Top 100 Caitlin Moran Quotes
#1. Men have made the world. And they've made a brilliant job of it. I love men. You know, men, you built Paris and you invented The Beatles, and, you know, and you've taught dogs to say 'sausages.' You know, I love your world. Thank you for it.
Caitlin Moran
#2. You can be socially accepted and tell the truth about what it is to be a woman.
Caitlin Moran
#4. There's no self-expression or joy in these joints
no springboard to self-discovery, or adventure, like any decent night out involving men, women, alcohol, and taking your clothes off. Why do many people have a gut reaction to strip clubs? Because inside them, no one is having fun.
Caitlin Moran
#5. The thing is, one in three women in the Western world will end up having an abortion, but they never talk about it. When you keep silent about that stuff, it is because you are embarrassed by the societal distaste of the topic.
Caitlin Moran
#6. Because I am fully aware of what the word "fat" means - what it really means, when you say it, or think it. It's not just a simple, descriptive word like "brunette" or "34." It's a swear word. It's a weapon. It's a sociological subspecies. It's an accusation, dismissal, and rejection.
Caitlin Moran
#7. I don't want children anyway,' Caz says. 'So I'm getting nothing out of this whatsoever. I want my entire reproductive system taken out, and replaced with spare lungs, for when I start smoking. I want that option. This is pointless.
Caitlin Moran
#8. When you say you're not a feminist, if feminism hadn't existed, and you didn't live in a feminist world, you wouldn't be saying that, because you'd be too busy scrubbing out the toilets in back while cooking up your husband's tea and dying in childbirth at the age of 34.
Caitlin Moran
#10. I think it's a delightful thing, for a young teenage girl to befriend someone of another generation. She is like a window into the past, I think to myself.
Caitlin Moran
#11. I wish I could learn that just three drinks is enough, but I have not learned that.
Caitlin Moran
#12. Because I am well read, I know what a terrible cliche it is to shout, "I *hate* you. I never *asked* to be born," so I refrain.
Caitlin Moran
#13. What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be. Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.
Caitlin Moran
#14. I've generally got low levels of embarrassment.
Caitlin Moran
#15. You stop talking about things when you've worked them out. You're no longer an observer but a participant. You're too busy for this bullshit.
Caitlin Moran
#16. I am getting incredibly high on a single, astounding fact: that it's always sunny above the clouds. Always. That every day on earth - every day I have ever had - was secretly sunny, after all.
Caitlin Moran
#17. Even with my freewheeling open-mindedness, I couldn't fancy Dennis - a man whose ears looked like two long pieces of bacon.
Caitlin Moran
#18. I hate that tabloid idea of anybody who is famous having to forfeit their privacy.
Caitlin Moran
#19. The problem with battling yourself is that even if you win, you lose.
Caitlin Moran
#20. There's a lot of Sherlock love in here. In many ways, this book might as well be called 'Deduce THIS, Sexlock Holmes!' with a picture of me licking his meerschaum, cross-eyed and screaming.
Caitlin Moran
#21. And of course, the deepest irony about the young being cynical is that they are the ones that need to move, and dance, and trust the most.
Caitlin Moran
#22. When you live in a small house with five younger siblings, it's actually far more sensible - and much quicker - to cry alone.
Caitlin Moran
#23. Once you've got a big feminist and political justification for talking about how you went round to Benedict Cumberbatch's house and did period all over his sofa, then there's no reason not to tell that anecdote in the middle of a dinner party.
Caitlin Moran
#24. All the things that are taboo are the things that are not normal, and all the things that are not normal are the things that are exclusively about physically being a woman.
Caitlin Moran
#25. The idea that I might not
in an earlier era, or a different country
have a choice in the matter seems both emotionally and physically barbaric.
Caitlin Moran
#26. This is Pat," he says, introducing me to a man who is also drunk. "Because I'm Pat too! We're two Pats! He's a Protestant," he adds in a stagy whisper, "but we've sorted it all out.
Caitlin Moran
#27. Explaining why you love something is one of the most important jobs on earth.
