Top 100 Your Kid Quotes
#1. Any father can relate to feeling like a superhero when you put a Band-Aid on your kid.
Justin Hartley
#2. Risks I think are the thing that make life important and everything that you and I do is risk vs. benefit. Is there a risk to sending your kid out? Absolutely. Is there a benefit? It exceeds the risk.
C. Everett Koop
#4. I tried piano, acting, and a bunch of things. My family let me do what I wanted to do; they made sure I had balance in my life because I was self-driven. Listen to your kid, encourage them, and make it fun.
Summer Sanders
#5. Teachers loved to say people had potential; that's what teachers did to keep themselves from getting canned. What were they supposed to say-I'm sorry, your kid has no promise whatsoever? She's utterly mediocre in every way?
Anne Ursu
#6. You have to do all you can as a parent to stop your kid from doing all the craziness that's going on in the world. And although I still have music that's saying one thing, I still let them know what it is, and I'm not doing anything in my music that I wouldn't tell my kids about.
Ginuwine
#7. [Drug] Addiction is awful, the worst if it is your kid. Plenty of loving parents who did everything "right" find themselves with kids caught up with drugs, and plenty of absentee parents have kids who never touch the stuff.
Roxanne Roberts
#8. It's a hard process to navigate ... to figure out where your kid ought to go to college.
Margaret Spellings
#9. I'm not into sugar for kids, but you don't want your kid to be the carrot kid. There's always the kid at the birthday parties carrying a bag of carrots. You've got to let them eat a little cake.
Tobey Maguire
#10. Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
Fred Allen
#11. I did not like leaving them when they were little or big. You have to have priorities regarding what you will allow to take you away from your kid.
Kate Hudson
#12. I am very fortunate I can send my kids to private school, but everybody does not have the money. If you cannot get your kid in a good school today, your kids are going to be behind the eight ball.
Spike Lee
#13. Vegetarian is like raising a kid Mennonite. It's difficult but not that different. Raising your kid vegan is like being Amish. A totally different world.
Victoria Moran
#14. The vast majority of chatter surrounding parenthood is junk. All of these seemingly divisive decisions - like pain meds in labor, newborn sleep arrangements, and scheduling - are often phrased as moral imperatives from both sides. Screw that. Take care of your kid. Do what works.
J.J. Keith
#15. Maybe being a good parent is about improvisation and spontaneity. Maybe it's about genuinely being with your kid. Sometimes though, it is also about being able to catch sick in yours hands.
Keith Stuart
#16. Just because you're a man doesn't mean that you can't raise your kid. I think that families should stay together, but if you are a single father, don't give up no matter what they say.
Nicolas Cage
#17. We cannot blame the schools alone for the dismal decline in SAT verbal scores. When our kids come home from school do they pick up a book or do they sit glued to the tube, watching music videos? Parents, don't make the mistake of thinking your kid only learns between 9:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.
George W. Bush
#18. There's a Drunk Midget in My House
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!
Tina Fey
#19. I had tears streaking down my cheeks and everyone was subtly getting the hell out of my way, pulling their children away from me like I was deranged. I'm not going to attack your kid just because I'm crying. Jeez.
R.S. Grey
#20. Once your kid reaches middle school, parents are really supposed to fade out of the social picture. Kids are supposed to make their own plans, keep up with sophisticatedly crude discussions, and be able to go out on their own without supervision.
Claire Scovell LaZebnik
#21. If you're a citizen of the State of New York, your kid has as much a right as another kid to an education, and the best education. The money should be distributed equally to all.
Carl Paladino
#22. Unless your kid is Pele Jr., they're not going to be able to feed themselves from soccer. If your kid knows how to play soccer, but not make dinner, you have done them a disservice.
Alton Brown
#23. I'm not an actress and I suck at lying. I am also far from being a seductress. It's hard to practice the art of seduction when you're always pushing your kid sister around in her wheelchair. Not to mention that daily jeans and baggy sweatshirt do not a seductress make.
