Top 82 Sick Humor Quotes
#1. I think there were moments on Snow White where I wished there was a little bit more of a sick humor toward Ravenna. But maybe the tone of the movie couldn't really support that. So you always have to kind of figure out where you are and adapt to it.
Kristen Stewart
#2. I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get his brains blown out all over. How could we change the channel after that?
Denis Leary
#3. I hope I never smell the smell of apples again!" said Fili. "My tub was full of ut. To smell apples everlastingly when you can scarcely move and are cold and sick with hunger is maddening. I could eat anything in the wide world now for hours on end - but not an apple!
J.R.R. Tolkien
#4. How's Alison getting on?'
Conway snorted. 'Tucked up in the sick room like she's dying in some season finale. Little fadey voice on her and all. She's having a great old time.
Tana French
#5. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns
#6. Going to the gym...all those people who always told me that you get addicted to it, that endorphins kick in, that eventually you crave it and look forward to it are sick lying ****s and I want to choke them with a protein bar and pummel them about the head with a bottle of SmartWater.
Stacey Ballis
#7. I can honestly say, with complete disappointment, that I have never purged in my life, because I have what I call a barfing disorder. Every time I puke, even when I'm sick with the flu or from food poisoning, I think I'm going to die. Weird, I know. No disrespect to you, Mary Kate. Rock on.
Kathy Griffin
#8. I'm going to treat myself to one of these as a reward for not knocking himself unconscious with a skillet.
Nora Roberts
#9. You sick bastard," she said.
"Yes, I guess you could call me that." Terry replied.
Jonas Eriksson
#10. Like journalists. The police have an extremely sick sense of humor, very guarded, very private, very male, which they need to survive on an everyday level. I don't think anyone has ever managed to tap that on the screen - it would actually be too shocking.
Helen Mirren
#11. Shigure: "That's lovely. She's so ... how shall I say it? By putting it into words I'm afraid the nobility of it all would only be obscured."
Yuki: "Of what?"
Shigure: "You know, she's so spunky!"
Kyo: "You sick bastard!
Natsuki Takaya
#12. It was comparable to getting sick from bad ventilation
Alice Munro
#13. You are a sick, sick man," I told him.
"Thank you," Ben replied, looking modest.
Patricia Briggs
#14. When God created the Earth, he had such a sick wicked sense of humor. He made everything that's wrong feel really, really good.
Miranda Kenneally
#15. On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick."
Tom Waits
#16. Alice would give anything, anything at all, to be lying in bed with Nick, waiting for a cup of tea. Maybe he got sick of making her cups of tea? Was that it? Had she taken him for granted? Who did she think she was, some sort of princess, lying in bed waiting for cups of tea to be delivered.
Liane Moriarty
#17. We boarded the plane after boxing our stakes and knives and taking them to a FedEx carrier, airport security being so strict nowadays. In the section marked 'contents', Bones filled out 'Tofu'. God, but he had a sick sense of humor sometimes.
Jeaniene Frost
#18. And pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked.
Jane Austen
#19. His hand came forward, an all too manly appendage lined by callouses. If that trigger finger could produce as accurate shooting as the callous running across it suggested, she'd be tempted to be sick. She'd worked her whole life for a star and he'd gotten one within a half hour.
Anne Garboczi Evans
#20. Tria finally slumped to the ground "I swear I'm sick of falling into pits and swamps..."
"Hey, upside is you're not dead yet so win win." Ingra said cheerfully.
Charon Lloyd-Roberts
#21. Maybe Ciena was right. Maybe the Force was bringing them together, over and over. If so, Thane decided, the Force had a sick sense of humor.
Claudia Gray
#22. And no chick fucking either, unless we both agree to it, of course." Turner pauses and scowls. "Though I can't imagine sharing you with anyone. Makes me fucking sick to my stomach.
