand itself. (155)
Jean-Yves Leloup
#43. maybe everything happens in a monkey that came to make the rules in heaven
George G. Asztalos
#44. Surely," he said, "you don't doubt Samuel Rain's genius. Are you a monkey?
Nalini Singh
#46. The resources of the Deity cannot be so meagre, that, in order to create a human being endowed with reason, he must change a monkey into a man.
Louis Agassiz
#47. My way of learning is to heave a wild and unpredictable monkey-wrench into the machinery.
Dashiell Hammett
#48. It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo ... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
Jon Stewart
#49. A princess and a tiger, huh? Such excessive names! Our names mean 'monkey' and 'lewd!' I'm so jealous!
Tite Kubo
#50. After Supper the Master dismissed all except Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie and Sha the Monk. He took them out with him and said, Look at that wonderful moolight. It makes me long for the time when I can return home.
Wu Cheng'en
#51. Lord Ram gave Hanuman a quizzical look and said, "What are you, a monkey or a man?" Hanuman bowed his head reverently, folded his hands and said, "When I do not know who I am, I serve You and when I do know who I am, You and I are One.
Tulsidas
#52. You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, AND HE ARRIVES WITH A SANDWICH! ... And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"
Dylan Moran
#53. In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us
Francesco Totti
#54. We're all just bags of bones and muscle and hormones; I'll never understand what makes our minds do the things we do. It's like that statue of the monkey holding a skull. We're trying to use a thing we don't understand to understand ourselves.
Meshell Ndegeocello
#55. Working with any actor is like working with a monkey.
Marlon Brando
#56. Maybe I had found true love. Not that true love is a bitter, rotten dead monkey in a box. But then again, maybe.
Aaron Cometbus
#57. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. She should go far. The sooner she starts, the better. The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.
Joseph Stilwell
#59. An American monkey, an Ateles, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus was wiser than many men.
Michael Kuhar
#60. it is a hard-hearted monkey indeed that remains unmoved during a good slathering of bacitracin, and
Hope Jahren
#61. No!" Leo yelled.
"Uhhh," Nico groaned from the floor.
"Piper!" Jason cried.
"Monkey!" Frank yelled.
"Not monkeys," Hazel grumbled. "I think those are dwarfs."
"Stealing my stuff!" Leo yelled, and ran for the stairs.
Rick Riordan
#62. Perfect! Now we're being chased by hoards of monkeys! Perhaps you would care to name their species as we're attacked, just so I can appreciate the special traits of said monkey as it kills me!"
"At least when the monkeys are harassing you, you dont have any time to harass me!
Colleen Houck
#63. Drinking people are loud people. This is lost
on children, who make monkey bars of noise,
climbing through and over its steel pipes
until they king the metal smell of mountain.
Ken Craft
#64. The poor monkey, quietly seated on the ground, seemed to be in sore trouble at this display of anger.
Henry Walter Bates
#65. When a monkey loses a banana to a rival, he feels bad, but he doesn't expand the problem by thinking about it over and over. He looks for another banana. He ends up feeling rewarded rather than harmed. Humans use their extra neurons to construct theories about bananas and end up constructing pain.
Loretta Graziano Breuning
#66. A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'
Lewis Black
#67. With the tiger you're always on edge, and you always have to keep your distance. The monkey is far less threatening so you're more relaxed around the monkey, and I think that's actually hazardous.
Ed Helms
#68. Wednesday: A thousand kids running around and trampling each other on the slides at Monkey Joe's. Afraid for Brady's safety and had to leave before I punched an eight-year-old in the face
Amber L. Johnson
#69. It is not the purpose of the universe to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible. That's a mortal preoccupation, especially strong in monkey mammals, but we all feel it to one degree or another ...
J.Z. Colby
#70. Yeah, we call that mulling around. Okay guys, come on now. What we're going to do early in this game is mull around, okay? And later, we're going call that monkey-off-our-back play.
Les Miles
#71. I learned to swing on monkey bars over asphalt. I learned that if you fall, it hurts, so you try not to fall. But it's still worth swinging.
Tim Cordes
#72. Real atheist is not the one that does not believe in an imaginary big monkey, but the one that gives the imagination more importance than the reality.
Abhijit Naskar
#73. A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Eoin Colfer
#74. When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man.
Jerry Lewis
#75. As a child I was the best tree climber in our neighbourhood, I was like a little monkey. I've never been afraid of hurting myself or a little physical discomfort.
Rachel Weisz
#76. As a drumset player I look outside the typical canon of drums - jazz and rock. When I hear something like the "Monkey Chant", even though there are no instruments on it at all, the rhythms are so intriguing.
Glenn Kotche
#77. Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.
Eoin Colfer
#79. I have a lot of funny friends, though not everyone's funny all the time. Doon Mackichan's my funniest friend in the pub; Nina Conti's the funniest with a monkey.
Sally Phillips
#81. What we must do is start viewing every cow, pig, chicken, monkey, rabbit, mouse, and pigeon as our family members.
Gary Yourofsky
#82. This guy was beyond lucky. He was Midas with a better attorney, or the owner of a Monkey's Paw version 2.0, or Richard Cory on Prozac.
John L. Monk
#83. Running is the right thing to do! I am free, healthy with a good complexion. It is that automobile addict who should be ashamed: driving in a sealed car in warmed-over carbon monoxide and smoking a seegar. I am the Goddess! He is a bug in a monkey nut!
Brenda Ueland
#84. It is horrible how people will use anything as a political monkey wrench and to hell with the country. (Julia Child to Avis DeVoto)
Joan Reardon
#85. Those monkey-thumbs were meant for dogs. Give me my thumbs, you fu**ing monkeys!
Garth Stein
#86. There is a terrible lot of us who don't think that we come from a monkey, but if there are some people who think that they do, why, it's not our business to rob them of what little pleasure they might get out of imagining it.
Will Rogers
#87. In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.
Mark Twain
#88. But then with me the horrid doubt always arises whether the convictions of man's mind, which has been developed from the mind of the lower animals, are of any value or at all trustworthy. Would any one trust in the convictions of a monkey's mind, if there are any convictions in such a mind?
Charles Darwin
#89. No matter what else you came up against, if you could smile and laugh while a monkey did you with chestnuts in a dank concrete basement while somebody took pictures, well, any other situation would be a piece of cake
Chuck Palahniuk
#92. The world needed changing - that I knew. Global warming threatened to give us all a lethal tan; war and poverty decimated whole nations; crops worldwide were shriveling; even our brethren beasts menaced us with their monkey pox and bird flu and mad cow disease.
Jeff Deck
#93. Obama always goes reckless in words and deeds like a monkey in a tropical forest.
Kim Jong-un
#94. The first movie I ever saw was a blaxploitation movie. It was called 'Monkey Hustle.' Like I said, just listen to the name. That's a blaxploitation movie. It had these incredible, bigger-than-life images of people who looked like I did. Or who looked like I wanted to look like.
Michael Jai White
#95. If the monkey really wanted to get the weasel, he would've stopped wasting time and burned down the mulberry bush.
M.E. Castle
#96. At this moment, let us not forget that my authority has been challenged not by a warrior but by a monkey!
R.K. Narayan
#97. The riot screws didn't give a monkey's about the state he was in, no sir. They dragged him by his hair in to the first cell that was opened, where he was stripped and beaten.
Stephen Richards
#98. As is often the case with children, the rule of 'monkey see, monkey do' plays out in the workplace. It's hard to be good role model, and it's one of the greatest challenges of leadership.
Lee Ellis
#99. Monkey bar," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure.
Rick Riordan
#100. Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey.
Malcolm De Chazal
