Top 100 Serious Humor Quotes
#1. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
Tommy Cooper
#2. The great thing about 'Weeds' is that everything we do is never quite serious enough to be taken seriously. It always has humor behind it, and it think it makes it definitely more fun for the audience.
Alexander Gould
#3. '24' is a pretty serious show - there isn't a lot of improv that is happening. Having said that, I do play around with the delivery. A lot of the humor comes from playing a character who is very furious and really up in her own brain and in a serious situation. That is humorous to me.
Mary Lynn Rajskub
#4. New Rule: Whenever you think the Tea Party can't get any dumber, they get dumber. Now they're in love with Donald Trump. Because nothing says "We're serious about fiscal responsibility" quite like a billionaire whose corporations have filed for bankruptcy three times.
Bill Maher
#5. Heaven has no taste."
"Now-"
"And not one single sushi restaurant."
A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.
Terry Pratchett
#6. A dirty joke is not, of course, a serious attack on morality, but it is a sort of mental rebellion, a momentary wish that things were otherwise.
George Orwell
#7. I'm a kindhearted but highly competitive pragmatist. When I seek to win something, I always make certain it's never at the expense of anything more serious than the inadequate efforts of others.
Jonathan Kieran
#8. In arguing one should meet serious pleading with humor, and humor with serious pleading.
Oliver Goldsmith
#9. Humor is hard to catch in a second language. Especially when you're as serious a young man as Giovanni. He said to me the other night, 'When you are ironic, I am always behind you. I am slower. It is like you are the lightning and I am the thunder.
Elizabeth Gilbert
#10. He sighed. It was a long sigh, weary and worldly-wise. The kind of sigh you could picture God heaving after six days of hard work and looking forward to some serious cosmic R&R, only to be handed a report by an angel concerning a problem with someone eating an apple.
Neil Gaiman
#11. Cassius shook his head and sighed "I want to have just one conversation with you that doesn't required GPS to navigate. I'm not asking for the world-just one normal conversation. We used to talk. Remember that?
Gabrielle Evans
#13. You picked a man who can read tax code and date a celibate for two years. That's some serious patience. I have zero doubt in my ability to wait you out. I have zero doubt that you're meant to be my girl.
Joshilyn Jackson
#14. What mental hospital have you escaped from?" She wanted to laugh, but he looked so serious. "Prove you're an alien. Rip off your disguise. Show me your antennae. Where's your union card?
Cheryl Sterling
#15. I was intentionally curbing the impulse to be funny and hiding the ability. I wrote any number of very serious attempts at poems, short stories, novels - horrible. At a certain point, I recognized that it was fun to write dialogue that had a degree of lightness and humor.
Patrick DeWitt
#16. Gerry?' Laurel had to strain to hear thought the noise on the other end of the line. 'Gerry? Where are you?'
'London. A phone booth on Fleet Street.'
'The city still has working phone booths?'
'It would appear so. Unless this is the Tardis, in which case I'm in serious trouble.
Kate Morton
#17. Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again.
Mike Myers
#18. There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.
Elizabeth Gilbert
#19. After we deal and heal ... NOT A A SHRED OF EVIDENCE EXISTS THAT LIFE IS SERIOUS
... Jan Marshall
Jan Marshall
#20. Weakness is weaker when discovered by others.
Mita Jain
#21. To the champ, everything is serious business. I'm hoping that he'll live long enough to learn that in this world that is a very dangerous attitude.
Stephen King
#22. While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory.
Dweezil Zappa
#23. My books are my staple diet. As serious as insulin doses for those who are diabetics!
Hlovate
#24. Dad, is she serious?"
John shrugged. "I argue with your Mama, I sleep on the couch and she doesn't feed me. So i dont argue with your mama.
Molly McAdams
#25. Virtuoso? Are you serious? What kind of code name is that? Who's assigning code names these days? They should be shot. How can anyone feel threatened by someone named Virtuoso?
Elizabeth Bevarly
#26. Poseidon's underpants! You can't be serious.
Rick Riordan
#27. I've heard too many times where people say that I'm this ultra-serious guy. In truth, I've got an extremely absurd sense of humor. I thrive on the absurd - I love it.
Phil Anselmo
#28. Are you seriously telling me the truth about all this?" I asked.
"I seriously am," he replied. "I was also serious about stealing a fry.
Lindsay Ribar
#29. And somebody might now want to ask me, "Can't you ever be serious?" The answer is, "No.
