Top 57 Government Humor Quotes
#1. Apparently these new rulers of the world did not indulge in any drinking or smoking to soften their moods when they met, which Menelaus knew to be a big mistake. The Congress of the United States, back before the Disunion, always met sober, and look at what had come of that.
John C. Wright
#2. New Rule: If we want to find a place to cut government waste, we must start with the DEA rubber duck. Yes, on the DEA's website you can buy a rubber ducky with a DEA badge and a cop's hat. Which I recommend doing, because they're a great place to hide your weed.
Bill Maher
#3. Republicans: 'we fought the good fight' - yeah, it woulda been worth it if we could have prevented just one poor kid from getting a free inhaler.
Bill Maher
#4. If you are a writer and you write/understand sarcasm please be thankful to the government and the masses.
Without their hard work and supreme idiotism it wouldn't have been possible.
You owe them the brutal sarcasm, they've earned it!
Himmilicious
#5. I froze, shocked. (And don't try to claim that you did anything different the first time a government bureaucrat pulled a gun on you.)
Brandon Sanderson
#6. Our new faith-based laws have removed government as a roadblock to people of faith who hear the call.
George W. Bush
#7. Government is the Entertainment division of the military-industrial complex.
Frank Zappa
#8. Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
Tom Robbins
#9. ObamaCare is, really, I think the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery - and it is slavery, in a way, because it is making all of us subservient to the government. It was never about health care; it was about control.
Ben Carson
#10. Better it is to say that the government most comfortable to nature is that which best agrees with the humor and disposition of the people in whose favor it is established.
Baron De Montesquieu
#11. It is perhaps beside the point to remark that bowling alleys and supermarkets have nursery facilities, while schools and colleges and scientific laboratories and government offices do not.
Betty Friedan
#12. While yes we can both agree the sudden recovery of this footage smells not a little, and that we appear to be bits of tinfoil-on-string to some malevolent government kitten, yes yes yes but, Borlu, however they've come by this evidence, this is the correct decision.
China Mieville
#13. I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen Colbert
#14. The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it.
Amit Kalantri
#15. We have set out to promote the work of community and faith-based charities. Government cannot be replaced by charities, but it can welcome them as partners instead of resenting them as rivals.
George W. Bush
#16. The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a secret society that controls world government, toys with our banking system, and single-handedly keeps the fez industry afloat.
Stephen Colbert
#17. I'm with the federal government, Drummond, Trust me is another way of saying I'm lying.
Brian Haig
#18. Word of the day- kakistocracy. From the Greek meaning government by the worst persons, least qualified or most unprincipled.
Peggy Noonan
#19. Remove God from the world of ideas. Remove government, politics from society. Keep sex, humor, utilities. Let private property go.
John Cage
#20. Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust?
Very nearly everyone, come to think of it ...
Terry Pratchett
#21. Genua had once controlled the river
mouth and taxed its traffic in a way that couldn't be called piracy
because it was done by the city government, and therefore sound economics
and perfectly all right
Terry Pratchett
#22. We do need a system, and we do need you and your 'Bertos, and sometimes we need Sam to just come along and kick some ass. - Quinn
Michael Grant
#23. I resign," says Velvel. He takes off his glasses, slips them into his pocket, and stands up. He forgot an appointment. He's late for work. His mother is calling him on the ultrasonic frequency reserved by the government for Jewish mothers in the event of lunch.
Michael Chabon
#24. In the long run, even a tyrannical government only has the power that the people confer on it and coming to understand history is the beginning of making things right.
Nilantha Ilangamuwa
#25. Americans to bow our heads in humility before our Heavenly Father, a God who calls us not to judge our neighbors, but to love them, to ask His guidance upon our nation and its leaders in every level of government.
George W. Bush
#27. A Book for the Service Minded as well as the Government Bashers, on How to Be and How Not to Be.
Mahesh Ubhayakar
#28. The government are considering spending £3million on a state funeral for Margaret Thatcher when she dies. For £3million they could buy everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we'll dig a hole deep enough to deliver her to Satan ourselves.
Frankie Boyle
#29. Ugh!' snarled the Wolf, as he limped through the brushwood with his tail between his legs, 'this is perfectly monstrous weather. Why doesn't the Government look to it?
Oscar Wilde
#30. My colleague and I are journalists ... Not of the muckraking variety, I hasten to assure you! Corruption is a necessary and time-honored concomitant of any functioning government, which we support wholeheartedly.
Michael Swanwick
#31. You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
Jon Stewart
#32. You're Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?
As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?
Josh Lanyon
#33. It's all very well to put the government in the hands of the perfect man, but what do you do when the perfect man gets a bellyache?
David Eddings
#34. US government button specifications run to twenty-two pages. This fact on its own yields a sense of what it is like to design garments for the Army.
Mary Roach
#35. I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
Edith Sitwell
#36. We need to have mentoring programs energized by government, paid for by government, but who exist not because of government. Teen Challenge is a way to get people off drugs and alcohol. Teen Challenge is a faith-based program that changes people's hearts.
George W. Bush
#37. The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.
Mark Twain
#38. Above the podium stood a decorated board showing the agenda for the day. The first item of business was the world urban crisis, the second - the ecology crisis, the third - the air pollution crisis, the fourth - the energy crisis, the fifth - the food crisis. Then adjournment.
Stanislaw Lem
#39. My father always said that government is like watching another man piss in your boot. Someone feels better but it certainly isn't you.
Orson Scott Card
#40. The President of the Universe holds no real power. His sole purpose is to take attention away from where the power truly exists ...
Douglas Adams
#41. A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
Lemony Snicket
#42. A high-level government agent was arrested today for selling secrets to Russia. They now have all of the exact locations of our back-to-school headquarters.
David Letterman
#43. That sounds like the sin of pride, Marshal. Better run downstairs and let Miss December flog it out of you. Webcam it and charge by the minute. You won't ever have to take government money again.
Richard Kadrey
#44. Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about," said the voice of Maurice. "They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them.
Terry Pratchett
#45. The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Jerry Seinfeld
#46. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
Ambrose Bierce
#47. The Book Highlights and Attacks areas of Inefficiency and Hypocrisy in Government Offices. It injects the much-need Enema into its Highly Constipated System.
Mahesh Ubhayakar
#48. I'd been just like her, a youngster with something to say, a rebel through street art, leaving my mark on public buildings, to taunt the government and humor the public
Kenya Wright
#49. At 5.45 a.m. the important scientists finished their coffee and played rock paper scissors to see who had to phone the government.
Mitch Benn
#51. Not again, Draper," Frank sighed. "You're not going to stop us from crossing. You and I know that the one thing the Government does even more poorly than provide healthcare is secure its borders.
Randy Quarles
#52. Good morning, baby. You know that the government has a responsibility for their own actions.
Zechariah Barrett
#53. I really don't think that was a good idea,' Archer said, appearing in the open archway. 'To go sightseeing when you have half the government gunning for your ass.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#54. Everything not forbidden is compulsory
T.H. White
#55. All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.
Will Rogers
#56. What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
Terry Pratchett
#57. Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that?
Jefferson Smith
