The Waitress Quotes

#1. Eventually, mercifully, the waitress prised the spoons out of our hands and took the dessert stuff away, and we were able to stumble zombielike out into the night.

Bill Bryson

#2. When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress.

Gelett Burgess

#3. Once I cried in a restaurant because the waitress told me I couldn't eat my soup with a fork, I had to use a spoon.

Liam Payne

#4. The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her.
"Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?" she asked me.
"The big show is inside my head," I said.

Kurt Vonnegut

#5. The waitress had the appearance of a very old hooker who had finally found her place in life

Hunter S. Thompson

#6. The waitress returns, cutting into possibly the most bizarre
way a pregnancy can be announced. At a Mexican restaurant. With a tequila shot
standoff. In French

Krista Ritchie

#7. You know that feeling when you're at your favorite restaurant and you see the waitress coming with your food, that happy feeling that slides down your spine? Find the girl that gives you that same feeling. And marry her.

Shelly Crane

#8. And the waitress is practicing politics

As the businessmen slowly get stoned

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

But its better than drinkin' alone

Billy Joel

#9. Look, I realize both of you could happily strangle each other across the table, but I don't think that's the most effective use of our time, and frankly, I don't think I have enough money to tip the waitress for that kind of clean-up. And look, here's lunch. Let's eat that instead of eachother.

Maggie Stiefvater

#10. I'd gone into that restaurant and sat down and the waitress had taken my order and everybody else had seen me with this what must have looked like this creature, this animal, sitting on the top of my head!

Derek Jacobi

#11. I was playing golf in Palm Springs and after a round I asked the waitress in a restaurant to bring me a glass of iced tea and lemonade. A lady sitting nearby heard me and asked the waitress to bring her a "Palmer," too. The name caught on and the beverage quickly spread around the country.

Arnold Palmer

#12. I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why.
"Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.
***
"Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.

R.L. Mathewson

#13. I had a meal in Pizza Hut and the waitress told me I didn't need to pay. So I decided to be a bit cheeky and ask for more pizza and garlic bread.

Gareth Gates

#14. The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple who're still glaring.
"Don't you have something to better to work on?" I hiss. "Like golfing or eating prunes or dying?"
The old lady looks shocked.
"Okay, sorry, not dying. But seriously, prunes are good for you.

Sara Wolf

#15. I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

Frank Carson

#16. What are you going to have?" he asked.
"A nervous breakdown," she muttered and opened her menu.
So we'll tell the waitress to make that a double, he thought.

Jessica Bird

#17. When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight.'

Yogi Berra

#18. The woman set Sig's chocolate orgy out in front of her and deposited my steak on the table.
"Y'all must work out," the waitress observed a little sourly. She apparently did not.
"I'm going to throw this up later," Sig said expressionlessly.
"I have a tapeworm," I said cheerfully.

Elliott James

#19. I just smiled and wished hard for the waitress to come back from Cancun or Mazatlan or wherever she was so I could order my martini.

Karen MacInerney

#20. Oh shit, I was just flirting with the waitress a little. It was harmless. I told her those jeans must be from outer space because her ass is out of this world." "Oh my

Elle Parker

#21. It's just that I'm curious, that's all. He usually walks alone" "Yeah, he's a loner, all right," the waitress murmured. "Even when he's with someone, he's alone.

David Goodis

#22. For the rest of my life I'll be thinking about that hamburger. I'll be sitting there at the counter, holding it in my hands with tears streaming down my cheeks. The waitress will be looking away because she doesn't like to see kids crying when they are eating hamburgers ...

Richard Brautigan

#23. If home is to have a greater lure than a tavern the wife must be at least as cheerful as the waitress.

Phyllis Schlafly

#24. I have been waiting on her all my life. I was the waitress. Waiting on her and waiting for her. What was I waiting for? Waiting for her to step into her self or step out of her invalid self. Waiting for her to take the voyage out of her gloom, to buy a ticket to a vital life.

Deborah Levy

#25. I've always been melancholic. At a party, everyone would be looking at the glittering chandeliers and I'd be looking at the waitress's cracked shoes.

Marian Keyes

#26. And can you get this girl something with a laxative effect?" I add to the waitress, refusing to spare Sophie a glance as I slide my menu back into place. "My treat. I just can't stand to see someone so full of shit, you know? Especially when her boyfriend keeps feeding her more of it.

