Top 100 Boys Humor Quotes
#1. . . . Mrs. Lambchop sighed and shook her head. "You're at the office all day, having fun," she said. "You don't realize what I go through with the boys. They're very difficult."
Kids are like that," Mr. Lambchop said. "Phases. Be patient, dear.
Jeff Brown
#2. He's got more red flags than Soviet Russia.
Kresley Cole
#3. At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
#4. The incongruous combination of white hair, beard, and powerful arms usually caused boys to scatter with the muddled impression that Father Christmas was angry with them.
Helen Oyeyemi
#5. There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?
David Foster Wallace
#6. High time he had another tutor,' said Larry. 'You leave the house for five minutes and come back and find him disembowelling Moby Dick on the front porch.' 'I'm sure he didn't mean any harm,' said Mother, ' but it was rather silly for him to do it on the veranda.
Gerald Durrell
#7. As I nodded and smiled and umm-hmm'd and oh, my'd my way down the drive, I wondered if boys had any sort of magazine that told them how to attract women and, if so, did it ever tell them to put the girls' interests first?
Jennifer Donnelly
#8. They were, thank the patron saint of jilted gay boys everywhere, Saint Oh-No-He-Din't.
Cherie Noel
#9. The thought of Peter and John Ambrose McClaren in the same space together again is discomforting. Where would I even look?
Jenny Han
#10. Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy.
Rachel Caine
#11. There was a hell for blasphemers. There was a hell for disputers of rightful authority. There were a number of hells for liars. There was probably a hell for little boys who wished their grandmothers were dead. There were more than enough hells to go around.
Terry Pratchett
#12. You're staring," Lana said.
"Yes. I am. I'm a teenage boy. Beautiful girls in wet underwear have a tendency to cause staring in teenage boys.
Michael Grant
#13. Guns, she was reminded then, were not for girls. They were for boys. They were invented by boys. They were invented by boys who had never gotten over their disappointment that accompanying their own orgasm there wasn't a big boom sound.
Lorrie Moore
#14. Okay, okay, okay ... go to your corners, boys. This is a nice Aubusson carpet you're standing on. You get blood on it and I'll have Fritz so far up my ass I'll be coughing on his hankie.
J.R. Ward
#15. boys, girls and music . . why do they need gin?
Frank
#18. She was wearing her new purple miniskirt with the split up the side and an incredibly bright red lipstick she had bought off the internet that was guaranteed to drive boys wild
Colin Thompson
#19. Get fat if you can, boys. Tomorrow's bringin' her sister.
Gary Prisk
#20. Diesel sucked air. "You keep fondling me like that, and I might have to marry you."
"I'm not fondling you. I'm looking for the keys!"
"Could you look a little more gently? You're scaring my boys.
Janet Evanovich
#22. Wait -- you kissed a girl you didn't like, tried to make me jealous, and almost got kicked out of school -- and you still didn't learn how to dance?' She looked at the ceiling. 'Why are boys so stupid?
Varian Johnson
#23. Kevin doesn't just wake up with that spiky bedhead look, Pudge. He works for it. He loves that hair. They leave their hair products here, Pudge, because they have duplicates at home. All these boys do. And do you know why?'
'Because they're compensating for their tiny penises?' i asked.
John Green
#25. Molly: So how do you think of Bryce Hamilton crowd so far? Boys hot enough for you?
Bethany: I wouldn't say hot. Most of them seem to have a normal body temperature.
Alexandra Adornetto
#26. Your boyfriend smells bad, says Sarah as she sniffs the armpit of the giant sweatshirt.
All boys smell bad I say and she nods her head like we have just figured out something very important.
Amy Reed
#27. Boys don't like
smart girls
they like
push-around-in-a-cart
kinda girls
target-for-their-dart
kinda girls
meat-for-their-shark
kinda girls
Casey Renee Kiser
#28. You might as well humor me and let the Band-Aid boys check you out.
Pamela Clare
#30. The more I study men, the more I realize that they are nothing in the world but boys grown too big to be spankable.
Jean Webster
#31. That's the way you have to be with boys," said Betsy. "Beam about their old football when you're dying to know whether they're going to take you to a party.
Maud Hart Lovelace
#32. I would not trade any of these features for anybody else's. I wouldn't trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn't even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.
Tina Fey
#33. I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes.
Mitt Romney
#34. He hadn't said a word to me until we had been roommates for eight months. And even then it had only been, "You're wearing my socks.
Melody J. Bremen
#35. A Tolet ad: "Two beds boys available". I wonder which one is Tolet?
