Top 100 Ya Humor Quotes
#1. I'm so sorry, I forget to introduce m'self. Cleo, shat for Cleopaitra, cause m' daddy always said I look like an Egyptian princess. And ya are?"
"Not as happy to meet you," he said.
Elle Klass
#2. I nipped little kisses along his jawline. God, I just couldn't keep my hands or lips off of him. "God, you are the most delicious thing I have ever tasted."
He laughed. "That's something the vampire should be saying to you, not the other way around.
Tish Thawer
#3. According to Sarah, who had gone two years ago, prom was famous for being an overpriced disappointment where most people had no fun.
Cammie McGovern
#4. High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know ...
David Cross
#5. There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an 'idea'. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave.
Leah Broadby
#6. Good try, ya bugging shank. The Gathering elects Runners, and if you think I'm tough, they'd laugh in your face.
James Dashner
#7. I swear to God, Boss," he said one day. "Ya ain't never been a talker, but lately, if ya'd a had to rub two words together to make a fire, you'd a done froze to death.
Eli Easton
#8. Think Pickelman's our guy?'
'Maybe. Or maybe he knows who is. Or maybe he's guilty of something else.'
'Glad you could narrow it down,' Bailey replied.
'Always here for ya.
Marcia Clark
#9. It's complicated," I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.
"Talk slowly," Jenna retorted derisively.
"Okay, I deserved that," I admitted.
Laura Kreitzer
#10. Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
Jim Gaffigan
#13. Besides, I kind of like my face intact like this, two eyes, one nose, one mouth, a full set of teeth, which, if I'm being honest, is one of my better features.
Jennifer Niven
#14. This is no tall story. Nor is it a short story. Indeed, a story cannot be measured, for their realities stretch far beyond a page or one person's life.
Leah Broadby
#15. When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?
Henry Rollins
#18. Of all the secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood the most divine was humor.
Rebecca Wells
#19. Is this your girl?" she asks, not waiting for an answer. "She's breathtaking."
"You're my new favorite person," Billie giggles.
Rebecca Harris
#20. When he flashed that rockin' smile of his again, I couldn't help but think that me being cute was what might be crossing his mind. Then again, maybe he thought I was a dumbass. Either way, he smiled, which was good enough for me. - Ariel
Victoria H. Smith
#22. Maybe I should put an ad online. Honor student seeks overly self-confident young man for fake relationship. Terms negotiable.
Chris Cannon
#23. Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.
Flynn Meaney
#25. He wanted to break up with me in the cafeteria? Fat chance. I leaned toward him and touched his arm in a girlfriend sort of way. "If you planned to stage a public breakup with me, you can forget it."
Amusement showed in his hazel eyes. "Think you can stop me?
Chris Cannon
#26. I suppose you'll not let me rest until I admit that I like your company?"
"You're getting to know me well ... "
"Very well, I'll admit. You're slightly more than tolerable.
Jody Hedlund
#27. I reckon Southern writers are a lot like biscuit makers...more than one can give ya a good feed.
Lola Faye Arnold
#28. The thought of abandoning his friend to save himself was never an option. He collapsed, pushing even closer to Raimie. Pressing his lips against his friend's ear, he whispered, "As good a day to die as any." He would defend them until his end.
Wendy Owens
#29. My uncle Steve showed me this site, So ........ I gotta' go - See Ya!!
Ronald Johnson
#30. After all, whistling put everyone at ease. Unless it was a funeral dirge. But he didn't want to think about that." Montague.
M.H. Snowy
#31. How ya doing?" Gabby's face came into view, and she grinned down at me. She'd stopped doing her healing thing, and the pain rushed in.
"I'm just peachy," I quipped, throat scratchy. "Only hurts when I breathe or blink or exist, if I'm being honest.
Laura Kreitzer
#32. Shhh, it's okay Cait, Daddy will be back. I am going to take care of you, just like Uncle Drake takes care of Mommy. Shhh honey, you don't need to cry,Jaks whispered.
Brei Betzold
#33. I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I'm just a human being with all the regular faults and it seems no matter how hard I try, I can't change that.
Rebekah Joy Anast
#34. They tell ya when t' start and they tell ya when t' stop. All you have to do is run!
Mark K. Henderson
#35. That creature's staying?' It figured. Her daughter-in-law transforming into an animal? No problem. Having to take care of a cat? Crisis. (Sydney Sage-Ivashkov)
Richelle Mead
#36. You smell good," he whispered into my neck. He was warm against me. Instinctively, I arched back into him and smiled.
"Really?"
"Mmm-hmm. Delicious. Like bacon.
Michelle Hodkin
#37. Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
Rodney Dangerfield
#38. Your boyfriend smells bad, says Sarah as she sniffs the armpit of the giant sweatshirt.
All boys smell bad I say and she nods her head like we have just figured out something very important.
