Top 100 Hair Humor Quotes
#1. So you do know!" I shouted. My phone lay there like a genie's bottle, inanimate and yet containing the ability to grant me wishes and knowledge. "Girl, spill before I come over and dye your hair a natural color.
Atom Yang
#2. If I had created myself, I would be taller, blond, and more well endowed, financially. I would have cast out spiders and bad-hair days. Therefore, and hence, I believe strongly in a Creator who not only gave me the gift, but the free will to create my own journey through life.
Audrey Conn
#3. Who I was was not acceptable to black L.A. youth: the way I spoke and my sense of humor. Everybody else had relaxers and pressed hair. I wore my hair in an Afro puff. Nappy. The way I dressed. It was all about name brands at the time in L.A. I had no idea. All those things, I failed miserably at.
Issa Rae
#4. She'd permed her hair to within an inch of its life. When she moved her head, the mass of hair followed along behind her a split second later.
Perhaps you had to live through the late 70's, early 80's to appreciate this.
Jean Thompson
#5. Around this time, I decided to go back to the bathroom and, oh, I don't know, wash my hands, brush my hair, maybe pluck my eyebrows.
Stuff.
Diana Peterfreund
#6. I didn't exactly relish the idea of getting a tattoo, trust me. It was right up there with blue hair.
Rachel Hawkins
#7. Wait here.
Hell I am. Why?
Because you're six-five and have green hair and my grandfather doesn't know you and owns lots of guns.
Ransom Riggs
#8. Lucy: I don't feel like talking about college. It increases my stress level.
James: And increased stress levels lead to hair loss.
Lucy: My head-hair volume is fine.
James: You say that like I should be concerned about leg-hair volume.
Kristen Tracy
#9. What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.
Stephenie Meyer
#10. Her hair was simply red and her coat was deacon blue.
Robert Rankin
#11. Shit, you're superlate!"
Reese shrugged as she took in her beautifully made up sister. "Sorry, I couldn't get my hair to look right."
Piper scrunched up her face. "Did you even try" Jesus, you look like roadkill.
Toni Aleo
#12. I have to be a ginger for 3 weeks.
Katy Perry
#13. LADY BRACKNELL
I had some crumpets with Lady Harbury, who seems to me to be living entirely for pleasure now.
ALGERNON
I hear her hair has turned quite gold from grief.
Oscar Wilde
#15. His red hair was buzz cut, and he wore his ill-fitting suit like something that he planned to rip his way out of when he turned into the Hulk.
Jim Butcher
#16. Fletch is back from Austin, and turns out what sounded great on paper didn't match up to reality. He says its so hot down there, I'd spontaneously combust the second I stepped off the plane. Plus with humidity turning the air as thick as oatmeal, my hair would always be a disaster. So, Austin's out.
Jen Lancaster
#17. Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.
Elizabeth Eulberg
#18. So he was her husband, Edward might eat her, and no one's hair could rival his.
Cynthia Hand
#19. You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones ... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this thing.
Lisa Jey Davis
#20. I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
Mitch Hedberg
#21. When he turned his head quickly his hair seemed to shake out light, and some persons thought they saw decided genius in this coruscation. Mr. Casaubon, on the contrary, stood rayless.
George Eliot
#22. People ... ladies, I mean ... they dye their hair sometimes," I explained to him. "So one day they have red hair and another day they have brown hair. It doesn't matter," I said. "They're still the same lady.
Diane Chamberlain
#23. Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.
Tana French
#24. i prefer to think of the good times. Like when you held my hair as I was vomiting into a bucket.
Leigh Bardugo
#25. Good luck is just bad luck with its hair combed.
Stephen King
#26. Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts
Jim Morrison
#28. I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file.
Janet Evanovich
#29. Kevin doesn't just wake up with that spiky bedhead look, Pudge. He works for it. He loves that hair. They leave their hair products here, Pudge, because they have duplicates at home. All these boys do. And do you know why?'
'Because they're compensating for their tiny penises?' i asked.
John Green
#30. A Spaniard and a Pole worked in the barbershop where we got our hair cut. An Italian shined our shoes. A Croat washed our car. This was America.
Ilya Ilf
#31. Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.
Flynn Meaney
#32. Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say and it's true, I do have a certain fondness for women that have dark hair.
Wentworth Miller
#33. It was as if he grew his hair long and smoked cigarettes because he liked to, not because he liked being seen to. This was dangerously subversive.
Stephen Fry
#34. Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?'
Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?
Frank Zappa
#35. Genius is of small use to a woman who does not know how to do her hair.
Edith Wharton
#37. She was a thin woman in a mustard-yellow suit, with a yellowish complexion, short-cropped rusty red hair, and a stiff posture. She reminded Reynie of a giant walking pencil.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#38. Ooh, big day in town for our park warden," I said. "They're even making you wear the uniform.
Hayley's mom will be happy. She thinks you look hot in it."
