Top 83 Quotes About Douche
#1. You're smart, pretty, and you aren't a douche purse.
Gena Showalter
#3. The guy just stood there. Hello. There're zombies everywhere. Try looking behind you, douche canoe.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#4. You don't have to tell him anything, Asher,' Lily said, obviously renewing her loyalty in spite of his douche wafflosity.
Christopher Moore
#6. I want to leave a mark.
But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars.
John Green
#7. Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'
Zach Braff
#8. Thank you," I said in relief. "Fuck you, douche," he replied before hanging up.
Kelli Jean
#9. You are a side effect," Van Houten continued, "of an evolutionary process that cares little for individual lives. You are a failed experiment in mutation.
John Green
#10. You three don't like any of the men I introduce you to. You didn't even like the Hot OB."
"The HOT OB was a douche," Charlie said.
"This mystery man better not be another douche, Brooke," Ford warned. "I can't spend six innings trapped in a skybox with a douche.
Julie James
#11. It's extremely improper for me to call a young teenaged boy a douche," I stated and everyone looked at me. "That said, Taylor is right. He was definitely a douche.
Kristen Ashley
#12. It's definitely fun to play something you're not, which is always a good time. Who doesn't want to get to act like a jerk or a douche, every now and then?
Rob Riggle
#13. I'm your personal jock-blocker, baby." Tori reached into her jeans pocket and handed over a half-eaten Snickers bar. "Happy Douche Liberation Day.
Melissa Landers
#14. I tried to push down my anger. One thing I hated more than Daemon's douche-nozzle side was him telling me what to do. "You don't own me, Daemon."
"It's not about ownership, you little nut."
"Nut?" I glared at him. "I wouldn't call me names when I have a knife in my hand.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#15. No," he assured her. "The old Alex would've had plenty to say." She lifted an amused eyebrow as he continued. "Old Alex would've instantly hated that douche.
Elizabeth Reyes
#16. It's the Law of Douche Bags. Douche bags walk away with enough holes in them to look like a colander, while good guys go down for the count with one random punch to the head. Sheri - one
Marcia Clark
#17. What do you want, douche-whore? Haven't you ruined my night enough by interrupting my mouth fucking session with your fuckhot teammate? Now you have to disturb my masturbation session, too?
Helena Hunting
#18. And oh my God, who brought that goddamn guitar? I want to kill them. Do you know how you can tell who the douche bag is at the party? It's the guy who starts playing the acoustic guitar.
Robin Benway
#19. God damn, I wish I could fast-forward time and be old and wrinkly. How awesome would that be? No more worrying about getting ogled by douche bags like Trent Gibson, or getting all hormonal and bothered against my will over hotties like Grant Blue, who wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole.
Isobel Irons
#20. He sprayed on a bit of this man's body-spray thing his mom had gotten for free at Walmart, feeling like a douche, but thinking it was better to feel like a douche than to smell like an asshole.
Lauren Oliver
#21. It was a very imaginative, bitey possum and also a total douche-canoe.
Jenny Lawson
#22. People are douche bags. Many people. Not all. But you know, most.
Which is why we destroyed the world.
Christopher Moore
#23. How can we be so utterly perfect, and you chose the douche who doesn't have the first clue what he has?
Melissa A. Craven
#24. Yeah, okay, I might've overreacted, but it's just because I care about you. You're my sister and I'm supposed to act like a douche when it comes to guys you're with."
"You got that part down to a science," Jase muttered.
Cam flipped him off.
J. Lynn
#25. I'll rip the fucking asshole's dick off and stuff it down his douche-bag throat. Take my whip and cornhole the bastard peckerheaded fuckwad till his ass whistles "The Star Spangled Banner." Then I'll break the dried-up piece of jackwad's leg off and shove it up his ass.
Cherise Sinclair
#26. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I'M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE.
Kanye West
#27. He owns Douchedome. All assholes compete in the douche form of the Olympics at Douchedome.
Calia Read
#28. It wasn't until that moment I knew three things. One, I was definitely going to work tomorrow. Two, I was a total douche bag for what I was about to do. Three, the plan would be placed into action as soon as possible.
Sadie Grubor
#29. I fight the urge to call him a mother-fucking douche canoe and glare down at his shoes, my lip curling.
Belle Aurora
#30. By the time we reached town, I was still utterly resolved to keep my hands off her ... but Taz was at her place, and I didn't trust that asshole for shit. That's why I took her back to my apartment instead ... and you can shut right the fuck up about that.
I already know I'm a douche.
Joanna Wylde
#31. I thought about my goal of having a beer at a bar with an age-appropriate friend and decided a pub was even better, because I really didn't want to be near douche bags trying to copulate.
Matthew Quick
#32. And get some self-esteem. What the fuck is that? It's so annoying to see a pretty girl see herself as not worthy. You know what it makes us guys think you aren't worthy? We see you how you see you. You're pretty and funny and smart. Stop being such a douche-canoe.
Tara Brown
#33. Hipsterdom's a tightrope strung across the canyon of douche-baggery. He clung by a finger.
Anthony Marra
#34. Don't demean what I know is one of your favorite body parts.
Gil A. Waters
#35. Forget all of our past bullshit, okay? I've got less than a handful of days to convince you that I'm not a complete douche bag, and I want a fair shot. Give it to me.
Liz Reinhardt
#36. Method rules his training, which blends the physical with the mental. How many chess masters put in, prior to an important match, an allotted time daily to bicycling and shadow-boxing, followed by a cold douche and a brisk rub down?
Hans Kmoch
#37. Granuaile:"So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood?"
Atticus:" Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice.
Kevin Hearne
#38. And Rusty is a douche! And the wind in my hair smells like whoosh!"
