Brother Humor Quotes

#1. Dios," he said, addressing himself to Jace. "What happened to you, brother? You look as if a pack of wolves tried to tear you apart."
"That's either a shockingly good guess," said Jace, "or you heard about what happened.

Cassandra Clare

#2. My brother got shot three times two months ago, and he didn't get the fever."
"I bet your family gets shot at a lot, huh?

Shelly Laurenston

#3. You're such a romantic. Just like your brother. Do you know what he bought for me for our last anniversary? A knife sharpener.

Kim Fielding

#4. Riza: Without his Alchemy he's just ...
Jean: A little brat who swears a lot
Maes: An arrogant pipsqueak
Roy: Useless. Just useless
Alphonse: Sorry big brother, I don't know how to add to that ...
Ed *starts to cry*: YOU'RE ALL PICKING ON ME!!!

Hiromu Arakawa

#5. What's that?" she asked the girl, wrinkling her nose.
"Oh, that? That's just Pillover."
"And what's a pillover, when it's at home?"
"My little brother."
"Ah, I commiserate. I have several of my own. Dashed inconvenient, brothers.

Gail Carriger

#6. And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl ... there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go ... ' ... if it hadn't been for his head ...

Bill Cosby

#7. The king killed his brother, who was actually king, so that he could be king. Then the dead king's wife and baby disappeared, on account the baby would've been king, so the brother probably killed them, too. They do that kind of thing all the time, kings do. They can kill anybody they don't like.

Sage Blackwood

#8. You let the cops in. Thy've brought in a ram to take down the front door. A white chick in an evening gown will settle the cops faster than a brother with guns.

Faith Hunter

#9. He knew his parents were liars. He'd known since the day he'd found his brother's dead body stuffed inside a suitcase.

Kirkland Ciccone

#10. Jaime smiled. "I hope you're not thinking of taking the black on us, sweet brother."
Tyrion laughed. "What, me, celibate? The whores would go begging from Dorne to Casterly Rock. No, I just want to stand on top of the Wall and piss off the edge of the world.

George R R Martin

#11. Our whole family thrives under pressure. It's like our family motto or something.
Apart from my brother Peter, of course. He had a nervous break down. But the rest of us.

Sophie Kinsella

#12. Of course you don't trust Braith. You don't trust anybody," Ghleanna reminded their brother. "You don't trust the air."
"Because it tends to become unseasonably chilly when I'd prefer it to be warm. It's as if it does it on purpose.

G.A. Aiken

#13. His brother fell silent again, another oddity for Chad. Several seconds passed. "Bro, all of us are a little fucked up." "No shit.

J. Lynn

#14. I gave the Rayna back the phone and shook my head. "Ben and I are like brother and sister. That's gross."
"Hey, I read Flowers in the Attic. It was kind of hot.

Hilary Duff

#15. George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people ... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

George Lopez

#16. Forgive my brother," Camira apologized. "We don't normally let him out of his cage when guests are present.

Brandon Mull

#17. He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam)

Noel Gallagher

#18. If you have pain in your ass, it doesn't mean you have done something wrong, but it's probably because you're wearing your little brother's underwear.

Waheed Ibne Musa

#19. But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was.

Rachel Vincent

#20. Yes, she was a scandal.
Her brother simply didn't know it.
"I fell in the Serpentine today."
"Yes, well, that doesn't usually happen to women in London. But it's not so much of a scandal as it is a challenge.

Sarah MacLean

#21. It's the other part I'm not so sure about. You got any advice for me on that, Lucan?"
"Sure." The vampire grunted, his smile filled with dark amusement. "Dust off your knees, brother, because you may damn well end up walking on them before the night is through.

Lara Adrian

#22. I made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!"

Mitch Hedberg

#23. What makes you think that Valentine's change of plans had anything to do with your brother?"
"Because only Jace can piss someone off that much.

Cassandra Clare

#24. They were bullyin' him, Hermione, 'cause he's so small!" said Hagrid.
"Small?" said Hermione. "Small?"
"Hermione, I couldn't leave him," said Hagrid, tears now trickling down his bruised face into his beard. "See
he's my brother!

J.K. Rowling

#25. To ... to ... What the heck to call a duke who 'comes a monk?"

"Brother?" Colin ventured.

Will shook his head. "A bit too familiar. How 'bout BrotherYourGrace?"

"Got it," Colin exclaimed. "Your Celibacy. Get it? Your Celibacy.

Patricia Coughlin

#26. Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out."
"That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Band? Simon inquired. "No, probably not.

Cassandra Clare

#27. It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.

Lois Greiman

#28. You put your money in the machine, and out comes a hot dog, all without the Illuminati or Big Brother orchestrating the whole thing.

Daniel Higginbotham

#29. Lord Worth: 'I think you may be quite useful to me. The heiress has a brother.'
Captain Audley: 'I am not the least interested in her brother,' objected the Captain.