Susan Ee
#24. If war occurs, that positive adult contact in every shape is needed more than ever. It will be a matter of emotional life and death. There's not a handy one-minute way of talking to your kid about war.
Richard Louv
#25. You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, 'No ice cream,' buys the ice cream, and says, 'Don't tell your mother.' You teach the child to lie - and to disrespect the other parent.
Howie Mandel
#26. Take care of your kid's character, and everything will follow after that. Character is everything
Dennis Prager
#27. No matter how good your kid is, sometimes life has a way of bringing shit to them that no one can foresee or protect against. If that happens to Kylie, I'll just have to be there to help her get through it.
Jasinda Wilder
#28. When you realize, you have no idea what's going on in your kid's head? One morning, you wake up and there's this alien in your house. They look like your kid, sound a little like them, but they are not your kid. They're something else that you don't know.
Megan Abbott
#29. The cool part about naming your kid is you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
Bill Murray
#30. This is part of the essence of motherhood, watching your kid grow into her own person and not being able to do anything about it. Otherwise children would be nothing more than pets.
Heather Armstrong
#31. I've changed for the better. I'm much more selfless and humble and you're reminded about what life's really about. You love your kid so much that you just want to be a brilliant role model for them. It cleans up your act a bit.
Curtis Stone
#32. Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it's an HIV test.
Daniel Tosh
#33. You don't bad-mouth your ex or anything like that. The key is your kid knowing that both parents still love him and are there for him.
Dennis Quaid
#34. Showing your movie to an audience ... it's like your kid doing a piano recital. 'Just let it not fail. Please.'
Rian Johnson
#36. I love being a mom. But there's a certain kind of tedium to your life when your kid is young. Writing allows you to wander when your kid is napping in a crib ten feet away. So that's the great joy of writing fiction for me.
Gayle Forman
#37. After all, you can't hang out at the park with your kid and shop for coordinating head scarves and flip-flops (or whatever else Bethany does to fill the endless expanse of nonworking days) without a college education.
Oh, that's right. You totally can.
Megan McCafferty
#38. I've been working since I was five years old, and everyone in my life, outside of my family, would look at us and go, "You're crazy! Take your kid out of the business and put them in school because you're never gonna succeed."
Chloe Grace Moretz
#39. Having a hangover with small children is never a good idea. I did it once and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made, I've never felt so ill in my life. You have to get out of bed and look after your kid who doesn't care if you've got a sore head.
Sharleen Spiteri
#40. Hell, your kid is fucking my wife, and your wife is fucking me. [ ... ]
Not that she's any good, Zane said, looking at Georgia, and when she made a little cry of protest, he added, Hell Georgia, even Jell-O moves when you eat it.
Jennifer Crusie
#41. Parents, if your kid is eating herself, you have to let her. Let your child devour herself whole. Even if she disappears completely, encourage her to vanish. Let your child eat the shit out of herself and then shit herself out. Let her eat that.
Melissa Broder
#42. Van Wort was fat and his name was Van Wort. With that combination, why would you pack your kid off to camp? Let him play with ladybugs in the safety of his own lawn.
Sam Lipsyte
#43. The average teen today spends about 35 hours a week in front of a screen of some kind: iPod, movie, TV, video. And a lot of it is good, but a lot of it's not. And so I think you've got that five hours a day of media coming into your kid's head that's creating a lot of havoc out there.
Sean Covey
#44. I've learned so much from being a mom about the kind of person I want to be, the kind of woman I want to be. Motherhood has taught me mindfulness. If you just parent on instinct, you'll screw your kid up for life. You have to be so mindful.
Gwyneth Paltrow
#45. When we join God in his plan for his global glory, we get to be a part of the cosmic take-your-kid-t o-work day.
Matt Chandler
#47. Is it too soon for me to put aside money for your kid's college education in order to thank him for helpin' me drag his mother's head outta her ass?