Kurt Vonnegut
#30. I am convinced that America can be turned around if we will all get serious about the Master's business. It may be late, but it is never too late to do what is right. We need an old-fashioned, God-honoring, Christ-exalting revival to turn American back to God. America can be saved!
Jerry Falwell
#31. I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing '80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn't part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend.
Ernest Cline
#32. Slim Shady is just the evil thoughts that come into my head. Things I shouldn't be thinking about. Not to be gimmicky, but people should be able to determine when I'm serious and when I'm f ... around. That's why a lot of my songs are funny. I got a warped sense of humor I guess.
Eminem
#33. There were no books in the Afterwards, which the people thought was some serious bullshit.
Amber Sparks
#34. Take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool ...
Jonathan Swift
#35. We don't know much about our hero before 325 BCE-he just sort of materialized out of thin air like a face-melting UFO or a vengeful, homicidal rainbow, but apparently he had some serious beef with people in charge ...
Ben Thompson
#36. Can you be serious for two words?"
"Not without effort.
Steven Brust
#37. A suspicion that lightness is not deeply serious (but instead whimsical) pervades aesthetic discourse. But what if lightness is a philosophical choice to temper reality with strangeness, to temper the intellect with emotion, and to temper emotion with humor.
Sarah Ruhl
#38. I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it
Elle Kennedy
#40. Albert Campion: 'I'm serious!'
Lugg: 'That's unhealthy in itself.
Margery Allingham
#41. The trick ... is to find the balance between the bright colors of humor and the serious issues of identity, self-loathing, and the possibility for intimacy and love when it seems no longer possible or, sadder yet, no longer necessary.
Wendy Wasserstein
#42. I'm serious, Brishen. Promise me you'll not get yourself killed or maimed out there."
"I can't make that promise, Ildiko, but I can swear to do my best to come back with all arms and legs attached."
She frowned. "Your head too, if you please."
Brishen laughed then. "My head too.
Grace Draven
#43. There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.
Werner Heisenberg
#44. [Using humor to explore serious issues] disarms people. It's a way in. It's gentle, but at the same time it's subversive, and I like that duality.
Lisa Loomer
#45. It probably wasn't entirely her fault that she was such a bitter person. Having a name like Grace can be a serious stigma, especially when nature has endowed you with about as much charm as that of a disillusioned walrus.
Sorin Suciu
#46. Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied.
Louise Rennison
#47. You can get through very serious and sometimes horrible and sometimes embarrassing and very awkward situations with humor. It gives us a way out.
Janet Evanovich
#48. Bringing a pot plant to the office, I believe, is a sign of quite serious commitment.
Danielle Wood
#49. Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
T. S. Eliot
#50. Let me assure you that the humourless as a bunch don't just not know what's funny, they don't know what's serious. They have no common sense, either, and shouldn't be trusted with anything.
Martin Amis
#51. Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I'm rather serious when I suggest that someone should plant a few whoopee cushions in the United Nations.
Ron Dentinger
#52. I endeavor to be serious and you will not take me seriously
Sherwood Smith
#53. I never took the work less than serious, my work ethic is ingrained in me. But I've always had a sense of humor about myself.
George Hamilton
#54. Beware the humorless. People who are all too serious are missing a key aspect of intelligence, which is perspective!
Catherine Carrigan
#55. I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.
Jim Morrison
#56. Ethan: "Abstaining definitely doesn't work."
Beth: "what do you suggest?"
Ethan: "We're obviously going to have to make love often, but keep the encounters from getting too intense." He sounded perfectly serious, like he really believed what he was saying.
Lucy Monroe
#57. SciFi: When there's a serious problem and everyone decides to solve it sensibly.
Elaine Greywalker
#58. Hey, Volusian, you haven't been checking me out, have you?"
He gave me his trademark bland stare. "I assure you, mistress, the only allure your bare flesh has for me is to remind me how easy it will be to slice open."
I laughed. If not for the fact he was actually serious, he'd be so much fun.
Richelle Mead
#59. One more crack like that, Chatsfield, and you'll have to entertain yourself in your little hideaway.'
Antonio took her hand again and found himself feeling serious as he said, 'Not a chance. You're not escaping now.
Abby Green
#60. It's not like changing one word with my lyrics is going to make them more intelligible or relatable. I was always very misunderstood and taken as very pretentious and serious all the time. I would think, "Do you not see there's a lot of tongue-in-cheek and humor here?".
