Top 80 Jonathan L. Howard Quotes
#1. Apparently the Ministerium Tenebrae had decided to conquer the region using the unusual twin-pronged attack of zombies and avant-garde artwork.
Jonathan L. Howard
#2. Cabal took her arm, and they processed towards the cafe like old friends, or at least the sort of old friends in which the lady wears a somewhat smug smile while the gentleman scowls darkly.
Jonathan L. Howard
#3. Is the human creature as perfect in function as it might be?' 'Meaningless,' replied Cabal, 'with no definition as to what that function might conceivably be. We are good communicators, passable runners, middling swimmers, and poor at flying.
Jonathan L. Howard
#4. He had pulled too many rabbits from too many hats; insanity had claimed him.
Jonathan L. Howard
#5. Guns don't kill people. People kill people." "But guns make it so much easier.
Jonathan L. Howard
#6. A census taker once tried to test me. I let my front garden eat him.
Jonathan L. Howard
#7. Has any progress been made on Cabal's notes?" "All a bit technical for me, I'm afraid," said Karstetz, who found getting dressed unassisted all a bit technical for him.
Jonathan L. Howard
#8. Oh, wait. You're threatening us?' Her smile returned, a delightful expression filled with spring sunshine, heartfelt joy, and the imminence of wholesale slaughter.
Jonathan L. Howard
#9. I trained as a librarian, and I run a bookstore. Fucking right I can use a gun ... if I have to engage somebody between the counter and the door, only the political autobiographies are in danger and who gives a fuck about those?
Jonathan L. Howard
#10. As the barman's hand rose from beneath the bar, Cabal was filled with a presentiment and a strange foreboding that he hadn't felt since the last time he'd watched the nightmare corpse city of R'lyeh rise, effulgent with the ineffable and fetid with fish, rise from the depths of the Pacific.
Jonathan L. Howard
#11. In the last few months, he'd found himself prey to strange twinges that, after some research, he had discovered to be his conscience.
Jonathan L. Howard
#12. I dislike seats without backs. I'll forget myself, lean back, and fall over, and where shall my dignity be then? I shall stand.
Jonathan L. Howard
#13. Lesson one: expect to get screwed over for the convenience of others on a regular basis.
Jonathan L. Howard
#14. I had wanted some cheese, but couldn't find any at short notice. It was a shame. Cheese goes so well with tragedy.
Jonathan L. Howard
#15. He smiled, and it was like a bloodless cut. 'No,' he replied, amused by something. 'No, not a doctor. I haven't the bedside manner for it.
Jonathan L. Howard
#16. We're having fun, and I've met some of your friends and your brother, all of whom seem absolutely delicious.
Jonathan L. Howard
#17. It's a philosophical minefield!
Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in a fireball. Descartes and Nietzsche looked on appalled. He pulled himself together.
Jonathan L. Howard
#18. Albert Einstein said that the only way to win at roulette is to steal from the table while the croupier isn't looking.
Jonathan L. Howard
#20. She felt oddly complimented. Petrov hadn't thought she's just a girl; he'd thought she might be a desperate criminal.
Jonathan L. Howard
#21. Almost unbidden, he released the safety, and his index finger slid inside the guard.
Jonathan L. Howard
#22. You're familiar with the theory of evolution?" asked Cabal.
"Sir?"
"They're about to find out why intelligence is a survival trait.
Jonathan L. Howard
#23. If you should be walking and, suddenly and unaccountably, smell lavender and mothballs, you may have just passed a corner of Zarenyia's intra-dimensional closet.
Jonathan L. Howard
#24. He couldn't see how you could scare the shit out of somebody with math, but it seemed you could.
Jonathan L. Howard
#26. You wish to isolate fear. Ah, well, if only I'd realised your ambitions were so simple. Perhaps we can work up to it by capturing faith, bottling hope, and presenting love to the world as a commodity, available by the pound, wrapped in greaseproof paper and topped with a bow.
