Top 47 Burrito Quotes
#1. I don't think food safety laws are going to protect you from a third carnitas burrito," Hanson said. "That's not about food safety. It's about pork fat overload.
John Scalzi
#2. This is a combo between Taco and Burrito, nacho!
Lisi Harrison
#3. And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
Christopher Moore
#4. Rummage around in the freezer. "Burritos?" "Hammer having a party tonight?" We look at each other and then the burrito. I toss it back into the freezer. "Right. Nothing says sexy like ripping one while you're trying to close the deal.
Jen Frederick
#5. ordered two crispy tacos, a bean burrito, and a medium Pepsi. At
Mark Owen
#6. She can be a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, inside a conundrum, rolled in a frito burrito. In other words, a total freaking mystery to anyone who isn't gifted with mind-reading abilities.
Michael Makai
#7. You talk about her as if she is the Notre Dame Cathedral!" "She is. And the Statue of Liberty and Abbey Road and the best burrito of your life. Didn't you know?
Barbara Kingsolver
#9. Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs.
Rick Riordan
#10. They say California's the big burrito; Texas is a big taco right now. We want to follow that through. Florida is a big tamale.
Dan Rather
#11. My Saturday Night. My Saturday night is like a microwave burrito. Very tough to ruin something that starts out so bad to begin with.
Michael Chabon
#12. Everybody likes to have a place to think, to meditate, to eat a burrito ...
Sherman Alexie
#13. Maia pulled on a braid. "I ran into Eric of all people. He told me what happened and that you'd backed out of Millenium Lint's gigs for the past two weeks because of it."
"Actually, they changed their name," Jordan said. "They're Midnight Burrito now.
Cassandra Clare
#14. My Saturday night is like a microwave burrito. Very tough to ruin something that starts out so bad to begin with. As
Michael Chabon
#15. I wrapped up the remaining half burrito and tossed it into the trash can. Molly watched this act of wastefulness with an expression like she had just seen her entire family die in a fire.
David Wong
#16. I'm a Fritos Burrito guy. Me and Taco Bell have a love relationship on Twitter; they follow me. Out of 16 people they follow me, so I'm very loyal to my girlfriend, Taco Bell.
Jacob Whitesides
#17. Total confusion, disconnected nothing, absolute bewilderment. It's an enigma wrapped in a mystery, stuffed in a burrito, and smothered in taco sauce.
Russ Gregory
#18. Everything teeters between pathos and bathos: here you are, violating society's most fundamental taboos and yet formaldehyde is a powerful appetite stimulant, so you also crave a burrito.
Paul Kalanithi
#19. Everyone had taken their places, when I excused myself to visit the bathroom, and there, in the toilet, was the absolute biggest turd I have ever seen in my life - no toilet paper or anything, just this long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito.
David Sedaris
#21. Fuck me. I'm a rock star. And all I really wanted was a burrito.
Richard Kadrey
#22. I stared at the doors and rewound the evening wondering how I got myself in this latest predicament. Without lemon drops to blame (I had diet with my spicy beef burrito), I could only blame the power tools. Now what normal girl got turned on by power tools? I was so weird!
Kristen Ashley
#23. Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"
Daniel Tosh
#24. I'm out of the room in the next instant, like a man wanting breath, after suffocating through the horror of a burrito eating obese man's fart." - Emily Dolt
Nix Banner
#25. Men, they have the two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, you fix him the burrito. - Rosita Rivera, who was well acquainted with politicians and men
Lois Greiman
#26. I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.
Mitch Hedberg
#27. Finn was an enigma wrapped in a riddle coated in misdirection. He was a burrito of dishonesty.
Molly Harper
#28. They wrapped her up like a baby burrito to show to Mom. Here were a mother and her daughter and I love them both so much. I couldn't wait for Courtney to come to the hospital so I could have all my women together.
Al Roker
#29. When I'm treating myself, it's a full-on burrito, all loaded up!
Jenna Ushkowitz
#31. I am in love with this burrito. I would marry it if I didn't want to eat it so badly."
"The tragedy of true love," Cade whispered.
Cora Carmack
#32. There's and entire world outside these bleak pages, one full of SUNRISES and KITTY-CATS and late-night BURRITO RUNS and the horrible, creaking amble of us all towards DEATH. It is to that world that I am afraid I must release you to now.
David Malki
#33. Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.
Rick Riordan
#34. Most of us have to spend a lot of energy to learn how to drive a car. Then we have to spend the rest of our lives over-concentrating as we drive and text and eat a burrito and put on makeup. As a result, 30,000 people die every year in a car accident in the U.S.
Astro Teller
#35. Eating a burrito is like eating a living, breathing organism - you can feel the burrito's ingredients sigh inside with each bite, each squeeze.
Gustavo Arellano
#36. Being an actor is great; you chill in your trailer, and they bring you a breakfast burrito and coffee. But as director, you're responsible for every little thing.
Justin Chon
#37. The first time I ever got recognized, I was at Chipotle eating a face full of burrito, and a fan started filming me and said, 'Oh my gosh, that's the girl from 'Nerdy Nummies!' They kind of waved a little, and I waved back with a burrito in my mouth.
Rosanna Pansino
#38. Even if I'm gone all day, breakfast is the one meal I always cook for my kids. I make French toast, oatmeal, or an egg burrito.
Gabrielle Reece
#40. Everybody drinks," she said calmly. The Only Rational One.
"Your sister doesn't."
When rolled her eyes. "Forgive me, but I'm not going to spend my college years sitting soberly in my dorm room, writing about gay magicians."
"Objection," Cath said, reaching for a burrito.
Rainbow Rowell
#41. A burrito is a delicious food item that breaks down all social barriers and leads to temporary spiritual enlightenment.
Lisi Harrison
#42. There has never been a shrimp that I've eaten that I haven't been like, 'I am so lucky that I get to eat this.' I would eat a shrimp enchilada, shrimp burrito, shrimp cocktail, fried shrimp, shrimp po boy, shrimp gumbo.
Isabel Gillies
#43. Life without risks is like a burrito without Tabasco. Bland, but you'll still fart.
Martyn V. Halm
#44. For the record," Miriam says, "I'm a supremely vulgar human being and even I think bearded taco is a disgusting term. My vagina is a beautiful flower, thank you very much, not a pube-shellacked burrito. Uck.
Chuck Wendig
#45. Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president. Yesterday in Ohio, Hillary popped into a Chipotle and she ordered a burrito bowl with chips and salsa. And on her way out she said, 'That locks down the Hispanic vote.'
Conan O'Brien
#46. Well, the Taco Bell burrito scale of immense magnitude returned an 'r' factor of point eight six. Then when I applied the nose-picking coefficient, I discovered a multivariate numeration of nine dot oh sixteen on the Richter scale.
Debra Dunbar
#47. I don't know what the exact physical dynamics are that cause a shower curtain to attach itself to your body when you turn on the water but, since my shower was surrounded on all sides by curtains, I turned on the water and became a vinyl, vacuum-sealed sheriff burrito.
Craig Johnson
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