Top 94 Fish Humor Sayings
#1. Pathetic, huh?" He learned that word
from me.
"Yeah. It's like the opposite of a fish,
right?
Hannah Moskowitz
#2. You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners ...
Kristen Schaal
#3. By my soul! I would rather have a dry death," quoth Sir Oliver. "Though, Mort Dieu! I have eaten so many fish that it were but justice that the fish should eat me.
Arthur Conan Doyle
#4. What's a feminist?" Julie asked.
"Someone who thinks women are fish," Barton replied. He was smiling at Lily. "And that men are bicycles, which makes us basically useless to anyone of the fish persuasion. But it does categorize us as creatures who exist solely for the purpose of being ridden.
Dianne Dixon
#5. (Hadrian Blackwater while poisoned) Gill the fish ... rest is best ... time is now ... it feels so good to ...
Michael J. Sullivan
#6. But why have you dear English Jew whose forefathers fought to enter the country of Johnny Mill, the Stuart with a little heart, saunter in Haridwar, no pubs or fish and chips' counters here, only Ganga-Jal, -the holy ale- Quaff it for the spirit and carry it to the banks of Thames in a holy grail.
Aporva Kala
#7. Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.
Tommy Cooper
#8. We sang in church "Tata Nzolo"! Which means Father in Heaven or Father of Fish Bait depending on just how you sing it, and that pretty well summed up my quandry.
Barbara Kingsolver
#9. I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully.
George W. Bush
#10. Cofishes-other fish in a group, coworkers, cohorts, etc. Shut up, it's a word.
Christopher Moore
#11. I was lucky to live in the 20th century, when gefilte fish could be purchased in a jar.
Barbara "Cutie" Cooper
#12. The fish in the creek said nothing. Fish never do. Few people know what fish think about injustice, or anything else.
Ursula K. Le Guin
#13. Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
Scott Adams
#14. He imagines Owens' body dotted with saltwater reservoirs just below the skin. An entire wetland, populated with tiny fish and birds, thriving in his agitation. A species of dwarf crocodile lazing beside an artery.
Lisa Lang
#15. Dear Eldritch Snitch. I slap you with the satin glove of righteous wrath! From what noxious nest of nattering nincompoopery do you release your rancorous roosters of rumor ...
James Kennedy
#16. Can't stand all these poisonous creatures, all these snakes and insects and fish and things. Wretched things, biting everybody. And then people expect me to tell them what to do about it. I'll tell them what to do. Don't get bitten in the first place. (quoting Dr. Struan Sutherland)
Douglas Adams
#17. Apparently they died from overfeeding. Apparently I overfed them. Apparently fish are terrible glutons with absolutely no self-control who just don't know when they've had enough and will stuff themselves to death with those innocuous little beige flakes imaginatively labeled 'fish food.
Steve Toltz
#18. At least that was what she had told me. You never know with women. What they tell you and what they don't tell you is a very long bridge across a very wide river with all kinds of fish.
Philip Kerr
#19. You teach combat, I guess."
Aphros threw up his hands in exasperation. "Why does everyone assume that?"
Leo glanced at the massive sword on the fish-guy's back. "Uh, I don't know.
Rick Riordan
#20. Clearly, I'm a genius at picking boyfriends. In my defense, have you seen what there is to choose from? The sea is big, but the fish are scraggly, immature, and obsessed with video games.
Nicole Christie
#21. It was beautiful in a harsh I'm-going-to-gut-you-like-a-fish kind of way.
Rick Riordan
#22. I don't like your eyes. They belong on a dead fish.
Robert Ludlum
#23. As the old saying goes: if you teach a man to fish, he will feed himself for a lifetime. But if you just give him a fishing pole, he'll have to teach himself.
Zechariah Barrett
#24. Mr Warty's face swelled up like a puffer fish - all his whiskers standing straight out like poison spikes.
Ferguson Fartworthy
#26. The corridor couldn't have smelled more strongly of fish guts if we had actually been inside a fish.
Arthur Golden
#27. During the "first Thanksgiving" at Plymouth, Wampanoag Indians - including a Patuxet Indian named Squanto - helped teach Pilgrims how to farm, fish, and hunt and shared the bounty of that first feast. A TRADITION THAT CONTINUES TODAY AND JESUS AND 9/11.
Patton Oswalt
#28. Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a wonderful wife.
