Top 100 Humor Relationship Quotes
#1. One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.
Carroll Bryant
#2. Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life, buoyant and carefree. The next we were attached at the crotch
Darynda Jones
#3. Like Mum and that bastard." "You mean Da?"
"Call him what you like.
G.A. Aiken
#4. Maybe I should put an ad online. Honor student seeks overly self-confident young man for fake relationship. Terms negotiable.
Chris Cannon
#5. Chemistry is great, but eventually your relationship moves out of the laboratory.
Tim Fargo
#6. I didn't like his tone. In fact I didn't like boys' tone when they knew they were hot and tried to be rude to girls because they knew they were hot.
Luella Christie
#7. I was playing a new part in a new play: the messed-up adult child coming home in a truly pitiful state in the back of her parents' luxury sedan.
It was a glorious suburban homecoming.
Inna Swinton
#8. A man wants too many things before marriage, but only peace after it.
Pawan Mishra
#9. It's like everyone has a central dilemma in their life, and mine was can you be in a committed, mature, loving adult relationship and still get invited to threesomes? - Dexter Mayhew
David Nicholls
#10. To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.
Santosh Kalwar
#13. I keep dying and hoping you notice me. But you're too busy living.
F.K. Preston
#14. Jealousy is not a result of love. It is a result of crossed relationship boundaries. Love and relationships should not be confused.
Julieanne O'Connor
#15. I would say I couldn't be in a relationship without equality, generosity, integrity, spirit, kindness and humor. And awesomeness!
Jennifer Aniston
#16. Guys care about sports teams. I'm not talking about simply rooting; I'm talking about a relationship that guys develop, a commitment to a sport team that guys take way more seriously than, for example, wedding vows.
Dave Barry
#17. My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.
Chelsea Handler
#18. No Marriage Is Perfect. But every relationship has value!
Rashika Roberts
#19. I would drink that whole bottle if I knew it wouldn't get me completely drunk. I miss wine."
"Um, you haven't had it for one night, and you miss it?"
"Clearly, you underestimate my relationship with wine and what I do on the weekends when I'm by myself reading.
Rachel Van Dyken
#20. Sometimes, you have to shot block a friend's prayer because she's asking God to bless an obviously bad dating relationship.
Jonathon Acuff
#21. I am the king. You're the knight sitting at my round table. That's the nature of our relationship when it comes to war or other conflict resolution in this family.
Sarah Black
#22. In any perfect relationship men should remember it's a matter of direction; she takes what's right and you take what's left.
Solitaire Parke
#23. There's no doubt that Dick and I were in a relationship. It was one completely contrary to anything one would consider normal.
Dan Skinner
#24. Violence can read like poetry. You just have to describe the act as if you're in love with the way your characters bleed.
F.K. Preston
#25. A large proportion of mankind, like pigeons and partridges, on reaching maturity, having passed through a period of playfulness or promiscuity, establish what they hope and expect will be a permanent and fertile mating relationship. This we call marriage.
C.D. Darlington
#26. The more she turned right the more I turned wrong.
Mark W. Boyer
#27. The fun, joy, and humor dry up in a relationship when one of the partners is swimming in gin. To my way of thinking, it is selfishness personified to see life through the bottom of a liquor bottle.
Ginger Rogers
#28. I wish I could run into the world's arms. Linger within the spaces between nothing. I wish I could filter out of existence. To live quietly without dying. I wish I could be cherished by life itself. To speak and sing volumes without lying to myself.
F.K. Preston
#29. If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it.
Vann Chow
#31. I had a boyfriend who told me I'd never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I'd fail. I said to him, 'Someday, when we're not together, you won't be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.
Lady Gaga
#32. Forgive me if I don't take relationship advice from a dead teenager missing her vagina.
Brian K. Vaughan
#33. You're going to be trouble, aren't you?"
"Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see.
Zoe Forward
#34. Lucian. She's not normal. She's got the sex drive of Ursula. I'm so ashamed to say I've faked illnesses and gone to the doctor just to have a doctor's excuse! ~Steve~
Lucian Bane
#35. Irritatingly angry people have no sense of humor when wearing their "angry pants.