Dahlia Adler

#27. Refills are free, the waitress tells us with a frown, like she's hoping we're not the kind of people who ask for endless refills. I am already pretty sure we are exactly those people.

Holly Black

#28. We settled in a booth at Bishop's 4th Street Diner, an aging silver zeppelin on the rotary outside the naval base, grungy and stuffed with Betty Boop tchotchkes in the windows. The waitress greeted Abbass familiarly and promptly took her order: a hamburger, rare, and fries.

Marilyn Johnson

#29. Aunt Bette." I started squirming toward her voice. "Are you okay?" "No, I'm not okay. We've been kidnapped and Marsh is drinking martinis and probably flirting with the waitress!" she snapped, and it sounded like she too was moving but not in my direction.

Kristen Ashley

#30. Kelsey was jealous of the waitress. I almost laughed. This beautiful girl was absolutely perfect for me. How could I look at another?#Ren

Colleen Houck

#31. Little closer, as if I hadn't quite heard him. I leaned at an angle five degrees less acute than the waitress had. - What's that? - I was wondering if there's a melody in there. - It just went out for a smoke. It'll be back in a minute. But I take it that you don't

Amor Towles

#32. The waitress looked a little awkward. "Is all that for both you and your sister?

J.R. Ward

#33. The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you.

John Lennon

#34. We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too.' I said 'Really? ... Get my sandwich.'

Ellen DeGeneres

#35. Far as I can see, we mostly exist as *ideas* in each other's heads. The way *you* see me. The way my *boss* sees me. The way the *waitress* at Lindy's sees me.

Mike Carey

#36. If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili is good.

Al McGuire

#37. Yogi ordered a pizza. The waitress asked How many pieces do you want your pie cut? Yogi responded, Four. I don't think I could eat eight.

Yogi Berra

#38. The waitress brought a fresh pot of tea, and Marty refilled his father's cup and poured a cup for Samantha. Henry in turn filled Marty's. It was a tradition Henry cherished - never filling your own cup, always filling that of someone else, who would return the favor.

Jamie Ford

#39. I was raised by my grandparents, and they always made sure that I had a pencil and some paper, whether we were in the car or at a restaurant. While they were enjoying a nice meal, I would be sitting there drawing funny pictures of the waitress.

Jarrett J. Krosoczka

#40. The waitress, a plain brunette disguised as a pretty brunette...

Gillian Flynn

#41. If the waitress comes, order me a coffee and something that involves bacon.

Maggie Stiefvater

#42. I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind ...

Terry Pratchett

#43. As a coping mechanism, or as a way to make a little hard count by shilling demons in the shadows, I try not to belittle the thought process of the conspiracy theorists. As a cocktail waitress in Vegas once schooled me: never get down on anybody else's hustle.

John Ridley

#44. I spent a lot of time listening to people. But it's also true that I liked details and listening to people when I was a bartender and when I was a waitress and probably when I was a babysitter as well. I suspect that's part of what drew me to psychotherapy rather than the other way around.

Amy Bloom

#45. There will always be ways to pay my rent, whether I wind up having to be a waitress on the side or whatever it is, but I think it's so important for me to do things that I'm passionate about.

Juno Temple

#46. School sucks. I'm dropping out and becoming a truck stop waitress. I think i'll change my name to Flo and get a really bad perm. Flo the truck stop waitress with a bad perm doesn't need high school. She lives off the knowledge of life.

Tammy Blackwell

#47. I drove a cab. But all the girls I knew when I was young who had to work - there were rich girls - but the ones who had to work were waitresses. Because you could always get shifts in a restaurant.

Fran Lebowitz

#48. I started in the restaurant business at the age of 19 as a waitress. I loved the atmosphere and the camaraderie of the restaurant business. I loved not having to go to an office. I loved making people happy.

Anne Burrell

#49. I don't care how much evidence the state presented. I've never for one moment believed he murdered that waitress.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#50. If I'm not good enough because I'm a waitress, don't settle for me, don't sink down to my level. You don't deserve anything I have to offer. Let that shit hurt for a hot minute, simmer in it then leave me the fuck alone.

Christine Zolendz

#51. My mom was a waitress, and my dad was a plumber who worked for the City of San Clemente fixing mains breaks, so not too glamorous.

