Top 100 Late Night Quotes
#1. Probably the most fun I've ever had, actually, acting. Because it was the perfect extension of the stuff that I'd started to do on Late Night With David Letterman, and when I look back on all my work, it was probably the best possible incarnation of Chris Elliott, of me.
Chris Elliott
#2. Living in New York is like being at some terrible late-night party. You're tired, you've had a headache since you arrived, but you can't leave because then you'd miss the party.
Simon Hoggart
#3. Any eyes on me - a late-night street sweeper, some dude texting in his parked car, the homeless guy talking to himself - make me feel uncomfortable when I skate. Everyone expects me to do certain things.
Rodney Mullen
#4. Late night chaining of videos and basically obsessing are rare for me, and often I've never even seen the videos of my favourite songs. That said, in terms of my own personal magic, video has probably rated lower than most music fans.
Kieron Gillen
#5. Because late night, when I made you mine - "
"Shush. You didn't!"
"All right. Last night when you made me yours - "
She definitely heard Pom snort.
Christina Dodd
#6. You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.
Garry Shandling
#7. It's a privilege to present 'Late Night Live'. No radio program, anywhere on Earth, casts a wider net.
Phillip Adams
#8. Late night writing is also good, too, but in New York, you've got neighbors. I try to be a good neighbor.
Sara Bareilles
#9. There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"
Mitch Hedberg
#10. The way I approach stardom and the show, I'm like a politician. I'm an elected late-night official to do your work.
Arsenio Hall
#11. While 'Teachers' may have had its following, it was on late-night Channel Four, whereas 'EastEnders' was seen by millions and millions of people. I certainly don't have the cache to sell a programme like that, and certainly nobody's coming up and asking me to.
Raquel Cassidy
#13. If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.
Jimmy Kimmel
#14. David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.
George Lopez
#15. * Get one of those marvellous pink rabbit hand blenders. Like the ones I've seen on the late-night shopping channel.
Bridget Golightly
#16. From the city of angels off the Pacific Ocean. Good morning, good evening, wherever you may be, across the nation, around the world. I'm George Noory. Welcome to America's most listened-to late night talk show, Coast to Coast AM.
George Noory
#17. One of the pleasant duties of America's most famous announcers during the relatively short swing era of the big bands was to host late-night remotes from some of the most famous ballrooms throughout the country.
Nick Clooney
#18. I've been doing a late-night talk show out here in New Mexico now, 'The After After Party.' We're going to finalize a deal to be in 50 million homes. How blessed can I be, man?
Steven Michael Quezada
#19. were her kids. But the drugs and the late-night fighting revealed troubles that too many hillbilly transplants knew too well. Confronted with such a realization of her own family's struggle, Mamaw
J.D. Vance
#20. When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.
Jay Leno
#21. To protect the snack cupboard from late-night nom-nom raids,
Rick Riordan
#22. I was doing a late-night round as a milkman in 1978 when I heard a radio DJ announce that he was leaving. I marched straight to the radio station and told them I could do better. For some reason, they gave me a go.
Alan Dale
#23. Being an official divorce brought late-night channel-surfing up to a staggering new level of depressing. I just wanted to belong to someone already.
Jonathan Tropper
#24. Conan O'Brien's show was speaking to a massive and young audience, and he would put us in weekly bits on Late Night.
Amy Poehler
#25. Can't you just see it? Can't you see us with gray hair, sitting at those late night football games. I'll be the dad with one eye on my football playing sons, and the other on our daughter, who if she looks anything like you, I will need to carry a gun to fight off all of those horny teenage boys.
Jennifer Foor
#26. Many of you might already recognize me as the guy in the question-mark suits appearing in the late night TV commercials and on the cover of educational books and CDs.
Matthew Lesko
#27. So the next time I answer a late night booty call from Jimmie and I actually go over to his place, what will you do?"
... "Punch you in the vagina?"
"Exactly!
J. Lynn
#28. Mr Letterman, 66, would retire when his contract to host the CBS network's Late Show With David Letterman expires next year, ending a run as a late-night host that began in 1982 on NBC.
Anonymous
#29. Be there for your children. Sit on the bed and enjoy the late-night talks - try to stay awake! Pray for the Lord to inspire you. Forgive often. Choose your battles. Testify frequently of Jesus Christ and His goodness and of the Restoration. And most of all, let them know of your trust in the Lord.
Bonnie D. Parkin
#30. I think the best thing I ever did was, years before I got the 'Late Night' show, when I first got out to Los Angeles to be a television writer, the first thing I did was I signed up to take improvisational classes ... And I studied that for years, and I really loved it.
Conan O'Brien
#31. After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
Jimmy Carr
#32. I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.