Amy Reed
#39. I lost my temper," I finish. "I lost my temper. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"Well, no one means to lose their temper, my boy," the Captain smiles. "If they did, it wouldn't be lost.
Rebecca Harris
#40. You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed.
"Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.
"Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.
Darynda Jones
#41. Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot.
Bo Burnham
#42. When you say gorgeous," Jen started, "are we talking Brad Pitt boyish good looks, or Johnny Depp make ya want to slap somebody?" "No, we're talking Brad and Johnny need to bow down and recognize" Jacque answered.
Quinn Loftis
#43. Waking up the next morning was torture. I dragged myself to the bathroom feeling like I'd been thrown against a brick wall. Repeatedly. By the Hulk.
K.J. McPike
#44. Step One: Grab Mattie. Step Two: Run. It wasn't much of a plan. But what it lacked in potential it made up for in simplicity.
Ted Rabinowitz
#45. One who will offer you his coat when you're cold or cut you a bloom from his favorite rosebush just because he was thinkin' about ya while he worked. One who'll take your sass in good humor and sass you back when ya need it.
Karen Witemeyer
#46. I'm so sorry. I think I'm just tired."
The socially accepted excuse for being mental.
Lucy Ivison
#47. Write like you got Chuck Norris after ya'!
Ren Garcia
#48. Violet: "You're an asshole."
Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect.
Jessica Shirvington
#49. My Heart and Other Black Holes is alive with intensity, gut-wrenching honesty, moments of humor, and
of course
heart. This is an extraordinary debut by a striking new voice in YA fiction that left me in awe and moved beyond measure. Not to be missed.
Nova Ren Suma
#50. Michael felt as if his heart might burst. With the death of the council he had felt as though he had lost everything that mattered to him, but here in his arms, he found the last piece of hope he had left in the world. We have to go back and help Gabe.
Wendy Owens
#51. All groups are a little intimidated by ya show of power. I mean who ever thought the monarchy was dead didn't realize it changed zip codes. - Cross
Mira Monroe
#52. The other one was filled with loud and obnoxious tourists. Always boasting on winning a sand castle competition and seeing who could get tanned first. What a whacky bunch of people.
Erica Sehyun Song
#53. You could start a fire with the heat between you two."
"You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.
Michelle Hodkin
#54. If you were a country," I said, "what would your national anthem be?"
I meant a pre-existing song
"What a Wonderful World" or "Que Sera, Sera" or something to make it a joke, like "Hey Ya!" ("I would like, more than anything else, for my nation to be shaken like a Polaroid picture.")
David Levithan
#55. I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.
Rodney Dangerfield
#56. You better hope she doesn't say a word," Gabe warned, lifting a finger to Uri's nose.
Uri grabbed the finger laughing, "What are you going to do, cupcake? Seduce me to death, in all your sexy glory?"
"Just shut up," Gabe groaned, pushing the door shut in his friend's face.
Wendy Owens
#57. I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect ... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!
Rodney Dangerfield
#58. I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"
Rodney Dangerfield
#59. Life lesson 3, If someone of the same gender says something like, "Silly Willy", or "ohhohyou stop that big boy/little lady", all you need to do is BOOK IT MAN, RUN AS FAST AS YO FACE'LL TAKE YA!
John Hankins
#60. People need hope Michael, as much as they need a leader. You and Gabe are the answer to both of those things. You'll lead the people of earth to victory and Gabe will give them the hope they need to keep going, Mirada said, her voice sensitive, yet unwavering.
Wendy Owens
#61. I turn my head so that he doesn't see my smile and secretly curse him for making me feel special.
Kasie West
#62. I dreamed I was buying new shoes last night," said Ron. "What d'ya think that's gonna mean?"
"Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something," said Harry.
J.K. Rowling
#63. The word love doesn't count when the word ya comes right after it.
Tommy Greenwald
#64. You never know what's coming for ya" from the 2008 American romantic fantasy drama film 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', directed by David Fincher.
Unknown
#65. Ya were going to turn me into a rat? Had I known that I wouldn't have tried to turn ya into a snake.
Michelle M. Pillow
#66. Awe! Leaving so soon?" Gabby said sweetly, holding the door open. "I was just about to pull out the gun for you to play single-player Russian Roulette.
Laura Kreitzer
#67. Thinking sure could get a fellow in a lot of trouble. Almost as much as opening his big gabber and sticking his muddy foot in it.
Gillian Bronte Adams
#68. Thank you, Deke. You are very good to me." "I know," he smirks. "Can I get back in your bed now?
Alison Kemper
#69. Haylee shook her head as soon as they were gone. Christ, how can our family be mankind's best hope?
Natasha Larry
#70. I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry.
Andrea Portes
#71. Well, the only reason we're friends is because you can rock a tweed suit," she informed, tone mock serious. "So if you want to keep me around, I expect more tweed.