Dad turned as red as his hair.
Mom's laugh floated out from her studio. "Maya Delaney. Leave your father alone.
Kelley Armstrong
#39. You must be mistaking me for someone else with silver hair.
Lisa Mantchev
#40. That's why you're going directly back to the house. The last thing we need is for you to end up in jail again, and I'm quite certain disassembling another lady's hair falls under the category of assault.
Jen Turano
#41. I've been praying to Jesus and the Holy Ghost for patience and I have also mentioned that it would help if I did not have frizzy hair.
Margaret Sartor
#42. You never know what the vodka will bring," I laughed.
"Oh, like the time you caught my hair on fire at the candlelight party in Mel's basement! That was the craziest thing that I ever had happen to me. If you hadn't switched to water, I would have been bald!"
-Cora, Nessa
Andrea Heltsley
#43. Going to work every day was like my hair was on fire and all I had to put it out was a hammer.
Bethany McLean
#44. Dressing, I chose the second shirt, the one softened in the mouth of a trained and perfumed albino hippopotamus and made entirely of pigeon's wool, because it goes better with the shoes than the one stitched with baby hair.
Nick Harkaway
#45. The remnants of my dress hung like tentacles and from my back arched a pari of towering wings, feather-light but suggesting enourmous power. My hair streamed behind me, and I knew that the ring of light around my head would be brighter than ever.
"Holy crap!" Xavier blurted
Alexandra Adornetto
#46. Meg's high-heeled slippers were dreadfully tight, and hurt her, though she would not own it; and Jo's nineteen hair-pins all seemed stuck straight into her head, which was not exactly comfortable; but, dear me, let us be elegant or die.
Louisa May Alcott
#47. As Dave was ruffling my hair and Greg was slapping me five we heard the sound of sneakers skidding to a halt on the slick hospital floor. I looked up in time to see a three-J pile up.
"What the hell is this?" Jesse asked.
"Back the freak up off our woman," Josh ordered.
Kelly Oram
#48. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
#49. I had never seen so much hair on a man. It covered all of his face and grew way down to his chest, maybe lower, but he didn't have hair where it counted, on top of his head.
John Lame Deer
#50. Handles. That's all he could think when he saw them. The woman had braided handles into her hair, just begging a man to grab them and guide her head where he wanted it to go. Surely she had to realize that.
Shannon K. Butcher
#51. Sometimes being a MOM is like a good
ol' country song! You lose your sleep, you lose your hair, you lose your patience, you lose your energy, you lose your memory AND you lose your SANITY! But you DO IT all for LOVE!
Tanya Masse
#52. Yes, because in a zombie apocalypse, there's a lot of downtime to get your hair done.
J. Lynn
#53. Don't expect me to tell you apart," Reagan said when this became a routine.
"I have short hair," Wren said. "and she wears glasses."
"Stop," Reagan groaned, "don't make me look at you. It's like The Shining in here.
Rainbow Rowell
#54. The three women laughing over there? Dark wavy hair, coffee skin, and beautiful matching sets of big, lovely - "
I slapped him on the arm.
"Hey. Eyes. I was going to say eyes. What were you thinking?
Devon Monk
#55. In a way the philosopher and the barber are of the same guild; the barber cuts hair and the philosopher splits hairs.
Jose Ortega Y Gasset
#56. Although initially only few in numbers, it seems my gray hairs have launched an effective peer-pressure campaign intended to convert the others.
Steve Maraboli
#57. When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.
Noel Fielding
#58. Had I ever been so terrified? Perhaps when Typhon raged across the earth, scattering the gods before him. Perhaps when Gaea unleashed her giants to tear down Olympus. Or perhaps when I accidentally saw Ares naked in the gymnasium. That had been enough to turn my hair white for a century.
Rick Riordan
#59. As your abilities begin to grow, your angelic side will start to manifest itself in more noticeable ways."
"My angelic side. Great. Like I don't have enough to deal with."
"It's not so bad," Mom says. "You'll learn to control it."
"I'll learn to control my hair?
Cynthia Hand
#60. I suddenly felt all girly and giggly, which was a complete foreign feeling. If I started twirling my hair, I was going to have Trent shoot me.
Sariah Wilson
#61. To me, Ann Romney sounds like a better candidate than her husband. She put her MS into remission through horseback riding, alternative therapies, and a healthy diet. She knows how to pace herself. She has a sense of humor and an innate honesty, and her hair moves in the wind. Maybe she should run.
Patti Davis
#62. The dog growled again, long and ferocious. The hair on my neck tingled.
And just when I knew he would attack, a horrible scream split the air, and Darlene passed out and fell over on her side.
Carol Petrie
#63. Really?" Claire said, and couldn't help but smile. "That's what creeps you out. Waxing. You can take on vampires and draug and killers, but you're afraid of a little chest-hair pulling?
Rachel Caine
#64. I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.
George Carlin
#65. A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.