Cathy Burnham Martin
#36. My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way
Ali Shariati
#37. In every relationship one must sacrifice to show thy love. Are you willing to make sacrifices for someone you love?
Jonathan Anthony Burkett
#38. I see the relationship sincerity/humor differently. Instead of seeing a balance between them, I see them more inextricably linked, as if one is the hard candy shell that gives to the other, or one is the apparition, the ghost-image that invokes the other.
Alex Lemon
#39. Using no control and using humor will build a relationship and make a dent to where the client puts the counselor in their quality world and then begins to relate and seek out the counselor. Effective therapy begins with the acceptance of the therapist into the client's quality world.
William Glasser
#40. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian, it would make life so much easier. I hear they're more than ninety-percent faithful. What a concept!
Nanci Rathbun
#41. The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.
Bill Cosby
#42. Stop looking for your better half! You need to be whole to attract your better whole, if you expect to have a flourishing relationship.
Valerie J. Lewis Coleman
#43. The relationship between professional and domestic cook has similarities to a sexual encounter. One party is normally more experienced than the other; and either party should have the right, at any moment, to say, No, I'm not going to do that.
Julian Barnes
#44. ... he'd assumed their relationship would go on forever. It was going on now, but in another way, like the rearrangement of the stars, which were all still in the sky, just burning in unexpected places.
Graham Spaid
#45. It's about time people told the truth about beautiful women. They do not shimmer down staircases. They do not descend, as was once supposed, from on high, attached to nothing other than wings. Clara was from somewhere. She had roots.
Zadie Smith
#46. Her lips taste like mint from toothpaste or gum, or sometimes like cherries or grapes from her lip gloss. She's soft when I hold her, with curves where my hands rest, and when I touch her I think stupid caveman things like, mine and totally mine - oh yeah, and all mine.
Susan Vaught
#47. Part of being friends with someone is knowing when to speak your mind and when to shut the hell up.
Christine Pope
#49. My relationship with my wife is fraught with all of the problems that any couples face, but there is a sense of humor that we have about it and a real desire to want to make it better.
Joe Swanberg
#50. You have a very open relationship with your fans."
"Yes. We have an open relationship. Obviously they can see other authors if they want, and I can see other readers.
Neil Gaiman
#51. I need a sample of your blood,' said Kira.
Marcus raised an eyebrow. 'I didn't know we'd reached that stage of our relationship.
Dan Wells
#52. I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her.
Jim Norton
#53. If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender.
Carroll Bryant
#54. If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.
Bauvard
#55. Milwaukee has more bars and more churches per capita than almost any other city in North America. I'm not sure if there's a relationship in that. Does too much prayer cause you to drink? Or vice versa?
Nanci Rathbun
#56. Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#57. Whether we are trying to buy a packet of chips or getting to know a person for a potentially important relationship, its nice to have an overview of what it/he/she contains. - Of A Sense of Self
Amrita Sarkar
#58. Tony and I had a good on and off screen relationship, we are two very different people, but we did share a sense of humor, we now live in different parts of the world but when we find ourselves in the same place it is more or less as if there had been no years in between.
Roger Moore
#59. At least if I
was picking guys up in fits of drunken idiocy, they were not only handsome, but also even mildly clever.
C.E. Murphy
#60. Watch it, buster. There's only room for one sarcastic malcontent in this relationship.
Christine Warren
#61. But a system made secure by the protective plating of humor and pretense always runs the risk of having its protection get out of hand. A relationship based on jokes invites jokes; jokes about anything
and jokes about anything are now and then bound to cut too close to the truth.
Ken Kesey
#62. Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
Adam Ferrara
#63. Really, Mr. Collins,' cried Elizabeth with some warmth, 'you puzzle me exceedingly. If what I have hitherto said can appear to you in the form of encouragement, I know not how to express my refusal in such a way as to convince you of its being one.
Jane Austen
#64. It's complicated. He's not ... ' Human? 'He's playing hard to get.
Nicki Elson
#65. You know what, Michael? I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship of loathing.
Meinos Kaen
#66. Tip #4
Skinny-dip at will!
(Idea)
When single boast about finding your inner most happy place and hold on to it Odds are once married you can kiss personal space Good-Bye.