Jonathan L. Howard
#28. I thought you were talking figuratively! I kept asking and you kept saying, "An entrance to Hell," so I thought, Very well, Cabal, have your moment of melodrama now and bathos later when it turns out your talking about Ipswitch or somewhere, but you meant it. You actually meant it literally.
Jonathan L. Howard
#30. No churchmen, I notice. Of course not. What use have they for a world without irrational fear?
Jonathan L. Howard
#31. There may be trouble. Anybody goes in there needs to know how to handle a gun. Do you?"
Lovecraft angled her head back until she was looking at Harrelson down her nose. "I trained as a librarian, and I run a bookstore. Fucking right I can use a gun." pg. 221.
Jonathan L. Howard
#32. He'd asked for his to be cooked medium rare, which in Mirkarvian cuisine meant it had been shown a picture of an oven for a moment and then served. A very brief moment, mind.
Jonathan L. Howard
#34. Do you smoke, Herr Cabal?"
"Only to be antisocial," replied Cabal, making no move.
Jonathan L. Howard
#35. There are ladies present, and I was raised to believe that being naked in front of strange ladies is something reserved for special occasions.
Jonathan L. Howard
#36. The special joy of putting a lead ball into any person who presents a nuisance.
Jonathan L. Howard
#37. Horst lurked in a corner, sitting upon a tea chest, and undermining any menace his vampiric presence might have brought to proceedings by reading an ancient copy of Comic Cuts that he had found somewhere.
Jonathan L. Howard
#38. May I ask what happened to your last revolver?' 'It turned into a sword.' 'Of course it did.' 'And then the ghouls probably stole it.' Cabal smiled with an expression so close to fondness that it made Horst stare. 'The naughty rapscallions.
Jonathan L. Howard
#39. He smiled with the benevolence of somebody watching an unlovable toddler walk under a table and bang their head painfully.
Jonathan L. Howard
#40. Sighing heavily, for he disliked violence generally and murder in particular, Cabal set off to commit violent murder.
Jonathan L. Howard
#43. Inside the mansion of his mind, he was putting snakes back into boxes.
Jonathan L. Howard
#44. We're supposed to be doing the devil's work and you've gone and contaminated it all with the whiff of virtue. I really don't think you've quite got the hang of being an agent of evil.
Jonathan L. Howard
#45. That which is supernatural and nasty knows supernatural and nastier when it sees it.
Jonathan L. Howard
#46. Cabal knew then that he was dealing with the kind of official with whom he always lost his temper. He lost his temper. 'Don't
Jonathan L. Howard
#47. The lesson seemed to be twofold: do not anger the gods, but if you must, at least make sure your city isn't next to a lake, as that's just asking for trouble.
Jonathan L. Howard
#48. The Mayor of Murslaugh was a jolly, ebullient man of the sort who, in a well-ordered world, would be called Fezziwig. That his name was Brown was a powerful indictment on the sorry state of things.
Jonathan L. Howard
#49. Being an adult isn't a matter of age. It's a matter of responsibility.
Jonathan L. Howard
#50. Well, if I ever suffer brain damage I know there's always a career waiting for me in local politics.
Jonathan L. Howard
#51. There was drinking. There was animalistic growling and squawking. There was vomiting. There were flows of excrement. Thus far, this was indistinguishable from most parliaments, but it was the refusal to get down to any real work that galled Satan.
Jonathan L. Howard
#52. Cabal slapped him hard. Perhaps harder than necessary, but he felt he deserved a little recreation.
Jonathan L. Howard
#53. Leonie Barrow knew enough about real criminal investigations to know full well that cases rarely if ever hinged on an encyclopedic knowledge of tobacco ash or the curious incident of the butler's allergy to spinach.
Jonathan L. Howard
#54. It was about then that the effects of great wealth and a small gene pool started to spell their doom.
Jonathan L. Howard
#55. All this bunch of so-called 'adults' was doing was making enemies of one another when what they really needed to be concentrating on was how to get out alive.
Jonathan L. Howard
#56. Instead he gave Cabal his most professional pat on the shoulder. It was his best pat, the one that said, You have my most sincere albeit non-specific sympathies. It was all he could do.
