Top 100 Philosophy Humor Quotes
#1. Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 pecent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation.
Grantland Rice
#2. It is the mark of a superior person that, left to themselves they are able endlessly to amuse, interest and entertain themselves out of their personal stock of meditations, ideas, criticisms, memories, philosophy, humor and what not.
George Jean Nathan
#3. My teacher asked my favorite color. ... I said 'Rainbow'.... and I was punished to stand out of my class.
Saket Assertive
#4. What is humor?' one of their professors had posed, and he had answered, 'nondangerous, unexpectedly inappropriate juxtaposition.
Sena Jeter Naslund
#5. There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.
Neel Burton
#6. The stupidest people suddenly become a little cleverer when we learn that they think well of us
Jude Morgan
#7. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.
F.K. Preston
#8. Quite possibly the only infinite power in the universe may be the human capacity for self-deception.
Michel Templet
#10. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
George Carlin
#12. Selling is a painful necessity, buying is what makes it all worthwhile.
Steven E. Landsburg
#13. They can't tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed.
Ken Kesey
#15. He was a glass half full kind of person and she was ... what? The glass is going to break before you can even pour kind of person. Yikes.
Erin McCarthy
#16. With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#17. Tantra is only recommended for someone who has a very developed will power, a terrific sense of humor, and a sense that nothing else matters but God and self-realization.
Frederick Lenz
#18. That macho protective bullshit is just some asshat man pissing on his territory so the other dogs will stay away.
Tammara Webber
#19. I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents' prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .
Ali Shariati
#20. There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
George Carlin
#21. Libations are for the gods. Cocktails are for mere mortals.
Jonathan Kieran
#23. There is a point in every philosophy at which the "conviction" of the philosopher appears on the scene; or, to put it in the words of an ancient mystery: adventavit asinus, / pulcher et fortissimus. (Translation: The ass arrives, beautiful and most brave.)
Friedrich Nietzsche
#24. Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.
Graham Parke
#25. Sometimes I wonder if he has a philosophy. Maybe even a worldview. I'd like to sit down with him and pick his brain, just a tiny bit somewhere in the frontal lobe to get a taste of his thoughts. But he's too much of a toughguy to ever be that vulnerable. - R on M
Isaac Marion
#27. I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
#28. It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Lewis Carroll
#29. People who do not eat butterflies will wear their clothes the wrong way, and people who wear their clothes the wrong way are inviting lemmings inside." -- Muzhduk the Ugli the Third
Alexander Boldizar
#30. Kindness is a source of relief to the soul of the giver, creating a sense of fortitude that is incomprehensible to those who do not know what kindness is all about.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#33. Purgatory was a bit damp," said Bengt, "but heaven is more or less as I'd imagined it.
Thor Heyerdahl
#34. Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.
Carroll Bryant
#35. Brian: I love books
Prof. Morrison: The contents of books, or just owning a whole load of books?
David Nicholls
#36. A tattoo is permanent; with a marriage you can more easily change your mind.
Carolyn V. Hamilton
#37. Going mad is the beginning of a process. It is not supposed to be the end result.
Jeanette Winterson
#38. I'm not the one going for a biology degree. I'm just a philosophy major who eats people.
Scott Westerfeld
#40. I take very few people seriously, and I'm not one of them.
Cian Beirdd
#42. NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
Ambrose Bierce
#43. I have been told the best things in life are free ~ I found them very expensive.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#45. In a way the philosopher and the barber are of the same guild; the barber cuts hair and the philosopher splits hairs.
Jose Ortega Y Gasset
#46. Your never over the hill to find true love because sometimes, that's where it is
Benny Bellamacina
#48. EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE UNTIL YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
NITYA MORE
#50. Because this is another thing your average American man in crisis does: he tries to go home, forgetting, momentarily, that he is the reason he left home in the first place, that the home is not his anymore, and that the crisis is him.
Brock Clarke
#51. I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don't know or haven't made the effort to understand.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#52. A nationalist will blindly follow his country to his death out of love for it. A patriot will stand up for and even against his country to his death out of love for it.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#54. Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self
Amrita Sarkar
#55. We need the wisdom to accept the fact that this world abounds with issues we cannot solve; and we need to part ways with those people, ideas and things that are a vexation to the soul.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#56. ...A canonical leader is someone whose exemplary rule might have appeared to be for the alleviation of the pains and miseries of a particular group, but which in reality is for the advancement of humanism...