Kristen Ashley
#48. If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.
George Carlin
#49. When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way to articulate it and inspire them.
Louis C.K.
#50. Steve. That always felt made-up to me. Like, when your kid says, "Tell me about my daddy, Mama!" and you're on the spot so you blurt out the first name that comes to mind - "Uh, his name was, um, Steve, honey.
Erin Watt
#51. Out on the street, you never know what you're getting, and suddenly two days later you're beating yourself in the head with a tennis racket, wearing a towel, quoting Poe. You don't want that for your kid. You really don't want that.
Johnny Depp
#52. There are two kinds of cryptography in this world: cryptography that will stop your kid sister from reading your files, and cryptography that will stop major governments from reading your files.
Bruce Schneier
#53. If you were out of a job and your kid needed diapers and your husband just left you, you would be so confused.
Barbara Steele
#54. Things run along pretty smoothly until your kid reaches thirteen. That's the time you need to stick 'em in a barrel, hammer the lid down nice and snug, and feed 'em through the knothole. And then, about the time he turns sixteen, plug up the knothole!2
David Jeremiah
#55. Saying you just want your kid to be happy puts enormous pressure on the child. They feel if they're not happy, they're failing. Periods of unhappiness are okay and our kids need to know that; it's the struggle that makes you who you are.
Julie Lythcott-Haims
#56. Shapeshifter parenting motto - if your kid slits somebody's throat, always have a backup plan to make the body disappear.
Ilona Andrews
#57. I timed my previous wife's pregnancy to the moment to have my son born on Bob Dylan's 50th birthday. There is no bigger Bob Dylan fan than me. You don't just time the day and impregnate your wife to get your kid to be born on Bob Dylan's 50th birthday.
Charlie Trotter
#58. Being a lazy parent and letting your kid watch stuff that's not appropriate for their age is one of the bigger mistakes you can make.
Jennie Garth
#59. Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.
Chanakya
#60. Exactly one day in your life your kid will ski as good as you do. The next day, he'll ski better than you.
Warren Miller
#61. Stop worrying about whether they can handle it. You want the truth? Your kid is hardier than you are ... Kids are tough.
Mark Jenkins
#62. Never buy your kid a Puzzle that you can't solve!
Yatin Patel
#63. It's a form of bullying, in my opinion, to make sure that your kid gets the best grades, the best jobs and all that sort of stuff. I just want my child to be happy. I want him to do his best and trust God in the rest, but I'm not going to bully him.
Nick Vujicic
#64. If you take your kid in for the sniffles, you pay $20, but the full cost is $200. And so we need to get back to the price system where you see the full cost of health care, and then people will make smarter decisions. That will reduce health care costs, and it's a huge part of our economy.
Dave Brat
#65. You think you're paying your dollar for a chance at the $6.2 million jackpot on Saturday, but really you're paying for the pleasure of the car ride home, deciding which credit card to pay off first and where your kid will suddenly be able to go to college.
Kelly Braffet
#66. If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It's about the same.
Bob Golic
#67. Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers ... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.
Amy Poehler
#68. Fishing is much less about the fishing, and much more about the time alone with your kid, away from the hustle and bustle of the everyday.
Dan Pearce
#69. Helping out in your kid's classroom is a great way to get involved with your child's school.
Tamra Davis
#70. My first intervention is to say, when your baby is born, just don't jump on your kid at night," Cohen says, "Give your baby a chance to self-soothe, don't automatically respond, even from birth.
Pamela Druckerman
#71. Parents have to understand: if your kid isn't you, don't blame the kid.
Chaz Bono
#72. Multiculturalism means your kid has to learn some wretched tribal dirge for the school holiday concert instead of getting to sing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.'
Henry Hazlitt
#73. This place is like some cosmic dream crusher. All you can get out of a place like this is a creepy little tingle that lets you know your kid is never going to be anything more than a customer-that the whole world is being turned into casino.
