Top 100 Humor Living Quotes
#1. I'd been willing to kill for the people I loved for a very long time; now I had to start living for them.
Laurell K. Hamilton
#2. LADY BRACKNELL
I had some crumpets with Lady Harbury, who seems to me to be living entirely for pleasure now.
ALGERNON
I hear her hair has turned quite gold from grief.
Oscar Wilde
#3. So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb.
Muriel Barbery
#4. I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable.
Kris D'Agostino
#5. Do not fall in love ... it means you have to look at someone else.
Sunny-Drunk
#7. When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Helen Rowland
#8. Part of the humor of living on this backward planet is listening to the hominids rationalize their predations.
Robert Anton Wilson
#9. People think hermit crabs are cute, but I can't think of anything creepier. Some dead thing's shell, with legs poking out of it. Scuttling. Feeding on corpses. Living in a borrowed skin of death.
Nick Lake
#10. I'm trying like hell to leave a footprint, carbon or otherwise.
M.A. Bookout
#11. People are so cheap. Everyone wants quality, no one wants to pay for it. Here's the suburban dream
to hire great workers who are such meek morons that they don't have the guts to ask for a living wage.
Joan Bauer
#12. I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
C. JoyBell C.
#13. It was impossible to imagine the aloof, dignified, powerful High Lord living as, of all things, a slave.
Trudi Canavan
#14. I've been living on the edge for so long, my friends call me Cliff
Benny Bellamacina
#15. you know What,Every one living for making History so am I.
Nikhil
#16. The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It's the tender understanding that we're living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there's quite a bit of wonder in that.
F.K. Preston
#17. My name is Markowski. I carry a badge. Also a crucifix, some wooden stakes, a big vial of holy water, and a 9mm Beretta loaded with silver bullets.
I was never a Boy Scout but "Be Prepared" is still a good motto to live by. Especially if you plan to keep living.
Justin Gustainis
#18. I did not tremble to lose what men called beauty, but I feared the loss of my spirit and humor and love of living, the things I believed made my soul human and vibrant.
David Liss
#19. Sweetie, you don't need to drive me to the brink of insanity ... I'm close enough to walk!
Tanya Masse
#20. There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life.
Raegan Butcher
#21. Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That's kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it's living human tissue, and instead of playing, I'm fucking working, and instead of fun, it's fucking not fun, it's serious.
Colin Nissan
#22. Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living
Josh Stern
#23. If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.
Honeya
#24. If you don't smell good, then you don't look good.
Katy Elizabeth
#25. Growing up is the dumbest thing I ever wanted to rush into.
Tanya Masse
#26. You are your partner are on the same side - it's the side of the living.
Jesse Petersen
#27. [about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
Jeff Foxworthy
#28. The Scots (originally Irish, but by now Scotch) were at this time inhabiting Ireland, having driven the Irish (Picts) out of Scotland; while the Picts (originally Scots) were now Irish (living in brackets) and vice versa. It is essential to keep these distinctions clearly in mind (and verce visa).
W.C. Sellar
#29. A problem isn't a real problem till you decide to make it a problem ... so what's the problem again?
Runa Magnus
#30. Tried living in the real world instead of a shell, but I was bored before I even began.
Morrissey
#31. Ridcully was beginning to show certain signs. If he had been a volcano, natives living nearby would be looking for a handy virgin.
Terry Pratchett
#32. Dangerously close to having to work for a living.
Rosen Topuzov
#34. I keep dying and hoping you notice me. But you're too busy living.
F.K. Preston
#35. I bought a big-ass house and haven't decorated it yet," Psycho replied defensively. "Patio furniture looks good in my living room. I don't
have a lamp. The red and green Christmas lights work just fine."
"The lights blink."
"So do I.
Kate Angell
#36. The older we get, the more we become ourselves.
Alan Andrews
#37. The Bible is the inerrant ... word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible,without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etc.
Jerry Falwell
#38. He also brought Carly's purse from the living room. Having lived for months in the same house as Liam and his mate, Kim, Tiger had learned that these large bags were full of things females considered essential. They fussed when they didn't have them.
Jennifer Ashley
#39. Water IS the most important element on the face of the earth, because without water, there would be no WINE and without WINE I would be living in a PADDED CELL!
Tanya Masse
#40. Living with hope is like rubbing up against a cheese grater. It keeps taking slices off you until there's so little left you just crumble.
