Some Hilarious Quotes

#1. I don't want anyone to get seriously hurt. But I do watch awards shows to critique the clothes while I sit around eating chips in my sweat pants and in hopes of seeing some hilarious accidental nudity.

Eliza Coupe

#2. It's something that people relate to - and I hope my kid doesn't relate to - but there's a level of believability in playing complex characters. You know, Christopher Walken has done some hilarious comedies, De Niro. There's great room for complexity and darkness to do well in comedies.

Jeremy Sisto

#3. In my new book, 'Binge,' I share essays about everything I've never told my viewers - touching on the best and worst days of my life, some hilarious, some embarrassing, but all extremely personal.

Tyler Oakley

#4. He even dressed up for you. He only has one stain on his t-shirt.- Rylie Cruz

Rose Pressey

#5. Michael Buble is seriously my favorite entertainer. Have you ever seen the guy in concert? He's hilarious. Women love him. Guys want to meet him. He has everything that I wish I could do onstage. And I'm guessin' he's a good-lookin' guy - although he's not one of 'People' magazine's sexiest men.

Blake Shelton

#6. There is great nobility in ordinary people. The world disappoints us all, and the ways we change our own stories to survive that disappointment are beautiful and tragic and hilarious. On balance, I find much more to admire about humanity than to despise.

Daniel Abraham

#7. Son of a motherfucking, ass-reaming, shit-eating, hell-dodging soulless bitch!

Rachel Vincent

#8. This is hilarious. First, people say how so many actresses in Hollywood look anorexic, and now they are criticizing me for looking normal. Body images are too often adopted by young girls and women - thanks to what they are constantly being shown as being attractive.

Jennifer Lawrence

#9. If you walk into my wardrobe, it's kind of hilarious. It's a sea of black.

Tabatha Coffey

#10. Like something happened to Preppy. That wasn't your fault, dick slick. It was mine. I literally couldn't dodge that bullet. See what I did there? Oh my shit I'm hilarious.

T.M. Frazier

#11. Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

Arthur Smith

#12. Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance.

Ransom Riggs

#13. There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do.

Amy Poehler

#14. I totally consider Fishbowl my full time job - I have to say I freaking love doing this blog. I just enjoy the medium so much; I love the fact that it requires me to read amazing stuff by hilarious and talented people and forces me to know what's going on in the world.

Rachel Sklar

#15. I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.

Dave Matthes

#16. This Syrian circus/crisis we are going through is hilarious ... It's like watching some thug killing another person and asking him for his bullets but releasing him free.

Ziad K. Abdelnour

#17. Clary made fun of him about his new look; but, then, Clary found everything about Simon's love life borderline hilarious.

Cassandra Clare

#18. In person, if possible, Anubis was even more drop-dead gorgeous. [Oh ... ha, ha. I didn't catch the pun, but thank you, Carter. God of the dead, drop-dead gorgeous. Yes, hilarious. Now, may I continue?]

Rick Riordan

#19. A vibrator can last all night, too, vampire! - Denise

Jeaniene Frost

#20. This is possibly the most shameful situation I've ever gotten myself in in my life, and I've done some pretty dumb things in my life. So to actually make a new No. 1 is spectacularly stupid.

Russell Crowe

#21. If you're not fascinated by Korea yet, you damn well should be. The most innovative country on earth deserves a hilarious and poignant account on the order of Euny Hong's The Birth of Korean Cool. Her phat beats got Gangnam Style and then some.

Gary Shteyngart

#22. Clearly, his winks were some sort of superpower, because I swear that if he asked me to jump from the roof of a tall building and then winked, I'd jump.

C.P. Smith

#23. Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#24. Have they built cities on the moon?" another boy asked hopefully.
"We left some garbage and a flag there in the sixties, but thats about it.

Ransom Riggs

#25. In my mind, I'm hilarious, so I would love to do some comedy. But, I'm not exactly sure my perspective is a healthy one.

Timothy Olyphant

#26. Lord John: 'The court has suffered most sorely for your absence. We hardly know where to find our amusement now.'
Lady Nora: 'I am sorry to hear that, I suppose it takes some wit to produce one's own entertainment. Are you often bored?

Meredith Duran

#27. Natasha Lyonne is fantastic on Twitter. She posts hilarious pictures. I don't even know where she finds some of them; it'll be like a random picture of a chinchilla kissing a lion or Bill Murray and Jim Belushi out on a boat or something.

Uzo Aduba

#28. I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because for many, many years I was the guy whose only contribution to any conversation was, 'There was a funny 'Simpson's' joke about that.'

Joss Whedon

#29. I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.

Daniel Craig

#30. I think I kind of like the idea of you all cold and wet."
"Oh right, I'll be at my best; no visible balls, and a dick that looks like a Chiclet ... "
"I can fix that," laughed Connor.

Z.A. Maxfield

#31. I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you find it hilarious? Then should it not a protected freedom of speech?

Doug Stanhope

#32. I think there is some truth to publicity stunts that might get you press like that. It's so hilarious because now every time I walk by the tabloid stands and look at the tabloids it makes me kind of wonder like what's really going on.

