Top 71 Funny Eye Sayings
#1. Before the Kennedys were elected, there had been older Presidents. Then here was this devastatingly attractive young couple with two beautiful children. They were so intelligent, graceful, gracious and funny. They enjoyed life so much. That's what caught America's eye.
Letitia Baldrige
#2. Snake eyes is a gambling term, and an animal term, too.
Mitch Hedberg
#3. Nothing's changed my life more. I feel better about myself as a person, being conscious and responsible for my actions and I lost weight and my skin cleared up and I got bright eyes and I just became stronger and healthier and happier. Can't think of anything better in the world to be but be vegan.
Alicia Silverstone
#4. The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.
Conan O'Brien
#6. I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.
Russell Howard
#7. As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.
Milton Jones
#8. My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.
Noel Fielding
#9. It's all about one split-second. Boxing is a funny thing. You blink your eyes and somebody says good night to you.
Kostya Tszyu
#10. Funny how people value eyes, when really, their colors are super limited. I doubt anyone would enjoy a new box of crayons if they came only in eye-color shades.
Courtney C. Stevens
#11. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite
#12. What if you didn't have time to draw them on one day? Or what if it rained and your eyebrows started dripping off? Hopefully her eye pencil is waterproof.
Lauren Barnholdt
#13. Very helpful, I must say. Look at them in the eye and shout, and they understand every word ... (Mr. Warbeck in Sienna, talking about local Italians.)
Hilary McKay
#14. Funny how a crisis can put life into perspective, fine-tune the eye of the heart, like laser surgery. In less than a minute everything comes into a twenty-twenty view.
Rachel Hauck
#15. What happens if someone else has my eyes, and they start looking at stuff I don't like? I don't like the idea of that.
Karl Pilkington
#16. Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.
David Cross
#17. I had everything before I met you." he said, unable to make eye contact with me.
"Funny" I said with more sadness than anger in my voice. "I didn't have anything before I met you.
John Goode
#18. Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
Charles Dickens
#19. Never make eye contact with a stranger when you're having a churro.
Rucy Ban
#20. I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.
Mitch Hedberg
#21. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.
James Hetfield
#22. Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
Dave Barry
#24. My eye was drawn to a bright green hue, the same shade as a poisonous Amazonian frog, the tiny, delightfully deadly ones.
Gail Honeyman
#25. Funny he could take down a group of terrorists without blinking an eye, but come face to face with this gorgeous woman, and he lost his common sense.
Casey Clipper
#26. Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples ... it was a trick pie!
Noel Fielding
#27. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
Jay Leno
#28. I remembered the last time I put this thing into my eye it was more painful than watching old political speeches while listening to the "Macarena" and having a root canal performed by an angry, clumsy chimp.
John Zakour
#29. It is more worthy in the eyes of God ... if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.
Garrison Keillor
#30. Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.
Cassandra Clare
#31. Anything above 40 is a little too old for me. I just look for a girl who is funny and has nice eyes and a smile.
Justin Bieber
#32. I lisp. My eyes disappear when I smile. My voice is funny. I don't sing like Judy Garland. I don't dance like Cyd Charisse. But women identify with me. And while men desire Cyd Charisse, they'd take me home to meet Mom.
June Allyson
#33. When Springsteen meets a future girlfriend on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, he delivers this electric introduction: "She was Italian, funny, a beatific tomboy, with just the hint of a lazy eye, and wore a pair of glasses that made me think of the wonders of the library.
Bruce Springsteen
#34. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Paula Deen
#35. I want to roll my eyes, but I'm pretty soon they're going to get stuck in the back of my head, and penis puns are really not worth my permanent facial damage.
Lauren Morrill
#36. A purring noise woke him. Something furry was curled on his chest. Jarby opened one eye slowly. Something black, white, buff, and lemon-smelling. He glared at her and groaned. Stupid wytzl. Buffi chirruped and fluttered away to Poke.
Ellen Dawn Benefield
#37. It's because you're looking in the wrong place," Lassiter said.
"You can go now."
"Every time you say that, it brings a tear to my eye."
"Funny, mine too."
-Lassiter & Tohr
J.R. Ward
#38. I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G."
"Sausages.
Adam Rex
#39. I don't like John Terry and I never have. He's got funny eyes and he's a cry baby. He's also a Cockney.
Noel Gallagher
#40. From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.
Jerry Coleman
#41. Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.
Lois Greiman
#42. It's funny how he refuses to make eye contact during sex yet can't seem to keep his eyes off me the rest of the time.
