Diaper Quotes

#1. I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. I set the new one beneath the old one. That way, it's just wipe and pull the flap over.

Drew Brees

#2. In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper.

Graydon Carter

#3. A story: A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.

Anthony Swofford

#4. I was the oldest of the children in my family. I had to do a lot of diaper-changing and lunch-making. I was taking my little sister to ballet, picking up my brother, sort of being a super-nanny.

Vin Diesel

#5. Old Milgrom pauses to console the girl and tells her she's not the only one who's clumsy, that she herself couldn't do anything when she was young - boil an egg or hem a diaper - and then she learned. Life taught her.

Ludmilla Petrushevskaya

#6. I hope to die with dignity and not be on my death bed pondering the afterlife wearing a diaper named Depends.

Stanley Victor Paskavich

#7. Life is filled with tragedy, with long patches of struggle and with, I think, beautiful bursts of joy and accomplishment. Blessed with those moments, you just try to relax as much as possible and focus on the little things, like the joy of changing your baby's diaper.

David Dastmalchian

#8. We take a beautiful little boy and we put him in a diaper and we give him a lethal weapon and we say LOVE. Which makes absolutely no sense.

Mark Hart

#9. A bad attitude is like a dirty diaper, life stinks until its changed.

Orrin Woodward

#10. Like many other women, I could not understand why every man who changed a diaper has felt impelled, in recent years, to write a book about it.

Barbara Ehrenreich

#11. Oh, believe me, you want to know. Why it matters is because someday when Princess is screaming at three in the morning with a loaded diaper, or Junior gets expelled from preschool for punching his classmate, I want to be able to think back to the moment that we created them, and I want to smile and

Mia Sheridan

#12. The Mum has the temper of a demon with a diaper rash. (Shamus)

Devon Monk

#13. I do splurge on diaper bags. I have a half dozen in different colors and styles.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck

#14. So if anyone ever tells you:
You're not good enough!
You're not smart enough!
Give up your foolish dream!
If anyone ever tells you to quit,
You got to make them wear a diaper on their mouth
Because, man, they're just talking shit.

Shane Koyczan

#15. Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself.

Charles Barkley

#16. Everything TSA does is reactionary - first they ban the box cutters, then of course you have to take your shoes off, then you have to take the liquids out, now we have to be patted down in our private areas because of the diaper bomber.

John Mica

#17. Washington is a dirty diaper. It's time for a change.

James Carville

#18. When we are born into this world, the world revolves around us. We're spoon-fed on the front end and diaper-changed on the back end. It's as if the entire world exists to meet our every need. And that's fine if you are a two-month-old baby. If you're twenty-two, it's a problem! Newsflash:

Mark Batterson

#19. Seeing their cranky old camp director immortalized in stone, wearing a diaper and spewing water from his mouth, made her feel a little better.

Rick Riordan

#20. You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly!

Ivanka Trump

#21. How's the world treating you this morning?'
'Like a baby treats a diaper.

Biyi Bandele-Thomas

#22. Diaper spelled backwards is repaid , think about it.

Marshall McLuhan

#23. The book also includes tools including Website Resources, Baby Feeding/Diaper Schedule, Mom Medicine Schedule, Baby Clothes Size Chart, Baby Sitter Sheet, Short Hospital Bag Checklist, After Recovery Kit, Baby Medicine Basket Items, and 10 Things to Know When Traveling with a baby.

Lisa M. Rusczyk

#24. Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.

Erma Bombeck

#25. Do you live each day as if it's your first or your last? Either way you should probably have a diaper on.

Ellen DeGeneres

#26. Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

Marshall McLuhan

#27. You act like you have a saggy diaper that leaks." "Maybe you need to take your Shut-The-Hell-Up pill.

J.A. Konrath

#28. We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

Erma Bombeck

#29. The older Irene got, the more she swore. I remember when her grandson pooped in his diaper at his christening, she said, 'Holy shit,' loud enough for everyone to hear. The look on that priest's face!

Anita Diamant

#30. I'm going to put a diaper on you for nap because you're still learning. You've done such a good job today, and your nap is a long time. You may not remember to pee when you're sleeping. When you wake up, we're going to take it right off.

Jamie Glowacki

#31. If you're looking for diaper stories or BDSM, look elsewhere. My stories are of love and of course hot man to man sex. Please give them a read.

Dick Parker

#32. For me, makeup is about being your best self. If I wake up in a foul mood and have to deal with temper tantrums and an exploding diaper
I know taking 10 minutes to get my game face on will reset my stress levels. It's a chance to check in and remind myself
you got this.

Jessica Alba

#33. You walk like a duck with a wet diaper on.'
Anita Blake Vampire Hunter

Laurell K. Hamilton

#34. You will be at your best forever, Even now you have good moments. Occasional glimpses of your heavenly self. When you change your baby's diaper, forgive your boss's temper, tolerate your spouse's moodiness, you display traces of saintliness.

Max Lucado

#35. Diaper that leaks onto the floorboard of my car while I'm stuck in

Gloria Furman

#36. If you say children wouldn't know anything about masturbation on their own, you've never changed a little boy's diaper.

Joycelyn Elders

#37. The first time I learned I could sell myself was when I convinced a wealthy American family to give me a job as a nanny. Childcare. Totally unqualified. But I learned to be ready for anything. And that I can adapt. That I can become the best diaper changer.

Scott Raab

#38. Jim finished his beer and wondered how in the hell he'd found himself in the role of Cupid. Man, if those four lads even thought about getting him to wear the wings and a diaper while he nocked his arrow, he was so renegotiating his employee contract. And not with words.

