Ain't It Funny Quotes

#1. We got a lot of politicians up there on Capital Hill. Ain't it funny how they prosper while the country stands still?

Waylon Jennings

#2. Ain't it funny what people say? Ain't it funny what people write?

Rich Mullins

#3. Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life, and you don't want to face what's wrong or right. Ain't it strange how fate can play a part, in the story of your heart.

Jennifer Lopez

#4. It'll leave you feeling hollow and helpless, and there is where you'll stay. Ain't it funny child, love sometimes leaves you as dead as yesterday.

Zakk Wylde

#5. Look here, cousin," Big Country's drawled in the background. "This here's a car. We just got off a plane, and no matter how fast you push this bitch, she ain't gon' fly, so believe me when I say, I refuse to die over some foolishness you call love, not today.

Shay Rucker

#6. I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!"

Mitch Hedberg

#7. Manners," I say. "It ain't polite to taste people. Shit.

Nenia Campbell

#8. Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you.

Yogi Berra

#9. In any given situation there will always be more dumb people than smart people. We ain't many!

Ken Kesey

#10. What kind of life are you leading where you consider ketchup fancy? "Well, we ain't rich folk, but on special occasions, I'll break out the ketchup. Grandma's birthday, make her feel special"

Jim Gaffigan

#11. I swear to God, Boss," he said one day. "Ya ain't never been a talker, but lately, if ya'd a had to rub two words together to make a fire, you'd a done froze to death.

Eli Easton

#12. Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use a Z. If someone says, "That's wrong!", you say, "No, it ain't." If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-rayed.

Mitch Hedberg

#13. I ain't shooting nobody, so call me a faggot. When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs.

Chris Rock

#14. In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.

Will Rogers

#15. That boy may have been born on third base but he sure as shit ain't scored a triple.

Sarah Hall

#16. That shit was funny, but it ain't right.

Ernessa T. Carter

#17. It ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays.

Yogi Berra

#18. Well I ain't Dr. Phil, but I'm smart," she said.
"And your shoes are cuter than his," I said, trying to sound at least semi-normal.
"Yeah they remind me of Dorothy's ruby slippers, only mine are wedges 'cause I'm more fashion conscious than she was.

P.C. Cast

#19. This is getting funny, but there ain't nobody laughing.

Waylon Jennings

#20. Pete (Rose) doesn't run with celebrities and he can't stand the phonies. His big buddy in LA ain't Sinatra, it's a funny old groundskeeper.

Sparky Anderson

#21. Now as I look around, it's mighty plain to see,
This world is such a great and a funny place to be.
Oh, the gamblin' man is rich, an' the workin' man is poor,
And I ain't got no home in this world anymore.

Woody Guthrie

#22. Oh baby", Madoc groaned to the girl next to him. "Snickers ain't the only thing king sized.

Penelope Douglas

#23. Since she got a cause and stopped being funny. I think she's real funny, but lately it's all been hearts and flowers and tears and saving teenagers and creating a role model. And that ain't funny. No giggles there.

Andy Richter

#24. Any man who can't appreciate a classic pickup ain't worth his weight in salt.

Colleen Coble

#25. Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

Satchel Paige

#26. Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Mitch Hedberg

#27. Yes, he's got all them different kinds of thoroughbred blood in him, and he's got other kinds you ain't mentioned and that you ain't slick enough to see.

Don Marquis

#28. Say, Cuttino. What are those Godawful clothes you're wearing? Man, this ain't Rhode Island anymore. You're in the NBA. The girls have teeth here.

Charles Barkley

#29. Don't make trouble at the pub tonight, Wayne," the man intoned in response. "My temper is really short." "Temper?" Wayne said, passing him. "That's a funny name for it, mate, but if the ladies like you givin' silly names to your body parts, I ain't gonna say nothin'.

Brandon Sanderson

#30. You ain't going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck.

Jim Denny

#31. Funny thing about love, ain't it? Sometimes it saves you and sometimes, like right then, even love isn't enough.

Eden Butler

#32. It's funny, leaving a place, ain't it?" he said. "You never do know when you'll get back.

Larry McMurtry

#33. It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?'

Ice Cube

#34. Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.

Jimmy Fallon

#35. You're a goddam funny kid, Clivey," he said. "I got sixteen grandchildren, and there's only two of em that I think is gonna amount to duckshit, and you ain't one of em - although you're on the runner-up list - but you're the only one that can make me laugh until my balls ache.

Stephen King

#36. He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.'
'What you got on it?' the girl said.
'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.'
'Haw, haw,' the girl said politely.

Flannery O'Connor

#37. I been seeing newspapers every Sunday morning, white dudes be in there in their drawers, never having no bulge in they drawers. Smiling at you. If I ain't have no bulge, I wouldn't be smiling!

Eddie Murphy

#38. When you're in a train and it breaks down, well, there you is. But when you're in a plane and it breaks down, there you AIN'T.

Amy Hill Hearth

#39. I ain't never seen a creature like that before, she says. He's so smart, he's-
More, like a person than a bird? I says.
Yeah, she says. That's it.
Whatever you do, I says, don't tell him that. I'll never hear the end of it.

Moira Young

#40. Now I got my foot - through the door - and I ain't goin' no where.

Gwen Stefani

#41. You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.

Lois Greiman

#42. My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just ... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

Katt Williams

#43. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha!

Eddie Murphy

#44. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it, and I feel guilty saying that, but it's the truth. I love my work, but it ain't easy.

Madeline Kahn

#45. Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

Minnie Pearl

#46. Funny how the love be fake ... but I ain't stressin'.
Thankful for the love that's genuine ... appreciate the blessin'.

Busta Rhymes

#47. I got me a fine wife and I got me old fiddle, when the suns coming up I got cakes on the griddle. And life ain't nothing, but a funny, funny riddle.

John Denver

#48. A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

#49. Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.

Lois Greiman

#50. You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

Denis Leary

#51. I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.

Albert Brooks

#52. Life is a gamble, we scramble for money,
I might crack a smile, but ain't a damn thing funny.

Prodigy

#53. Avocados, it's a food that ain't worth injuring yourself for. If it's a hassle to get into, leave it to the experts.

Karl Pilkington

#54. A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

Bill Cosby

#55. Heyday, now that is a funny word ain't it? Part of a heyday is, you don't never know you are having yourself one till later when it's all over with, long gone.

Lee Smith

#56. Why should i go to his funeral? He ain't comming to mine.

Daniel Nielsen

#57. There ain't no "baby mama drama" up in this Vortex, homie!

Esther Hicks

#58. I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".

Demetri Martin

#59. I used to roll up: this is a hold up, ain't nuthin funny.
Stop smiling, be still, don't nuthin move but the money.

Rakim

#60. Well, you keep your place then, nigger. I could get you strung up on a tree so easy it ain't even funny." Crooks had reduced himself to nothing. There was no personality, no ego - nothing to arouse either like or dislike. He said, "Yes, ma'am," and his voice was toneless.

John Steinbeck

#61. Fun and killing ain't synonyms to regular folks, Zeus."

.

Shay Rucker

#62. One thing the blues ain't, is funny.

Stephen Stills