Top 100 Pet Quotes
#1. Santa's Little Helper
Isn't it ironic that Homer calls his pet
the same name Marge calls his penis?
Beryl Dov
#2. After I talk to so many people who are so unhappy about their weight and so depressed that they don't see any rainbows in their life, after I talk to about 30 of those, then I try to walk away and pet my dog, just do something that makes me happy.
Richard Simmons
#3. If you think about the times in life when you've been the most deeply fulfilled, they're the times that you've felt love. Whether it's watching a sunset, spending time with a pet or being with a partner with whom you feel an intensely deep connection.
Marci Shimoff
#4. Man is a marvelous curiosity ... he thinks he is the Creator's pet ... he even believes the Creator loves him; has a passion for him; sits up nights to admire him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea?
Mark Twain
#5. Some marriages are made in heaven,
Mine was made in Hong Kong, by the same people who make those little rubber pork chops they sell in the pet department at Kmart.
Tom Robbins
#6. Never get your girlfriend a pet that she didn't know she was getting.
Emmy Rossum
#7. After I finish PO5, I would like to get a dog. I want to be able to spend more time with my pet, and I don't have the time right now.
Scott Wolf
#8. Like most people, I have several pet subjects - that may or may not be interesting to other people. Don't get me started on happiness, or habits, or children's literature, or Winston Churchill, unless you really want to talk about it.
Gretchen Rubin
#9. When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!
David Letterman
#10. I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in L.A., is a pet peeve of mine.
Katie Holmes
#11. Here's my pet peeve: The not-so-unstated rule that all women are only to be treated as sexual objects and gawked at-you know, sitting up against a car, washing something, bending over, licking something. That just drives me crazy.
Alicia Keys
#12. If you're trying to cut down the distance travelled from the farm to your plate, it makes sense to do the same for your pet. If we all shifted our bias towards sustainable pet food, we would be helping more than just our faithful friends.
Sheherazade Goldsmith
#13. I have a list of pet names for Cap'n so long that it could fill a phone book (if the phone book is for a town with a population of four). I call him Cap'n Boy, Sweet Boyo, My Little Boy (done in a British accent), and when he is misbehaving, You Little Shit.
Jarod Kintz
#14. Easy, pet." His voice was laced with soft amusement. "I detect evidence of a temper, which I've no doubt you inherited from the old man. I've seen his eyes flash just that way when his dander is up over some trifle.
Lisa Kleypas
#15. Like many other simple-hearted souls, it was her pet vanity to believe she was endowed with a talent for dark and mysterious diplomacy, and she loved to contemplate her most transparent devices as marvels of low cunning. Said
Mark Twain
#16. My pet, the world can forgive practically anything except people who mind their own business - Rhett Butler
Margaret Mitchell
#17. A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
#18. Mrs. Campbell once attempted to smuggle her pet Pekingese through customs by tucking him inside the upper part of her cape. "Everything was going splendidly," she later remarked, "until my bosom barked."
Mrs. Patrick Campbell
#20. Government restrictions are attractive to people who want to impose their pet notions without having to count the costs.
Thomas Sowell
#21. She was sensible of the fact that while there were two sets of masculine arms to fall into, and one of them her current pet, Phryne had fallen into Dot's.
Kerry Greenwood
#22. One of my current pet theories is that the winter is a kind of evangelist, more subtle than Billy Graham, of course, but of the same stuff.
Shirley Ann Grau
#23. Sweetheart, all men are animals. Feed us, pet us, and use a firm hand, and we'll worship at your feet.
Lora Leigh
#24. I had a big Akita, Yoshi, who was fabulous. I loved him. We lost him when he was 12, and I've never been able to replace him. Normally, most people lose a pet and get another and keep going on. But it just felt wrong to me; it felt disloyal.
Robert Crais
#25. Garris had pet names for all of them. Mahler was the Mad Doktor. Franz Liszt was Son of Lovecraft. Mendelssohn was Santa Claus Meets the Hell's Angels. Beethoven was the High School Principal.
Chet Williamson
#26. When I go into the stores, I pet the saddles. Until security comes and takes me away.
Jodie Foster
#27. Had been keeping Diddy, his pet tarantula, in an empty terra-cotta pot Helmut used to grow tulips. Hanna's parents nervously stood up and walked over to the doctor. "Your daughter is still unconscious," Dr. Geist said quietly. "Not much has changed.
Sara Shepard
#28. I named him Poodle, beginning a long tradition of functional pet naming.
John Elder Robison
#29. Chadron had a water tower, grain elevators, a tanning salon, a video rental store, a small liberal arts college, a Hardee's, a stoplight, and a curling yellow sign in the pet store window that read, 'Hamsters and Tarantulas Featured Today.'
Poe Ballantine
#30. Where is all your bravery now, Pet? No clawing, no hissing? Where's my though girl? - Caleb
C.J. Roberts
#31. In the comfort of his embrace I lifted my mouth to his and initiated a kiss. Although calling it a kiss was like calling tyrannosaurus rex a small pet.