Georgette Heyer

#30. Don't use your mommy ninja skills on me.

Ottilie Weber

#31. You see?" said Laurent. "He has forgiven me for the small matter of the whip. I have forgiven him for the small matter of killing my brother. All hail the alliance.

C.S. Pacat

#32. We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting - they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

Anthony Jeselnik

#33. How upset is she?"
"Let me put it this way," his brother began, "All the shit you've shoveled from stalls in your life is nothing compared to how deep you're in it now.

Lindsey Brookes

#34. Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.
-Jillian's mother

Gena Showalter

#35. Never touch my brother on his fucking birthday.

Jim Butcher

#36. I've been single so long that if I hug a brother, he'll get pregnant!

Tranea Prosser

#37. The Dude just pounded his way in a straight line, convinced that the lion was a figment of his imagination and that the vampire ahead of him was just Grendel's deformed mutant brother.

Ilona Andrews

#38. Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles. He gave Sansa an angry look, as if it were her fault. He's been taken by the Starks and we've lost Riverrun and now her stupid brother is calling himself a king.
The dwarf smiled crookedly. All sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days.

George R R Martin

#39. My sense of humor was a tool for me getting past my mother and father separating, my older brother having cerebral palsy, and the bullies in the schoolyard. I had to make them laugh to keep them off my ass. I brought that to my professional career.

Tracy Morgan

#40. And when we take ourselves too seriously, we are grim about the brothers and sisters, especially the dissenting ones, and there will be no health in us and no healing humor.

Walter Brueggemann

#41. It was like finding a long-lost brother who farts in the same key.

Dale McGowan

#42. Elinor had some difficulty here to refrain from observing, that she thought Fanny might have borne with composure, an acquisition of wealth to her brother, by which neither she nor her child could be possibly impoverished.

Jane Austen

#43. I glanced at my brother. "How the hell did you jump to that conclusion?!" I asked.
He just grinned and tapped the side of his head. "Brains, dear girl, brains."
I snorted softly."I wasn't aware that was where you kept your brains.

Keri Arthur

#44. Bradley shook his head in amusement, For twins, you and your brother are nothing alike. I used to wonder what it would be like to have a twin, but now ... No offense, but I'm rather glad I came by myself.

Nicole Sager

#45. Some folks say that you can't get rid of a problem until you shuck it. So, brother, let's start shucking.

Richard Puz

#46. When you hand-wash my shirt, be sure to let it soak, you thug."
"Yes, dear," Eli said, accepting his weapons from Nunez, who clearly didn't know what to make of us or our relationship.
"He's my brother," I said to Nunez. "You can see the resemblance in the jawline and the snark line.

Faith Hunter

#47. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.

Christopher Moore

#48. Miss Bennet was therefore established as a sweet girl, and their brother felt authorized by such a commendation to think of her as he chose.

Jane Austen

#49. I am not certain I liked you referring to my brother as a monster." There was a trace of humor in Mikhail's voice.
"You should hear what I call you behind your back," Gregori said, even as his arms spread to accommodate the wings forming.

Christine Feehan

#50. (Vane) laughed at his brother who was slugging it out with another Daimon. How about I grab one leg, you grab the other and we make a wish and pull?

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#51. How long y' think it'll take t'git that wild streak out im?"
"Well, Brother Tiggins, that'll depend on how long he can weather the leather.

Mars Hill

#52. So, technically," Simon said, "even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother.

Cassandra Clare

#53. He's so unlucky it's almost lucky," Gren said. "It's like he has reverse luck."
"He's reverse good-looking, too" said Hyde.
"I'm going to reverse punch you," Strag said to his brother.
"That was reverse smart, man. It means you're going to punch yourself.

Veronica Rossi

#54. I remembered my little brother, Allyn, had appeared so innocent and angelic when he slept
similar to Kerrick. It must be a survival tactic. If Allyn hadn't looked so sweet, we would have killed him while he slept. He had been pure evil when he was awake
similar to Kerrick.

Maria V. Snyder

#55. It wasn't like a date, she reasoned. Not like some weird double date with her and the brother of the dead guy and her best friend and her best friend's ex-husband who didn't really count. It was just eating.

Nora Roberts

#56. Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious - I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well.

George W. Bush

#57. When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Mitch Hedberg

#58. When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Cory Doctorow

#59. I don't like this," his brother told him as they walked down the stairs.
"You don't like anything. I've heard you complain about the air."
"It irritates me when it whistles.

G.A. Aiken

#60. If you ever wanted to take a run at it, I'd say now's your time. There's hardly any competition, unless you count me. Though I am of course very handsome, even dead.

Amie Kaufman

#61. Matty just rolled his eyes and walked over to his older brother. "Why is it when everyone thinks they're on their death bed, they suddenly find Jesus?"
Jayne shrugged and replied, "Because that's where he likes to hang out?

