Top 56 Cake Humor Quotes
#1. I'll give you a cake if you get him in the stream by the end of the afternoon,' Mori said to Six.
'Hold on,' Thaniel said. 'No making criminals of the orphans, Fagin.'
'But I want some cake,' Six frowned. 'And his name isn't Fagin.
Natasha Pulley
#2. If you'd told em you killed a blind gramma, they'd have stayed to eat the pizza and cake. Free is free.
Stephen King
#3. Sam told me as we were hanging up our coats that Bob was "baked like a fucking
cake." I really had to quote that one even though it has a swear.
Stephen Chbosky
#4. Shep claimed eating cake like that so early in the morning was a 'whore's breakfast.' The rest of them didn't care. They were happy little whores who didn't worry about saving a morsel.
Rebecca Wells
#5. But to me it sounded like someone throwing a roll of paper towels and a can of frosting into an oven and saying, You know, I think there's a good chance of this turning into a cake.
Lisa Kleypas
#8. She craved a tall glass of the fresh-squeezed lemonade from the pitcher she'd left chilling in the fridge. Two glasses served with a generous slice of pound cake with orange glaze icing sounded twice as nice.
Ed Lynskey
#9. But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.
Derek Landy
#10. I suppose I wanted to have my cake and eat it.
But then again, what were you going to do with your cake if not eat it?
Frame it?
Use it as a sachet in your underwear drawer?
Marian Keyes
#11. I saved him a piece. Okay, a small piece. But I felt better after eating the cake and if he cared for me as much as he said he did, he'd want me to have it. So I ate his piece, too.
Celia Jerome
#12. How do you express a skinny blonde werewolf and a former toad in a cake?
Elizabeth A. Reeves
#13. For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes about cake for twenty minutes, I have to make sure my audience is interested and following where I'm going.
Jim Gaffigan
#14. I got out on the street and started crying the kind of hysterical tears made justifiable only by turning off one's cell phone, putting it to the ear, and pretending to be told of a death in the family.
Sloane Crosley
#15. Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.
Audrey Hepburn
#16. In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, 'Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl'.
David Sedaris
#17. 'Having' Your Cake ... a little perverted ...
'Eating' it too ... a lot perverted!
Josh Stern
#18. Fenworth nodded. "Yes, yes. Urgent, deadly, insidious. The world is in peril and we must rise against evil." The old wizard released the general and patted him on the shoulder. "Tea and cake first, don't you think?
Donita K. Paul
#20. I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.
Craig Benzine
#21. If that's the case, waiter, please bring me another piece of cake," Gramps said as lunch was brought to the table, "I'm all for fighting tyranny and oppression.
E.A. Bucchianeri
#23. He was hot like lava and sexy like cake. Wait, like lava cake. Yum.
Penny Reid
#24. I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Mitch Hedberg
#25. What I have been asking myself for years is: WHY?!
Why kill yourself in the gym? Why try to avoid a little bit of a gut? Why feel bad for eating half of a cake? This doesn't mean that I killed somebody, plus I left the other half of the cake for tomorrow, I didn't finish all of it!
Sara Anzellotti
#26. You got me a birthday cake. It was pink. I smashed it into the ceiling.
Karen Marie Moning
#27. Cake is one of life's great wonders, and who would deny wonder to a child?
Lauren Child
#28. My girl looks at me like I'm a big piece of cake and she is the fattest kid in America craving me.
Toni Aleo
#29. Cake is for the weak, Mom always says. Funny, I thought it was for birthdays.
Danielle Joseph
#30. Just thinking about the cake she was not eating made her cry.
Michael Kaplan
#31. Somewhere, excitement waited for me like an uncut cake.
Lauren Wolk
#32. If I was made of cake I'd eat myself before somebody else could.
Emma Donoghue
#33. Maybe the cat has fallen into the stew, or the lettuce has frozen, or the cake has collapsed. Eh bien, tant pis. Usually one's cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is truly vile, then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile, and learn from her mistakes.
Julia Child
#34. I am wearing an old yellow sundress of Celia's, and I have tied my hair back with green ribbon. I think I look real nice. And all they see is the cake.
Jenny Han
#35. Kali waved an impatient hand. "We can't have a pity party right now. I didn't bring the cake.
Cassidy Hunter
#36. What do you buy a woman to get back on her good side when you've made her really, really angry? Cake? Fudge?"
The wrinkles on the old man's face scrunched together as he frowned.
"How angry did you make her boy?"
"She set my car on fire.
Alanea Alder
#37. I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual ... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying ...
Craig Ferguson
#38. There is no bottom to the cake. I'm digging through the kind of soil that supports rhododendrons: it's that dark.
Joanna Walsh
#39. Delia was an overbearing cake with condescending frosting, and frankly, I was on a diet.
Maggie Stiefvater
#40. Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It's like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It's like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.
Chetan Bhagat
#41. I always say a little prayer when I put cakes in the oven," remarked Eve, as she stopped to kiss Rose good-bye.
"What do you say?"
"I say, 'Please, God, don't let me forget I've put that cake in the oven.
Hilary McKay
#43. The waited stopped by and Nathan order a cup of coffee.
"No cake?" I asked, surprised.
He patted his flat stomach. "Trying to watch my figure."
I laughed. "Whatever, Captain Skittles.
Elicia Hyder
#44. Looking for a supernova, therefore, was a little like standing on the observation platform of the Empire State Building with a telescope and searching windows around Manhattan in the hope of finding, let us say, someone lighting a twenty-first birthday cake.
Bill Bryson
#45. Tugs was surprised to find that the cake was actually pretty dry and not as good as the cakes her own mother made. It was a revelation. Tugs had assumed that tastier food came out of fancier houses.
Anne Ylvisaker
#46. When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake."
Florence Ditlow, in "The Bakery Girls.
Florence Ditlow
#48. Coincidentally, a good age for a Japanese girl is younger than twenty five, because that's when she turns into a 'Christmas Cake'. Christmas cakes, as everyone knows, are desirable before the twenty fifth but afterward quickly become stale and are put on the shelf.
Andrew Davidson
#49. I had tasted cake and there was no going back. My tiny body had morphed into a writhing mass of pure tenacity encased in a layer of desperation. I would eat all of the cake or I would evaporate from the sheer power of my desire to eat it.
Allie Brosh
#51. It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death."
"Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you will find in the arena. Say it's a gigantic cake-
Suzanne Collins
#53. I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."
Steven Wright
#54. So I left my wonderfully intelligent family and soaked myself in the bath and considered drowning myself. Then I remembered I still had chocolate cake left over from yesterday so I came back up for air. Some things are worth living for.
Cecelia Ahern
#56. She's under duress," Peaseblossom said.
"I don't care if she's under duress, over it, or alongside it," Moth said. "Nothing in this world supersedes cake.
Lisa Mantchev
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