Shaun White

#52. This country can't have everything.

Nicola Yoon

#53. Now, as an adult, I appreciate those memories. Mom taught me the importance of compassion for your waitress, your crossing guard, your mailman.

Cate Edwards

#54. I mean, its hard to be an actor in the city - trying to make it as an actor - because you waitress all night, you get home really late and you're super tired and your feet hurt.

Piper Perabo

#55. Do you know who I am?" (Cassidy)
"Cassidy Summers, approximately thirty-years-old and a waitress who isn't sure who the father of her child really is." (Ashling)

Rosetta M. Overman

#56. I kind of wanted to be a waitress in New York City. I thought it was fun and glamorous in its own way. Like in the movie 'Beaches,' when Bette Midler is banging on the radiator, and it's cold, and she's poor. I kind of thought that would be fun to be, like, a poor, struggling actor.

Kether Donohue

#57. Then she smiled as if the woman had already helped her. If there was one thing Blue had learned while being a waitress and dog walker and Maura Sargent's daughter, it was that people generally became the kind of person you expected them to be.

Maggie Stiefvater

#58. Fenchurch had red mullet and said it was delicious.
Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her.
"Why's this fish so bloody good?" he demanded, angrily.

Douglas Adams

#59. I've never been a waitress, hostess, bartender or any of the typical side jobs you'd expect an actor to have. This is partly because I've always been afraid of dropping plates on customer's heads.

Candace Kita

#60. A movie of mine is going to be released in Japan next year. I play a waitress who's a really regular girl in this movie. The English title isn't decided yet, but in Japanese it's I'll Get on the A Train Sometime.

Chiaki Kuriyama

#61. My cousin Louie, we walk into a bar, and he says, Dom, I think that waitress knows me. What do you think she knows, Louie? The fact that your belly came in four steps ahead of you?

Dom Irrera

#62. My mother was a very wonderful woman. When she and my dad divorced, she moved to California and worked two jobs in the cannery at night and as a waitress during the day. But she saved enough money to establish a restaurant.

Dolores Huerta

#63. I wasn't the best waitress in the world, but I was cheerful and worked hard.

Lucy Alibar

#64. I think as a writer one of the benefits is that you can put things that you're interested in into your books. I always have put a lot of food and restaurants because I was a waitress and I love to eat.

Sarah Dessen

#65. When we are true to ourselves, and follow these impulses that sweat from our compressed and broken souls we may just find the beauty, and the oh-so amazing way life can sneak up and smash us in the face!

Danielle Rohr

#66. When I put the plate down, you don't hear a sound. When I pick up a glass, I want it to be just right. When someone says, "How come you're just a waitress?" I say, "Don't you think you deserve being served by me?"

Studs Terkel

#67. Be myself. If only I remembered what it was like to be myself. I'm a fucking waitress in a crappy bar in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I was going nowhere. I had nothing to give him beside myself and my heart and he denied me.

Stephanie Witter

#68. Stepping inside Daisy's Diner, I was greeted by Rachel, the evening waitress, who side-eyed me as I walked in with Jeremiah. A cautious smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when she saw us. She winked at me as she grabbed the menus,

Sky Shifter

#69. Waitress!" Hedge called. "Six double espressos, and whatever these guys want. Put it on the girl's tab.

Rick Riordan

#70. My parents would take my sister and me out for dinner now and then, and while waiting for the food to be served, would point out the oldest, most harried looking waitress in the place, saying sternly, Be sure you get a good education, so you don't have to do that when you're fifty!

Diana Gabaldon

#71. A man who goes into a restaurant and blatantly disrespects the servers shows a strong discontent with his own being. Deep down he knows that restaurant service is the closest thing he will ever experience to being served like a king.

Criss Jami

#72. "You don't have to be in shape to bowl. It's the only sport where there's a way to signal for a cocktail waitress."

Robin Roberts

#73. Teddy Roosevelt supported a progressive income tax. If I am sitting pretty and you've got a waitress who is making minimum wage plus tips, and I can afford it and she can't, what's the big deal for me to say, 'I'm going to pay a little bit more'? That is neighborliness.

Barack Obama

#74. Working for several years as a waitress, you learn really quickly a couple of default scripts, so you know exactly what the interaction is going to be when the person sits down at the table.