Josh Lanyon
#29. I wonder if a fish's
One and only wish is
That other fish will never say,
This fish is sure delicious!
Brian Rock
#31. Well, the plenty of fish in the sea thing is bullshit," I said. "The other fish are weird, smell funny, or hooked on someone else's fishing line.
L.D. Davis
#32. Chase? He actually said that to you?"
She frowned. "Yes."
"When?"
"When we were in bed."
"Great timing," Dee muttered. "Just like a man. We'll just file him away under D for dumb ass and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Or better yet, S for sicko.
Lindsey Brookes
#33. A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.
George Bernard Shaw
#34. You're somethin' else, Hel. Know that? Dodged the sea toad, got rescued off that damned comet, bisected ol' Bron Elgar like a bagel out there on Cravat ... How the hell you get away from those damn fish down in the Glory Hole? Man, you got more lives than a New York alleycat.
Julian May
#35. I never understood why you would ever feel the need to shoot the fish in the barrel. I mean, they're in a barrel, you've already caught them. The hard work's done, they can't escape. So if you want them dead, just drain the water out. Why bring guns into it?
Craig Silvey
#36. There are lots of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, some are angels, and some are bottom feeders.
Lois Greiman
#38. Europe needs a boundary like a fish needs a bicycle.
Yanko Tsvetkov
#39. I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."
Steven Wright
#40. I stressed out trying to figure out what I could say. I ate licorice. I stressed some more. I ate Dots. I stressed out even more-and wiped out a bag of Swedish Fish. And then I wrote.
Maria Shriver
#41. As an Odd-Fish, it is not my job to be right,' said Sir Oort. 'It is my job to be wrong in new and exciting ways.
James Kennedy
#42. Our town was known for two things--no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.
Angela Elwell Hunt
#43. A woman needs a strong man to take care of her like a fish needs a bicycle.
John Green
#44. I kind of killed it in college. You know that saying "big fish in a small pond"? At Dartmouth college, I was freakin' Jaws in a community swimming pool
Mindy Kaling
#45. Gussie and I, as I say, had rather lost touch, but all the same I was exercised about the poor fish, as I am about all my pals, close or distant, who find themselves treading upon Life's banana skins.
P.G. Wodehouse
#46. I like one hair, tuna fish, the smell of rain and things that are pink. I hate pimples, baked potatoes, when my mother's mad, and religious holidays.
Judy Blume
#47. I could totally be a ...
whatever."
"Sailor?"
"On a boat?"
"Yep."
"Yeah." He'll sigh all wistfully. "I could be a sailor. But I'm too busy being a fish.
Hannah Moskowitz
#48. I mean, it's not even been a two-and-two-make five sort of a day, it's more like a two-and-to-make ... fish ... or something ... You know? Not even close to making sense.
Dave McKean
#49. I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.
Mitch Hedberg
#50. Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.
Jessica Simpson
#51. There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?
David Foster Wallace
#53. She'd also called me brave ... unless she was talking to the catfish.
Rick Riordan
#54. Gwynned lies two days westwards; still further south, the weregeld calls. Mayhap with All-Father Woden's favour, my deeds may yet inspire the skalds.
George Gordon Byron
#55. If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.
Mitch Hedberg
#56. No worries, I won't force you to marry me. I'll get over you. There are plenty of fish in the sea and all that jazz. - Elora
Quinn Loftis
#58. Fish," the old man said. "Fish, you are going to have to die anyway. Do you have to kill me too?
Ernest Hemingway,
#59. A certain man once lost a diamond cuff-link in the wide blue sea, and twenty years later, on the exact day, a Friday apparently, he was eating a large fish - but there was no diamond inside. That's what I like about coincidence.
Vladimir Nabokov
#60. I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
#61. Evolutionarily speaking, there is seldom any mystery in why we seek the goals we seek - why, for example, people would rather make love with an attractive partner than get a slap on the belly with a wet fish.
Steven Pinker
#62. Fenchurch had red mullet and said it was delicious.
Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her.
"Why's this fish so bloody good?" he demanded, angrily.
Douglas Adams
#63. The Continental army got more generals than they got private soldiers, these days. An officer lives through more 'n two battles, they make him some kind of general on the spot. Now, gettin' any pay for it, that's a different kettle of fish.