Blakely Bennett
#32. Clouseau: Does yer dewg bite? Inn Keeper: No Clouseau: Nice Doggy (bends down to pet a dachshund - it snarls and bites him) I thought you said yer dewg did not bite! Inn Keeper: Zat ... iz not my dog!
Peter Sellers
#33. I started keeping track of my pet peeves and so far have counted over 160 ... but to pick one: muffins. They're imposters. They think they're breakfast food, but really, they are just terrible cupcakes.
Aubrey Peeples
#34. Pet foods come in a variety of flavors because that's what humans like, and we assume our pets like what we like. We're wrong.
Mary Roach
#35. Kilgore Trout owned a parakeet named Bill. Like Dwayne Hoover, Trout was all alone at night, except for his pet. Trout, too, talked to his pet. But while Dwayne babbled to his Labrador retriever about love, Trout sneered and muttered to his parakeet about the end of the world.
Kurt Vonnegut
#36. Most fisherman, including this one, cling to their pet stupidities as they would to a battered briar or an old jacket; and their dogged persistence in wrong methods and general wrong-headedness finally wins the a sort of grudging admiration, if not many fish.
John D. Voelker
#37. One of my biggest pet peeves is that I just don't like it when characters do things that are funny to the writer, but you don't know why they're doing it and it doesn't make any sense.
Glenn Howerton
#38. I don't understand people who don't touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
Jarod Kintz
#39. Later I had to raise the baby rats she ate, and why I thought one creature was my beloved pet while the other creatures were food is still a mystery to me. That was my first clue that love can warp a hierarchy; the whole pyramid got flipped on its head.
Karen Russell
#40. When I was growing up in Montana I had two dreams: I wanted to be a paleontologist and I wanted to have a pet dinosaur and so that's what I've been striving for all of my life.
Jack Horner
#41. So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
Tim Vine
#42. It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.
Konrad Lorenz
#43. Hmm ... now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don't pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.
Colleen Houck
#44. But fear isn't a quiet pet that stays in a cage in the back room. Rather, as termites undermine the internal workings of a structure until it collapses from within, fear spreads to every part of your life unless you deal with it.
Amy Layne Litzelman
#45. Shopping is just another form of hunting. All fey are hunters, whether they admit it or not. It's in our nature, pet, nothing unnatural about it.
Julie Kagawa
#46. First, love comes in all different sizes, shapes, and colors. And can't nobody tell you that however and whichever way you choose to love is wrong. Unless it's with kin or a pet, I seen somethin' like that once and it was just fuckin' gross.
Cordelia Michelsen
#47. I hate when people don't keep their word or they are late. Tardiness is a big pet peeve of mine.
Tim Hudson
#48. Idiot," I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine.
"We need to pick new pet names for each other," he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.
Molly Harper
#49. Taking responsibility and having faith in your own judgment will help you make good choices and decisions at the end of your pet's life.
Jon Katz
#50. I don't have pet peeves like some people. I have whole kennels of irritation.
Whoopi Goldberg
#51. I had forgotten that talking to you is like trying to pet a cactus." Saiman said dryly. "Thank you for reminding me." "Always happy to oblige.
Ilona Andrews
#52. Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2. There is no way you would ever pet it. 3. It does not respond to simple commands such as "Here, boy!"
Dave Barry
#53. I pushed him away, catching Lee's awe that I was not only standing with a demon outside a circle, but that Al was treating me like an equal. Or maybe a favorite pet, I amended as Al caught me when I started to tilt.
Kim Harrison
#54. Growing up, I had an insane crush on Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys.
Erin O'Connor
#55. Connor smiled sadly at me. "Go on, that's where you belong."
My fangs were already sharpening when I returned his smile. "Just don't try to pet me.
Andrea Cremer
#56. One of my biggest pet peeves is well-dressed designers. If you spend that much time thinking about your own clothes, you're not spending enough time thinking about what you're designing.
Joseph Altuzarra
#57. Pet, I give you permission to be as vocal as you wish, because I am going to blow your mind in a few minutes and I want to hear how much you enjoy the ride.
Kallypso Masters
#59. The body is like a companion, a friendly pet that follows one around ... One can continue to own the body and be responsible for it without identifying with it as one's identity.
David Hawkins
#61. I don't have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation.
Whoopi Goldberg
#62. I'm thinking that I must have been a fool in love to allow myself to be shown so little of the Spring Court. I'm thinking there's a great deal of that territory I was never allowed to see or hear about and maybe I would have lived in ignorance forever like some pet.
Sarah J. Maas
#63. And I strongly believe people should rescue dogs, or, at the very least, listen to Bob Barker and have your pet spayed or neutered.
Justin Chambers
#64. I have more pet peeves than anybody: people talking in the movie theater, people eating in the movie theater loudly, people being rude, people making noise when you're supposed to be asleep, like drilling noises outside. I could be here all day.
Kate Beckinsale
#65. And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name; I'm not changing it.
Stephen Colbert
#67. It is a pet peeve of mine when people throw around arguments citing 'Fair Use' and yet fail to actually explain what a fair use argument actually is.