Caitlin Moran
#28. If you would feel comfortable going around to someone's house at the end of a long day saying, "I'm just going to take my bra off," you know you are intimate friends.
Caitlin Moran
#29. No one ever laughs when I make these kinds of jokes. When Bill Murray says shit like this, people completely lose it. I wish I was Bill Murray. I hope everything I've read about evolution is wrong, and I eventually evolve into him.
Caitlin Moran
#30. when cynicism becomes the default language, playfulness and invention become impossible.
Caitlin Moran
#31. You can be whatever you want - so long as you're sure it's what you actually want, rather than one of two equally dodgy choices foisted onto you.
Caitlin Moran
#32. I am in love, and he's the one. Obviously I thought the one before him was the one and the one before that was the one, too. Frankly, I'm so much into the idea of being in love that anyone out of about 3 million could be the one. But no, this one now is definitely the one, the very one.
Caitlin Moran
#33. Evenings never end - they just, without you noticing, turn into tomorrow.
Caitlin Moran
#34. A library is such a potent symbol of a town's values: each one closed down might as well be six thousand stickers plastered over every available surface, reading WE CHOSE TO BECOME MORE STUPID AND DULL.
Caitlin Moran
#35. us not forget Charlie Watts punching Mick Jagger after Jagger called him "my drummer." "You're my singer," Watts snarled, before adjusting his cuffs, and walking away.
Caitlin Moran
#36. Whenever I see a taboo, I just think that's something we need to drag screaming out into the light and discuss. Because taboos are where our fears live, and taboos are the things that keep us tiny. Particularly for women.
Caitlin Moran
#37. Motherhood is a game you must enter with as much energy, willingness, and happiness as possible.
Caitlin Moran
#38. We should have the lady-balls to say, Yeah - I like the look of this world. And I've been here for a good while, watching. Now - here's how I'd tweak it. Because we're all in this together. We're all just, you know. The Guys.
Caitlin Moran
#39. You think it doesn't really matter if you screw up this time around because you can just sort it all out in paradise
Caitlin Moran
#40. Like books before them, each of these songs, I know, could in the end prove to be the thing I need: a way out. A place to go.
Caitlin Moran
#41. I read something once that when you're online, your inhibitions are lowered to the state where you've had three drinks. Once you basically know that the entire internet is slightly drunk, it all makes a lot more sense, and you deport yourself accordingly.
Caitlin Moran
#42. A self-made man - not of woman born but alchemized, through sheer force of will, by the man himself. This is what I want to be. I want to be a self-made woman. I want to conjure myself out of every sparkling, fast moving thing I can see. I want to be the creator of myself. I'm going to begat myself
Caitlin Moran
#43. We'll hurl satellites out into space, in order to find new and enthralling wonders - but we could simply turn to someone next to us, and ask a question about their life, instead.
Caitlin Moran
#44. I don't regret not going to college. Students learn up to the age of 21, then stop. I'll always be learning - the things that really matter in life. How to sign on, how to get free food, how to be streetwise.
Caitlin Moran
#45. If you can't save yourself from attack by being powerful - and I, palpably, have no power. My hands are empty - then perhaps you can save yourself from attack by being ruined, instead. Blow yourself up before the enemy gets to you.
Caitlin Moran
#46. I think if you thought about it a little while longer, you'd realize that you'd far better be a Ghostbuster: a nerd in New York with an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on your back, and a one-in-four chance of being Bill Murray.
Caitlin Moran
#47. Poor people can write. It's one of the few things poverty, and lack
Caitlin Moran
#48. I am 13 years old, I am 13 stone, I have no money, no friends, and boys throw gravel at me. It's my birthday, and I went to bed at 7.15pm.
Caitlin Moran
#49. I loved Riot Grrl. Not only was it a punk rock revolution, but it meant you could get dressed for a night out for less than two pounds!
Caitlin Moran
#50. I am so tired. Tired--but so so so wired to the moon.
Caitlin Moran
#51. I know people go on about Twitter, but it is amazing. It's whatever you want it to be, and all the women got in there before the boys.