Catherine Austen
#41. *marissa tries to get her single, working mother's attention by suggesting something outrageous, to which mom replies:*
'You're a smart girl. Use your head and avoid any guy who reminds you of your father.
Camille Pagan
#42. A picture should capture a moment, a place in time you can return to again and again.
Brendan T. Kelly
#43. Since you refused the good grace to die on delivery, Rathain has got a living prince.
Janny Wurts
#44. She wants to paint the living room yellow. I have not the words.
Mil Millington
#46. I hadn't had a mother since I was two, and from then until seven I had believed God was someone who had run off with her and was living with her somewhere else ... (God took your mother, dear, because he needed her more than you do) which had never endeared him to me
Dick Francis
#47. The children start school now in August. They say it has to do with air-conditioning, but I know sadism when I see it.
Rick Bragg
#48. I suppose longevity requires giving up life's pleasures, one by one, until there's nothing left.
Gary Inbinder
#49. My time in heaven was up, and I was being told I wasn't the marrying kind by someone who undresses for a living.
Chelsea Handler
#50. There's a certain type of character that you can't help but come in contact with growing up and living in Brooklyn and Long Island. A certain mixture of moxie, heart, and a wise guy sense of humor.
Steve Buscemi
#51. No REGRETS. Just LESSONS learned, BLESSINGS recognized and HUMOR found.
Tanya Masse
#52. I no longer needed a reason for my existence, just a reason to live. And imagination, free will, love, humor, fun, music, sports, beer, and pizza are all good enough reasons for living. But living an honest life - for that you need the truth.
Ricky Gervais
#53. It was a perfectly normal gerbil. It appeared to be living in an exciting construction of cylinders, spheres and treadmills, such as the Spanish Inquisition would have devised if they'd had access to a plastics molding press.
Neil Gaiman
#54. Here's to another year and let's hope it's above ground.
Carol Shields
#55. Prime numbers are useful for writing codes and in America they are classed as Military Material and if you find one over 100 digits you have to tell the CIA and they buy it off you for $10,000. But it would not be a very good way of making a living.
Mark Haddon
#56. The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding.
John Updike
#57. I don't know about you, but this whole life thing has been the cause of all my problems.
Bond Bixler
#58. Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.
Carroll Bryant
#59. Good-bye Holmes. It ... hasn't really been a pleasure. But thank you for the information. Be careful to keep out of prison. Unless you want an upgrade to your current living conditions, then I wish you the best.
Zechariah Barrett
#60. We don't ask when people age out of singing, or eating ice cream; why would we stop making love?
Ashton Applewhite
#61. Don't you love fall?" Stacey asked. "All the little festivals, the changing leaves, kids in Halloween costumes, the dead spewing up out of their graves to haunt the living ...
J.L. Bryan
#62. I think it's part of the responsibility of an artist to shock, to upset, to make people think differently, and to surprise people. And that's where the good humor is, if there's a surprise and there's something unexpected. Something that's not normal, not in the realm of general living expectations.
Bill Plympton
#63. You know you are a human when a beautiful image appearing on television/computer/smartphone/tab screen appears more alive than a living being.
Basically, we are stupid.
Saurabh Sharma
#64. The people I mixed with in Monaco didn't relate to my South African mentality or humor ... Although I have met some wonderful people since I've been living in Monaco, I regard them all as acquaintances. I only have two people I consider friends here.
Charlene, Princess Of Monaco
#65. Once you've crawled into what's commonly thought of as the sordid underbelly of life, you realize it's all just different versions of normal.
Josh Kilmer-Purcell
#66. children spend their time for they think they have more time; adults cry over their time for they see they have less time
Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
#67. But we are living in a skeptical and, if I may use the phrase, a thought-tormented age; and sometimes I fear that this new generation, educated or hypereducated as it is, will lack those qualities of humanity, of hospitality, of kindly humor which belonged to an older day..
James Joyce
#68. Living life without humor is like eating food without taste buds.
Jonathan Heatt
#69. If you can identify humor in problems then you will have less difficulties in solving them ... Most importantly, "you should be able to laugh on yourself".
Honeya
#70. A life that partakes even a little of friendship, love, irony, humor, parenthood, literature, and music, and the chance to take part in battles for the liberation of others cannot be called 'meaningless' ...
Christopher Hitchens
#71. You hear more than enough of married people living together miserably. Here is an example to the contrary. Let it be a warning to some of you, and an encouragement to others. In the meantime, I will go on with my story.