Diana Gabaldon
#64. Some of the young ladies even ate the salmon without concern to vital humors
when everyone knew colored fish flesh could bring on an attack of hysteria.
Gail Carriger
#65. Pike spawn in February, March, and April because they cannot wait until May.
Will Cuppy
#66. I'll show thee best springs; I'll pluck thee berries;
I'llift fish for thee and get thee wood enough.
A plague upon the tyrant that I serve!
I'll bear him no sticks, but follow thee,
Thou wondrous man.
---Caliban
(Act II, scene 2, lines 158-162)
William Shakespeare
#67. It's the fish I feel sorry for, in all this global warming. They don't even have a carbon footprint.
J.L. Merrow
#68. Child, there's a sayin' every fishmonger has. When you buy land, you buy stones. When you buy fish, you buy bones.
Karen Cecil Smith
#70. I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)
Louise Rennison
#71. She had on a spangled top that sparkled like fish scales. Her hair was very yellow. She looked like a mermaid in a bad mood.
(p. 82 RAYMIE NIGHTINGALE)
Kate DiCamillo
#72. A pelican that is wet walks with a gaited limp, and the dry fish swims alone.
Bill Cosby
#73. I've never really understood the desire people have to quantify a baby. "He's X big and Y long," As if the baby is a fish you're not sure you're going to keep. Or some prize potato you're hoping will win a prize at the county fair.
Patrick Rothfuss
#74. The chocolate raisins tasted somewhat fishy, but Lucy didn't care-chocolate was chocolate. She changed her mind however, when she realized that the raisins were tiny fish heads.
Angie Sage
#75. I continued, "The painting shows this fish with a big eye and a halo, floating in air, and underneath the fish are all these Native Americans having sex." "What? What does that have to do with Custer's Last Stand?" "Well, the painting is titled, Holy Mackerel, Look at All Those Fucking Indians.
Nelson DeMille
#76. Thousands of beautiful women? Yes. Thousands of insects whose only purpose is to lure fish? No.
Colleen Houck
#77. Just behind his jaw bones a tiny movement was perceptible, like the movement of gills in a fish.
John Collier
#78. You remember Ernest Angley? TV healer. He'd slap people's foreheads - whap! - and they'd flop over, quivering like fish." She hooted in laughter. "I used to love watching him. It was like professional wrestling for Baptists.
Daryl Gregory
#79. -you know no one wanted to see the old boy go. I bet where ever he is, the fishing's good"
"Given his surely behavior, the fish might be fried where he is,
Robyn Carr
#82. Like, a flood seems like a great way to punish every living creature in the world except for fish. What the hell is a god supposed to do when all the FISH start being assholes?
Cory O'Brien
#83. I don't like jellyfish, they're not a fish, they're just a blob.
They don't have eyes, fins or scales like a cod.
They float about blind, stinging people in the seas,
And no one eats jellyfish with chips and mushy peas.
Get rid of 'em!
Karl Pilkington
#84. You're gonna be like Aquaman?" she asked. "Get the fish to fight for you?"
"Thanks," Percy said. "I haven't heard enough Aquaman jokes for one lifetime.
Rick Riordan
#85. The resulting sound wasn't quite a squawk, wasn't quite a yelp, wasn't quite a gasp. As best she could describe it, it sounded like an angry chicken slapping a puppy with a fish.
Ari Marmell
#86. You know what they say: A woman needs a man about as much as a fish needs a bicycle.
Candace Bushnell
#87. The air among the houses was of so strong a piscatory flavour that one might have supposed sick fish went up to be dipped in it, as sick people went down to be dipped in the sea.
Charles Dickens
#88. I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa.
Britney Spears
#89. Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.
Chic Murray
#90. Showing up unannounced was risky. This guy was known for being cantankerous at best, violent at worst. But she was ready. As soon as the door opened, she let loose a stream of urine right on his doorstep . . . and then ran like hell. A few days more of that, she knew, and he' d be all hers.
Marah J. Hardt
#91. One man's fish is another man's poisson.
Mark Gatiss
#92. You, Monica said, leaning over her, really pissed me off, fish. I don't forget things like that. Neither does my boyfriend.
Brandon? Claire wheezed. Jeez, at least get one with a pulse!
Rachel Caine
#93. I'm twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I'm the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.
H.J. Bellus
#94. I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.
James Patterson
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