Jonathan L. Howard
#57. Everyone is so desensitised that the potency of artfully deployed italics has long been lost. It was good enough for H. P. Lovecraft, but apparently it isn't good enough for the modern world, filled as it is with obtuse bastards.
Jonathan L. Howard
#58. Horst was suddenly filled with great admiration for Miss Barrow, and a desire for popcorn.
Jonathan L. Howard
#59. Cabal dimly recalled that the musical genius who'd decided to put on Necronomicon: The Musical had got everything he deserved: money, fame, and torn to pieces by an invisible monster.
Jonathan L. Howard
#60. Now you're an adult, Katya! he'd said, picking her up under the armpits like he'd been doing since she'd been born.
Jonathan L. Howard
#61. (D) Write a political treatise - not to exceed 250,000 words or 500 sides, whichever is less - detailing your solution to stabilising relations in the region. Military force above brigade level is not permitted, nor is divine intervention. You may include diagrams.
Jonathan L. Howard
#62. No. The dream was just my subconscious mind's way of drawing attention to something I'd seen without perceiving its significance.
Jonathan L. Howard
#63. I forget all about how good-looking she was at a distance because, close up? My balls pretty much sucked up into my body." "I like your friend, Dan," said Lovecraft. "He's graphic.
Jonathan L. Howard
#64. For the first time, he truly understood what Nietzsche had meant when he had yammered about looking into abysses. Not only had the abyss looked into him, it had noted his name, address and shoe size.
Jonathan L. Howard
#65. Lovecraft angled her head back until she was looking at Harrelson down her nose. "I trained as a librarian, and I run a bookstore. Fucking right I can use a gun.
Jonathan L. Howard
#66. he came into the store to threaten you with math and philosophy. The motherfucker's going down.
Jonathan L. Howard
#68. You've had your warning, Cabal. Now, prepare to face the terrible arcane wrath of Maleficarus! Somewhere, a sheep bleated and quite ruined the effect.
Jonathan L. Howard
#69. Cats, as any rational person knows, are solitary, opportunistic, ambush predators, much like spiders, but with fewer legs and a better fan club.
Jonathan L. Howard
#70. It was like being threatened by wolves dressed as sheep, who had sunk so deep into their method acting that they were now unclear about the whole 'being dangerous' thing.
Jonathan L. Howard
#71. In his experience, motives were simple. There was greed, there was jealousy, he'd seen plenty of revenge played out in gang-related crimes, there was even sadism, and sometimes there was flat-out stupidity, which was a pretty powerful motivator in itself.
Jonathan L. Howard
#72. Rufus ignored him, muttering in the lost tongue of a pre-human civilisation that had worked great sorcerous happenings yet had never invented the vowel.
Jonathan L. Howard
#73. He's painted himself into a corner and a thousand lazy reporters and ever-so-sincere politicians had rendered the only word that he could use comically melodramatic. 'I think ... Johannes Cabal ... is evil.
Jonathan L. Howard
#74. IN WHICH THERE ARE MONSTERS AND CATS, WHICH IS TO SAY, VERY MUCH THE SAME THING
Jonathan L. Howard
#75. Permanence in the land of sleep is better than gold in the world of wakefulness.
Jonathan L. Howard
#76. He had seen inferno and tempest, and had not only looked into the abyss but the abyss had looked into him, and then made disparaging comments.
Jonathan L. Howard
#77. The materials were of the finest, the workmanship superlative, the design execrable.
Jonathan L. Howard
#78. But when it comes to applied sciences, technologies, any spotty Herbert with a degree and a lab coat can perform greater wonders than Merlin.
Jonathan L. Howard
#79. They served to remind Cabal - should a reminder ever be necessary - why his social skills were so poor: people were loathsome and not worth the practise.
Jonathan L. Howard
#80. All your suits, cravats, socks, and shoes are black. All your shirts and underwear are white.' He looked at the rug by the bed. 'And your slippers are red tartan. You don't have outfits, Johannes. You have a uniform.
Jonathan L. Howard
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