Laura Kreitzer
#72. Fake boobs are weird ya'll" read by Patrick Stewart.
Amy Poehler
#73. You have a mother?"
His mouth quirked with humor.
"Yep, and a father too! Every kid normally has one of each to begin with.
He was teasing me in an affectionate way...
Terry Spear
#74. Yup," Heather replied. "Some jackass tries to prick me and I'm gonna prick him right back! Leave the bottle, bucko. Save ya a trip.
Jacob D. Lochner
#75. I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
Rodney Dangerfield
#76. He knew she loved him in that moment. Gabe never wanted to be part of the holy fight, but now he was, he was not about to lose.
Wendy Owens
#77. I turned into the Greenbrier High School parking lot with a singular mission: figure out a way to keep my brothers from chasing off every guy who seemed interested in me.
Chris Cannon
#78. I like to wear a "Do Not Disturb" sign around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock-knock jokes. "Hey, how ya doin'? Knock-knock." "Read the sign, punk!"
Mitch Hedberg
#79. The two sat quiet for a moment; Gabe unsure what to say to comfort his friend and Uri stewing in his own frustration. "Damn it! It was a stupid plan!" Uri swung an arm around behind himself and his bag being the nearest object in reach, swung it across the room with as much force as he could muster.
Wendy Owens
#80. I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. "Hey, enjoy your meal."
"You, too. But you don't have one, do ya? I'm a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity." That's all I'm trying to say.
Brian Regan
#81. He didn't know Rachel very well, but assumed her behavior would be similar to most women he encountered. As soon as he stepped foot inside she would attack, not allowing him to get in a word. At least that was what he imagined.
Wendy Owens
#82. If I can face a street full of rabid zombies, I can tell a boy I like him. Right?
Alison Kemper
#83. S'up?" he asks. My voice rattles when I answer. "N-not much. You know, reanimated corpses chasing me on a cruise ship. Same old.
Alison Kemper
#84. I couldn't help but notice how hot he looked tonight with his strong build lining his t-shirt. He should never cover his beauty with clothes and such things. - Ariel
Victoria H. Smith
#85. Parker and I are good...friends."
"Seriously?" Martha quirked an eyebrow. "What're ya'll for real? A couple? I swear you look as smitten as a bull in a herd of...other bulls.
Kerry Adrienne
#86. The young nihilists," Dad called us.
"What are nihilists?"
"Nihilists believe that nothing has any meaning. They believe in nothing."
"Yeah," said Earl. "I'm a nihilist.
"Me, too," I said.
"Good for you," Dad said, grinning. Then he stopped grinning and said, "Don't tell your mom.
Jesse Andrews
#87. His question is pretty dangerous for me to try to answer, so I don't - it continues to hang out there like the stained underwear at a slumber party that goes unclaimed.
Jen Naumann
#88. Did I mention how cute you look in my clothes?"
Blushing I just look at what I'm wearing and laugh.
"Chicks Dig me? And Sponge Bob boxers?"
"Chicks do dig me! And Sponge Bob is a great cartoon in your world.
Sara Daniell
#89. Shut the front door!" Jenna exclaimed.
Andrew disappeared into the foyer, and when he returned, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "The door is shut?
Laura Kreitzer
#90. I spread my arms. In the Rainbow Jungles of Ever there lives what I affectionately call, killer ducks.
Jen Wylie
#91. You don't find a masked man wielding a gun interesting? Tell me ... what do you find interesting then-Matt Carter
Natasha Larry
#92. He peered down at me. "Jesus Christ. You're leaking."
If by "leaking" he meant "sobbing like a girl," I guess so.
Lili St. Crow
#94. I don't have enough gross words in my gross vocabulary to describe how gross that gross thought is. Gross.
A.S. King
#95. I've never been in love, but if a penguin can find a soul mate, I'm sure I can, too.
Rebekah Crane
#96. This is no time for drinking a mug of water - which you would do nowhere else in the world. A mug of water! You just don't drink water from mugs, do ya? Except on the telly. Water out of a mug! Should be a hot drink ... mug of water.
Russell Brand
#97. So, Azalee - " When he turned to her, she stared daggers back - almost as though she had read his mind. Can Chertzes do that? he wondered in a wild moment of panic.
"What?" bit Azalee when he didn't continue.
Mighty Zeus, could he go five minutes without offending a woman?
Deidre Huesmann
#98. Why do I have to do the sewin'? 'Cause I'm a girl? Is that it? It ain't fair, I tell ya!
Sean Cullen
#99. I couldn't help but feel a little smug at the prospect of finding my phone this way. I was going to beat Dad at his own game, using the ability he didn't believe I had.
Ha! Take that, you muggle!
K.J. McPike
#100. Bitterblue had never seen a man naked, and she was curious. She decided the universe owed her a few minutes, just a few, to satisfy her curiosity. So she went to him and knelt, which shut him up.
Kristin Cashore
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