Ann Leckie

#75. A sacred picture of Saint Anthony alone is one vertical, unwavering band of light. If a cockroach were near him, or a cocktail waitress, the picture would be two such bands of light. Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is just dead machinery.

Kurt Vonnegut

#76. Along the way, I've worked as a waitress, I've done phone surveys, and worked as a receptionist, and for the last twenty years I've taught. When I was an actor, the key was to find a job that kept your days free to audition.

Debra Dean

#77. To quote Shirley Polanski, head waitress at the Humdinger Diner: "Beware of a big man whose stomach doesn't move when he laughs."
I think a Chinese philosopher said it first, but these things trickle down to the food service community.

Joan Bauer

#78. My mother and father had so many ups and downs and stayed with each other and helped each other. My mother took in ironing and she was a waitress. My father was working in the factory and he did people's tax returns.

Patti Smith

#79. I'm probably a lot closer than perhaps the contents of my early fiction suggest to a jaded Denny's waitress with smoker's-lung-black humor than a ghost hunter.

Karen Russell

#80. I couldn't stand was Buddy's pretending I was so sexy and he was so pure, when all the time he'd been having an affair with that tarty waitress and must have felt like laughing in my face.

Sylvia Plath

#81. For seven years after college, I was a waitress at the Buttercup Bakery in Berkeley, and from there I got a job at Merrill Lynch as an account executive, from where I went to vice president of investments for Prudential-Bache Securities. I started my own firm in 1987.

Suze Orman

#82. I can not love you until you can love our beautiful waitress in the simple way that I do.

Derrick Brown

#83. I own the restaurant. There are a lot of cooks, waiters and waitresses in this restaurant. They worry about their problems. I worry about all the problems.

Mack Brown

#84. She is a waitress at his lordships club.
My God! The Proletariat!
The lower middle classes, sir.
Well, yes, by stretching it a bit, perhaps.

P.G. Wodehouse

#85. My stand-up has always been very character-based. I'm not really the kind of person that's like, 'Hey, here's what's on my mind! Tip your waitress!' I would create the jokes based on the character I was playing. It was always a performance-based thing for me.

Mary Lynn Rajskub

#86. Inside Metro Diner, we grab a table near the back. A waitress who clearly ate a water buffalo for breakfast waddles to our table.

Victoria Scott

#87. Being a waitress can be a very brutal job sometimes, and I remember during the training, the person said to me, "The redder the lips, the better the tips," and that was like the only advice she gave me.

Brit Marling

#88. I'd much rather have sat there and just been a fly on the wall, instead of having to smile at people. I'd rather have been a waitress. Just gone round and stared at people.

Jennifer Saunders

#89. If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

Jay Mohr

#90. I got lost a lot, and I was a really bad waitress ... I got lost on the subway.

Piper Perabo

#91. I'll bet I'm as old as you are."
"I'm older than Sanskrit."
"Well, I was waitress at the Last Supper."
"I'm so old I remember when McDonald's had only sold a hundred burgers."
"You win.

Tom Robbins

#92. I never pictured myself in California. I just thought I would be a character actress in New York on the stage. I never really had that stardom goal; I just wanted to be able to work as an actress and not as a waitress.

Rhea Perlman

#93. My mother was a waitress in a Lyons Corner House, but she married up. She was keen on bettering herself. She taught me how to use the right knives and forks and behave properly.

Charles Dance

#94. I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?

MaryJanice Davidson

#95. I believe in peace, Bitch.

Tori Amos

#96. The only honourable work my parents knew was blue-collar. But while my father Robert ran a pawnbroker's shop, and my mother was a waitress, I moved into a middle-class world with a level of security they never knew.

Norman Foster

#97. I was a waitress. I was pretty good at it. I liked to solve those puzzles-you know, when to put the dinner order in, that sort of thing.

Catherine Keener

#98. I've been a single parent for a long time. It reminds me of being a waitress. As you walk back to the kitchen, requests come at you from all sides. You're doing the job of two - you have to be highly organised.

Cherie Lunghi

#99. Waitress: "And to drink?"
Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water.

Eoin Colfer

#100. I was a coat checker, a dishwasher, a waitress, and those were some of the happiest times of my life because I still got to do my writing. You're lucky when you can work and then do your art.

Sophie B. Hawkins