Top 72 Humor Dirty Quotes
#1. It's a good thing, right, when an author gets turned on by the dirty scenes they write?!
Martha Sweeney
#3. Wow, you know a lot of swear words," Sam commented at one point. "And here I thought I had a dirty mouth."
"What can I say? Apparently candid porn starring my boyfriend brings out the best in me.
Gemma Halliday
#4. Show me a home where the buffalo roam and I'll show you a dirty living room.
Frederick Coxen
#6. I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that's what they do when I'm not around.
Alex Owens
#7. I'm too big of a fan of sin and debauchery to be a Christian.
J.C. Wickhart
#8. I do have a dirty sense of humor.
Josh Gad
#9. I hammered on the Poes' front door like Alaric on the gates of Rome. Poe said that a gaudy figure of speech was a silk cravat around a dirty neck. He didn't say whether the truth lay in the plain thing or in its fancy.
Norman Lock
#10. Death. I've taunted it for years with confidence and courage. It has taken years for me to realize that it wasn't courage at all, it was the complete opposite; weakness. Bad habits and vulgar sensibilities are my disease. The only cure is dignity and shame, how tragic that I seem lack both.
J.C. Wickhart
#11. Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose ... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win
Josh Stern
#12. I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.
Graham Parke
#13. It would be an idyllic tropical paradise if not for the malaria, the insects, the constant diarrhea and resulting hemorrhoids, and the fact that the people are dirty and smell bad and eat each other and use human heads for decoration.
Neal Stephenson
#14. In real life, Josh [Gad] is a different kind of lovable idiot. In real life, he's a much filthier idiot. He has a dirty sense of humor.
Josh Gad
#15. But how was she supposed to ask him?
Hey, can I get your number?
Maybe we can get coffee?
Do you want to have hot dirty sex with me? 'Cause I want to have hot dirty sex with you.
Toni Aleo
#16. Far below, I heard Cacus bellowing as millions, maybe even thousands of filthy gallons of water slammed into him. Meanwhile, Annabeth alternately shouted, gagged, hit me, called me endearing pet names like, "Idiot! Stupid
dirty
moron
" and topped it all off with "Kill you!
Rick Riordan
#17. That's trouble. The pixies will sour your milk."
"I thought it was hobgoblins who soured milk."
"A dirty lie. Spread by the pixies, no doubt.
Kelley Armstrong
#18. A dirty joke is not, of course, a serious attack on morality, but it is a sort of mental rebellion, a momentary wish that things were otherwise.
George Orwell
#19. He probably would've raised an eyebrow in that annoying/hot way he had, and made a dirty joke about Elodie possessing me.
Rachel Hawkins
#20. The word 'personal' is one of my aversions. Personal loan. Personal hygiene. Personal safety. It's only a way of wrapping up bad news that you're in debt, or dirty, or likely to be mugged.
Helen Dunmore
#21. No wonder I worried about talking dirty; talking in general seemed to escape me.
Jordan Castillo Price
#22. Nobody wants to feel dirty, but everyone has to wipe their own butt.
Aarti Patel
#23. The princess turns to him, serious. 'You are the one my great-grandfather spoke of: a denizen of Earth wearing a dirty apron who falls down a shaft and lands in sticky goo to lead the Brundeedle race out of Woe Time.':
Eric Laster
#24. Hello, cell. How are you? Still dank and dirty? Me? I've taken up a new habit: talking to my cell. It's like talking to myself but slightly more pathetic.
Brandon Mull
#25. I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
Woody Allen
#26. All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
Bo Burnham
#27. I like bawdy humor. I love bawdy humor, but not dirty humor.
Betty White
#29. Sometimes I think teachers like Ms. Harmer view creativity as something dirty and slightly embarrassing, and would prefer to turn kids into people who color inside the lines.
Generally speaking, I don't care much for lines.
Jenny Lundquist
#30. People have sex, even the religious ones. Yet, when sex is transferred into words, suddenly it's dirty, vulgar, immoral, trashy. Funny huh?
Hector Himeros
#31. Elizabeth Sarah Kowalski!"
"Whoa," Evan said in a low voice. "How bad does a word have to be to get you middle-named during dirty Scrabble?
Shannon Stacey
#32. She held up her calloused, grimy fingers. Leo couldn't help thinking there was nothing hotter than a girl who didn't mind getting her hands dirty. But of course, that was just a general comment. Didn't apply to Calypso. Obviously.
Rick Riordan
#33. After a bout of sex,
Sam: And P.S., if I'm going to have to do this Bible-holding business twice a year, I ought to get paid a special stipend.
Nick: I just made a deposit.
Marie Force
#34. This is all so silly,' said Diko. 'Who cares about what's real and what isn't real? [ ... ] And as for our own history, the parts that will be lost, who cares if a mathematician calls us dirty names like "unreal"? They say such slanders about the square root of minus two as well.
Orson Scott Card
#35. I'm going to make you feel so good," I swore to her, "that you're going to not just scream my name, but forget yours.
Shay Savage
#36. At least watching dirty movies can be kind of fascinating if they aren't too horribly strange. And even the horribly strange ones are still more interesting than televised sports.
