Top 100 Humor Truth Quotes
#1. Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth.
David Mitchell
#2. Even a bucket can be a weapon if it's wielded with malicious intent.
Jodi Taylor
#3. Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion.
Tennessee Williams
#4. With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#5. Humor plays close to the big hot fire which is Truth, and sometimes the reader feels the heat.
E.B. White
#6. Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.
Jean Rostand
#7. You're the guy who saves up his pennies to take me to a movie," she said, shaking her head as the truth of it came home to her. "I buy the popcorn. Large, of course, because I'm rich.
Michael Grant
#8. The interior of the arms dealer's private jet was so ugly it hurt my feelings as well as my eyeballs.
Terry Hayes
#9. I feel that the characters in my book, if they were real, would be like, "Seriously, another plot twist?
Meghan Blistinsky
#10. As in music, when we hear the crescendo building, suddenly if the music stops, we begin to hear the silence as part of the music.
Chogyam Trungpa
#11. Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.
Lily Tomlin
#12. The supernatural world was like an onion. You peel back the layers, only to find more layers, on and on, hopelessly trying to reach the mysterious core. Then you start crying.
Carrie Vaughn
#13. Oftentimes, a truth is so big, so far beyond our understanding, that the only way we can grasp it is through a story. The creation of the whole universe is like that. How can our puny brains contain it?
Sam Torode
#14. Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.
Patrick Ness
#15. I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don't know or haven't made the effort to understand.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#16. I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth.
Will Rogers
#17. We need the wisdom to accept the fact that this world abounds with issues we cannot solve; and we need to part ways with those people, ideas and things that are a vexation to the soul.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#18. True heroes and ideas never fall in the final sense of the word. They can only encounter temporary setbacks in their difficult journey to progress and success,
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#20. He comes.
And he comes
loaded
with noise pollution.
If I ever prayed for anything,
it was for a man
to shut up.
Casey Renee Kiser
#21. People were so scared of telling the truth because the truth was chaotic and complicated and decidedly uncool, but uncool was the way I rolled. Or it would be if I used tired old phrases like 'That's the way I roll', which I so don't.
Sarra Manning
#22. Writers are the most tormented of all the different categories of artists that are out there in the world.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#23. Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
Alexa Chung
#24. Women exist to put right all the wrongs men do and to keep them from making a complete pig's ear of the world.
Jayne Fresina
#25. Yeah, sure. You know I can't stand the sight of blood, right?"
"Said no one ever while dating a vampire," he quipped
"Very clever. Ten points to Gryffindor.
Kristi Cook
#27. Each one of us comes out of our mother's body crying, with or without exceptions. But we are not aware of it. Are you? Do you remember that you cried the very first time you come out of your mother's body? If not, then why are you crying now?
Santosh Kalwar
#28. If folks were meant to be rude they would be born that way.
Anonymous
#29. ...only the dreamers of a dream are capable of translating their dreams into worthy practical endeavors that are devoid of haunting errors. After all, they are the ones who carefully observed the link between their dreams and reality; they are the ones who worked consciously to blend them into one.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#30. The search for truth can be compared to a cat chasing her tail: frantic in her pursuit, her quarry nevetheless eludes her; despite the fact that all the world can see it's right there, it remains just beyond her reach. It cannot be possessed because, paradoxically, it is already part of her.
Gina Barreca
#31. That's not a bad word ... hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't.
Judy Blume
#32. There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label
Josh Stern
#33. We think a wise person is someone who solves problems. Truth is, a wise person is someone who avoids problems.
Prem Rawat
#35. ...True classical dropouts in society are those who avoid difficult challenges and cling to the first opportunity that comes their way. They never test their talents. These latent talents will only help to produce the next cycle of dropouts...
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#36. Rumi and Shams bring to our lives the simple truth that we are not alone, that God really does care. And God's joyous love for each of us is rivaled only by Her divine sense of humor.
Jamila Hammad
#37. One who is seeking the truth sooner or later finds a woman.
Sergey Vedenyo
#38. Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn't judge others?
Master of Stupidity: Don't! Unless you are paid for it.
Toba Beta
#39. Human ties are the greatest distorters of reality because they tend to conceal man's worst selfish instincts.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#40. Error can point the way to truth, while empty-headedness can only lead to more empty-headedness or to a career in politics.
Barry Hughart
#42. [There's a] point where you have to leave the dough alone. It's silly to anthropomorphize bread, but I love the fact that it needs to sit quietly, to retreat from touch and noise and drama, in order to evolve.
I have to admit, I often feel that way myself.
Jodi Picoult
#43. Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?
Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind.
Toba Beta
#44. Dennis hit him with the [Sheri] Tepper. It was a hardback book, six hundred pages of wonder and adventure and a little preachiness mixed in.
Margaret Ball
#45. Singers, actors or artists who touch on sorrow are trying to give comfort to aggrieved souls by giving some meaning to their sorrows.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#46. The true leaders of our time, the legends of this world or the movers of the movers are the towering figures that are blessed with beautiful minds, receptive ears and directing voices. They are the ones we should emulate in life.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#47. I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I'm not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead.
Rainbow Rowell
#48. ...A legendary leader distinguishes himself as someone who gets ahead of his people from an impasse and futile general consensus, and then finds new grounds that constitute the base from which a unique course of his people's destiny is charted...
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#49. Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to eradicate all corruptions in this world.
