Top 95 Death Life Humor Quotes
#1. There is nothing to me but you. I know it's pathetic but, oh darling, it's true.
F.K. Preston
#2. YOU FEAR TO DIE?
It's not that I don't want ... I mean, I've always ... it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break ...
Terry Pratchett
#3. Anything designed to be inoffensive isn't worth your time
life itself is pretty offensive, ending as it does with death.
Holly Lisle
#4. I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents' prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .
Ali Shariati
#5. I'm Allen Walker!"
My life....is over...I'm going to die....
Katsura Hoshino
#6. Fill me in on the details of your life."
"I thought you didn't give a shit."
"It'll give me something to do while I wait for you to stab me to death.
Christina Dodd
#7. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing
soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex ... well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is.
Jhonen Vasquez
#8. All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.
Gasmaskman
#9. The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights)
Warren Moore
#10. I moved up beside Jamie."I have to go."
She frowned at me. "Where?"
I pressed a hand to the bottom of my belly. "My bladder.It-"
Ah." She gave a small laugh. "We interrupt this life-or-death situation for a pregnancy pee break. Don't see that in the movies, do you?
Kelley Armstrong
#11. Only teasing', Death seemed to be saying over his shoulder with a rictus smile, with good humor and an oddly paternal affection. 'Take care of yourself, okay? We'll play again.
Barry Eisler
#12. The body of the last Flealouse contained the flesh of everything that had ever lived. It was content.
Alasdair Gray
#13. The past you lost is just like a dream. As you woke up new life
starts. So, your actual birthday will be your death day.
A.G Sorachi
#14. We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
Bill Hicks
#16. A nationalist will blindly follow his country to his death out of love for it. A patriot will stand up for and even against his country to his death out of love for it.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#17. Matty just rolled his eyes and walked over to his older brother. "Why is it when everyone thinks they're on their death bed, they suddenly find Jesus?"
Jayne shrugged and replied, "Because that's where he likes to hang out?
Nonjon
#19. I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#20. Live, die, something else lives. The very soil humanity walks upon is built up from death. Digging into a flowerbed means digging into bones.
M. Jones
#21. All that is required of you is an open mind and a little patience.
F.K. Preston
#22. The greatest happiness is a quiet kind. It's the tender understanding that we're living in a very strange place full of strange creatures. And there's quite a bit of wonder in that.
F.K. Preston
#23. I liked the idea of bouncy, open-air Jeeps and I liked the outfits with all the pockets, only I didn't really want to live in Africa and be shot by poachers/get malaria/get stabbed to death.
Deb Caletti
#24. Any film which views the darker side of life, which is death with a sense of humor, is very much to my taste.
Carter Burwell
#25. He died a modern death, in hospital, ... after medical science had prolonged his life to a point where the terms on which it was being offered were unimpressive.
Julian Barnes
#26. LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed
Ambrose Bierce
#27. My life was going to flash before my eyes, but it decided to hide behind my eyes and quake with terror instead.
Sarah Rees Brennan
#28. My creativity keeps me from starving. Humanity keeps my life mundane. Loving secures my love for life, but my imagination keeps me sane.
F.K. Preston
#29. I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable.
Kris D'Agostino
#30. So if there is something on the planet that is worth living for, I'd better not miss it, because once you're dead, it's too late for regrets, and if you die by mistake, that is really, really dumb.
Muriel Barbery
#31. Eventually our whole world, every culture, will explode and we'll all just be fucking cosmic dust. We'll all dissipate. We'll all be nothing and everything. What's more spiritual than that?
Dash Shaw
#32. HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)
Terry Pratchett
#33. What can I say? I prefer to die well informed.
Nalini Singh
#34. Violence can read like poetry. You just have to describe the act as if you're in love with the way your characters bleed.
F.K. Preston
#35. I keep dying and hoping you notice me. But you're too busy living.
F.K. Preston
#36. Is this the bit where my whole life passes in front of my eyes?" He said.
NO, THAT WAS THE BIT JUST NOW.
"Which bit?"
THE BIT, said Death, BETWEEN YOU BEING BORN AND YOU DYING. NO THIS ... MR. TULIP, THIS IS YOUR WHOLE LIFE AS IT PASSED BEFORE OTHER PEOPLE'S EYES ...
Terry Pratchett
#37. Let me tell you: the only way to get rid of dragons is to have one of your own.
Eugene Shvarts
#38. I don't want to be remembered as a woman from Saint Louis who died. I want to be remembered as a woman from Saint Louis who left and actually did something with her life. Then died.
Ally Spina
#39. Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
Victor J. Stenger
#40. Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
Dark Jar Tin Zoo
#41. I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.
Orson Scott Card
#42. I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
#43. Death and taxes are the only two certainties in life, as Mark Twain once said. Or was it Benjamin Franklin?
Stephen Leather
#44. If Life flashes before your eyes just before you die ... mine will be wearing a trench coat
Josh Stern
#45. It is said that the dead are infinitely patient, although it is usually said by the living, and how would they know?
Lee Battersby
#46. Someone dying asks if there is life after death. Yes, comes the answer, only not yours.
E.L. Doctorow
#48. The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists?
Jandy Nelson
#49. Things stayed peaceful in there, even as the crashing vehicles and the cries of the injured and dying reached a crescendo outside.
"I fry mine in butter!" indeed.