Darynda Jones
#66. I am wearing an old yellow sundress of Celia's, and I have tied my hair back with green ribbon. I think I look real nice. And all they see is the cake.
Jenny Han
#67. Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:
"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."
One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist.
G.K. Chesterton
#68. Gaby wasn't having much luck with cats lately. The stray from yesterday had left her with red welts and a bad dream, and Lemon had just tried to eat her hair.
Angela Cervantes
#69. I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.
Dave Matthes
#70. Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.
Janet Evanovich
#71. Lanie, you live 15 minutes away from your office and you get there at eight. Over two hours every day just to do your hair and makeup. Diana fuckin' Ross in her heyday probably took less time to get ready for a show. Babe, if that isn't high maintenance, I do not know what is.
Kristen Ashley
#72. His hair was short and parted accurately in the middle, and he had all the look of an American person who would be likely to begin his signature with an initial, and spell his middle name out.
Mark Twain
#73. You are Spider-Man!" she exclaimed.
Simon glanced down from his perch halfway up the pillar. "That makes you Mary Jane. She has red
hair,
Cassandra Clare
#74. Luck was a joke. Even good luck was just bad luck with its hair combed.
Stephen King
#75. Do I look like a shallow Summer girl to you?' She tossed her silver hair, offended. 'I'm a Winter Court royal. I kill silly Summer flowerlets with frost when I yawn.
Vicki Keire
#76. Why is it women can never let a man have any fun, they just want to fuss about something." "They're practical" Austin said, shaking off some of the water droplets from his hair. "We live in the moment and they think about what's coming. If they didn't keep us in check, we'd fuck up the planet".
Dannika Dark
#77. I like subversive humor, freckles, women's knees and long hair, the laughter of playing children, and a girl running down the street.
Rene Magritte
#78. Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
Alexa Chung
#79. His crimped hair was subtly frosted, making him look like a preacher in some California church - the kind with acoustic guitars and headset microphones and not much use for the actual Bible.
John Wray
#80. What exactly constitutes an emergency in a modelling agency? Two girls fighting to death with a hair straightener?
Kate Forster
#81. Mom: 'You could have neon green hair, and it wouldn't take away how beautiful you are,' she said
Clara: 'You're my mother. You are legally required to say that'.
Cynthia Hand
#82. Hey, our hair's the same color," I said, eying us side by side in the mirror.
"Sure is, girlfriend." Eric grinned at me.
Charlaine Harris
#83. There was another group of students already filing down the hall. College students. We looked like babies beside them. The college girls tossed their hair and giggled. hee hee hee, two years closer to minivans and soccer practices and Botox than the girls from my bus. I wished I hadn't come.
Maggie Stiefvater
#84. The leader gives me another hard stare. He's not very old, but he's going bald. His wispy pale hair looks like it's trying to get as far away as it can from his angry face.
Morris Gleitzman
#85. Tiger resists. "WAIT. We're ALL friends HERE. What is it you wanna talk about? SEX? The new DILDO my mom bought me? Or the HAIR on my sister's ASS-
Giorge Leedy
#86. You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair!
Jeaniene Frost
#87. You want us to bargain with a lizard?"
"They're not lizards, Father. They're extraordinary creatures who were
here long before any human was crawling on this earth. They are warriors
and scholars and - "
"He has long hair like a woman," one of Sigmar's sons blathered
G.A. Aiken
#88. Back in the day, it was either both a mother and her daughter had pubic hair, or the daughter didn't. Today, in many a case, the mother is the one who doesn't.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#90. You're amazing," she whispered hoarsely.
He pushed back the hair from her face. "You too."
"How? All I do is let you play me like a piano."
He chuckled. "You've got a great keyboard.
Ashlyn Chase
#92. Ah Padriac. I have often wondered if boys who have flaming red hair up top also have ... yep.
L.A. Meyer
#93. Guess who has PE first hour? This is so unfair. I start the day off perspiring like an elephant in heat. Don't the people who make up our schedule understand body odor? Don't they understand frizzy hair?
Becca Fitzpatrick
#94. He sits next to me, careful to avoid my hair that's splayed out around my head like blood. A bullet to the forehead, boom, blond waves everywhere.
Lauren DeStefano
#95. Finally the lock clicked. And the door opened. And there Lucy stood. An angel with a halo of blonde frizz. He stared at what they both knew was an absolute disaster and said the only thing he could. I love it.
Jenny B. Jones
#96. In our world, I rank music somewhere between hair ribbons and rainbows in terms of usefulness.
Suzanne Collins
#97. And drinking neat liquor from the bottle, with all my long hair and my shirt undone and my beads, not so much the lizard king, more a gecko duchess, I fitted in nicely with their idea of what a creative person should be.
Russell Brand
#99. I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.
Dylan Moran
#100. Okay, this might sound vague, but do you know this one girl with hair like this?
Bryan Lee O'Malley
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