Hazel Cartwright
#67. Sid and Nancy's relationship forever illustrates the worst part of being in love with anyone, which is that people in love can't be reasoned with.
Chuck Klosterman
#68. Humor in a relationship is so important. Many women will say that. Some say, 'If they can make you laugh, it's the sexiest thing on earth.'
Helen Mirren
#69. Most of a husband's life is spent in doing research on his wife.
Pawan Mishra
#70. This is me.'" He handed her the precious scrap of paper. 'Call me or I'll call you, but one of us will call, yes? What I mean is it's not a competition. You don't lose if you phone first.
David Nicholls
#71. My therapist told me that I over-analyze everything. I explained to him that he only thinks this because of his unhappy relationship with his mother.
Michel Templet
#72. You don't buy into huge car chases or sensates or interstellar warfare, but you can buy into a loving relationship or a father-son relationship, and you can buy into the small humor. If you want to make your fiction universal, go small. That's the best way to do it.
J. Michael Straczynski
#73. Women want a lot of sex with the man they love; men want to have a lot of sex with a lot of different women.
Dermot Davis
#74. I liked the premise of this material. I love the marriage relationship. They kind of keep each other honest, and they enjoy each other's sense of humor. Kind of a sexy but boring relationship.
Patricia Arquette
#75. I always have my own opinion before my boss says his.
Gerry Geek
#76. When you're dating someone, you need to have intercourse at least ten times before you start talking about The Future.
Mimi Strong
#77. There's an inverse relationship between my temper and my ability to control my accent. If you hear me say 'Fiddledeedee', run for the hills, because I'm getting ready to take out bystanders.
Molly Harper
#78. Beaumont wanted Esmond very badly. Esmond wanted Beaumont's wife. And she didn't want anybody.
Loretta Chase
#79. She's SINGLE doesnt really mean she's AVAILABLE.
She's IN A RELATIONSHIP doesnt really mean she's NOT INTERESTED.
She's ENGAGED doesnt really mean IT'S OVER.
IT'S JUST COMPLICATED untill she's MARRIED!
Emmanuel Aghado
#80. You have built a human relationship on the foundation of asbestos.
Greg Sestero
#81. My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane.
F.K. Preston
#82. To say she was my girlfriend was absurd: no one the wrong side of thirty has a girlfriend ... I suppose I ought to have realize it's ominous that forty thousand years of human language had failed to produce a word for our relationship.
Robert Harris
#83. Me and God have a great relationship, but we're both seeing other people.
Dolly Parton
#84. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
#85. Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
Alexa Chung
#86. Face Book keeps asking me to complete my relationship status; I doubt it has the soul of a gossip magazine column's starving journalist.
Shahla Khan
#87. Could the entire notion of finding one's soul mate be a simple case of looking for ourselves in another body? Is the "soul mate" really just the best approximation of ourselves that we can find?
Dermot Davis
#88. Hi honey, I'm home! Take your pants off! Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch container in the sink.
J.M. Colail
#89. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.
F.K. Preston
#90. And besides . . . I don't want to leave you. Er, you guys."
He smiled, and it lit up his whole face. "Well, 'we' are certainly happy to hear that. Oh, and I'm also happy to watch our darling little love child dragon while you're in St. Louis."
I grinned back.
Richelle Mead
#91. A friend asks, "Tell me one word which is significant in any kinds of relationship." Another friend says, "LISTEN!
Santosh Kalwar
#92. The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It's the tender understanding that we're living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there's quite a bit of wonder in that.
F.K. Preston
#93. You're not the only one in this relationship who loves a
challenge," he says. "And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chip
cookies warm and soft in the middle ... and without magnets glued to them.
Simone Elkeles
#94. I don't do relationships because I don't want to love and lose myself.
J.C. Reed
#96. Romantic love has its place but to define relationship solely in romantic terms is like describing marriage only by what a couple does on their honeymoon.
Dermot Davis
#97. You and I both know that love is for children,' he said. 'We're adults. Compatibility is for adults.'
'Compatibility is for my Bluetooth and my car,' Teresa replied. 'Only they get along just fine, and my car never makes my bluetooth feel like shit.
Maggie Stiefvater
#98. If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.
Honeya
#99. All that is required of you is an open mind and a little patience.
F.K. Preston
#100. Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