Dane Cook
#33. I wanted to make a late-night-type show that happened to be in the morning for moms. Bravo was more interested in a blend of my books 'Momzillas' and 'Sometimes I Feel Like a Nut,' which is a collection of nonfiction essays.
Jill Kargman
#34. I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watch most late-night talk shows, it's as if it doesn't even exist.
Andy Milonakis
#35. Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking.
Jimmy Fallon
#37. Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up - that stuff is very similar.
Craig Ferguson
#38. The book the Ziff folks sent me as an example of their art was 'Late Night VRML 2.0 with Java,' 700 pages + CD-ROM, published February 1997. I was personally acquainted with more movie stars than people who might conceivably have wanted to buy this book or any book like it.
Philip Greenspun
#39. Only a crazy person wouldn't fear approaching a car with tinted windows during a late-night car stop, or pounding up a flight of stairs to execute a search warrant, or fast-roping from a helicopter down into hostile fire. Real agents, like real people, feel that fear in the pit of their stomachs.
James Comey
#40. The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.
Jimmy Kimmel
#41. homesickness rose up inside Rincewind like a late-night prawn biriani,
Terry Pratchett
#42. If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone.
Craig Ferguson
#43. Limit or eliminate late-night computer and television viewing. A computer or TV screen may seem much dimmer than a light bulb, but these screens often fill your field of vision, mimicking the effects of a room filled with light.
Andrew Weil
#44. I like to make sure I get enough rest, so I don't make it a priority to go out late night.
Noureen DeWulf
#45. So many groups fail because they spend all their time in the clubs. Work pours in and they can't handle it because of late-night drinking.
Maurice Gibb
#46. This, however, is OKCupid, the vast, weird pink-and-blue toned jungle of the id masquerading as a dating site, where rare birds of modern romance flutter amongst the night-terrors of human loneliness and despair and the suspicious skin irritants of late-night hook-uppery.
Laurie Penny
#47. We had only snacks last time, I think it was OK for a day time menu. But this time it will be late night when people gather so we should add some proper meals.
Hidetoshi Nakata
#50. I thought late-night was crowded ... the format's repetitive.
Craig Kilborn
#51. I'm in the process of brainstorming with my marketing team and all that stuff, trying to come up with a concept for a late-night restaurant for people in Birmingham.
Ruben Studdard
#52. When I left SNL, I gave Seth a badge of courage, like Dorothy give to the Cowardly Lion ... He kept it in his pocket during "Update" until he didn't need it anymore. Now it sits in a box on his desk at Late Night.
Amy Poehler
#53. Twelve-piece cookware sets for ninety-nine bucks are routinely hawked on late-night TV - often by friends of mine. But with a mere five pieces, you can do whatever you like - slay the dragon and then cook its tenderloin in the style of the duke of Wellington, if you want to.
Mario Batali
#54. Couldn't you hypnotize her or something?"
"It doesn't work like that."
"I thought vampires were all sex gods with the ladies."
Cade looked at him. "What gave you that idea?"
"Uh ... late-night TV, mostly ... "
"Humans are our food. Do you want to have sex with a cow?
Christopher Farnsworth
#55. I'm not a late-night person. After 10 P.M., I'm falling asleep. If I'm out at that time, I'll be the one falling asleep at dinner.
Blake Mycoskie
#56. Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.
Craig Ferguson
#57. He would use amphetamines to stay awake because he would have late night maneuvers that would go way into the early morning hours and he was given pills to stay up for the long hours.
Priscilla Presley
#58. Poetry's packaged as a late-night slot, a quote minority taste unquote, like water-skiing or goat-fucking or something.
Julian Barnes
#59. There's a lot of people out there who have seen us once somewhere in a pub or heard our songs late night on radio. We'd done four years of it before we'd even released a single. It's put us in good stead.
Dan Hawkins
#60. Looks like you suck at volleyball just as much as you do at making late night phone calls.
E.J. Squires
#61. Do your own thing. Others own their own thing. If you copy too much, you'll find yourself in late night cocktail lounge cover band limbo.
Kurt Cobain
#62. What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!
Craig Ferguson
#63. Something about Van has always brought late-night nature programming to mind.
John Wray
#64. If you look at my life before I went into television, the struggle I went through coming out would be surprising to most people, given how comfortable and how out I am being the only late-night gay talk-show host.
Andy Cohen
#65. So it turns out that late-night flashes of brilliance often look a little less brilliant in the bright light of morning.
Stacey Kade
#66. In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of fame. Followed by fifteen minutes of legal problems, fifteen minutes of ridicule from late-night TV hosts, fifteen minutes of obscurity, and fifteen minutes of "Where are they now?".