Douglas Coupland
#74. You can't listen to what people who aren't musical have to say. When Anytime was released, I had bad reviews, and at first I was hurt. Your songs are like your children. You don't want to hear, 'Your kid is ugly.' But I knew the record was good and it would sell.
Brian McKnight
#75. It's one thing to say you're for the war; it's another thing to send your kid to war - your daughter or your son.
Tim O'Brien
#76. When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
#77. I think sports for kids is the greatest thing in the world because it teaches you how to share, about winning and losing and pressure. But I don't think you should force your kid to become a professional athlete.
Wayne Gretzky
#78. Aren't you scared your kid's getting kidnapped ... RIGHT NOW?
Aziz Ansari
#79. Get between your kid and drugs, any way you can, if you want to save the kid's life.
Carroll O'Connor
#80. Reason number twelve, you've got a mini-me out there somewhere, and I kind of want the chance to meet a little Scarlet." "You don't like kids," I point out. "True, I don't," he says. "But she's your kid, which means there's a decent chance she's not half-bad, either.
J.M. Darhower
#81. If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, he should have an outfit for that.
John Waters
#82. Why thrust your kid into that? You try to protect them from all the bad people out there.
John Aniston
#83. When I was seven, I was allowed to be an extra in 'Parenthood,' which was amazing. But then I kind of got addicted to it, and my parents didn't want me to want to act. They felt that would be putting your kid in an adult world.
Bryce Dallas Howard
#84. A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?
Robert Benchley
#85. The second problem is that your kid might be right about the "weird, hippie doctor." The fact is that many
Mike Bradley
#86. Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they're gonna be fine!
Jeff Garlin
#87. It's very important, once you are a parent, that you educate your kid day by day.
Ana Tijoux
#88. It's almost like learning to meditate to learn to hear what your kid is actually saying.
Anne Lamott
#89. It turns out that the 'Cry It Out' method of baby sleep training, where you ignore that your kid is screaming, crying and turning 40 shades of purple so that she can break herself out of the habit of being spoiled and cuddled to sleep, does more harm - way more - than good.
Denene Millner
#90. The closest thing I could think of that men go through is like a prisoner of war being tortured, and then coming back from that experience. It's traumatic and grounding and makes you commit to the world. Also, because you want all of these things for your kid.
Larkin Grimm
#91. The textbooks are dumbed down to the where your kid sister could probably read them, and the teacher go over and over and over the same stuff anyway, drilling it into your head so that they can ask you one hundred multiple-choice questions to get it all back out of you again.
Charles Benoit
#92. Because you fight it out, and stumble, and write bad poetry, and pick yourself up again, and at the end, hopefully, someday youre sitting with your kid on her bedroom floor, talking about how you screwed everything up too.
Josie Bloss
#93. I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.
Mike Tyson
#94. Maybe you're not even in a position to really judge how good your kid is at that endeavor.
Adrian Tomine
#95. I feel that there is a decision people make to either engage in a legitimately ridiculous process to get your kid into school, or choose not to engage in that so much, and end up finding a nice local school that fits.
John Hodgman
#96. There's people out there that are like, 'Oh my God, I want to have your kid. I want to marry you.' People that I've never even met. That's sweet. It's funny.
Ryan Lochte
#97. You're not a bad parent if you don't save for your kid's college because instead you had to choose to feed them and clothe them. Those things come first. They can go to school and do this thing called 'work' while they're in school.
Dave Ramsey
#98. Wouldn't you rather your kid be a drug dealer than a drug addict?
John Waters
#99. You want the best for your kid, but everybody's career is completely different in this industry.
Joely Fisher
#100. I feel like my competition is everything else that's competing for people's attention, not just other print magazines, newspapers and cable. It's your kid's report card and the games you want to play, all the things that compete for people's time.
Nancy Gibbs
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