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#58. True heroes and ideas never fall in the final sense of the word. They can only encounter temporary setbacks in their difficult journey to progress and success,
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#59. The sun doesn't live in England; it comes here on holiday when we're all at work.
Benny Bellamacina
#60. It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
Friedrich Nietzsche
#61. Most people live lives that are full of mysteries, lives whose ultimate purpose we may never really understand. But for the sake of serenity, we must believe in life's nobleness.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#62. All that is required of you is an open mind and a little patience.
F.K. Preston
#64. Remember these, Sons! Truth presented with tenderness enriches the soul of man and enhances humanity in the process. A Franco-Cameroonian relation based on truth and nurtured with tenderness will be to the benefit not only of Kamerun and France, but also of mankind as a whole.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#65. If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
Mo Willems
#66. Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance?
Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept.
Toba Beta
#67. Hold onto your creativity, that idealism that is rooted in some degree of innocence and a firm belief in something finer than the things we already have.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#68. The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It's the tender understanding that we're living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there's quite a bit of wonder in that.
F.K. Preston
#69. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
#70. Huh! Mankind always comes up with ideas to make up for the follies of the status quo. But what happens if those ideas are inflexible and fail to respond to the changing times. They end up betraying the people who believed in them.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#71. Writers are the most tormented of all the different categories of artists that are out there in the world.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#72. Theology, philosophy, metaphysics, and quantum physics are merely ways for God to have his smart people believe in him
Jeremy Aldana
#73. The Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.
Jasper Fforde
#74. Writing is turning life's worst moments into money.
J.P. Donleavy
#75. Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes
Benny Bellamacina
#76. Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.
H.L. Mencken
#77. Xingu!" she scoffed. "Why, it was the fact of our knowing so much more about it than she did - unprepared though we were - that made Osric Dane so furious. I should have thought that was plain enough to everybody!
Edith Wharton
#78. If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, I hope it lands on a philosophy professor.
Stephen Colbert
#80. Out similar characteristics in everyone. For example, law students were undisciplined and competitive, medical students strict and lacking a sense of humor, philosophy
Donato Carrisi
#82. Philosophy of science is about as useful to scientists as ornithology is to birds.
Richard Feynman
#83. We're all odd balls; some people are just better at pretending to be even
Benny Bellamacina
#84. You won't comprehend the vitality of literacy until you marry an illiterate.
Kshitij Shringi
#85. Democracy is a poor system; the only thing that can be said for it is that it's eight times as good as any other method.
Robert A. Heinlein
#86. It's a philosophical minefield!
Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in a fireball. Descartes and Nietzsche looked on appalled. He pulled himself together.
Jonathan L. Howard
#87. Two steps forward ... one step back ... I've always hated that old cliche too ... I believe that we should all be able to dance through life and only change the tempo now and then.
Isabelle Rowan
#88. Be not afraid life with all its despair, pain and unhappiness is just a crucible wherein your brighter dreams are conceived, shaped and born
Rassool Jibraeel Snyman
#90. My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane.
F.K. Preston
#91. Stocks may come and stocks may go, but food goes on forever.
Beatrice Fairfax
#92. It's impossible to walk through solid rock ... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock.
J.M. Dattilo
#93. But the goal of the arts, culinary or otherwise, is not to increase our comfort. That is the goal of an easy chair.
Jeffrey Steingarten
#94. ...only the dreamers of a dream are capable of translating their dreams into worthy practical endeavors that are devoid of haunting errors. After all, they are the ones who carefully observed the link between their dreams and reality; they are the ones who worked consciously to blend them into one.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#95. In truth, Freud sees nothing and understands nothing.
Gilles Deleuze
#96. Would Crazy Horse have spent this much to remodel a kitchen?
Ian Frazier
#97. [ ... ] for the philosophy of Square rendered him superior to all emotions, and he very calmly smoaked his pipe, as was his custom in all broils, unless when he apprehended some danger of having it broke in his mouth.
Henry Fielding
#99. Once upon a time,
there was a Zen sign
at every small railway crossing in America
Stop. Look. And listen.
Dick Allen
#100. But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
Carl Sagan