Rachel Sklar
#68. Can a woman entertain a man and a pet at the same time? I say unto thee, one of the twain shall suffer jealousy.
Gelett Burgess
#69. My idea of a perfect pet is a really, really big dog! Huge!
Emily VanCamp
#70. I hate rats. I had a pet rat to try and overcome it. I even gave him mouth-to mouth resuscitation when he had a heart attack. But I couldn't conquer it.
Sam Taylor-Wood
#71. I was very short. Everybody else was two years older in my class, and I had curly hair and was teacher's pet.
Howard Stringer
#72. The dog which remembers only to bark and not to bite, and is led through the streets as a lady's pet, is only a degenerate wolf.
Lin Yutang
#73. One of my pet theories is that readers have built-in BS detectors that enable them to recognize insincerity in writers. David [Halberstam] was sincerity to the core. He believed in what he wrote, and that conviction conveyed itself to readers.
Jonathan Yardley
#74. And why exactly do you have a pet name for me that refers to a big, round space crater?
Quinn Loftis
#75. Everyone's pet is the most outstanding. This begets mutual blindness.
Jean Cocteau
#76. You left me. You made a pet out of me, and then you left me. If love were food, I would have starved on the bones you gave me.
Cassandra Clare
#77. Instantaneous interpretation hails from the Limbo that produced unsensed sensibilia, unconscious inference, incorrigible statements, negative facts and Objektive. These are ideas which philosophers force on the world to preserve some pet epistemological or metaphysical theory.
Norwood Russell Hanson
#78. I am an enthusiast, but not a crank in the sense that I have some pet theories as to the proper construction of a flying machine. I wish to avail myself of all that is already known and then, if possible, add my mite to help on the future worker who will attain final success.
Wilbur Wright
#79. I was here, pet. I was always here. Even if you told me you needed me just for an hour, for this, I would have been there." Marcus spoke gruffly into his hair, holding him tighter. "Why is it so fucking hard for you to believe I love you?
Joey W. Hill
#80. Recruit your pet as a study partner. Cats are usually more than happy to do this - in fact, you may have trouble keeping them off keyboards and books - and dogs will often serve as well. Few things are more relaxing than having a warm, furry creature next to you as you study.
Stefanie Weisman
#81. It's true, you can never eat a pet you name. And anyway, it would be like a ventriloquist eating his dummy.
Alexander Theroux
#82. I try not to wear anything I have to fidget with - there's nothing worse than wearing something and pulling down the hem and re-adjusting the top. My pet hate is when girls wear those strapless dresses and spend the whole night yanking them up.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor
#83. Wes is Wes," Alastair said. "One in every family. I love him, but I think of him as a sarcastic pet.
John Scalzi
#84. I saw myself as a teacher's pet but with a little of Ed Haskell mixed in. I was the teacher's pet, but that didn't mean that I was trying to pull one over.
Damon Lindelof
#85. Pet lovers know that animals sometimes understand us better than we do, and the annals of human sin and desire provide plenty of stories to drive the point home.
Tony Snow
#86. Just as God stepped out of his nature to become a partaker of our humanity, so we are called to step out of our nature to become partakers of his divinity (Hilary of Arles, Intro. Comm. on 2 Pet. 1.4).
Thomas C. Oden
#87. Individual grievances and pet peeves have got to go by the wayside. Generally, you don't have to worry about the guys who are playing every day, it's the guys who are sitting on the bench that are the ones that get needles in their pants.
Walter Alston
#88. I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."
Steven Wright
#89. Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
Bill Burr
#90. If history judged nations by their pet theories, no one could ever doubt that Americans were creative.
Jacob M. Appel
#91. It's fundamental that what we do only exists in our own universe. When you like Pet Shop Boys, you are in our world.
Neil Tennant
#92. Humor and laughter - not necessarily derogatory derision - are my pet tools. This may come from my general philosophy of never taking the world too seriously - for fear of dying of boredom.
Marcel Duchamp
#93. I'm no one's pet, and I intend to be an independent voice in the U.S. Senate.
Chris Coons
#94. A move to a different town or school gives us new places to explore, new people to meet; a lost pet means we have to organize a careful search; baby-sitting requires looking out for dangers a young child can't foresee; a car crash or fire demands that we get help immediately.
Jim Murphy
#95. Women saying, 'I'm not a feminist' is my greatest pet peeve. Do you believe that women should be paid the same for doing the same jobs? Do you believe that women should be allowed to leave the house? Do you think that women and men both deserve equal rights? Great, then you're a feminist.
Lena Dunham
#96. I really want a pet, and I really love animals.
Aurora Aksnes
#97. Adam's first domestic pet after the expulsion from Paradise was the serpent.
Franz Kafka
#99. Environmentalists hate sprawl - except when it comes to the size of their expansive pet legislation on Capitol Hill.
Michelle Malkin
#100. It sounded like a dragon breathing in time with me, like I had this pet dragon who was cuddled up next to me and cared enough about me to time his breaths to mine.
John Green
