Work Joke Quotes

#1. I worked at a hot dog place, a bagel place, the Jersey Store and the hottest fashion joint around. I was getting too famous to work there anymore. I was almost showing up as a joke. I made $2,000 on my show the previous night and I'm going to go shopping during my five-hour shift.

Wale

#2. You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have backup.

Doug Benson

#3. The humanists' replacement for religion: work really hard and somehow you'll either save yourself or you'll be immortal. Of course, that's a total joke, and our progress is nothing. There may be progress in technology but there's no ethical progress whatsoever.

David Bowie

#4. There is a joke about a commuter who's on his way to work when he gets a call on his mobile phone from his wife. "Be careful, honey," she says. "They just said on the radio that there's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the freeway." "One maniac?" he replies; "There are thousands of them!

Steven Pinker

#5. To know how to structure the joke perfectly so that the narrative information is given in the right tempo, in just the right dose - it sometimes takes quite a lot of work. It seems easy when you hear the joke.

David Salle

#6. I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out.

Robin Brande

#7. What is the universe? Is it a great 3D movie in which we are the unwilling actors? Is it a cosmic joke, a giant computer, a work of art by a Supreme Being or simply an experiment? The problem in trying to understand the universe is that we have nothing to compare it to.

Heinz Pagels

#8. Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

Milton Berle

#9. Depending on what my job requirement is, my techniques change. If something is incredibly difficult to connect to, and painful, then I have to do a lot of work to connect to that and not joke around or lose sight of my job.

Adrien Brody

#10. You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument.

Stephen Colbert

#11. I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it to.

Nick Kroll

#12. When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

Bob Newhart

#13. I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year.

Mitch Hedberg

#14. Cheers was one of the first shows where I paid attention to the writers because their [work] was better than everything else I was watching. The writers weren't afraid to let a joke fall slightly flat if it advanced the characters.

Shawn Ryan

#15. I wouldn't want to be defined so much by comics or cartoons. My work is more narrative than that. If you take your basic cartoon, there's always a punchline or a joke at the end. My drawings don't depend on that so much.

Raymond Pettibon

#16. Work very very hard. This business is no joke. Make sure you know what you want or you might be taking someone else's view instead of your own.

Zoe Cassavetes

#17. And I will wait for Jarod to work for me. For free, cause if it's paid, it's work and not love, unless, of course he loves to work, in which case he'll surely love working for me, because I love people who love to do that to love to do that.

Will Advise

#18. There are no ordinary people.. it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit.

C.S. Lewis

#19. I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.

Merritt Wever

#20. Why would you want to work for a living if you could just joke around? Being a celebrity expands your commercial possibilities.

Jerry Seinfeld

#21. If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.

Honeya

#22. If it works, it will be plenty dramatic. And I suppose that if it doesn't work, it will be even more dramatic, what with the blast."
"David, I think you just made a joke."
He frowned, utterly perplexed. "Did I?

Leigh Bardugo

#23. All this is only fooling, for if it is true that every man must work for his own salvation, then all the prophecies about the future of the world are only valuable and allowable as a recreation, or a joke, like playing bowls or cards.

Soren Kierkegaard

#24. Every bad joke, every endorsement deal, all of the things that a typical host would normally get creamed for, people don't mind, because they know I don't cheat when it comes to the work I actually try. I'm a lab rat. I'm a perpetual apprentice. The joke is on me if there is one.

Mike Rowe

#25. I'm also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library. And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I'd rather keep it in the United States.
Did anybody not see that joke coming? Show of hands.

Barack Obama

#26. It may sound surprising, but a joke and a crime novel work in very much the same way. The comedian/writer leads their audience along the garden path. The audience know what's coming, or at least they think they do until they get hit from a direction they were not expecting.

Mark Billingham

#27. I don't wear much makeup, except during work. I felt lucky to be chosen to be a model. I used to joke, 'The next best thing to winning the lottery is having a beauty contract.'

Isabella Rossellini

#28. People come up to me on the street and make some little joke - like they'll say, 'Excuse me, sir, what time is it?' And I'll say, you know, '5:15,' and they'll say, 'Hey! Made you talk!' And that's merely a way of saying, 'I know your work and I like you.'