Master of Stupidity: Let it be a bit! Otherwise you'll make us jobless for good.
Toba Beta
#51. Whatever demon invented stiletto-heeled boots should roast in hell ...
Cherise Sinclair
#52. It's hard to believe that the truth lies within us. What about the churches, temples, mosques, bibles and scriptures? They offer comfort. If they cause you discomfort, toss them.
Art Hochberg
#53. The notion of whether there would be some kind of organization in this potluck deal? Shouldn't somebody get on the phone and call the guest list? What if they ended up with too many deviled eggs?
'There is no such thing as too many deviled eggs,' said Cynthia.
Jan Karon
#55. Some of us go full circle. Some of us blindly go nowhere. The circle doesn't have to be very large to make a point, kick your ass and/or be entertaining. Remember that and stay light. Even the deaf know good music when they hear it.
Jason Mraz
#56. I never talk back. I listen and always remember your every word, so come pen or mouse, never forget that I will treasure your thoughts forever. Yours truly, Paper.
L.M. Fields
#57. Soul mates are said to be two souls destined to be together, programmed to recognize each other across time and space. I didn't know whether that was the truth, but I was inclined to believe it
Jayde Scott
#58. Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth.
Bill Watterson
#59. And besides, the thing about committing yourself to a lie is that mostly you end up in twice the trouble, 'cause truth is like a whirlwind and you can't keep it in a box.
Sarah Monette
#60. I hammered on the Poes' front door like Alaric on the gates of Rome. Poe said that a gaudy figure of speech was a silk cravat around a dirty neck. He didn't say whether the truth lay in the plain thing or in its fancy.
Norman Lock
#61. There is no bigger gratification than the realization of the things you believe in after overcoming all the odds.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#62. The Theist tells us that the truth is god exists,
the Atheist tells us that the truth is there is no god,
while the truth tells us we don't know.
Kodai Okuda
#63. The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin
#65. Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think about was shopping and jellybeans. Points to the monkey mind.
Anna White
#66. It's like they've forgotten everything important, isn't it? I mean, forgotten things like cats and dancing exist.
Katherine Rundell
#67. For those who like that sort of thing," said Miss Brodie in her best Edinburgh voice, "That is the sort of thing they like.
Muriel Spark
#68. I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand.
R.J. Palacio
#69. There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment: Laugh by yourself, or get tickled.
Saurabh Sharma
#71. I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts.
Brandon Sanderson
#73. But I am thinking like a lover, or like an ass: which I suppose is pretty nearly the same.
Charles Dickens
#74. You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
Anne Lamott
#75. Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.
Margaret Mitchell
#76. After the gratifications of brutish appetites are past, the greatest pleasure then is to get rid of that which entertained it.
Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
#77. We always emerge from the death of a loved one like a phoenix arising from its funeral pyre.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#78. I describe myself as a member of the Church of England, which I suppose is an inoffensive way of saying that you don't believe in anything very much
William Somerset Maugham
#79. There are people who bring joy to our lives, but who fail to make us happy. They are the people for the moment. Never rely on their love because it is not sustainable. Their love is alike a comet that illuminates the sky, but then fades away because it lacks the sustainable energy of the sun.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#80. Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true.
John Kenneth Galbraith
#81. If I could make it better I would, he says. In some ways it's a stupid, obvious thing to say, but the way he said it, so honest and simple like it's the truest thing there is, makes the tears prick in my eyes. (Before I Fall)
Lauren Oliver
#82. Now now, Emily, it isn't nice to tell the truth.
Jun Mochizuki
#83. It was one thing to be fooled, and another thing to be taken for a fool all the time.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#84. Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.
Stan Laurel
#85. So, you see; you have the soul of a missionary, the heart of a revolutionary and the mind of a reformer. But what are you to yourself and the family and friends who will always be there for you?
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#86. I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Craig Benzine
#87. Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
Victor Borge
#88. Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Mark Twain
#89. For it was a truth universally acknowledged that a single vicar must be in want of a wife.
G.M. Malliet
#90. Here lies clever Trevor;
Truth was not his friend.
He lied until the end;
Now, he'll lie forever.
Esther Spurrill Jones
#91. There is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, You are a poo.
Caitlin Moran
#92. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
G.K. Chesterton
#93. Dr. Urbino replied without looking at her: "I did not know that fellow was a poet." And then he wiped him from his memory, because among other things, his profession had accustomed him to the ethical management of forgetfulness.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
#94. So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".
Neil Leckman
#95. I might be 30 years old, but a girl never outgrows the need for her mother.
Debbie Macomber
#96. Some honest people think it is better to know the ways of the devil without being evil.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#97. The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I'm supposed to have this innate love of babies, but the truth is, they kind of remind me of zombies. They stumble around, arms out, moaning. And if they get a hold of you, they suck the energy out of you.
Cindi Madsen
#98. Hip - Someone who knows the score. Someone who understands "jive talk." Someone who is "with it." The expression is not subject to definition because, if you don't "dig" what it means, no one can ever tell you.
William S. Burroughs
#99. An old mind is a thing to fear
The truth, in its purest form is boring
Through comedy, a person can hide his/her shortcomings and reach high ground.
Alberto A. Arcia
#100. Fear is a basic human instinct and an indicator of the gravity of a situation. It becomes an asset if it is effectively controlled. It becomes a weakness for a man if he lets it prevail over him.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
