He's Such A Jerk Quotes

#1. Every time I find something redeeming about you the jerk side messes it up.

Mina Carter

#2. I think that it is real important for someone to be really honest and open emotionally. I'm really an emotional person. If I'm that way and the guy isn't that way I just really feel like a jerk.

Molly Ringwald

#3. I prescribe a quick jerk off in the shower and a return to sanity. (Dr. Hugo Peralta)

Kate Richards

#4. Be respectful to your peers and yourself, of course. Don't be a jerk. But at the same time don't settle for anything less than yourself.

Christina Grimmie

#5. Hemingway was a jerk.

Harold Robbins

#6. You're the very nicest jerk I know.

Suzanne Brockmann

#7. She'd cried loudly enough that the man sitting across from her had offered her a tissue, and she'd screamed, what do you think you're looking at jerk? At him, because that was what you did in New York. After that she felt a little better.

Cassandra Clare

#8. The palm of his hand was a dull red. Not a good sign.
I jerk off left-handed, he thought, at least that's something.

Stephen King

#9. I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Doug Stanhope

#10. Maybe I am just a jerk.

Dan Harmon

#11. I'd really rather that nobody had a gun, and then nobody would have to worry about it. That would be more my theory. In America, there's this knee-jerk response that more walls and more guns make people safer, and I'm entirely suspect of that way of thinking.

Ethan Hawke

#12. A person with grace is somebody who's socially graceful or is a classy person, but sometimes you just feel the opposite of that, and you just feel like a jerk and a loser and a weirdo.

Matt Berninger

#13. If you're courting me, you have to tell me something about yourself that no one else knows."
He was silent for a moment. "I'd rather jerk-off to thoughts of you than be with anyone else.

Katie Reus

#14. It takes just about the same amount of time to be a nice guy as it does to be a jerk.

Mark Sanborn

#15. pony, mashed potato, alligator, watusi, twist, jerk.

A.V. Club

#16. What do you say, Pooh?"
Pooh opened his eyes with a jerk and said, "Extremely."
"Extremely what?" asked Rabbit.
"What you were saying," said Pooh. "Undoubtably.

A.A. Milne

#17. Night Liam was considerate, loving and thoughtful. Day Liam was a flirt, slut and a jerk. However, both night and day Liam made me feel safe and protected.

Kirsty Moseley

#18. Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.

Bill Hicks

#19. Each tim I think I am falling for Mister Right, and then what happens? BAM! The guy turns out to be a fraud, a swindling scoundrel, or a dishonest, disparaging jerk!

Kym Petrie

#20. If you run into one jerk in a day, that person is a jerk. If everyone you run into all day is a jerk, maybe you are the jerk.

Brian Iverson

#21. If a jerk burns the flag, America is not threatened, democracy is not under siege, freedom is not at risk.

Gary Ackerman

#22. Er ... er ... Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk, sir?

Terry Pratchett

#23. I just found out that I'm scared of heights, Bri, he rasped out. Gone was the cocky jerk. This was my cousin, the one who had come to check on me when we were younger because I left and didn't wait for them.

Tijan

#24. We overweight people, we say terrible things to ourselves. Oh, you wouldn't believe it. 'You fat pig. How can you do this? You're a disgusting jerk.' And that gets you nowhere. That gets you right back into a bowl of pasta fregula.

Richard Simmons

#25. I jerk my head toward Thomas and immediately curse myself for trying to be a smartass. My head is not healthy enough for smartassery.

Kendare Blake

#26. Don't become a jerk. Don't get lazy. Don't get entitled.

Jon Acuff

#27. Maybe she'd remember him as a pain in the ass. Or maybe, he hoped most of all, that she'd remember what she told him: "You can be a real jerk sometimes, but you're decent."
As epitaphs went, it wasn't bad.

Dani Harper

#28. My father had to go to work, I used to think he was a jerk. I didn't know his heart was broken, and not another word was spoken.

Madonna Ciccone

#29. Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.

Tucker Max

#30. I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.

Criss Jami

#31. The wedding vows are a license to be a complete jerk, with full knowledge that the person you married has agreed, no matter how large a horse's ass you are, to stay by your side until death. A fool could tell you this is a bad deal.

Adriana Trigiani

#32. If you could jerk off to something else, like a hamburger, could you imagine the delight in being alive?

Jonathan Goldstein

#33. I think you're nice to me and that scares the fuck out of me. Because when a guy's a jerk or an asshole, it's easier because you know where you stand.

Rachel Cohn

#34. With our mad lust for Uniformity and a Higher Standard of Living and Expanding Markets, we go to a country like Afghanistan and cruelly try to jerk her forward two thousand years in two decades, giving no thought to the profound shock this must be to her national psychology.

Dervla Murphy

#35. True friends are the ones who will tell you when you are being a jerk or worse and still hang out with you.

Darrin Wiggins

#36. I jerk around and see Sister Dora, a portly woman who's the head cook in the kitchen, staring daggers at me. This is nothing new. She stares daggers at everyone who walks through the lunch line holding a tray, as though our needing sustenance is a personal affront.

