Top 54 Funny I Can't Wait Quotes
#1. Damn! Beautiful and funny. I can't wait to see what else you're hiding behind that sexy smile.
M. Leighton
#2. Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.
Jay Leno
#3. I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!"
Jimmy Carr
#4. What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?'
Meghan Markle
#5. Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing. Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#6. Who is your favorite character in the series? Or ... if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy?
Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one.
Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait.
Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy.
Julie Kagawa
#7. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.
Jim Carrey
#8. I'm in no condition to drive ... wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Yogi Berra
#9. I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'
Chris Rock
#10. Kyo Sohma: angrily pointing at Yuki Just like I'll beat you one of these days
Yuki: looking bored Wait wait I think I've heard this one before
Natsuki Takaya
#11. Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait.
Jess C. Scott
#12. The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.
Frankie Boyle
#13. I wish happiness was some edible food easily available in stores... Oh wait, it is.
Hk
#15. Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over.
Nicole Holofcener
#16. Time and Tide wait for no Man; what about woman ? How Sexist !
Gaurav Rao
#17. Pretty nearly any stroke of fate can be made to look like a funny coincidence if you try hard enough and wait long enough.
John Wyndham
#18. I'm bi-lots of things but lingual isn't one of them. Wait, did I mean to say that?
Triple H
#19. Wait a minute," he says, holding up one of his large handa. "A green bomb?"
"I'm not making this up."
"Why green, though?"
"Because green is the color of money, grass, oak leaves, and alien bombs. How the hell would I know why it was green?
Rick Yancey
#20. Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not it was funny.
Alain De Botton
#21. Wait, I really do need your help with this." He turned his computer monitor toward her and pointed. "Is this funny? It's a Snoopy/Snoop Dogg thing, and every time Charlie Brown tries to feed him, he's like, 'Thanks, Chizzuck.' ...
Rainbow Rowell
#23. I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece ...
Sarah Silverman
#25. Wait a minute, hold on ... The dude dies, and the girl cries so hard that she gets turned into a fountain?
Caroline Goode
#26. You know, I can't wait for her to gets married because hell is made of fire and she said it would be frozen before she gots married again." ~ Anna Kate
J.T. Cheyanne
#27. I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!
Mitch Hedberg
#28. I actually think being involved in the cesarean would be ... I just can't wait!
Robert Pattinson
#29. It's funny how fast a book goes, but how slow the wait appears.
the book may end, but the mind still thinks ... waiting for that book
see? I became a poet!
Nandanie Phalgoo
#30. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#31. I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker.
Jeannine Garsee
#32. It's like when you're on hold and a recorded voice comes on telling you how much the company values you as a customer. Really? Then maybe you should hire some more support people so I don't have to wait thirty minutes to get help.
Jason Fried
#33. She held her hand out in front of her. "Wait."
"No," I groaned and then cleared my throat. "I mean okay, I can wait.
Kenya Wright
#34. I'm just getting to know myself. I'm no wherwhere near to being concise about it yet. I can't define myself. Wait a minute - I'm angry, I'm funny and I'm trying.
James Marsters
#35. That's the funny thing about old hurts- they just wait for new heartache to come along and then show up, just as sharp and horrible as the first day you woke up with the world changed all around you.
Lilith Saintcrow
#36. Do you have ovaries?" Jacob asked.
I shot him a look. "Yes"
He slid down the back of the couch and sat beside Brittany. "Then how are you not intrested?
J. Lynn
#37. Um ... " I mumbled, "We wait."
"What? Wait? Do you expect them to just come up here to the beach to get some moonlight?" He sneered as he took another bite of the eagle.
Grace Fiorre
#38. Today I dialed a wrong number ... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?" ... They said, "Uh ... I don't think so ... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
Steven Wright
#39. Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
Craig Ferguson
#40. Movies require a lot of patience. I like instant results. If I have done something that's not funny at all, the audience will let me know in two seconds. With the movie, I will have to wait nine months to know if I was that bad.
Vir Das
#41. Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#43. Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.
Molly Harper
#44. People usually feel funny, smile and laugh when I tell them
about my strong belief in the very existence of prehistoric
advanced technology and great civilizations of wilier races.
I just can't wait to see their faces at time the truth is revealed.
Toba Beta
#45. It is my turn to wait. Funny that in all these months we have been meeting, it was always she waiting for me.
Melissa De La Cruz
#46. Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding.
Jerry Coleman
#47. All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.
Tui T. Sutherland
#48. Wait a second," Clary said.
"I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere.
Cassandra Clare
#49. Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Steven Wright
#50. America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.
Katt Williams
#51. So you'll have to wait for approval from your grandchildren." "I wonder what our grandchildren will be like!" "Are you suggesting by that 'our' that you and I will have mutual grandchildren? Fie, Mrs. Kennedy!
Margaret Mitchell
#52. Well, more or less, you just got struck by lightning."
"Wait, what?" My brain stopped processing for a prolonged moment unable to wrap around that one. How the hell had that happened? "So basically I was filled with 1.21 jiggawatts?
Can I travel through time now?
Elizabeth Sharp
#53. And then she said, 'Let's play Truth or Dare' and then you fucked her."
"Wait, you fucked her? In front of the Colonel?" Takumi cried.
"I didn't fuck her."
"Calm down, guys," the Colonel said, throwing up his hands. "It's a euphemism."
"For what?" Takumi asked.
"Kissing.
John Green
#54. It's not that I think I'm some kind of prize.
No, wait, that's not true. I do think I'm some kind of prize. I'm smart and occasionally funny and I'm pretty. I don't see why I should spend long dates with some guy who expresses himself in single syllables and wants to go to slasher movies.
Michael Grant
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