Quotes About Penises

#1. Keel-mounted rail gun," Alex said with a grin. " - that scream of overcompensating for tiny, tiny penises, but might prove useful.

James S.A. Corey

#2. Generally speaking, I'm much more in favour of penises entering vaginas than axes entering skulls. But the world seems to accept the violence a lot easier than the sex.

George R R Martin

#3. My dear," Rose said, "you might be surprised at how much happiness you can find in the pages of the shortest love stories. Unlike penises, their length truly does not count.

Samantha Sotto

#4. Go, Brooke. Wreck those penises.

J. Daniels

#5. And I understand you've got a few after-market add-ons - " "Keel-mounted rail gun," Alex said with a grin. " - that scream of overcompensating for tiny, tiny penises, but might prove useful. The

James S.A. Corey

#6. Brandon's going to talk to a B-O-Y, and -"
"What?"
"That's your assignment tonight. You converse in public with a boy. You've heard of them, right? They're like girls, but with penises?

J.C. Lillis

#7. It was a boy Brazilian. I stopped myself from crying out in shock. I had to stay calm. Boyzilians were probably just a thing and I hadn't seen enough penises to come across one before.

Radhika Sanghani

#8. And judging by what she'd been saying when he walked in, she was also fond of penises. He really couldn't overlook such an important aspect of her personality.

Victoria Dahl

#9. If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.

Zach Braff

#10. Do you have any idea how mortifying it is to have your own mother standing up in front of everybody, drawing pictures of penises?

Diana Gabaldon

#11. Three men at McAlester State Penitentiary had larger penises than Lamar Pye, but all were black and therefore, by Lamar's own figuring, hardly human at all.

Stephen Hunter

#12. Penises are literally all around me all the time, and have a lot of influence on the world, on my world.

Rachel Zucker

#13. Men aren't known for spilling their guts. It's like their penises block some forms of speech.

Renee Ericson

#14. He turns to me with open arms - expecting a hug of course. Because I have a vagina.
...
penises shake hands, vaginas hug. Not this one, buddy.

Emma Chase

#15. Oh, the pretty penises. Not flaccid ones of course, because they're just floppy, wrinkly, and gross. But the erect ones? Wow. Beautiful. Magnificent. Incredibly sexy.

Leisa Rayven

#16. No more men. I swear it. They're nothing but trouble. Them, and their damned penises.

Rosanna Leo

#17. Kevin doesn't just wake up with that spiky bedhead look, Pudge. He works for it. He loves that hair. They leave their hair products here, Pudge, because they have duplicates at home. All these boys do. And do you know why?'
'Because they're compensating for their tiny penises?' i asked.

John Green

#18. You know what makes no sense? A bunch of penises making choices for vaginas. That's like interviewing a turtle on the struggles of being a dolphin. We

Luvvie Ajayi

#19. Ben starts. "I Spy with my little eye something I really like."
"Oh I know," Radar says. "It's the taste of balls."
"No."
"Is it the taste of penises?" I guess.
"No, dumbass."
"Hmm," says Radar. "Is it the smell of balls?"
"The texture of balls?

John Green

#20. when Rownt penises grew an easy two feet longer and picked up a good thirty pounds as part of their erections. "Enjoying

Lyn Gala

#21. I wonder how many more penises I'll have inside me in my lifetime.

Daria Snadowsky

#22. If he's at this party, I want you to stay far away from him."
"Shouldn't that rule apply to you, and Jules, too? Unless your penises make you magically bulletproof.

Suzanne Brockmann

#23. Women don't have dicks and they don't want dicks. That amateur psychology crap that women want penises. And they certainly don't want testicles. Because you know no women in her right mind is going to carry around a bag that she can't put stuff in.

Bobby Slayton

#24. How did you know the dog was a boy before you read the tag?"

Looking up at him with her cinnamon-colored eyes, she stated very matter-of-factly, "Boys have penises."

At that moment, Michael was very aware that he, himself, was a boy.

Marissa Clarke

#25. I'm not a real big fan of penises. Like my own, whenever I look at it, I just don't find anything attractive about it. I can't believe girls are into it. It blows my mind a little bit.

Pete Wentz

#26. Breast feeding is a good thing. I promise you that's not what made you gay. "
" I know that, men did that. And penises.

Z.A. Maxfield

#27. It's not that I don't like penises. I just don't like them on men.

Lea DeLaria

#28. You don't spend much. And you have a penis. Penises earn more income than vaginas.

Nola Sarina

#29. Look, I've always had an empty place in my life that I've alternatively tried to fill with food and penises, but now I have something.

Christopher Moore

#30. Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises
except for those of us who have vaginas.

Howard Stern

#31. Men were not so much gifted with penises as cursed with them.

Stephen King

#32. The image of Mac standing in front of a selection of penises, like a witness picking a criminal out of a line-up, was more than Rachel could bear with a straight face.

Suzie Quint

#33. The quarterback? Wow. My mom wouldn't let me stand in the same checkout line as a high school senior. She's so lame.
She's not lame.
She thinks eighteen year old boys are dangerous. She calls them penises with hands and feet. Tell me that isn't lame.