Santosh Avvannavar
#36. I wish there were jokes in the cat world," Buddy sighed. "Want to try to one? Let's think of a prank we can pull on the boys.
Gretchen Preston
#37. Every time they have somebody born in the movies, it is a little boy. They never have little girls being born. What makes boys so great and woooonnnderfullll? I can do anything a boy can do
Fannie Flagg
#38. 'He'll probably end up angling for a threesome. Then I'll have to get my animal name so I can be a part of the group. So Native American of you white boys. I'll probably go for something like Falcon. Or Wolf.'
'Jackass suits you better,' Anna intones.
T.J. Klune
#39. Boys! Are they always this impossible? Do they always say cryptic, indecipherable things? (Note
to self: work with Liz to adapt her boy-to-English translator into a more mobile form - like maybe a
watch or necklace.)
Ally Carter
#40. And what have I done?"
What? WHAT? ... You've stolen them."
With that, Cornelia fled, but Buttercup understood; she knew who "them" was.
The boys.
The beef-witted featherbrained rattledskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed BOYS.
William Goldman
#41. Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!
Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer
Mark Twain
#42. He told me once that he didn't fear conscription as much as everyone else because the dozen bloodthirsty girls he was leaving behind were far more dangerous.
Victoria Aveyard
#44. Aw," Dana said when they'd put some distance between them and Evan. "He loves you."
"Dana, that's what boys say when they don't really know you but want to have sex with you. He's lucky I didn't go back and punch him in the mouth.
Robin Alexander
#45. Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.
MaryJanice Davidson
#46. I don't know. I don't understand how boys think. If I knew that I'd be a millionare.
Magan Vernon
#47. Boys are universal giver, women remains universal receiver.
Santosh Kalwar
#48. 'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken?
Ally Carter
#49. When he overheard the boys whispering that he was a queer, he said he regarded that as a compliment since so many of the world's great men had been homosexual. Alas, I've been sentenced to a life mundane heterosexuality. I can only hope that a few of you will be more fortunate.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
#50. When William came to Kyle's aid, he told them that there's nothing wrong with being gay, and that his Uncle Jerry is gay, and that the boys should just-" Lenore smiled a little. "uh... 'cowboy up'.
D.W. Marchwell
#51. When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
Janet Evanovich
#52. Some women simply find bad boys hot, attractive, and very bad ones enthralling and mesmerizing
Anno Nomius
#53. I was wrong last night. Kyler isn't just trouble. He's an apocalypse-level disaster waiting to happen. I need to find some fallout shelter to hide in. And quick.
Siobhan Davis
#54. Ah Padriac. I have often wondered if boys who have flaming red hair up top also have ... yep.
L.A. Meyer
#55. Without thinking about it at all, Harry stepped in front of Hermione.
There was an intake of breath from behind him, and then a moment later Hermione brushed past and stepped in front of him. "Run, Harry!" she said. "Boys shouldn't have to be in danger.
Eliezer Yudkowsky
#56. Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
Noel Fielding
#57. Yes, she'd made a mistake ... but she wasn't going to be bullied. You couldn't let boys go around raining on your lava and ogling other people's watercolors.
Terry Pratchett
#58. Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy ... well.
John Green
#59. I don't use a crap camera, I don't eat junk, and I'm not going to a dance where the boys are bores
Adriana Trigiani
#60. I'm not trouble at all. I'm just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I'm like every song on the radio.
Hailey Abbott
#61. Just be careful, hon," Rosanna said.
"Oh, are the plates hot?" I flinched back just before my hands made contact.
Rosanna laughed. "No, but hot boys can burn you just as easily.
C.J. Duggan
#62. I'm doing boy detox. Like a diet, only for my emotional health.
Becca Fitzpatrick
#63. You know, most boys enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl.
Veronica Roth
#64. Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence. "Boys are like candy," she suddenly says. I grin. "Really, Mom? That's your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens?
Rucy Ban
#65. I was told very sternly at the hospital to avoid boys at all costs. Mess up your levels."
"Oh, they do that!" Amy laughs. "Probably best to leave them alone for a while. The secret, though, is to start with one you're not that bothered about."
What is the point in that?
Teri Terry
#66. But I didn't. I didn't say anything, if only because I had no idea how to respond to such an overture. If my experience with friends was sparse, what I knew about boys- other than a competitors for grades or class rank- was nonexistent
Sarah Dessen
#67. I am wearing an old yellow sundress of Celia's, and I have tied my hair back with green ribbon. I think I look real nice. And all they see is the cake.
