Teacher Humor Quotes

#1. Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Flannery O'Connor

#2. Mrs. Palmer is a teacher so naturally I assumed she would never do anything good for me.

Jim Benton

#3. Kezia looked down her nose at him - the haughty school-teacher stare less devastating when the school-teacher in question wore penguins.

Tracey Alvarez

#4. There's nothing sillier in the world than a teacher telling you don't do it after you already did it.

Frank McCourt

#5. That morning she pours Teacher's over my belly and licks it off. That afternoon she tries to jump out the window.

Raymond Carver

#6. On the other hand, the Prince had proved a much more effective teacher than Snape so far.

J.K. Rowling

#7. It's like seeing your teacher outside school. It's them, but they're all wrong and out of context

D.C. Pierson

#8. When you're in the role of the teacher, the teacher must take on the role of the student and learn from him or her.

Art Hochberg

#9. A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

Stephen Colbert

#10. He would rock back and forth in his chair, making sure it squeaked ominously. He always found a chair that squeaked ominously. He was so good at squeaking ominously that he managed to make year-six teacher number two burst into tears.

Adrienne Kress

#11. A lecture has been well described as the process whereby the notes of the teacher become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either.

Mortimer J. Adler

#12. She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

Fred Allen

#13. But I was starving! You know I always forget my lunch - and who expects me to concentrate on Advanced Manga Drawing Level 2 when visions of pork buns and powdered doughnuts dance in my head? Teacher Suzuki acted like it was the end of the world just because I got hungry,
Bunny Lilka

Tiffany Fulton

#14. Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.

J.K. Rowling

#15. The art teacher's scarlet book was called Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille. 'As the title suggests,' Mr Dunwoody saw the book'd caught my attention, 'it's about the history of opticians. What are you about?

David Mitchell

#16. She's a librarian, Sim said. They're not teachers; don't give you half as much hassle. If there's a fire in the school and I've got to choose who I'm gonna save - a teacher or a librarian - the teacher's gonna burn every time.
(p. 24)

Keith Gray

#17. I've always known I was gay, but it wasn't confirmed until I was in kindergarten.
It was my teacher who said so. It was right there on my kindergarten report card: PAUL IS DEFINITELY GAY AND HAS VERY GOOD SENSE OF SELF.

David Levithan

#18. That disapproving look was back in her eyes. Her teacher face. The one that could make you squirm from ten paces, even if you were innocent. And I hadn't been innocent for years.

Laurell K. Hamilton

#19. How'd you get to be so good at this?"
"I had a good teacher."
"Better not have been Myrnin or I'll have to kick his predatory ass."
"I mean you, dummy."
"Oh.

Rachel Caine

#20. Getting into a fight with a popular senior. Pissing off a school teacher and the local chief of police. Hanging with two major-league losers." She slapped my back. "Welcome to high school.

Harlan Coben

#21. Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.

Edward Griffith Begle

#22. Why would you throw a ball in someone's face? ... Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

Justin Halpern

#23. I'm a sworn enemy of convention. I despite the conventional in anything, even the arts. I paint canvasses on the floor and drove one art teacher out of his mind. But that's just the way I paint best.

Hedy Lamarr

#24. You can fuck your math teacher but you can't fuck math.

Scott Sigler

#25. I think you mother has Asperger's," Georgie had said to Neal.
"They didn't get Asperger's int he '50s."
"I'm just saying maybe she's on the the spectrum."
"She's just a math teacher.

Rainbow Rowell

#26. Suffering is my teacher. If I pay attention to it instead of trying to numb it out, maybe it can lead me to its root.

Michelle Colston

#27. When a teacher is paying extra attention to your child, you believe that it's because you raised such an exceptional kid, one that stands out head and shoulders above the rest of her booger-eating friends.

Drew Magary

#28. The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.

David Sedaris

#29. I'm twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I'm the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.

H.J. Bellus

#30. He (a teacher at school) was the epitome of the Oxonian code of "effortless superiority" whereby to be seen trying really hard to achieve something was in many ways worse than actually failing it.

John Cleese

#31. If you can read this, thank a teacher.

Anonymous

#32. I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

Chic Murray

#33. Joe was so tired that he had slept through first hour Spanish, second hour history, and most of third hour English. The English teacher, Mrs. Lane, hadn't taken a liking to that. She decided to send Joe to the principal to discuss why he was so sleepy, which Joe hadn't taken a liking to.

