Top 100 Humor Truth Quotes
#1. The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin
#2. Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.
Margaret Mitchell
#3. You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
Anne Lamott
#4. But I am thinking like a lover, or like an ass: which I suppose is pretty nearly the same.
Charles Dickens
#6. I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts.
Brandon Sanderson
#8. There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment: Laugh by yourself, or get tickled.
Saurabh Sharma
#9. I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand.
R.J. Palacio
#10. For those who like that sort of thing," said Miss Brodie in her best Edinburgh voice, "That is the sort of thing they like.
Muriel Spark
#11. It's like they've forgotten everything important, isn't it? I mean, forgotten things like cats and dancing exist.
Katherine Rundell
#12. Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think about was shopping and jellybeans. Points to the monkey mind.
Anna White
#14. After the gratifications of brutish appetites are past, the greatest pleasure then is to get rid of that which entertained it.
Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
#15. The Theist tells us that the truth is god exists,
the Atheist tells us that the truth is there is no god,
while the truth tells us we don't know.
Kodai Okuda
#16. There is no bigger gratification than the realization of the things you believe in after overcoming all the odds.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#17. I hammered on the Poes' front door like Alaric on the gates of Rome. Poe said that a gaudy figure of speech was a silk cravat around a dirty neck. He didn't say whether the truth lay in the plain thing or in its fancy.
Norman Lock
#18. And besides, the thing about committing yourself to a lie is that mostly you end up in twice the trouble, 'cause truth is like a whirlwind and you can't keep it in a box.
Sarah Monette
#19. Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth.
Bill Watterson
#20. Soul mates are said to be two souls destined to be together, programmed to recognize each other across time and space. I didn't know whether that was the truth, but I was inclined to believe it
Jayde Scott
#21. I never talk back. I listen and always remember your every word, so come pen or mouse, never forget that I will treasure your thoughts forever. Yours truly, Paper.
L.M. Fields
#22. Some of us go full circle. Some of us blindly go nowhere. The circle doesn't have to be very large to make a point, kick your ass and/or be entertaining. Remember that and stay light. Even the deaf know good music when they hear it.
Jason Mraz
#24. The notion of whether there would be some kind of organization in this potluck deal? Shouldn't somebody get on the phone and call the guest list? What if they ended up with too many deviled eggs?
'There is no such thing as too many deviled eggs,' said Cynthia.
Jan Karon
#25. It's hard to believe that the truth lies within us. What about the churches, temples, mosques, bibles and scriptures? They offer comfort. If they cause you discomfort, toss them.
Art Hochberg
#26. Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Mark Twain
#27. Fear is a basic human instinct and an indicator of the gravity of a situation. It becomes an asset if it is effectively controlled. It becomes a weakness for a man if he lets it prevail over him.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#28. An old mind is a thing to fear
The truth, in its purest form is boring
Through comedy, a person can hide his/her shortcomings and reach high ground.
Alberto A. Arcia
#29. Hip - Someone who knows the score. Someone who understands "jive talk." Someone who is "with it." The expression is not subject to definition because, if you don't "dig" what it means, no one can ever tell you.
William S. Burroughs
#30. The toddler started making this whine/moan noise while pawing at Tabitha. I know as a woman I'm supposed to have this innate love of babies, but the truth is, they kind of remind me of zombies. They stumble around, arms out, moaning. And if they get a hold of you, they suck the energy out of you.
Cindi Madsen
#31. Some honest people think it is better to know the ways of the devil without being evil.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#32. I might be 30 years old, but a girl never outgrows the need for her mother.
Debbie Macomber
#33. So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".
Neil Leckman
#34. Dr. Urbino replied without looking at her: "I did not know that fellow was a poet." And then he wiped him from his memory, because among other things, his profession had accustomed him to the ethical management of forgetfulness.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
#35. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.
G.K. Chesterton
#36. There is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, You are a poo.
Caitlin Moran
#37. Here lies clever Trevor;
Truth was not his friend.
He lied until the end;
Now, he'll lie forever.
Esther Spurrill Jones
#38. For it was a truth universally acknowledged that a single vicar must be in want of a wife.
G.M. Malliet
#39. Whatever demon invented stiletto-heeled boots should roast in hell ...
Cherise Sinclair
#40. Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
Victor Borge
#41. I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Craig Benzine
#42. So, you see; you have the soul of a missionary, the heart of a revolutionary and the mind of a reformer. But what are you to yourself and the family and friends who will always be there for you?
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#43. Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.
Stan Laurel
#44. It was one thing to be fooled, and another thing to be taken for a fool all the time.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#45. Now now, Emily, it isn't nice to tell the truth.
Jun Mochizuki
#46. If I could make it better I would, he says. In some ways it's a stupid, obvious thing to say, but the way he said it, so honest and simple like it's the truest thing there is, makes the tears prick in my eyes. (Before I Fall)
Lauren Oliver
#47. Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true.
John Kenneth Galbraith
#48. There are people who bring joy to our lives, but who fail to make us happy. They are the people for the moment. Never rely on their love because it is not sustainable. Their love is alike a comet that illuminates the sky, but then fades away because it lacks the sustainable energy of the sun.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#49. I describe myself as a member of the Church of England, which I suppose is an inoffensive way of saying that you don't believe in anything very much
William Somerset Maugham
#50. We always emerge from the death of a loved one like a phoenix arising from its funeral pyre.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#51. Oftentimes, a truth is so big, so far beyond our understanding, that the only way we can grasp it is through a story. The creation of the whole universe is like that. How can our puny brains contain it?