Kristin Hannah

#34. Bree knew this habit of hers rankled Lara more than any other
her ability to make a decision and announce that there would be no further discussion was, in Lara's opinion, 'Cruel and selfish behavior, the type usually enacted by men with small penises.

J. Courtney Sullivan

#35. Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman.

Kresley Cole

#36. I will not surrender my profession simply because men throughout history have been unduly enamored of their penises!" - Dr. Christine Putnam

Jordan L. Hawk

#37. Lord help me, I was going to become a nun if my male radar didn't realign towards guys that were not walking penises.

Nicole Williams

#38. I think men think about their penises as much as women think about molestation.

Christy Leigh Stewart

#39. There were times, many, many times, when she just didn't get him. She'd heard on numerous occasions that men were bad, wicked creatures, who'd do terrible things at a moment's notice. You wore the wrong skirt or bent over at an inopportune time and BAM. They slipped their penises into you.

Charlotte Stein

#40. Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

Eugene Mirman

#41. Also your mom. Bro, I saw your mom kiss you on the cheek this morning, and forgive me, but I swear to God I was like, man, I wish I was Q. And also, I wish my cheeks had penises.

John Green

#42. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove."

Tommy Cooper

#43. If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises ...

Jacob M. Appel

#44. Gay men are French women...with penises.

Simon Doonan

#45. If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

Greg Fitzsimmons

#46. Aaarrggg, ahoy me matey, thars a great grand vagina over yonder. Penises talk like pirates when I'm drunk.

Tara Sivec

#47. Vaginas beat penises every time.
They're like kryptonite.
Penises are defenseless against them.

Emma Chase

#48. Griffin immediately beaned him in the back of the head with a Hackey Sack. Dude, grow some balls. You're an embarrassment to penises everywhere.

S.C. Stephens

#49. Swearing, drunkenness, "haunting bad houses," fighting, and drawing graffiti - hugh penises were a favourite - on the palace walls were all punishable by warnings,

Alison Weir

#50. There was said to be measuring of penises at the Orchid, but was it true and if so what did that mean?

Larry McMurtry

#51. The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks, but the author says there have been enough over the years to prompt the coining of a popular saying: 'I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat.

Mary Roach

#52. Birth is of course violent. Menstruation is violent. Trust me, if men's penises opened up once a month and shot blood, we'd be hearing about the violence of it.

Lidia Yuknavitch

#53. I don't write very much about penises. More than some poets but not perhaps as much as I should.

Rachel Zucker

#54. For me, the scariest thing about a serial killer is that there's somebody who lives next door to you, running power tools late into the night, and you don't know he has a refrigerator full of penises.

David Fincher

#55. What's the weirdest thing you've pierced?"
"Earlobes," he plainly stated.
"Earlobes?"
"Yeah," he said. "Once you've held a couple dozen penises in your hand, earlobes are just weird.

Sean Aiken

#56. 'We're not ... we haven't been writing poetry and sprinkling rose petals and tripping hand in hand under rainbows, Kay.'
'Just because you have Y chromosomes doesn't mean you can't tell each other how you feel, Dylan. Your penises won't fall off if you do.'

Kim Fielding

#57. Swear off boys, Penelope. Do yourself a favor and stay away from evil, soul-sucking penises.

Mary Elizabeth

#58. I have a strict moral code. I don't share penises with friends.

Ann Everett

#59. Some women had more penises in their mouth than men had kisses in theirs but it's a relationship that clarifies their worth.

Kent Lamarc

#60. Men were weird. Especially men made of tempered steel and fire and perpetual darkness. Or men with penises. Either way

Darynda Jones

#61. Men's brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.

Bette Midler

#62. Historians of the future will find it incredible that we mutilated babies by cutting off the end of their penises in the name of medicine. There are now serious concerns this routine procedure may actually deprive adult men of a vital part of their sexual sensitivity.

Dean Edell

#63. I know! I know! This is why people shouldn't go out on windy days. The penises are on rampage on the windy days.

Brittainy C. Cherry

#64. I don't have many rules to live by," he'd said. "But here's one. It's simple. Don't put anything unnecessary into yourself. No poisons or chemicals, no fumes or smoke or alcohol, no sharp objects, no inessential needles
drug or tattoo
and ... no inessential penises either.

Laini Taylor

#65. This icon is formally known as the blade, and it represents aggression and manhood. In fact, this exact phallus symbol is still used today on modern military uniforms to denote rank." "Indeed." Teabing grinned. "The more penises you have, the higher your rank. Boys will be boys.

Dan Brown

#66. You could paint my nob tartan and call it Throb Roy.

Timothy Lea

#67. Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

Roseanne Barr

#68. The power of the man, with a mind shut down. The strength of the super human. The survival of the species. The deafness of a beast. That's the power of the penis.

Deborah Ainslie

#69. If there was a god, I'd still have both nuts.

Lance Armstrong