Caitlin Moran
#52. I like a little bit of revolution. I think it's a very good hobby for a young woman. Better than squash.
Caitlin Moran
#53. My core belief is that if you're complaining about something for more than three minutes, two minutes ago you should have done something about it.
Caitlin Moran
#54. I don't campaign for the end of the aristocracy or the upper classes; I don't really want to destroy anything at all. I just want more plurality.
Caitlin Moran
#55. The main thing I've noticed, however, is how unreasonable, self-absorbed and permanently outraged caffeine has made me.
Caitlin Moran
#56. I'm not going to be worshipped by some powerful, loaded, sword-wielding man who will change my life if I marry him. Because that is Aragon, son of Arathorn, and he doesn't exist.
Caitlin Moran
#57. THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE HAVING SEX WITH BICYCLES. Men don't remotely care if you're wearing sexy underpants or not.
Caitlin Moran
#58. For a woman, every outfit is a hopeful spell, cast to influence the outcome of the day. An act of trying to predict your fate, like looking at your horoscope.
Caitlin Moran
#59. The first thing to improve society is not banning abortion, but making sure that everyone who had a child is in the best position to be able to rear it.
Caitlin Moran
#60. I'm learning a whole new thing: that sometimes, love isn't observable or noisy or tangible. That sometimes, love is anonymous. Sometimes, love is silent. Sometimes, love just stands there when you're calling it a cunt, biting its tongue and waiting.
Caitlin Moran
#61. When people ask workingwomen, "When are you going to have a baby?" what they're really asking is "When are you going to leave?
Caitlin Moran
#62. I now believe that there are only four things a grown, modern woman should have: a pair of yellow shoes (they unexpectedly go with everything), a friend who will come and post bail at 4 a.m., a fail-safe pie recipe, and a proper muff.
Caitlin Moran
#63. In the end, I want to spend my 60s writing bonkbusters like Jilly Cooper.
Caitlin Moran
#64. The aphorism "If you want something done, ask a busy woman" is in direct acknowledgment of the efficiency boot camp parenthood puts you through.
Caitlin Moran
#65. Krissi starts dancing toward me in a showy disco-jog. Still a bit hurt, I do vague, place-holding disco fingers at him.
Caitlin Moran
#66. FURTHER NOTE: This plan can ONLY go wrong in the event of ants. Ants do NOT like being pissed on.
Caitlin Moran
#67. As I've not been kissed before, I'm not really sure how you activate this function on a man.
Caitlin Moran
#68. In any just world, I should have been able to kick the front room door open, like Lord Flashheart in Blackadder, and shout "OH YEAH. THAT HYMEN'S GONE. DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT," and then run round the room, getting high fives from my parents and siblings.
Caitlin Moran
#69. It's the silliness
the profligacy, and the silliness
that's so dizzying: a seven-year-old will run downstairs, kiss you hard, and then run back upstairs again, all in less than 30 seconds. It's as urgent an item on their daily agenda as eating or singing. It's like being mugged by Cupid.
Caitlin Moran
#70. But I do have conversations about the Patriarchy and I am having them with gay men. At eighteen, I am discovering what generations of women have long known. The natural ally of the straight woman is the gay man because they are others losers too.
Caitlin Moran
#71. I think that instead of feminism being a political thing, it should be an act of creativity. It's more of a rock n' roll thing.
Caitlin Moran
#72. I just want Tina Fey to be my best friend. And Lena Dunham. And Oprah, too.
Caitlin Moran
#73. A 'sign of weakness' for a male celebrity is being found to be unfaithful, or unkind to an employee, or having crashed their car while stoned out of their tiny minds. A 'sign of weakness' for a woman, on the other hand, can be a single, unflattering picture.
Caitlin Moran
#74. With mounting concern, I learned that having a £600 handbag is like having a crush on the Joker in Batman. You MUST do it. It is an irreducible fact of being a woman.
Caitlin Moran
#75. And I think: I could do this. Fuck writing a book about a fat girl and a dragon. I could be a music journalist, instead.
Caitlin Moran
#76. A majority of women's magazines feature women who do amazing things, but then the article focuses on how she ruined it with her shoes.
