Top 59 Your Grandma Quotes
#1. I don't want you to write about what you know, because you don't know anything. I don't want to hear about your boyfriend or your grandma ... I'm getting a little tired of 'my life story as fiction'. Please don't tell me about your little life - is there nothing larger? More important?
Toni Morrison
#2. You be as angry as you need to be," she said. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not your grandma, not your dad, no one. And if you need to break things, then by God, you break them good and hard.
Patrick Ness
#3. Will the devil be home?"
"My grandma is not the devil," Ben said, smiling despite the insult. "Besides, isn't the devil a male?"
"I thought so until I met your grandma. Could you tell her to stop calling me Fatty?"
"You could stand to lose a little weight.
Victor Kloss
#4. Your grandma always was an advocate of thorough preparedness. She would strongly advise staying not only armed to the teeth, but well equipped in the computational department. You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.
Andrew Hussie
#6. If you were watching CNN, they were saying the NSA is listening to your phone calls. It's reading your emails. When you call your grandma in Arkansas, the NSA knows. All total bulls - t. They made the public more concerned about the privacy issue than the legitimate facts should have done.
Michael Morell
#7. I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma.
Kami Garcia
#8. Author's Warning
If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex. Don't blame me. I told you.
Christopher Moore
#9. The MAX made a stop in Old Town. Grandma nudged me with her purse. "This is where we get off." I followed her from the MAX down an alley between a strip club and a Chinese restaurant. What? Your grandma doesn't hang out in places like that too?
Stacey Wallace Benefiel
#10. Dating is so insecure. My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I told her about it. I said, "Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She said, "I know
Tom Arnold
#11. Food is everything we are. It's an extension of nationalist feeling, ethnic feeling, your personal history, your province, your region, your tribe, your grandma. It's inseparable from those from the get-go.
Anthony Bourdain
#12. My granddad used to say, If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma.
Gary Mule Deer
#13. What's on your bucket list?" I asked. "I got six things so far," Grandma said. "First off, I want new breasts. These ones I got are a mess.
Janet Evanovich
#14. She touched her finger to his lips and smiled slightly. "You just made me very happy, Nick Barrett."
"Yeah, but what do we tell the grand kids if it goes that far?"
"Tell them the truth," she whispered, "Grandma kicked your ass."
From "THE PRIDE
Richard Tabaka
#15. Tell me, what are your intentions with my granddaughter. She's never had a boyfriend, you know.
Yes, ma'am. I am aware.
And did you have anything to do with that?
The corner of his mouth lifted in a half grin. I might have.
Why?
Because she's mine.
B.B. Reid
#16. Thank God it's not, or your father would never have been conceived." "Ew! Grandma, ew! Don't say things like that! How can you say things like that with your face? Your actual grandma face? You're supposed to be all innocent and baking cookies and forgetting that sex was ever a part of your life.
Seanan McGuire
#17. Love doesn't come with any random man coming in your apartment. It comes with the right person at the right time."
"Geez. You sound like a grandma. What are you going to say next? True love waits?
Shyrill Silversong
#18. Yeah, well this Gypsy girl happens to have a grandma that can curse you so bad that your dick will turn black and fall off, so watch your step, Spartan.
Jennifer Estep
#19. Well, that's not something you see every day. Go tell your father that Grandma needs the grenades.
Seanan McGuire
#20. Grandma laughed. "You'd be surprised. It's awfully hard to dislike someone when you really pray for them. In fact the person you pray for could turn out to be one of your best friends.
Arleta Richardson
#21. Our kids need us to be the dad, not a fun single uncle. When you can replace your 007 poster with a framed portrait of Grandma, your kids will experience an underlying sense of being at home when they are with you - whether for a weekend, a summer, or full-time.
Tez Brooks
#22. A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. If your baby is "beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time," you're the grandma.
Teresa Bloomingdale
#23. You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
Albert Einstein
#24. That man is such a damn turd monkey."
"Grandma!" I said.
"Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?"
"Yes, Grandma, you did."
She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.
Kristin Cast
#25. All hells in this world are the prisons you make in your own heart; all battles must be fought there'," said Charlie. "My grandma used to say that to me.
Darren McKeeman
#26. I love my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, but I'd take a bullet for my parents or my sister without a second thought."
"Dude," Greg whispered,"you wouldn't take one for your granny?"
"No one's going to shoot my grandma," Jace said dismissively.
Jay Bell
#27. My grandma always said, "Trouble is what God uses to prepare you for better things!" If you have trouble in your life, you are in a valley. If you are in a valley, you are being prepared for something bigger, better, greater; something you probably could not handle now.