Nonjon

#62. CHEERS, CARTER. At least you have the sense to hand me the microphone for important things.
Honestly, he drones on and on about his plans for the Apocalypse, but he makes no plans at all for the school dance. My brother's priorities are severely skewed.
Sadie Kane

Rick Riordan

#63. By all accounts Rafe's life had been shattered by the loss of his brother Peter. But whereas she turned away from drink when Draven died, Rafe had simply upended a barrel of brandy on his head and hadn't taken that hat off since.

Eloisa James

#64. He held out a hand, I am Lord Bradley, noble nobody if you must know, and greatest source of annoyance to his lordship, Roland. My brother-in-law.

Nicole Sager

#65. Will knelt beside me. I wished I could have taken a holo of him at that moment and played it for him the next time he kicked me out of his room. He never would believe he was the same brother who had once tried to knock me out with a pillow.

Cameron Stracher

#66. As I sat in the hot, salty water, I thought, 'No wonder Mr. Bubble always gives me a urinary tract infection and hives.' Mr. Bubble was for common people. Mr. Bubble was for my so-called brother, their true child. I was a Vanderbilt. I should bathe in condiments and seasonings.

Augusten Burroughs

#67. Smacking his arm lightly, she leaned back. "And Adam is way nicer than his brother."
"A rabid hyena is nicer than Andrew," he retorted. "When we were kids, he locked me in an old chest once. Left me there for hours.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#68. - My little brother craps himself."
I laughed. "- Well, maybe it's because he's, like, only one?"
"- Whatever, it's still gross.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#69. I'm already saved. Hallelujah, praise the Lord. Now unlock that door and set me free, brother.

Kerrelyn Sparks

#70. You're some freaky shit, my brother. You really are

J.R. Ward

#71. You should see his older brother," said Jem. "Makes Gabriel look sweeter than gingerbread. Hates Will even more thanGabriel, too, if that's possible.

Cassandra Clare

#72. Yeah, but I forgot to take my George Orwell-shaped multivitamins along with my breakfast bowl of Big Brother Os this morning.

Jim Butcher

#73. Give up the human, and I'll call them off," Reseph called out.
"Fuck you."
"Incest, brother?" He shrugged. "Well, hell, I've tried everything else since my Seal broke ...

Larissa Ione

#74. To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king.

Susan Mallery

#75. Yes," Bernarde quipped, "Deal with me, Jean Luc. Come and dance with the night, brother. Let us battle 'till the sun turns us to ash.

Katerina Martinez

#76. I miss my brother. Prince was a funny cat. Great sence of humor.

Spike Lee

#77. What do you mean? Leslie's voice was cool, as if she questioned witches who were flat on their backs being threatened by werewolves every day.

Patricia Briggs

#78. Lucern felt himself "She called my erections wonderful?"
Entienne just gaped, then raised a fist to knock on his brother's forehead as if it were a door "Hello! Earth calling Luc! She thinks it's rigor mortis.

Lynsay Sands

#79. My whore of a brother has done it again." "Then, as always, orders me to clean up the mess." "I think I hate him." Poseidon to his brother, Zeus.

Yelle Hughes

#80. Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?

Erma Bombeck

#81. Like Mum and that bastard." "You mean Da?"
"Call him what you like.

G.A. Aiken

#82. Our parents are turning into vampires," Jane's brother had said to her. "Jigsaw-playing vampires.

Liane Moriarty

#83. I swear, Oliver, when did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?"
"I've always been a stick-in-the-mud." Her brother cast her a thin smile. "I just hid it beneath all the debauchery."
She sniffed. "I wish you'd hide it again. It's quite annoying.

Sabrina Jeffries

#84. I really would like to know how you managed to snag that one," she adds, watching Isaac approach us from the parking lot. "Does he have a brother? Seriously
I'll take his second cousin.

J.A. Redmerski

#85. A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

Frank Carson

#86. Join us next time for Days of the Undead when Rachel learns her long lost brother is really a crown prince from outer space.

Kim Harrison

#87. I am no longer a Silent Brother," he said. "Only an ordinary man. My name is James, James Carstairs. But everyone calls me Jem.

Cassandra Clare

#88. A lot of people don't think my brother has a temper. It's like they assume I somehow sucked up the entire quota of "cranky," and now Shaun's perpetually cheery and ready for a challenge while I glower at people from behind my sunglasses and plot the downfall of the Western world.

Mira Grant

#89. I find my anger ebbing away, and I'm lost in muffled grief again, this time not just for Tris, but for Uriah, whose smile is burned into my memory. My friend's brother, and then my friend, too, though not for long enough to let his humor work its way into me, not for long enough.

Veronica Roth

#90. So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

Christopher Moore

#91. Why no s for two deer,
but an s for two monkeys?
Brother Quang says
no one knows.
So much for rules!
Whoever invented English should be bitten by a snake.

Thanhha Lai

#92. Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.

Woody Allen

#93. Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mr. and Mrs. Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father, or brother was killed, wounded, or reported missing in action.

Joseph Heller