Dan Piraro
#67. I hold out my fist and knock on the glass. I watch Abram's brain process the sound, probably doesn't hear it very often unless he's got a late-night side-skank I'm unaware of, and he better not.
Jay Clark
#68. I've done that I was touring a couple of years ago with R. Kelly and the Lillith Fair, I would do the late night underground gigs as well because it's always around those times that there was a hot song, either on the radio or in the clubs, it would just be simultaneous.
Deborah Cox
#69. I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.
Craig Ferguson
#70. Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.
Conan O'Brien
#71. When I was in college, I wanted to write for 'Late Night With Conan O'Brien,' and I was an intern there.
Mike Birbiglia
#72. The only way to get vegetables at a diner late night is to order the omelette. A feta cheese and broccoli omelette.
Lisa Loeb
#73. I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night.
Chris Elliott
#74. 'American Horror' goes for a very specific kind of Seventies suburban downer ambience - 'Flowers in the Attic' paperbacks, Black Sabbath album covers and late-night flicks like 'Let's Scare Jessica to Death.' It even has 'Go Ask Alice'-era urban legends.
Rob Sheffield
#75. I write best late at night, when everyone in the house has gone to bed. There's something magical about that late night silence that appeals to me.
Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni
#76. The first show that my dad and my mom did together was for, was a comedy series, a short form that went in the middle of late-night news, and then through all of their career, it was always the "Ed Sullivan Show," it was a variety act, my dad was on the "Jimmy Dean Show" for a few years.
Brian Henson
#77. It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.
Craig Ferguson
#78. With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.
Stephen Colbert
#79. The average late-night viewer is in their mid-50s and the average viewer of TBS is in their 30s and is largely African-American and Hispanic, already, before I even get there.
George Lopez
#80. Late-night shortwave: province of ramblers and dreamers, madmen and ranters.
Anthony Doerr
#81. I suppose I will go on selling newspapers until at last will come the late night final.
Max Aitken
#82. I like to go hear jazz late-night up in Harlem.
Daniel Boulud
#83. A lot of issues were on the ballots. In New York City there was Proposition 14. That would put a ceiling on the number of late-night talk shows. And California passed Proposition 21. That would change guacamole officially to guac.
David Letterman
#84. What I really see myself doing is late-night TV. No woman has ever done it.
Anna Benson
#85. On 'Late Night,' it's like we're all in on the joke. That's what I wanted it to be. I'm not doing something sneaky. Inside jokes, I don't like those. We can all ride together, and everyone's on the same thing going, 'Aha, I know where you're going here.'
Jimmy Fallon
#86. Once upon a time, Isola Wilde was watching late-night television with her eldest brother, Alejandro, when Channel 12 broadcast a live suicide.
Allyse Near
#87. With that right person, you can have a late-night conversation at any time of the day.
David Levithan
#88. The news of life is carried via telephone. A baby's birth, a couple engaged, a tragic car accident on a late night highway - most milestones of the human journey, good or bad, are foreshadowed by the sound of a ringing.
Mitch Albom
#89. In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability.
Anthony Jeselnik
#90. Survival might be insufficient, she'd told Dieter in late-night arguments, but on the other hand, so was Shakespeare.
Emily St. John Mandel
#91. Every president becomes a caricature. The press, partisans, late-night shows, and other arbiters of our culture these days boil down complicated and multi-faceted personalities into one-dimensional punchlines.
Mark McKinnon
#92. An elaborate system of etiquette and social standards flowered around the home phone: how long a child might be allowed to stay on the phone, how late one could call without being impolite, and of course, the dread implications of a late night call which violated that norm.
John Battelle
#93. You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm; it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.
Ellen DeGeneres
#94. I love to watch those old movies on late-night television, particularly when a couple get up from a champagne dinner in a posh restaurant and the hero hands the waiter $3. But the best part is when he says, "Keep the change."
Robert Orben
#95. In the world of late-night comics, Letterman made us feel any hometown boy from Indianapolis could poke fun at celebrities and politicians and do it right to their faces.
Chris Matthews
#96. Late-night television is like the cereal aisle in the supermarket: too many choices. Also, too many 'different' brands that really aren't different at all.
Tom Shales
#97. If there is electricity in every village, people will watch TV till late night and then fall asleep. They won't get a chance to produce children. When there is no electricity, there is nothing else to do but produce babies.
Ghulam Nabi Azad
#98. In my line of work every man wears exactly one outfit khakis, a late night with Jimmy Fallon t-shirt, and a hooded sweatshirt. If you don't people think you're a scientologist and no one will eat lunch with you.
Mindy Kaling
#99. Late-night prejudice was apparently exhausting.
Chloe Neill
#100. Your heavenly eyes are shining like a late night star
To be in heaven, I like to get lost in those eyes forever.
Debasish Mridha