Wilkie Collins
#72. My many years of living have not made the actions of teenage boys any less enigmatic.
Avery Williams
#74. Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!
Denis Leary
#75. Locals? I hit print on the shock file, and my face was the paper that came out of the printer! Locals! I had no idea this deep into the green inferno there'd be people living! Or dying!
Mark Gunk
#76. Don't worry, I'm not quitting. I've decided I'm going to stay and
make his life a living hell while I run his business into the ground.
Kim to Abe
Devon Rhodes
#77. Isabel frowned. "Alma Trumbo, you did not just dig up a human bone from our flowerbed. It's got to be a dinosaur bone, dinky or not."
"A dinosaur bone, eh?" The short, stout Alma gave her tall, slim sister the old up and down. "What then, are we the Flintstones living in Bedrock?
Ed Lynskey
#78. Life is a waste without humor
living is all about happiness and laughter.
Fauja Singh
#79. He might be living on mice, but Chesterton does not look like an animal who is governed by his appetites. He's an ascetic, if Cathbad ever saw one.
Elly Griffiths
#80. For the first time in memory, I was unable to sleep not because I was anxious but because I was excited. To live in a damp crowded asshole and sing
if these guys don't know the secret to living, I don't know who does. (The Grieving Owl, page 157)
David Sedaris
#81. Look, this is just the cemetery. It's got bylaws and things! It's not Transylvania! There's just dead people here! That doesn't make it scary, does it? Dead people are people who were living once! You wouldn't be so worked up if there were living people buried here, would you?
Terry Pratchett
#82. Don't talk to me about sense.
i've been alive for forty-seven years and I have absolutely no understanding of human nature whatsoever. I might as well be living with a completely different species, giant squids or perhaps some kind of insect colony.
Christopher Fowler
#83. Great books live longer than people.
They are gonna bury us all.
Patricia Nedelea
#84. Living in a galaxy is like living in a neighborhood where the house down the street might have burned down four thousand years ago but you wouldn't know it for another three thousand years.
Amy Leach
#85. With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.
Jim Butcher
#86. My name is Matt Besser, and I'm an Arkansas Razorback. My father is a Jew from Little Rock, Ark., my mother was a Christian from Harrison, Ark., and somehow I'm an atheist now living in L.A. I am a Razorback living in the Razorback diaspora.
Matt Besser
#87. Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
Noel Fielding
#88. If you want to dance the dance then you better learn the steps, the world has enough pretenders. If you want to practice sex then you better find a partner, and to love you must surrender.
Carroll Bryant
#89. It's as if the universe has a sense of humor, since at a deep level it's impossible not to lead a spiritual life ...
the universe is living through you at this moment. with or without belief in god, the chain of events leading from silent awareness to physical reality remains intact.
Deepak Chopra
#90. Well, she asked, how do you gentlemen like living in a haunted house?
It's perfectly fine, Luke said, perfectly fine. It gives me an excuse to have a drink in the middle of the night.
Shirley Jackson
#91. I am happy for the first in my life, I can report that I am standing on an incline instead of an edge.
Erica Goros
#92. I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'
Demetri Martin
#93. His Grace called Virginius in and said: "Do you think a priest of the Anglican Communion should be a divorced man with two wives living?" That's the way he talks. And do you know what Virginius said? He said: "Your Grace, if it weren't for divorce, there wouldn't be an Anglican Communion.
Florence King
#94. You know, I'm not even sure how we ended up living together."
"I am," Jake said, turning back to the lake. "Sex. It's a powerful force, my boy, and women use it."
"Is that why you gave them up?" Will asked, sympathetically. "Did paranoia drive you to celibacy?
Jennifer Crusie
#95. Heavens," said Galdo in a deep, dramatic voice, "only one man living could have squeezed forth such a gleaming brown jewel
this is the work of Squatting Calo, the Midnight Shitter!
Scott Lynch
#96. I may be a living legend, but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire.
Roy Orbison
#97. It stands to reason that anyone who learns to live well will die well. The skills are the same: being present in the moment, and humble, and brave, and keeping a sense of humor. (361)
Victoria Moran
#98. I never had any doubts about my abilities. I knew I could write. I just had to figure out how to eat while doing this.
[Cormac McCarthy's Venomous Fiction, New York Times, April 19, 1992]
Cormac McCarthy