Merrill Markoe
#37. Tam considers me a challenge. I consider Tam a work in progress. I also think there's a gentleman lurking under that calculating exterior. Tam thinks 'gentleman' is a dirty word. I talk dirty to Tam every chance I get.
Lisa Shearin
#38. Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'
Jim Gaffigan
#40. You're missing the wow factor."
Garrett snickered. "Did you really just say wow factor?"
"Oh, whatever. What are you, twelve?"
"Twelve inches, baby." Garrett winked.
Miller laughed and rolled his eyes. "In your dreams, buddy.
Amanda Young
#41. By the end, she cleaned the house so much that she had dust in her eyes and her throat, her knees were scrapped a little and her back ached while she suffered from weary arms. But after everything was done, the once dark, dingy and dirty house was shining bright and looked so alive!
Prerna Varma
#42. Ah, sahib. I know you just come to comfort a old man left to live by hisself. Soomintra say I too old-fashion. And Leela, she always by you. Why you don't sit down, sahib? It ain't dirty. Is just how it does look.'
Ganesh didn't sit down. 'Ramlogan, I come to buy over your taxis.
V.S. Naipaul
#43. My eyes are not sparkly! I'm not a sparkly sort of girl ... I go around with dirty knees and slay dragons in my spare time, for the love of ... oh!
Marc Secchia
#44. IDEA .. if your bored and you miss me you should write some dirty fan fiction about us. you can read it to me later. great idea right?
Rainbow Rowell
#45. I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush.
George Carlin
#46. I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor.
Jonny Lee Miller
#47. You'd have been scared too if that big troglodyte had put his hands on you. He smelled like dirty socks and store brand cola. Chet Andrews
Aaron Crabill
#48. Even one person's misunderstanding [of a blue joke] may not be worth the next guy's laugh.
Penn Jillette
#50. A dirty and mean sense of humor first thing in the morning. I may learn to like you yet.
Lorelei James
#51. Your quick 'no' is because I refused to say 'yes' to sex. They say men think with their dicks. I hope you do not run Easton with your -
Avery Aster
#52. -You were in jail? What was it like?
-Boring.Dirty.Smelled like ass.
Hannah Harrington
#53. Now we're going to save a bunch of dirty meatsacks from a bunch of dirty cannibals? Why don't we rescue some orphaned kittens and put food out for stray puppies while we're at it?
Julie Kagawa
#54. I like to play dirty. I can also be very, very exacting." Rate St. Sebastian.
Samanthe Beck
#55. It's a dirty way to fight, but I'm late for lunch.
- Valek to Yelena
Maria V. Snyder
#56. All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.
Eoin Colfer
#57. In this dirty minded world, you are either someone's wife or someone's whore. And if you're not either people think there is something wrong with you ... but there is nothing wrong with me
John Irving
#58. You'll never get anything done by sitting on your hands or by wringing them. Try getting them dirty for a change and you'll be surprised by how much you can accomplish.
Belva Rae Staples
#59. Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
Betty White
#60. I pitched my voice for Dirty Harry, but it was more Lisping Baggins.
David Mitchell
#61. Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor's pool and saying, "Ah good. It was dirty. Just the thing.
Pat Connid
#62. She put up her posters, which mainly consisted of one five-foot-wide panorama of Diego Luna doing a split on the set of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights-which Penelope had decided would be an excellent conversation topic, because that is a movie everyone likes.
Rebecca Harrington
#63. Your ... Your aura. It's ... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today ... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.'
I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex?
Richelle Mead
#64. And spare me the jokes about scoring."
"Dammit, woman, you read my mind," he said. "Is there no filthy wordplay you can't forsee?"
"It's my special magical power. I can read your mind when you're thinking dirty thoughts."
"So, ninety-five percent of the time.
Cassandra Clare
#65. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off.
Victor Hugo
#66. I mean, if 10 years from now, when you are doing something quick and dirty, you suddenly visualize that I am looking over your shoulders and say to yourself "Dijkstra would not have liked this", well, that would be enough immortality for me.
Edsger W. Dijkstra
#67. Pennsylvania. The boys nodded appreciatively, as if Abby had said Emily was from Naughty Dirty Sex Land
Sara Shepard
#68. Why are you so nervous?" Tate looked up to see Lucas giving him a dirty look. "This is easier that the regular season, we go out and have fun."
"No, you get to have fun, I need t be super ninja goalie against every great forward in the league.
Toni Aleo
#69. A few minutes later he texted her: 'IDEA .. if your bored and you miss me you should write some dirty fan fiction about us. you can read it to me later. great idea right?'
Cath smiled down at the phone stupidly.
Rainbow Rowell
#70. If you think it's bad now, my friend, wait till we reach a town!' He shook his head and brushed at his tattered, dirty shirtsleeve. 'Do try to remember we're visitors-and not welcome ones-if you should feel moved to reason with anyone.
David Weber
#71. Television is a dirty business. To survive in it you have to be part weasel, part python, and part wolf. To succeed in it, you have to be 99.9 percent great white shark. The capacity for barefaced lying also comes in handy, particularly if you are freelance.
Matt Dickinson
#72. The thing that makes 'Dirty Jobs' different is that it's one of the few shows that portrays work in a way that doesn't highlight the drudgery. Instead, it highlights the humor.
Mike Rowe
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