Belart Wright

#34. Student: why do dumb people ignore wise people. Teacher: Because, the dumb people believe they are the wise people.

Jayce O'Neal

#35. Why didn't they warn us at school? I'm sure if some teacher had said, "Oh and by the way, it feels like someone sandpapering your cervix," they needn't have bothered with all the AIDS warnings and morality stuff.

Kate Long

#36. Where's our teacher?"
"Probably getting it on with the English teacher."
- Alex Gold and Mike Wilson

R.J. Morse, R.J. Brookes

#37. Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.

Noel Fielding

#38. Never talk back to a teacher. Teachers are like God. Actually, teachers are God's boss.

Deborah Wiles

#39. There was something pleasant about an empty classroom. Of course, as any teacher would point out, one nice thing was that there were no children in it.

Terry Pratchett

#40. You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach ... but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?"

Jim Gaffigan

#41. I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this mentally challenged guy!

Tina Fey

#42. Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.

Alan Sitomer

#43. Working to my potential.' It's like every teacher I have has some sort of manual to use when talking to me. She finished with, 'You have so much going for you,' which was the dumbest thing anyone, even Laurie, has ever said to me.

Elizabeth Scott

#44. In Poetry class, Professor Sappho teaches us how to compose love ballads. She's a swell teacher and all but I'm not sure I understand her. She's always going on and on about her weekend trips with the other goddesses to the island of Lesbos.

Tai

#45. Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he was now quitting school. It was the best day of her life, she replied. With unexpected politeness he bowed, thanked her, and said, likewise.

Carsten Jensen

#46. We had a teacher called Fanny Menlove, and I remember once when she was out of the room Nancy went up to the blackboard and wrote it backward - Menlove Fanny - and we all fell around laughing. She got into big trouble, but she didn't seem to mind. She had no fear.

Peter FitzSimons

#47. Bite me, Goth princess," Shane called from the back. "Not literally or anything."
"Maybe you should say that to Michael."
"Not funny, Eve," Michael said.
Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. "Little bit," she said.

Rachel Caine

#48. We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet the obligations, their obligations as teachers. We want them to know how to teach the science of reading. In order to make sure there's not this kind of federal-federal cufflink.

George W. Bush

#49. My teacher asked my favorite color. ... I said 'Rainbow'.... and I was punished to stand out of my class.

Saket Assertive

#50. Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.

Tana French

#51. Promise me, Amelie, that you'll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love."
"I hardly think there's any chance of that," Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity.

Rachel Caine

#52. THE ANGEL RAZIEL
Teacher? I did an independent study, does that count?
Yes. You may skip this section. Enjoy your newfound sixty seconds

Cassandra Clare

#53. With each replacement of parts, a car slowly becomes Chinese.

Mr. Kuniyasu

#54. I mean, if 10 years from now, when you are doing something quick and dirty, you suddenly visualize that I am looking over your shoulders and say to yourself "Dijkstra would not have liked this", well, that would be enough immortality for me.

Edsger W. Dijkstra

#55. Children want the same things we want.
To laugh, to be challenged, to be entertained, and delighted.

Dr. Seuss

#56. If he was indeed an "autodidact," there's no doubt he had the world's shittiest teacher.

Paul Beatty

#57. Tell me about school, NoahNoah," the old man says..."Our teacher made us write a story about what we want to be when we're big," Noah tells him. "What did you write?""I wrote that I wanted to concentrate on being little first.

Fredrik Backman

#58. Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!

J.K. Rowling

#59. You must be accommodating with your teacher. You must have a sense of humor about your teacher and the impossible things they ask you to do.

Frederick Lenz

#60. Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.

Derek The Ghost

#61. She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not ... you know, better."
"Define BETTER with that guy."
"Not all fangs and raaaaar.

Rachel Caine

#62. I don't argue with fools; I educate.

Shannon L. Alder

#63. We see an enlightened teacher to gain a sense of humor, to learn balance and proportion and of course to learn wisdom.

Frederick Lenz

#64. You understand Teacher, don't you, that when you have a mother who's an angel and a father who is a cannibal king, and when you have sailed on the ocean all your whole life, then you don't know just how to behave in school with all the apples and ibexes.

Astrid Lindgren