Pittacus Lore

#37. Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?

Eugene Mirman

#38. I'm safe, even if I'm a jerk."
"I have friends who will hunt you down and kill you if I go missing.

Susan May Warren

#39. Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.

Kurt Vonnegut

#40. Hemmingway was a jerk.

Harold Robbins

#41. If I was to interrupt this article every few sentences, asking you whether or not I was making a good impression on you, I hope and believe that you would think I was a servile jerk. Yet this is what our politicians are doing in every speech.

Christopher Hitchens

#42. Because when a guy's a jerk or an asshole, it's easier because you know exactly where you stand.

David Levithan

#43. Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk.

Terry Pratchett

#44. Patriotism can be good or bad. Knee-jerk patriotism can be very bad. I'm patriotic almost to the point of self-consciousness, but I love my country the way I love a friend or a child who I would correct if she was going the wrong way. Who I expect the very best from.

Emmylou Harris

#45. Knee-Jerk Irony: The tendency to make flippant ironic comments as a reflexive matter of course in everyday conversation.

Douglas Coupland

#46. As soon as you start preaching, nobody wants to hear you because then you're a jerk.

Neil Young

#47. It's definitely fun to play something you're not, which is always a good time. Who doesn't want to get to act like a jerk or a douche, every now and then?

Rob Riggle

#48. Most people, when they think of an insult, they keep it to themselves. But you wouldn't believe the things people say on my Twitter feed, and I'm a nice guy. Imagine if I was a jerk.

Jeff Ross

#49. He had light blond hair and a demanding voice. Devin took him either as a total jerk or the guy in charge.

Jordan Jarman

#50. All guys are jerks but they get hotter with age and we learn to be more tolerant.

Kristen Bell

#51. And sometimes it's the very otherness of a stranger, someone who doesn't belong to our ethnic or ideological or religious group, an otherness that can repel us initially, but which can jerk us out of our habitual selfishness, and give us intonations of that sacred otherness, which is God.

Karen Armstrong

#52. My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.

Kevin Spacey

#53. Is being a jerk one of the five stages of grief?

Lisa Schroeder

#54. It isn't the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks.

Charlie Chaplin

#55. We get paid to hang out in this beautiful court! Four puppets on a string, just like those two up there (pointing to the two hanging puppets), waiting for someone to jerk them into life and make them talk.

Luigi Pirandello

#56. Strigoi or not, I didn't trust him. He was a jerk, and I silently screamed at Lissa to get out of there, not that my screaming did much good. Stupid one-way bond.

Richelle Mead

#57. Upon her butler's announcing the arrival of Mr Ravenscar, Lady Mablethorpe, who had been dozing over a novel from the Circulating Library, sat up with a jerk, and raised a hand to her dishevelled cap.

Georgette Heyer

#58. He's a jerk."

"No Luminista. He's a young man who loves you but doesn't know how to treat you right yet. You have to show him how. Show him that you can take what he dishes out without crumbling. That you're beautiful and strong, and he should lift you up, not tear you down.

Ednah Walters

#59. Naked and fully aroused, they were both clearly ready to go, and Tate couldn't stop himself from spitting in his palm and starting to really jerk himself off. "You dirty fucker,

Ella Frank

#60. I want to give you back your first kiss, the one that jerk stole from
you. And I want it to be something that even a coma can't make you
forget.

Shelly Crane

#61. I've got a dad thanks. Your just the jerk who knocked up my mum and left her to figure out what to do with a son who likes setting things on fire. - Adam Vasic

Kelley Armstrong

#62. He's like the kid they use down in Louisiana as alligator bait. They tie him to the end of a rope and he walks out into the swamp. All the kid can do is hope they jerk the rope back in time.

Michael Levine

#63. I had a stupid crush on a guy who barely tolerated me most of the time. Was that the kind of girl I was? Pick the jerk over the nice guy?

Kelley Armstrong

#64. I knew it," she snapped. "You're no different from all men. You're just another jerk pretending to be single! I didn't wanna wrap a lie into a Christmas present anyway.

Maha Erwin

#65. Just because you were inside me does not make us betrothed, you Neanderthal jerk.

Kate Meader

#66. What a diva!"
"Stupid, men can't be divas ... "
"Divo, then."
"That just sounds weird. Call him a jerk and be done with it.

Lisa Mantchev

#67. On Dealing with Bullies "You're going to run into jerk-offs, but remember: It's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it." On

Justin Halpern

#68. These days he was like a zombie, all grim business, just another jerk with an erection.

Tom Perrotta

#69. When it comes down to it, no matter how pious or like-minded he might be, a Christian jerk is still a jerk.

Kevin Roose

#70. You're gay," wash stated.
Rhodes nodded, a short jerk of his head, dropping his gaze to his beer.
"As in, you-like-men gay."
Still eying his beer, Rhodes gave an affirmative shrug.
"As in, you like-to-fuck-men gay."
"Yes!