Paul Banks
#61. As an actor, I'm attracted to drama; as a director, it's humor - because it's the story of my life, and I can't be that serious about it. Being alone is a big theme in all my movies, both as a director and as an actress.
Jodie Foster
#62. Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Aristotle.
#63. People are complex, and I think it's a huge element of what I do, because you have to balance out the fact that you talk about quite serious things with a sense of irony and tongue-in-cheek humor. That's my personality as well.
Marina And The Diamonds
#64. The really authentic thing about humor is that anyone can pretend to be serious. Anyone who's ever had a job - in fact, we're pretending to be serious now, more or less.
Billy Collins
#65. Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.
Wendy Wasserstein
#66. I always thought the biggest failing of Americans was their lack of irony. They are very serious there! Naturally, there are exceptions ... the Jewish, Italian, and Irish humor of the East Coast.
Colin Firth
#67. Well, the only reason we're friends is because you can rock a tweed suit," she informed, tone mock serious. "So if you want to keep me around, I expect more tweed.
Laura Kreitzer
#68. My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!
George Carlin
#69. The Who had a great sense of humor. And they were also very serious when it came down to making music.
Jason Reece
#70. My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o'clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep.
Oscar Wilde
#71. He's always checking out your arse."
Kevin's laugh died on it's way up his throat. "Are you serious? Shit, I need to work on my gaydar."
"No, you don't." Cedric folded his arms over his chest. "I'm gay and I want you. That's all you need to know.
Taylor V. Donovan
#72. Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth.
Mark Van Doren
#73. Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
P.G. Wodehouse
#74. Trust me, Wainwright, ninety-nine times out of a hundred you can bet the bank that I'm serious."
"What about the one time when you're not?"
"I'm asleep.
Jayne Ann Krentz
#75. Your problem is a serious lack of imagination. You can't imagine being different than you are.
Linda Morris
#76. Maybe I don't have the same sense of humor. Maybe people aren't comfortable gauging a painting that way. They think that if it's a painting then it must be serious. I think Picasso can be hilarious, to name one example.
Joe Bradley
#77. Make me the father, O Lord, who will show my sons enough of a sense of humor, so that they will always be serious, but never take themselves too seriously. Give them humility, so they will always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.
Thom S. Rainer
#78. Humor can bring people under the tent. And a good joke can deflect some of the intensity surrounding a serious subject.
Ted Danson
#79. I think humor is a very serious thing. I use it as a way of weakening the reader's defenses so that I can more easily take him to something more.
William Collins
#80. Smiles, like humor, are the most serious and complex forms of communication used by human beings.
Gayle Pemberton
#82. Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
Alan Minter
#83. Fine - I said huffily. - But I hope I'm at least allowed to fly around the corridors during lunch hour.
Gabriel threw me a disapproving look. I waited for him to get my joke, but his eyes remained serious. I sighed. Much as I loved him, Gabriel could be totally lacking in any sense of humor.
Alexandra Adornetto
#84. Fayez was a good scientist and a friend, but his habit of making fun of everything and derailing anything serious for the sake of humor also made him less useful than he should have been.
James S.A. Corey
#85. Zen is non-serious. Zen has a tremendous sense of humor. No other religion has evolved so much that it can have that sense of humor.
Rajneesh
#87. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
#88. That's a pretty serious club, requiring tattoos. I thought only math club did that. - Jayke to Amber-
Shawn Keenan
#89. It may not seem like much, but grand theft auto is still a pretty serious offense.
Elle Todd
#90. The end of an ox is beef, the end of a lie is grief.
- Serious Men
Manu Joseph
#91. Mostly I've been in the office, trying to inflict a paper cut on myself serious enough to require medical leave.
Abigail Roux
#93. Still nothing," Raven answered "This is shitty. We are going to have to invest in heat sensors. These motion detectors blow Satan's left nut.
Gabrielle Evans
#94. I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby.
J.L. McCoy
#95. There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny.
Billy Collins
#96. Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That's kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it's living human tissue, and instead of playing, I'm fucking working, and instead of fun, it's fucking not fun, it's serious.
Colin Nissan
#97. To a man and woman, all of her elderly patients had been surprised to be old - which Avery privately regarded as a serious failure to pay attention.
Lionel Shriver
#98. As the Dark Lord spoke when he saw the Archangel Michael descending upon him: We are in some serious shit.
C.T. Phipps
#99. Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, "Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll?" and in my imagination I pull a gun out of my pocket, shoot them both and then shoot myself.
Alice Oseman
#100. No one believes you're serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad
Jeaniene Frost
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