C.M. Stunich
#23. Fate's got a fucking sick sense of humor. Fate is a shape-shifter. It's the kindest and most generous entity imaginable, laying out more goodness than a person deserves, and then it shrinks and curls and forms into something grotesque. You think its one thing, but then its another.
Deb Caletti
#24. "And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick ... " And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.
Bill Cosby
#25. Man, I so sick of dinosaurs. They wasn't extinct, I'd go out an' kill 'em myself.
Lawrence Block
#26. I'm really sick of people calling us insane.-Brianna Miller
Natasha Larry
#27. I've always had a sick sense of humor, and I've always wanted that to permeate the music because I don't take myself seriously. I take the music seriously, but I know I'm not God's gift to anyone except my mom.
Josh Homme
#28. I had a sudden dismal view of my future, of being led around and asked incessantly, like one of those Verizon commercials, Do you feel sick now?
Karen Marie Moning
#29. The air among the houses was of so strong a piscatory flavour that one might have supposed sick fish went up to be dipped in it, as sick people went down to be dipped in the sea.
Charles Dickens
#30. You hear that I'm nauseous and sick to my stomach and the first thing that comes to your mind is cancer?
Judy Angelo
#31. I'm going to be sick. I'm going to vomit that weird eggplant tapenade I had for dinner, and everyone will hear, and no one will invite me to watch the mimes escape from their invisible boxes, or whatever it is people do here in their spare time.
Stephanie Perkins
#32. Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck
#33. It's really a very simple arrangement, little mother. He fully understands that either they get healthy, or he gets sick. That sort of encourages him to do his best.
David Eddings
#34. I have the sick fantasy that whatever I see at the movies is going to happen to me at home. My bladder capacity increased tenfold after I saw "The Shining" because I was sure that if I went into the bathroom late at night, there would be a dead woman in the bathtub.
Bailey White
#35. I've never met a person who has more integrity than my husband. I respect that. There's his humor and intelligence, too, and he's really cute, all those things - but if you don't respect your partner, you'll get sick of him.
Michelle Pfeiffer
#36. Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
Bob Monkhouse
#37. As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.
Mitch Hedberg
#38. I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
Fred Allen
#39. It was usual to be obedient to authority, to obey a legal letter. But Rachaela left her bills
unpaid until the threats began. She ignored the money-envelopes stuck through the door for starving
children and the sick.
Tanith Lee
#40. I don't give sick days if you're playing in the snow." He's being funny, or trying to be funny. I can never tell which.
Zoe Cruz
#41. I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.
Robert Frost
#42. Many of us would pray not to die in a car crash before we were baptized, like other people pray to not get sick before their employee benefits kick in.
Nadia Bolz-Weber
#43. Some people call me sick and twisted. I feel that I'm neither; I am instead a Romantic.
Kenzie Western
#44. From now on when a boy starts telling me about his lost loves I am going to run in the opposite direction screaming loudly ... Somehow I bring out such confidences, and I'm pretty sick of hearing about Bobbe or Dorothy or P.K. or Liota. God damn them all.
Sylvia Plath
#45. The security officer smiled and said, 'Good afternoon, ma'am,' to me before I
gave him ID."
"It's a sick world, Eve." He resisted taking her hand for another squeeze. "A sick,
sad world.
J.D. Robb
#46. [Cat] found a complete set of the works of Edgar Allan Poe, with little tabs of paper sticking out. The were scrawled over with the witch's comments to herself, "Fun!" "Try this, but with exploding feathers!" and "Gotta love him
deeply sick.
Gregory Maguire
#47. Holy Christ fate's got a fucking sick sense of humor " he chuckled.
Deb Caletti
#49. Right, if I told you, I'd have to kill you."
Emma frowned. "If you kill me, you aren't getting any nookie." She wrinkled her nose. "And if you are, that's really sick.
Dana Marie Bell
#50. I had officially joined the cacophony of sick mother fuckers.
Betsy Lerner
#51. I felt like I'd just discovered my last big glass of milk had actually come from a bull.