Sam Torode
#52. Yeah, sure. You know I can't stand the sight of blood, right?"
"Said no one ever while dating a vampire," he quipped
"Very clever. Ten points to Gryffindor.
Kristi Cook
#53. Women exist to put right all the wrongs men do and to keep them from making a complete pig's ear of the world.
Jayne Fresina
#54. Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
Alexa Chung
#55. Writers are the most tormented of all the different categories of artists that are out there in the world.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#56. People were so scared of telling the truth because the truth was chaotic and complicated and decidedly uncool, but uncool was the way I rolled. Or it would be if I used tired old phrases like 'That's the way I roll', which I so don't.
Sarra Manning
#57. He comes.
And he comes
loaded
with noise pollution.
If I ever prayed for anything,
it was for a man
to shut up.
Casey Renee Kiser
#59. True heroes and ideas never fall in the final sense of the word. They can only encounter temporary setbacks in their difficult journey to progress and success,
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#60. We need the wisdom to accept the fact that this world abounds with issues we cannot solve; and we need to part ways with those people, ideas and things that are a vexation to the soul.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#61. I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth.
Will Rogers
#62. I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don't know or haven't made the effort to understand.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#63. Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.
Patrick Ness
#65. The supernatural world was like an onion. You peel back the layers, only to find more layers, on and on, hopelessly trying to reach the mysterious core. Then you start crying.
Carrie Vaughn
#66. Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.
Lily Tomlin
#67. As in music, when we hear the crescendo building, suddenly if the music stops, we begin to hear the silence as part of the music.
Chogyam Trungpa
#68. I feel that the characters in my book, if they were real, would be like, "Seriously, another plot twist?
Meghan Blistinsky
#69. The interior of the arms dealer's private jet was so ugly it hurt my feelings as well as my eyeballs.
Terry Hayes
#70. You're the guy who saves up his pennies to take me to a movie," she said, shaking her head as the truth of it came home to her. "I buy the popcorn. Large, of course, because I'm rich.
Michael Grant
#71. Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.
Jean Rostand
#72. Humor plays close to the big hot fire which is Truth, and sometimes the reader feels the heat.
E.B. White
#73. With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#74. Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion.
Tennessee Williams
#75. Even a bucket can be a weapon if it's wielded with malicious intent.
Jodi Taylor
#76. Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn't judge others?
Master of Stupidity: Don't! Unless you are paid for it.
Toba Beta
#78. Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to eradicate all corruptions in this world.
Master of Stupidity: Let it be a bit! Otherwise you'll make us jobless for good.
Toba Beta
#79. ...A legendary leader distinguishes himself as someone who gets ahead of his people from an impasse and futile general consensus, and then finds new grounds that constitute the base from which a unique course of his people's destiny is charted...
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#80. I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I'm not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead.
Rainbow Rowell
#81. The true leaders of our time, the legends of this world or the movers of the movers are the towering figures that are blessed with beautiful minds, receptive ears and directing voices. They are the ones we should emulate in life.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#82. Singers, actors or artists who touch on sorrow are trying to give comfort to aggrieved souls by giving some meaning to their sorrows.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#83. Dennis hit him with the [Sheri] Tepper. It was a hardback book, six hundred pages of wonder and adventure and a little preachiness mixed in.
Margaret Ball
#84. Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?
Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind.
Toba Beta
#85. [There's a] point where you have to leave the dough alone. It's silly to anthropomorphize bread, but I love the fact that it needs to sit quietly, to retreat from touch and noise and drama, in order to evolve.
I have to admit, I often feel that way myself.
Jodi Picoult
#87. Error can point the way to truth, while empty-headedness can only lead to more empty-headedness or to a career in politics.
Barry Hughart
#88. Human ties are the greatest distorters of reality because they tend to conceal man's worst selfish instincts.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#89. Integrity is a bugger, it really is. Lying can get you into difficulties, but to really wind up in the crappers try telling nothing but the truth.
David Mitchell
#90. One who is seeking the truth sooner or later finds a woman.
Sergey Vedenyo
#91. Rumi and Shams bring to our lives the simple truth that we are not alone, that God really does care. And God's joyous love for each of us is rivaled only by Her divine sense of humor.
Jamila Hammad
#92. ...True classical dropouts in society are those who avoid difficult challenges and cling to the first opportunity that comes their way. They never test their talents. These latent talents will only help to produce the next cycle of dropouts...
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#94. We think a wise person is someone who solves problems. Truth is, a wise person is someone who avoids problems.
Prem Rawat
#95. There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label
Josh Stern
#96. That's not a bad word ... hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't.
Judy Blume
#97. The search for truth can be compared to a cat chasing her tail: frantic in her pursuit, her quarry nevetheless eludes her; despite the fact that all the world can see it's right there, it remains just beyond her reach. It cannot be possessed because, paradoxically, it is already part of her.
Gina Barreca
#98. ...only the dreamers of a dream are capable of translating their dreams into worthy practical endeavors that are devoid of haunting errors. After all, they are the ones who carefully observed the link between their dreams and reality; they are the ones who worked consciously to blend them into one.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#99. If folks were meant to be rude they would be born that way.
Anonymous
#100. Each one of us comes out of our mother's body crying, with or without exceptions. But we are not aware of it. Are you? Do you remember that you cried the very first time you come out of your mother's body? If not, then why are you crying now?
Santosh Kalwar