Colleen Hoover
#43. One night I realized that when you give people understanding and encouragement a funny little meek childish look abashes their eyes, no matter what they've been doing they weren't sure it was right - lambies all over the world.
Jack Kerouac
#44. What a funny girl, I thought, and then I realized something. To the three-year-old ye, and maybe even to the thirty year old eye, weeds and grass look very similar. Same color, same feeling, same texture.
Angie Smith
#45. She's like a cross between an onion and donkey," Farah said.
"Why?" Jason and Connor asked simultaneously.
"Cause she's a piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye." Farah laughed.
Mark A. Cooper
#46. I saw that she was looking right at me. Not dead - dying. Funny how two things could be so similar and yet so far apart. Something about the expression in her liquid black eye made my chest hurt. It was like - patience. Or forgiveness.
Maggie Stiefvater
#47. Mom let go of us and leaned back so she could look us both in the eye. "No more spending the night in the tree fort, you two.
Danielle Lee Zwissler
#48. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a form of service journalism. To be successful, I think it has to be a combination of a good story, it has to be funny, and it also needs to be packed with useful information.
Ted Allen
#49. Sir Henry fixed him with a keen eye.
'Odd name, Tom Skatt - eh?'
'Thats right'
'You don't think we could be related?'
Tom looked up at his great-great-great-uncle and smiled.
'I don't think so'
'No,' grinned Sir Henry no, of course not
Henry Chancellor
#50. On respect for the Queen: When I lick a stamp I always do it with my eyes closed.
Russell Brand
#51. I like things to be really, really funny, or really, really dramatic. Those books are certainly the ones that grab me. I like the exercise of reading through a paragraph, and it's just torture. I try not to have my eyes dart to the right. That's the stuff that I love.
Angie Harmon
#52. As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
Woody Allen
#53. Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough?
Murray Walker
#54. Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?
James Roday
#55. He opened the door wider. "He's waiting." He gave me what was probably meant to be a significant wink, but a corner of his mouth moved more than his eye did and the result was a fairly startling face.
Dashiell Hammett
#56. Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whiskey. Whiskey is a slap on the back, and champagne's a heavy mist before my eyes.
James Stewart
#57. It's funny that people think because you don't have a movie or record out, you disappear into a frozen chamber someplace. They think you're dead when you're not in the public eye.
Jason Schwartzman
#58. Kyria Abrahams, former teen bride of a doomsday cult and seeker of salvation in slam poetry, tells the terribly funny story of her improbable life with candor, wit, and an unsparing eye for the perfect detail. Brilliant.
Janice Erlbaum
#59. Gotta be more specific sunshine." He winked at me before starting another.
"You might want to get that eye problem checked out. One might mistaken it for flirting.
K.R. Grace
#60. For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
Rodney Dangerfield
#61. The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.
Ellen DeGeneres
#62. Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
David Letterman
#63. I've got a cab waiting so we sh-" he stopped speaking as he entered the
sitting room, his eyes frozen on me.
"Fuck."
Ellie giggled.
I squinted an eye at him. "Is that a good fuck?"
He grinned. "Well you're that too, babe.
Samantha Young
#64. "I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."
Eddie Izzard
#65. EXTREMELY FUNNY! A SUPER-VIRTUOSO! I expected to enjoy 'The Two and Only,' but I didn't expect to be touched, much less to find my eyes growing moist.
Terry Teachout
#66. A few years ago I met an old professor at the University of Notre Dame. Looking back on his long life of teaching, he said with a funny wrinkle in his eyes: I have always been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted, until I slowly discovered that my interruptions were my work.
Henri Nouwen
#67. If you give the audience what they expect, they'll be bored. There are no rules: You do what you want while respecting the boundaries. You don't poke people in the eye; you do things they haven't seen before and make it accessible, funny and clever.
Matthew Vaughn
#68. [William] Klein has eyes like a knife. He is ruthless and outrageous but never mean - he is tender and funny and violent - and, I'm sure, really in love with our crazy Rome.
Sophia Loren
#69. Nobody fights with Jerry because you know the price would be too high. You might come out the winner, at his age, you might even lick him, but you'd lose an eye, an arm, your testicles in the process, everything would be gone.
Frank Layden
#70. I've always felt my spirit animal was a Tiger, so it's funny that now in 'Roar' with Katy Perry - which is a song we write together - there's the line: "I got the eye of the Tiger ... " So I feel like there's a little bit of me in there.
Bonnie McKee
#71. The eyes of a dog, the expression of a dog, the warmly wagging tail of a dog and the gloriously cold damp nose of a dog were in my opinion all God-given for one purpose only-to make complete fools of us human beings.
Barbara Woodhouse
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