Katie Allen

#71. There's something about a guy who admits he's a jerk that makes him forgiveable.

Lisa McMann

#72. He (life) got to his feet with a sudden jerk,
collected his blanket
and then darted away in such a great haste
that till this date, I've not seen him again.

Suman Pokhrel

#73. How can you be so nice to me and how can you forgive me when I've been such a jerk?"
Maddy appears to think for a moment. "When you are reading a book and you finish a chapter, you don't keep re-reading the chapter you just finished. You move on to the next chapter to see what happens.

Stephen Reid Andrews

#74. I think you need a concrete, real-world metaphor to talk about inner life without feeling like a jerk.

Tift Merritt

#75. Being a jerk is more of a habit or a personality trait of sorts, not an attitude. It's incurable.

Cameron Jace

#76. It is my sincere desire that my research and hard work will help create a world where we all learn to walk this Earth, safe, enlightened and free from the perils of cruelty, ignorance, and all the other dark and sinister forces, which make assholes possible.

Alexei Maxim Russell

#77. If it's that jerk, he's going to see my gun. 'My body is a weapon.' Dumb sh*t. I bet my gun can take out his body really damn quick.

Lexi Blake

#78. People think: 'If this photographer's looking like a big jerk-off, maybe it's okay if I do.' I like to catch my subjects off balance a bit.

Mick Rock

#79. How can you possibly think I'd want you to sacrifice yourself to save me? As if there wasn't enough danger, now I have to worry you'll take a bullet for me."
My arms crossed as his anger ignited my own.
"As if, you jerk. You can take your own stupid bullet.

Corrine Jackson

#80. Ready comprehension is often a knee-jerk response and the most dangerous form of understanding. It blinks an opaque screen over your ability to learn. Be warned. Understand nothing. All comprehension is temporary.

Frank Herbert

#81. I do what I do for the people who believe in me, not for the jerks who don't.

Terry Fox

#82. Who the hell wants to be the one to tell a kid that santa claus isn't real. it's the truth, right? but you're still a jerk for saying it.

David Levithan

#83. I will never grow thick skin so that you don't have to feel bad about being a jerk to me.

Dan Pearce

#84. I'm evil, know it, and enjoy it.

Robert Thier

#85. I think that you are an uptight, pony-owning, trickle-down-economics-loving, Scotch-on-the-rocks-drinking, my-wife-better-take-my-last-name sexist jerk!

Julie James

#86. Johnny Rotten. He's a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he'd stand up and holler. He's funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don't think he's a jerk because he isn't.

Captain Beefheart

#87. He maybe be a jerk ... but he is my jerk ... he is my father. - Amber Brown

Paula Danziger

#88. I know that I was a total jerk for a few weeks. But I do trust you," Fitz told Sophie. "I hope you trust me.

Shannon Messenger

#89. No. Sorry. You have spent months being the biggest jerk to me. You don't get to decide to like me one day and think I will forget that. I want someone to care for me like my dad cared for my mom. And you aren't him.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#90. Caleb had been my imperfection, with his slightly Americanized British accent, and the way he could play any sport and quote any philosopher. He was such a mix of class and jock, romance and jerk, it made me crazy.

Tarryn Fisher

#91. TWENTY I BATTLE MY JERK RELATIVE

Rick Riordan

#92. You want to be a better person? Go listen to someone you disagree with. don't argue with them just listen. It's remarkable what interesting things people will say if you take the time to not be a jerk.

Brandon Sanderson

#93. Yeah. Go ahead and pick something to watch," he answers. "I'm just popping upstairs to jerk it and then I'll join you."

"Okay, I think I'm in the mood for - wait, what?

Elle Kennedy

#94. An invisible fire scorched the bottoms of her hands, the feel reminding her of raw energy and stealth, and she tried to jerk away, unable to do so because the man held her in place. He would surely kill her now. No one touched a lion and lived to tell about it.

Destiny Booze

#95. Tawny shrugged. "I was overreacting. Typical big sister move. He explained why he did it, and it makes sense, in a slightly twisted way. He's not a bad guy. He's just a jerk. But a nice one."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Men rarely do.

Chelsea M. Cameron

#96. He stands watching me, motionless in those drawstring pants, his legs braced in a fighting stance, his eyes bursting with need. His broad shoulders jerk with his breaths, and he curls his fingers into fists at his sides. The deep roughness of his voice scrapes my flesh. Come here then.

Katy Evans

#97. What a snarky jerk. (Obviously, I later slept with him.)

Lena Dunham

#98. We never have as great an opportunity to show self-comfort as when others around us aren't. Hint: Don't be a jerk because someone else is. Praise the behaviors in others that you most want to flourish.

Kare Anderson

#99. I act like a jerk sometimes.

Bill Murray

#100. Happiness, when it comes, is stronger than all the jerk girls in Santo Domingo combined.

Junot Diaz