Jenny Han
#68. As boys going to sea immediately become nautical in speech, walk as if they already had their "sea legs" on, and shiver their timbers on all possible occasions, so I turned military at once, called my dinner my rations, saluted all new comers, and ordered a dress parade that very afternoon.
Louisa May Alcott
#69. Dill was in hearty agreement with this plan of action. Dill was becoming something of a trail anyways, following Jem about ... He only grew closer to Jem. (Lee 55)
Harper Lee
#70. It seems to me that dealing with little boys is a lot like playing poker. You need to know when to hold them, when to fold them, and when to walk away. But the most important thing you need to know is, oral contraceptives are only 97 percent effective.
Paula Wall
#71. I like to play dirty. I can also be very, very exacting." Rate St. Sebastian.
Samanthe Beck
#72. My many years of living have not made the actions of teenage boys any less enigmatic.
Avery Williams
#73. Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
P.G. Wodehouse
#74. As Sean seem determined to shadow her every move, she concluded that young boys were much like cats. They insisted on giving their company to those who most feared or distrusted them.
J.D. Robb
#75. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there.
Rhys Darby
#76. Boys, the longer you wait to get my requested prehistoric attack dogs, the more chance we have of people we care about getting hurt, more hurt, or killed. Oh, and don't hurt the alligators
they're a protected species.
Gini Koch
#77. I never see any difference in boys. I only know two sorts of boys. Mealy boys and beef-faced boys.
Charles Dickens
#78. I didn't like his tone. In fact I didn't like boys' tone when they knew they were hot and tried to be rude to girls because they knew they were hot.
Luella Christie
#79. Lots of old guys wore beige trench coats and those flat caps that made them look like boys who sold newspapers a hundred years ago.
A.J. Cattapan
#80. That's it ... I'm completely giving up on boys and concentrating on staying alive.
Samantha Young
#81. Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them.
SIERRA
#82. You wired the kid," Truemann said meekly to no one in particular.
"Why not? No crime. You're the FBI, remember. You boys run more wire than AT&T."[Reggie Love]
John Grisham
#83. I can tell by the look on Hagin's face that he had eaten some of my food. It is amazing those boys aren't fat.
R.A. Smith
#84. He's a mass of contradictions. Unfortunately, that only seems to enhance his appeal. I'm one sick bitch, that's for sure.
Siobhan Davis
#85. And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass.
Elizabeth Eulberg
#86. Well, I am glad you boys didn't try to use my saws, or we would really have a mess," Big Tim teased.
Gretchen Preston
#87. You're human, that's what I like about you. Well not that you're a human, well yes that you're human but that you're a girl human.
Evelyn Smith
#88. God doesn't do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, "Can I be excused the Crucifixion?" No!
Alan Bennett
#89. You know teenage boys, you own one-Mason Lerner
Natasha Larry
#90. Pennsylvania. The boys nodded appreciatively, as if Abby had said Emily was from Naughty Dirty Sex Land
Sara Shepard
#91. I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"
Mitch Hedberg
#92. Don't quit your day jobs, boys, but always keep your sense of humor.
Kimberly Guilfoyle
#93. Seeing him jogging at the park had cracked the window so I could peek into his soul. Seeing him with his friends threw the window wide open.
He was so nineteen.
Jennifer Echols
#94. I learned that you don't refer to Buffy, the Winchesters, or even the Frog Brothers from The Lost Boys in front of Council officials. They do not have a sense of humor about that sort of entertainment.
Anonymous
#95. Mr Warty's face swelled up like a puffer fish - all his whiskers standing straight out like poison spikes.
Ferguson Fartworthy
#96. Poor boys are easier than middle-class or rich ones. Boys who've been busted are easier than boys who have not. Southern boys are easier than Northern boys. Marines are easier than Masturbation.
John Valentine
#97. You're the only kick-ass general I know who needs three gay boys to dress him, John."
"But I only need one gay boy to undress me.
Sarah Black
#98. The thing about teen idol," Louisa is saying, "is he morphs through time. The boys' faces and names change, but the emotional need they fulfill, well, that never changes.
Allison Pearson
#99. Boys say they don't mind how you get your hair done. But then they leave you for someone with really great standard girl hair and the next thing you know you're alone with a masculine crop crying into your granola.
Alexa Chung
#100. Did you get notes for me?"
"No", Ronan replied,"I thought you were dead in a ditch.
Maggie Stiefvater
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