J.R. Ward

#39. Why do otherwise sane, competent, strong men, men who can wrestle bears or raid corporations, shrink away in horror at the thought of washing a dish or changing a diaper?

Frank Pittman

#40. There were times when it felt as though my children were annihilating me (truly you have not lived until you have changed one baby's diaper while another baby quietly vomits on your shin) and finally I came to the thought: all right, then, annihilate me, that other self was a fiction anyhow.

Sarah Ruhl

#41. You could have an eight-inch thick titanium diaper bolted to your pelvis, and you would still somehow get laid. It should be their official tourism slogan: Israel Where Virginity Goes to Die.

Jesse Andrews

#42. I was pissin' Vince McMahon off when the red on the back of your neck was diaper rash!

Roddy Piper

#43. You're pretty sexy when you're domestic." I told him, running a hand up the back of his thigh.
"If you think this is hot, you should see me change a diaper."
"I have, actually: why do you think I married you? That and your accent. Oh and your giant penis.

Christina Lauren

#44. Found a shaman in a diaper with a poppy pot. When I asked if he was cold, he said just think hot.

Jimmy Buffett

#45. I sank into the chair and checked to see if the charge nurse could see me - not if I didn't lean out too far. The night was looking up! Two patients who ought to sleep all night long, and an Internet connection. How lucky was I? Pretty damn lucky, at least until someone needed a diaper change.

Cassie Alexander

#46. When I start getting old, I'm going to start ending my prayers like, "Lord, it'd be a good day to die." I don't wanna be 130 years old with a diaper on, all my friends dead and gone. I wanna get to heaven, come get me!

Suge Knight

#47. Ed Cray ruined this class the way an infant with dysentery ruins a diaper. Actually, that's not fair to the infant; the kid has no idea what he's doing.

Bryan Bishop

#48. It
was my first doll that water went
into and water came out of much
earlier it was the diaper I wore
and the dirt thereof and my
mother hating me for it

Anne Sexton

#49. I wish I knew what you were talking about," she returned. "Where's
the pin?"
"Pin?"
"Yes. Pin. To fasten the diaper. The kid can't hold the thing up with
two hands.

Emma Goldrick

#50. It's funny, I used to do a character that was just a baby - just an adult baby. I would get up onstage and complain about adult stuff, but as a baby. I was in a diaper, and I would require hugs from the audience and reassurance and stuff.

John Gemberling

#51. I once knew a chap who had a system of just hanging the baby on the clothes line to dry and he was greatly admired by his fellow citizens for having discovered a wonderful innovation on changing a diaper.

Damon Runyon

#52. I autograph a lot of body parts of intoxicated people. And lots of shoes. And I signed a diaper once!

Carrie Underwood

#53. My handbag turned into a diaper bag for the chronically ill.

Tracey Berkowitz

#54. Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Dana Gould

#55. Vidal gives the impression of believing that the entire heterosexual edifice - registry offices, 'Romeo and Juliet,' the disposable diaper - is just a sorry story of self-hypnosis and mass hysteria: a hoax, a racket, or sheer propaganda.

Martin Amis

#56. Diaper backwards spells repaid. Think about it.

Marshall McLuhan

#57. I photographed all kinds of sports - Formula 1, Formula Atlantic. And anybody who knows me knows that, from the day they invented video cameras, I used to lug them around when you had to carry the pack here and the big camera here, plus the diaper bag and a baby and the purse or whatever.

Christie Brinkley

#58. Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

Jeff Foxworthy

#59. Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper

Casey Renee Kiser

#60. A.J. has never changed a diaper in his life, though he is a modestly skilled gift wrapper.

Gabrielle Zevin

#61. I recommend that everyone have a Diaper Genie. Who can live without it?

Kim Kardashian

#62. baby's diaper is soiled, or it can be manually checked by inserting

Louis Borgenicht

#63. That dude's as guilty as a baby with a soggy diaper!

Noah Child

#64. The person who sat the kid down on the breadboard to cut off thier diaper with a huge knife was the most elderly person in the family, who was blind in one eye..and had the shakes ... of course the kids uncouncious, He's lost two pints of blood!

Eoin Colfer

#65. My parents had been involved in the labor movement; if we'd grown up in the city, we would have been red-diaper babies.

Holly Near

#66. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up.

Mark Driscoll

#67. How to fold a diaper depends on the size of the baby and the diaper.

Benjamin Spock

#68. I can change a No. 1 diaper in 30 seconds and a No. 2 in a minute.

John Tesh

#69. A diaper is as inspiring as a drink.

Rufus Wainwright

#70. Her diaper is soiled. A.J. has never changed a diaper in his life, though he is a modestly skilled gift wrapper. Back when Nic was alive, Island used to offer free gift wrap at Christmas, and he figures that diaper changing and gift-wrapping must be related proficiencies.

Gabrielle Zevin

#71. When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest - it's all good.

Chris Rock

#72. I learned how to change a cloth diaper on a raccoon. I was maybe 8 or 9.

Nikki Reed

#73. What passes for news is just morbid speculation or cartoonish screaming, followed by diaper commercials.

Karen Russell

#74. My role is almost a sight-gag. I have to be a woman to sing the lyrics "I am a man" to have it be a joke. I start the lyric in a male-register and a whole coloratura up into a soprano. And other points in the show ... like the guy who likes to be treated like a baby and wear a diaper!

Max Von Essen