Sex Joke Quotes

#1. Fine. I'll leave the hammering to you." "Good." "That wasn't a sex joke." "It should have been.

Tiffany Reisz

#2. If sex isn't a joke, what is it?

Nella Larsen

#3. Mac people use their computers; Windows people put up with their computers

Wil Shipley

#4. In every religion, there are those who would drape themselves in the mantle of belief and faith only to distort it's most sacred teachings - preaching intolerance and resorting to violence.

Hillary Clinton

#5. What's with the serum?"
I don't know, but it sounds ominous. We better put a telepathic direction finder on Benway. The man's not to be trusted. Might do almost anything ... Turn a massacre into a sex orgy ... "
Or a joke."
Precisely. Arty type ... No principles ...

William S. Burroughs

#6. You need to find yourself a new hero. - Skulduggery Pleasant.

Derek Landy

#7. I think great art should play a part in the ordinary man's life, don't you? It can make his existence so much richer and more meaningful.

Philip K. Dick

#8. The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way.

Candace Bushnell

#9. I like surprising my audiences, and it's compulsory to have fun and be silly; I never take myself quite too seriously.

Rachel Tucker

#10. Yes, you're sleeping in my apartment," I said. "On my sofa. It was an exciting night, but not that exciting. I'd really hope you'd remember if it had been.

Kelley Armstrong

#11. Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Woody Allen

#12. The multiplier effect is a major feature of networks and flows. It arises regardless of the particular nature of the resource, be it goods, money, or messages.

John Henry Holland

#13. When a woman singles me out"- he leaned down to murmer at my ear- "it's because she wants to get fucked. She looks at the scars and tattoos and knows she'll get fucked hard"
I gasped, melting for him.
"is that what you wanted from me, Natalya"?

Kresley Cole

#14. Actually, what will be shown from here to eternity will be Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr cavorting on the beach. 'From Here to Eternity' must have seemed like a chore to its director, Fred Zinnemann.

Manny Farber

#15. Sex is God's joke on the human race ... if we didn't have sex to make us ridiculous, She would have had to think up something else instead.

Erica Jong

#16. If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us since sex itself - and with the longest punch line.

Robert Patrick

#17. I saw two birds having dangerously kinky sex on the main road, while several cars ran above them just missing the sparrows' toss and tumble fly away. The couple survived to try it again next season on a railway line!

Initially NO

#18. Your ... Your aura. It's ... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today ... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.'
I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex?

Richelle Mead

#19. Sex is God's joke on human beings.

Bette Davis

#20. The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

Billy Connolly

#21. Well, what of it? If sex isn't a joke, what is it

Nella Larsen

#22. Balance your body for better results. A balanced body improves electrical communication to muscles and gets you stronger, faster.

Josh Bezoni

#23. Ready for sex, but my body had been so receptive to his touch. Was it like that for everyone else? I wish I could ask Emmy without bringing suspicion upon myself. She had been to third base more times than some baseball players. I snickered out loud at my joke. Emmet looked at me with one eyebrow

L.D. Davis

#24. Please ejaculate", I silently urged the man, "so I can go to sleep". (In this way I imagine I was like millions of women before me

Jon Ronson

#25. Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"

Eddie Izzard

#26. As a kid, Vix had had some warped idea that grownup meant having a job and living on your own. It meant no one could tell you what to eat, or what to wear, or how to behave. It meant that it was okay to have sex with guys. What a joke!

Judy Blume

#27. Working full-time should mean enough to support a family.

Barack Obama

#28. The act of sex, gratifying as it may be, is God's joke on humanity. It is man's last desperate stand at superintendency.

Bette Davis

#29. I found it instructive and highly constructive as a writer to go to a point of disaster and come out with a feel for it and then some sort of a lesson based on feeling.

Fred D'Aguiar

#30. A world like that, which exists only because the gods enjoy a joke, must be a place where magic can survive. And sex too, of course.

Terry Pratchett

#31. Hardly anyone today thinks about sex. We joke about it, dream about it, watch movies about it, listen to music about it, lust about it. But we don't ever really think about it.

Jason Evert