Iyanla Vanzant
#28. I want to remember ... Smelling your newness upon this earth. The baby-Jesus smell as Grandma used to put it. Pure. Unsullied. Like the imagined smell in the twirling air of eiderdown feathers spin-floating around the yard on a new spring day.
Carew Papritz
#30. It's easy to smile just to make other people feel better. But when a person fakes happy, it has edges. Regular people may not see, but the people who count, they can see the edges and the lines where your smile ends and the real you, the sadness (me) or the anger (Grandma) begins.
Heidi W. Durrow
#31. How is it going with your boyfriend?;););) - text from Grandma Frida
Ilona Andrews
#32. Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies.
Janet Evanovich
#33. Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.
Doug Larson
#34. So, if you have a grandma, thank the good Lord above, and give your grandmamma hugs and kisses, for grandmothers are to love.
Lois Wyse
#35. Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.
Christopher Titus
#36. Sliced off like a chicken neck and stuck with a hatpin. Reminded me of my husband." Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. "You talking about size? Was your man's part that big?" "Heck no," Grandma said. "His part was that dead.
Janet Evanovich
#37. People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben."
Jim Gaffigan
#38. Did I at least look kick ass?" "In your baggy tee, grandma bathing suit and ripped shorts?" he grimaced. "Oh yeah. Totally kick ass.
Alessandra Torre
#39. So if you serve a whole chicken to your family like grandma did, you may be serving them 10 times as much fat than the days of yesteryear. That's a whole lotta fat, and big trouble for the waistline.
Kathy Freston
#40. Charming. Charming language. Same as your father. Bad language and hating budgies go together.
Louis Nowra
#41. I miss my parents. But still, my granddaughter, my daughter, my grandma, you know, so it's very important for me. You lost your parents, but a new baby comes. It's like the cycle of fashion.
Carine Roitfeld
#42. Does he try to have intercourse with you?"
"Grandma!" I gasp. "Not that it's any of your business, but no!"
"Good. Remember, no ring, no ring-a-ding-ding. Because once you spread your legs for him, do you know where he'll race once he's done? He'll race to another woman, that's where.
Daria Snadowsky
#43. Being pretty on the inside means you don't hit your brother and you eat all your peas - that's what my grandma taught me.
Lord Chesterfield
#45. And if we folks have a motto, it's this: 'Don't holler - smile and bide your time.' We've survived a passel of things that way, smiling and biding our time, and we've gotten to be experts at surviving.
Margaret Mitchell
#46. Grandma frowned and yelled something in Russian. She could have been saying, 'Open up, your best friend is here.' On the other hand, it could have been, 'America is a great country because of canned ravioli.
Laurie Halse Anderson
#47. You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Jeff Foxworthy
#48. If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!
Janet Evanovich
#49. I've always believed that if you are willing to play your age that you will work, so it's the thing of continuing to play your age and accepting it when you're younger and you suddenly realize, 'Oh, now I'm playing the mom,' 'Oh, I'm playing the grandma.'
Kathy Baker
#50. You made the paper again," Grandma said. "And the phone's been ringing off the hook. Your mother's in the kitchen, ironing."
My mother always irons during times of disaster. Some people drink, some take drugs. My mother irons.
Janet Evanovich
#51. I'm going to shoot him," I squeezed through my teeth. "No, that would be murder," Grandma Frida told me, her voice soothing. "You've had a long day. Let's put your magic away. You know what you need? A nice cup of chamomile tea and a tranquilizer . . ." I
Ilona Andrews
#52. Who knows if there are ghosts (sorry, Grandma) or just the living, breathing memories of your loved ones, inside you, speaking to you, trying to get your attention by any means necessary?
Jandy Nelson
#53. We have all felt those emotions in these last few days. So what I say to you now, as your queen and as a grandmother, I say from my heart.
Queen Elizabeth II
#54. Theodore- Hello, Grandmother. You're looking more beautiful than ever.
His grandma- You did have to inherit your looks from someone.
Jen Turano
#55. May your dreams be sweet and your nightmares be spooky-monster-scary and not grandma-died-scary.
Donald Glover
#56. The oracle had a prophecy upon your birth, that one would bring the true death to all of us and the other would be our savior."
"Oh geez," I muttered. "Grandma Piperi strikes again.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#57. I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.
Grandma Mazur
Janet Evanovich
#58. I never really know the protocol for this kind of situation. It's like when you're in line at a store, and a grandma starts telling you all about her grandchildren or her arthritis, and you smile and nod along. But then it's your turn to check out, so you're just like okay, well, good-bye forever.
Becky Albertalli
#59. He laughed. 'I thought you said you weren't scared of her.'
'I said I wasn't nervous, and I'm not nervous because I know not to do anything stupid, like make out, for example, in front of my grandma.'
'My fingers touching your fingers is making out?
Jessica Martinez
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