Ari Marmell
#52. He's got this thing about Canada. He says it's like America only with health care and no guns, and you can live up to your potential there and not have to worry about what society thinks or about getting sick or getting shot.
Ruth Ozeki
#53. Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand.
S.K. Logsdon
#54. If you plan on becoming sick then guess what - you may get sick. If you don't plan on being sick you might get sick, but you won't feel victimized.
Art Hochberg
#55. I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.
Mitch Hedberg
#56. A blow job. Why did people do these things to each other? Artemis felt faintly sick.
Marie Phillips
#57. I realized that I was okay with myself. I was quirky and withdrawn and loud, but I liked that. I smiled at strangers without thinking they were going to attack me and drag me into their cars. I went to doctors' offices and touched magazines that had been touched by sick people.
Anna White
#58. Erin: We get to beat the shit outta guys in those big puffy suits!!! I've always wanted to really kick the crap outta some guy's nuts. Now I can do it guilt-free!
Me: You're a sick girl.
Erin: Guilty as charged.
Tammara Webber
#59. I beg your forgiveness, Your Eminence. I would not truly feed your face to the hogs. It might make them sick.
Mary E. Pearson
#60. This girl who's slept a hundred years has something after all. It's called Centuryitis, and it has turned me into a man. Oh, what will mamma think when she sees me?!
-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz
Karen Quan
#63. Another Thing I'm Sick of Hearing:
If I started that gay rights group,
I must be gay.
So if i start an animal rights group,
what does that make me?
A giraffe?
James Howe
#64. I'm sick of being sick, but I would be sicker of being dead.
Ben Tolosa
#65. No, thanks," said Harry. "The toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.
J.K. Rowling
#66. Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Flip Wilson
#67. I think that God's got a sick sense of humour, and when I die I expect to find him laughing.
Music Sales Corporation
#68. You will be very visible in the company photo, also the website and any other marketing materials. There's no way to avoid it. The photo will only be scheduled when you are in the office, so don't try pretending to be sick. They'll wait for you.
Baratunde R. Thurston
#69. All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.
Henny Youngman
#70. Everybody in my family had a real sick, twisted sense of humor. Most of the jokes we make in our house, we would just never even dream of making anywhere else. Just sick, horrible stuff. That wasn't anything new to college.
Seth MacFarlane
#71. The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
Lewis Grizzard
#72. So, that's it? You think I'm just some idiot that fell for your bullshit! Well you're wrong! I fell in love with you, Caleb. I fell in love with your sick sense of humor. I fell in love with the way you protected me. You saved my life! - Livvie/Kitten
C.J. Roberts
#73. Speaking of the information superhighway, we have all given each other official permission to administer a beating to whoever uses that accursed term. We're so sick of it!
Douglas Coupland
#74. Eww! That's gross, Gramps. You just picked that stick up off the grass. Who knows what animal has done sick things to it. Probably chipmunks I bet; they're always doing devious stuff when you're not looking.
Joel T. McGrath
#75. It's not all about love. That's half of it ... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're looking in the mirror, and you just go, 'Oh man. I'm going to compromise my dreams, get fat, sick, old and die someday. I kind of want to have someone around for that.'
Marc Maron
#76. How sick are you? Holy crap. Are you dying or something? Is that why you're going on
a retreat and eating only lettuce?
Maisey Yates
#77. Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you.
Even I, sick and depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you.
Morrissey
#78. He's a mass of contradictions. Unfortunately, that only seems to enhance his appeal. I'm one sick bitch, that's for sure.
Siobhan Davis
#79. The dead must humor the mourners, he thought, and the sick must comfort the visitors. It was always so.
Walter M. Miller Jr.
#80. Whoa!" I jerked my hand up to stop him. "Wait, what?" I asked as sick horror shot through me. "You mean, like when the bodies get cut open?"
Delight lit his face. "Yes, you'll be helping with the autopsies. You didn't know that?
Diana Rowland
#81. You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.
Louise Rennison
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