Caitlin Moran
#77. These hormones do not make me feel feminine: every night, I lie in bed feeling wrenched, and the bulge of my sanitary napkin in my kickers looks like a cock.
Caitlin Moran
#78. He had his head in hand hands, and his tie looked like it had been put on by an enemy, and was strangling him.
Caitlin Moran
#79. I could have written a misery memoir and instead I tried to make it funny. I never complained.
Caitlin Moran
#80. Things happen in these kinds of towns that could never happen anywhere else - proud, poor kids make things happen with more heat, and intensity, and attack, than could ever be managed somewhere with pleasant villages or well-tended gardens.
Caitlin Moran
#81. Parents drinking is the reason you came into the world, and if we didn't keep doing it then, by God, it would be the reason you went back out of it.
Caitlin Moran
#82. Friends, we live in a caffeine world. We think in a caffeine way and we live caffeine lives.
Caitlin Moran
#83. And you will be quite on your own when you do all this. There is no academy where you can learn to be yourself; there is no line manager slowly urging you toward the correct answer. You are midwife to yourself, and will give birth to yourself, over and over, in dark rooms, alone.
Caitlin Moran
#84. If you take a moment to consider the state of the world, the thing you notice is that there are plenty of babies being born; the planet doesn't really need all of us to produce more babies.
Caitlin Moran
#85. When you talk to a young teenage girl, they're just full of self-loathing. The reason they feel self-loathing is they don't feel normal. It is a world that has not been built for them. It's been built for men, and that's why they feel bad.
Caitlin Moran
#86. The kind of classic pose of a female model is to look kind of sexy and a bit annoyed.
Caitlin Moran
#87. I love getting older. You might lose skin elasticity, but you also lose the amount of fucks you give. It's awesome.
Caitlin Moran
#88. I don't think there should be anything that women are embarrassed to talk about in the 21st century, because for the last 100,000 years, men have said everything that's on their minds and described everything they have done.
Caitlin Moran
#89. Within living memory of this country, men could rape their wives: women were not seen as a separate sexual entity, with the right of refusal.
Caitlin Moran
#90. I can't live in a world where there are only, like, four kinds of women. Or where every woman is obsessed with cake. The very least I ask is that we have one female character in the world who likes savory things! I don't have any role models who like cheese!
Caitlin Moran
#91. And every book, you find, has its own social group
friends of its own it wants to introduce you to, like a party in the library that need never, ever end.
Caitlin Moran
#92. Nowadays, to be frank, every week is a good week for freakshow television. we might start asking, Why are there so many freaks? And why do they all want to be on television?
Caitlin Moran
#93. I can honestly say that my abortion was one of the least difficult decisions of my life. I'm not being flippant when I say it took me longer to decide what worktops to have in the kitchen than whether I was prepared to spend the rest of my life being responsible for a further human being.
Caitlin Moran
#94. Because I am still learning to walk and talk, and it is a million times easier to be cynical and wield a sword, than it is to be open-hearted and stand there, holding a balloon and a birthday cake, with the infinite potential to look foolish.
Caitlin Moran
#95. Perhaps it's time for women to finally stop being secretive about their vices and start treating them like all other addicts treat their habits instead.
Caitlin Moran
#96. As far as I'm concerned, you're a feminist by default if you're born in the Western world right now.
Caitlin Moran
#97. It's exhausting being cynical. You are trying to be an immovable, angry rock in the middle of a stream. But the stream will not move. It is you that will be worn down to dull silt.
Caitlin Moran
#98. The doughy-faced woman has been forced to sit on the sidelines of culture for too long, and it's now time for us to stand up with our big round faces like the moon and say we have things to say, too. We have a round-faced agenda we want to push.
Caitlin Moran
#99. A reformed bitch is going to cost a fortune in stamps.
Caitlin Moran
#100. You can tell whether some misogynistic societal pressure is being exerted on women by calmly enquiring, 'And are the men doing this, as well?' If they aren't, chances are you're dealing with what we strident feminists refer to as 'some total fucking bullshit'.
Caitlin Moran
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