Simon Rex

#33. I love Queen. Not all of it. Some of it, I can't get into. But "Don't Stop Me Now" is a pretty hilarious song. It's a good pick-me-up in the car.

Charlie Day

#34. I'm a huge lover of 'Seven Samurai' and anything Kurosawa ever did. The comedic work out of Japan in terms of martial arts movies, some of them are hilarious.

Ann Nocenti

#35. I grunted, hauling the rope hand over hand. A plaintive squeak came from the pulley system with each draw, as if I had strapped some unfortunate mouse to a torture device and was twisting with glee.

Brandon Sanderson

#36. But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore.

Jonathan Dunne

#37. You're so hilarious. You know, if this whole Daimon-slaying gig doesn't work out for you, you should really consider being a comedian. The bright Barney hair color would just add to the overall entertainment factor.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#38. - Why did blondes vote for Clinton?
- They didn't know how to read and thought she can make their life hilarious!

Bryanna Reid

#39. Michael, don't," Eve said. "He won't hurt us." Andeveryone rolled their eyes at that. Even Jason, which was borderline hilarious.

Rachel Caine

#40. Oh, my God!" Ignatius bellowed from the front of the house. "What an egregious insult to good taste.

John Kennedy Toole

#41. ( ... ) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.

Keary Taylor

#42. Travel Etiquette: When dealing with foreigners, pretend you are Canadian.

Chelsea Handler

#43. The world disappoints us all, and the ways we change our own stories to survive that disappointment are beautiful and tragic and hilarious.

Daniel Abraham

#44. Sometimes things need shaking up. You've got to test the limits.

Lindsey Kelk

#45. I was a huge fan of 'Arrested Development,' and there's just something it tickles in me and it's bright and it's hilarious.

Keri Russell

#46. Will you show me what you really look like? You don't sparkle, do you?

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#47. Anybody wants to call me the Triple H of Ring of Honor, I think that's hilarious. I would prefer to call Triple H the CM Punk of the WWE

CM Punk

#48. My dearest Pudding pie" I read aloud.
"Yes, my little turnip?"
"Hilarious," I muttered. "If you ever call me anything of the sort again we shall have words.

Jordan L. Hawk

#49. There are only so many hilarious actors so when they cross-pollinate, people assume it's always the same actors and directors.

Judd Apatow

#50. I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade

Jeaniene Frost

#51. But you have so much in common. You're both from strange little backwater planets. You both have odd powers. You're male and she's female. What more do you need? Believe me, buddy, if I were you, I'd go right up there and ask her if she wants to ride on my rancor.

Dave Wolverton

#52. It's often hilarious to me that I'm writing about Tonga or some tropical place and there's a blizzard outside and the cows are on their backs with their hooves in the air.

Tim Cahill

#53. I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair

Dolly Parton

#54. I've seen people who are not very likeable but hilarious. I think comedians get to a point where they know they're funny, so they don't care - in the sense that they know what they're doing. They have a skill.

Ted Alexandro

#55. Oh definitely. It'll be in a hot tub, with my entire head squeezed into a jet. The photos are going to be hilarious. Man, I really hope the internet sticks around so people can reference this article in my obituaries and see that what sounds like a joke was actually amazingly prescient.

Jason Sudeikis

#56. Like a lot of people, I've always enjoyed commenting on strangers' outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people's hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.

Demetri Martin

#57. That was what made them so hilarious and unafraid. That was the strength of the Nazis. [ ... ] They understood God better than anyone. They knew how to make Him stay away.

Kurt Vonnegut

#58. You will find this hard to believe, but I've never laughed as much as I did when I was a corporate lawyer. When you're working 16 hours a day for months at a time, you get punchy. Everything and everyone seems hilarious.

Susan Cain

#59. It's hilarious a lot of times. You have a conversation with someone, and he's like, 'You speak so well!' I'm like, 'What do you mean? Do you understand that's an insult?

Jay-Z

#60. Kids are flat-out freaking hilarious if you are paying attention. Not just my kid, but every kid.

Dan Alatorre

#61. Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

David Wong

#62. Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.

C.S. Lewis

#63. Young love is so ridiculous, as is middle-aged and old love. And it's also hilarious. When have you ever felt so vulnerable and wonderful and terrible at the same time?

Grace Helbig

#64. I think it's hilarious when middle-aged white men try to take themselves seriously. It makes me laugh.

Chris Bauer

#65. I'd sooner go through with a pregnancy than spend a night alone in my house knowing there was a snake in the yard.

Chelsea Handler

#66. Guston tacked toward celebrating the crap of life not for its own ironic sake, but as the ever-present still life that surrounds the embarrassingly, even tragically human. No Duchampian object is ever tragic. Many if not most of Guston's objects, even the most hilarious, are.

Ross Feld

#67. Forget I ever referred to my mother and screwing in the same sentence. That's just ... wrong. On so many levels.

Emma Chase

#68. I love any movie that has a retarded person working at Starbucks.

Chris Kattan

#69. I dare you to call Ask-A-Nurse and tell them you feel a presence in your womb region.

Rainbow Rowell

#70. The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

Jo Brand

#71. It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.

Bill Watterson

#72. Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn't that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Carroll Bryant