Teller

#29. Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed.

Sarah Silverman

#30. Old physicist joke: they knew that the approach worked in practice, but could they make it work in theory?

Walter Isaacson

#31. The old joke is that psychiatrists are doctors who can't stand the sight of blood. Maybe they can't stand it, but if they work where I work, they damn well better get used to it.
At least surgeons and prizefighters get to wear gloves

Mike Bartos

#32. Pretension is a poor joke that you play on yourself. Snap out of it. Recognise your strengths, work on your weaknesses. Real achievement is liking what you see in the mirror every morning.

Virat Kohli

#33. CUSTOMER: I'm always on night shift at work.
BOOKSELLER (jokingly): Is that why you're buying so many vampire novels?
CUSTOMER (seriously): You can never be too prepared.

Jen Campbell

#34. We used to joke about canned men, putting people in a can and seeing how far you can send them and bring them back. That's not the purpose of this program ... Space is a laboratory, and we go into it to work and learn the new.

John Glenn

#35. Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.

Gilbert Gottfried

#36. Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

George Bernard Shaw

#37. A great door opened by God for work, but while I'm doing the work, all Hell breaks loose. Oh! The idea that when God opens a door and He's with you, you don't have to fight. Oh, what a joke. That is a joke. In fact, if you don't feel the devil fighting against you, that's a bad sign.

Jim Cymbala

#38. I can't imagine saying the same joke for three hours. I don't know how that would work.

Daniela Bobadilla

#39. I always joke around with my parents and say that if Hollywood doesn't work out I'll go to Broadway!

Claudia Lee

#40. If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

Richard Russo

#41. I tell my audiences today that I served 10 years in Nashville! That's a joke, of course; I was grateful for the work. Bob Ferguson, who produced Connie Smith, Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton, started calling me in.

Johnny Gimble

#42. Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from that. Then there are some of us who, early on, see that that doesn't work. So we joke about it.

Merrill Markoe

#43. I often joke that I straddle psychosis and neurosis, and that being an artist keeps me in the middle, so I can work between the two.

Sam Taylor-Wood

#44. A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap.

Kurt Vonnegut

#45. I think you need to have the guts to not use comedy. Often, the people that work in comedy use a joke to avoid contemplation.

Steve Coogan

#46. An inside joke is like a symbol of friendship without having to do the work required of an actual friendship.

Gillian Flynn

#47. There is a somewhat time-worn joke about people taking up library work because they like to read : the joke consisting of the fact that librarians have so little time to read. But, I tell you, those who do not, and there are some, are in the wrong profession.

Mary Virginia Provines

#48. If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'

Demetri Martin

#49. The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, I want to love, I want to live ...

David Sedaris

#50. Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work or someone doesn't agree with you. And I want to show that. I have had more hecklers because that's part of comedy is arguments, you know?

Godfrey

#51. Strange how things turn out. Two birds, one stone and all that.' McBlane chuckled at his own impromptu joke. 'But things have worked out for the best and now we all get to work together,' he said, and a smile spread across his face as easy as a politician's lie.

R.D. Ronald

#52. I always have the same thing - which is the fear of not getting a laugh - that I've had from the time I was a kid; obsessing over, 'This joke doesn't quite work, we've got to get this right.' I was always like that, whether I was a member of a six-person ensemble or whether I'm the center of a show.

Matthew Perry

#53. I really like the animated film process. It's kind of like doing a play, because you can experiment with it, rewrite it, screen it, go back, then work on it a little bit more. If the joke doesn't work, you can fix it. It's different from a live action movie.

Steve Martin

#54. My work is a matter of fundamental sounds (no joke intended) made as fully as possible, and I accept responsibility for nothing else. If people want to have headaches among the overtones, let them. And provide their own aspirin.

Samuel Beckett

#55. Inside joke is like a symbol of friendship without having to do the work required of an actual friendship. So

Gillian Flynn

#56. I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, "Cool, that one works".

Demetri Martin

#57. You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out.

Jack Youngblood