Cade laughed, "Don't you mean sounds?"
"What sounds?"
"Nevermind," he chuckled
Cora Carmack
#39. And he paddled away in his douche canoe.
Joe Hill
#40. No one gives out Congratulations on Not Being a Douche-Canoe medals, because good behavior is part of the social contract.
Jen Lancaster
#42. If a man tells you he's an asshole & that you deserve better, believe him...it's a warning. It's best you listen before he proves it to you.
April Mae Monterrosa
#43. My dad can be such a douche sometimes when he makes complete and total sense; I so freaking hate him.
L.M. Roberts
#44. You're worse than a douche bag. You're a douche puddle, the excrement of a douching.
L.D. Davis
#45. How much to make her go to her room and stop talking to me?" Cal asked.
While I gaped at his rudeness, Gigi coughed a rather obvious "douchebag!" into her fist. I caught her eye and shook my head emphatically. Douche-coughing someone with superhearing was not a responsible choice.
Molly Harper
#46. It takes the right guy to show you how wrong the last douche bag was.
Srinivas Shenoy
#47. Father' is such an arbitary word. Douche bag, on the other hand ...
Becca Fitzpatrick
#48. Listen douche pants. You're not going to tell me anything about disease I don't already know.
John Green
#49. April is tax month. If you are having trouble filing your taxes, then you should hire an accountant. They'll give you the same advice that they've given hundreds of corporations - taxes are for douche bags.
Ed Helms
#50. Why hadn't she said anything? It wouldn't have been weird for her to tell me, Pierce, back when I was in high school and had terribly poor judgment, I used to go out with an extreme douche.
Meg Cabot
#51. I may be a douche to some people, but I actually do run companies.
Scott Disick
#52. People are mad a Donald Trump for allegedly making a joke about Megyn Kelly having her period. Trump said, 'Trust me, I know what goes on down there, because I'm a huge douche.'
Conan O'Brien
#53. My car has wyvern giblets on the inside and fairy douche on the outside, I deserve the big shower!
S.L.J. Shortt
#54. A douche of spray blinded my brother for a moment.
H.G.Wells
#55. That guy," Lindsey said, "is a douche. Asterisk, I hate him. Footnote, he can suck it.
Chloe Neill
#56. Abs - all the assholes had them. Four to six muscles were like a graph chart to show just how big of a douche bag the guy was.
Jamie McGuire
#57. Gryffindor is the courageous one right? I mean, I'm here because I have the balls to tell adults when they're douche bags, so yeah, Gryffindor.
Trish Cook, Brendan Halpin
#58. The customer is always right, Brook Lynn often said. And Jessie Kay agreed ... unless the customer was a douche bag, and then he was just a douche bag.
Gena Showalter
#59. This Jacob dude sounds like a real Bilbo Douche-Baggins.
Jess Rothenberg
#60. Yeah Jesus could turn water in to wine, but he didn't share. Douche.
Anthony Langston
#61. Wait. Don't we even get a say in this?" James is supposed to be a macho, baseball player. Why is he such a whiny douche? "What? You want us to take a vote?" That
Roxas James
#63. I love that, for Kanye [West], there's no difference between the epic and the personal. That makes him sound like a really grandiose douche - which, I don't think anyone, himself included, could contest - but at the same time, it's really amazing. I love the scope of his perfectionism.
David Longstreth
#64. Your attempt at GQ has, tragically, ended in douche-bag. - Anna, Seers of Light
Jennifer DeLucy
#65. She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And douche.
Larissa Ione
#66. Joshua was everything I expected him to be - handsome, charming, stylish, and a complete douche.
S.L. Jennings
#67. Most people lie and let life play upon them like the tepid discharges of a douche-bag.
Lawrence Durrell
#68. Hell, even I'm a little surprised by Nine
between this and our little heart-to-heart in the doorway earlier, I might have to upgrade him from total douche bag to minor tool.
Pittacus Lore
#69. Six hours later, when I returned, I was greeted at the door- and this before it was even opened -by the overpowering smell of vinegar. What were my neighbors thinking? That a douche-obsessed woman with a gigantic, three-foot vagina lived next door?
Augusten Burroughs
#70. Because all little girls deserve to be protected. Even the daughters of douche bags.
Kimberly Wollenburg
#71. I processed his words, my lips searching for his clumsily in the dark. I felt his fingers squeeze my neck. And that douche choked me out.
Camilla Monk
#72. Justin Bieber is a douche bag. Now that I have your attention, let's talk about cars.
Corey Taylor
#73. What a douche," Reagan muttered. "I'm pretty sure my mom has that scarf.
Rainbow Rowell
#76. My mouth dropped open, because even if it wasn't my best friend, I knew the guy who was presently rubbing the short stubble on his chin. The only new thing about him was the little scar on his left eyebrow. It was Gabriel Green, known to me as Gabe the douche bag. Great!
Stephanie Witter
#78. I know Matt is your friend, but I think he's a douche bag.
Rebekkah Ford
#79. And that goddamned bald guy from The Weather Channel was in New Orleans. Everyone knew that the guy only went to the place that was going to get hit the worst. Like a bald, douche-bag weather angel of death.
S.E. Jakes
#80. Dad always told me that you can judge people by the way they treat waiters and assistants. By this measure, Peter Van Houten was possibly the world's douchiest douche.
John Green
#81. I think the world would be a simpler place if 'douche' and 'touche' were pronounced the same.
Travis J. Dahnke
#82. If I was a cynic I would be wondering if sooner or later some charismatic douche-bag might stomp all over this Little House on the Prairie dream of yours.
Stephen Baxter
#83. Well, I wouldn't be grumpy if you left my ice cream alone, douche!
Priya Kanaparti