Kurt Vonnegut
#50. All my life, I have taken satisfaction in finishing things in order that I may experience a sense of achievement, regardless of whether the thing was really worth achieving. ... Death, I suspect, will likely be unsatisfying because I will no longer be present to feel the achievement thereof.
Kathleen Rooney
#51. Any time there's a lot of pressure, it's life and death, you go toward this very dark kind of humor. Soldiers do it. Cops do it.
Ronald Perelman
#52. My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That's enough, I myself choose my way
Ali Shariati
#53. When someone's rattling on about blocked toilets, collapsing marquees, and penis-shaped birthday cakes, it's hard to convince yourself that you're in a life-or-death situation.
Catherine Jinks
#55. Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.
Bauvard
#56. I wish I could run into the world's arms. Linger within the spaces between nothing. I wish I could filter out of existence. To live quietly without dying. I wish I could be cherished by life itself. To speak and sing volumes without lying to myself.
F.K. Preston
#57. I had a very funny and depressing talk with my seventy-four-year-old mother. I decided, she doesn't have a bucket list - she has a kick-the-bucket list.
Lori Lesko
#58. Death was a cold and endless place. At least life served vodka.
Sonja Yoerg
#59. Where death gives you a sense of humour, life gives you a sense of love.
Athan Fletcher
#60. I decipher the brewing machine because I am, after all, trained to save lives, and this is a life-or-death situation. We need coffee. Now. Or heads will roll.
Lisa Wingate
#61. Just know I am
Not there to catch you
But I am there for you
Caleb Warta
#62. It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
Terry Pratchett
#63. Oh God, Oh God we're all gonna die doesn't really fit the definition of banter, now does it?
Lilith Saintcrow
#65. YOU'RE ONLY PUTTING OFF THE INEVITABLE, he said.
That's what being alive is all about.
Terry Pratchett
#66. In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot.
Douglas Adams
#67. I feel no grief for being called something
which
I am not;
in fact, it's enthralling, somehow, like a good
back rub
Charles Bukowski
#68. Die, die we all pass away,
But don't wear a frown coz it's really okay,
And you might try to hide, And you might try to pray,
But we all end up remains of the day.
Danny Elfman - The Corpse Bride
#69. Everyone here now is going to die. But really no one knows what death is really like. Maybe we just take on another part in this neverending play of life as it unfolds. There is no end to the journey.
Art Hochberg
#70. Mind you," said Ponder, "the universe does have a rhythm. Day and night, light and dark, life and death - " "Chicken soup and croutons," said Ridcully. "Well, not evert metaphor bears close examination".
Terry Pratchett
#71. Two puzzles that cannot be solved:
The miracle of birth and misery of death.
Lailah Gifty Akita
#72. In life, more than in anything else, it isn't easy to end up alive.
Roman Payne
#73. He said he didn't want to brave yet, and I simply replied with being brave isn't an option in this world.
Shuno
#74. This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.
Erin Mitchell
#75. We always emerge from the death of a loved one like a phoenix arising from its funeral pyre.
Janvier Chouteu-Chando
#76. We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner.
Cyrus The Great
#77. A tip for increased sales or in situations of life or death: Try to always refer to the lady as Miss. or Ms. Using the term: Ma'am could piss her off.
Ginnetta Correli
#79. Once you hold the hand of Death, the only thing in life that can scare you is a sense of humor.
Lionel Suggs
#80. Selfishness from earth to hereafter: Thy pray and struggle, same by thee. Because life committed selfishness in living with the Democracy.
Deh Gel
#81. I would have killed myself years ago if it weren't for the fact that I'm pretty sure death is the only thing more terrible than life.
Alex Sargeant
#82. Why Is It That When You Wash Two Socks You Only End Up With One? Is There Life After Death? and Where Did The Other Sock Go?
Margaret Weis
#83. Life is a banquet and most poor s.o.b.'s are starving to death. Auntie Mame
Patrick Dennis
#85. You cannot be buried in obscurity: you are exposed upon a grand theater to the view of the world. If your actions are upright and benevolent, be assured they will augment your power and happiness.
Cyrus The Great
#86. I can't even make up a rhyme about an umbrella, let alone death and life and eternal peace.
Knut Hamsun
#87. I don't want to be a PULSATING PIECE OF PROTOPLASM!
Roz Chast
#89. Death can come slow. Death can come quick. If you've got one last breath, you better make the most of it.
A.H. Scott
#90. If you were given the chance to be reborn after your death, buy you could only come back as a squirrel, would you complain?
Peter James West
#91. I believe in reincarnation," [Bjorn] said.
I KNOW.
"I tried to live a good life. Does that help?"
THAT'S NOT UP TO ME. Death coughed. OF COURSE ... SINCE YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION ... YOU'LL BE BJORN AGAIN.
Terry Pratchett
#92. This is the worst day of my life'. I groaned and put my head in my hands.
'You can't possibly know that. You might have something really awful going to happen to you later on. All your children burned to death or your nose cut off in a revolving door'.
Victoria Clayton
#93. Yes; poor Bunbury is a dreadful invalid.
Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. This shillyshallying with the question is absurd.
Oscar Wilde
#94. All around us is a nothing that stretches on for infinity. We humans can barely comprehend that. If we comprehend it we are rarely pleased.
F.K. Preston
#95. The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.
'YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,' it said inside Kin's head.
'Hell!'
'THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL CO-ORDINATES.
Terry Pratchett
