Top 100 Screwed Quotes
#1. I screwed up. It's all on me. I know that ... All these hiccups I have, they must be for a reason. All this is just a test. I just don't know what the test is yet.
Greg Norman
#2. I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair
Dolly Parton
#3. I felt less like Cinderella and more like used drywall. Perpetually screwed.
Sonya Bateman
#4. Or if I have my head in the results, I can't work with what I have, because I'm trying to force something to happen. And with singing, any time you force it, you tighten up. If you tighten up, you're screwed, nothing will work.
Kathy Mattea
#5. Girls get Screwed. Not that kind of screwed, what I mean is, they're always on the short end of things. The way things work, how guys feel great, but make girls feel cheap for doing exactly what they beg for
Ellen Hopkins
#6. He must have screwed hundreds of girls in his effort to get that chick out of his system. Hadn't worked so far, but hey. He was nothing if not persistent.
Shannon McKenna
#8. People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.
Ned Vizzini
#9. I screwed her over. I didn't want to see her screwed over by someone else.
Cassandra Clare
#10. Sometimes, no matter how screwed up things seem, I feel like we're all at a wedding. But you can't just come out and say, We're at a wedding! Have some cake! You need to create a world into which we can enter, a world where we can see this.
Anne Lamott
#11. How long till our powers are back? (Kat)
A few hours according to last time. (Sin)
Sweet, and we have how long till the bitches awake? (Kat)
Less than two. (Sin)
Can you say screwed, boys and girls? Yes, I thought you could. (Kat)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#12. I think Jim got screwed. I think Jim Bakker would have been a great preacher. Jim Bakker was very good at what he did.
Jessica Hahn
#13. Echo already felt like a heavy drug. The kind I avoided on purpose - crack, heroin, meth. The ones that screwed with your mind, crept into your blood and left you powerless, helpless.
Katie McGarry
#14. I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.
Mitch Hedberg
#15. I've screwed everything up royally. I remember you saying that growing up happens when you start having things you look back on and wish you could change.
Cassandra Clare
#16. Real life is real weird and sometimes, it just stays screwed up. And ugly. Real ugly.
C.M. Stunich
#17. Because you fight it out, and stumble, and write bad poetry, and pick yourself up again, and at the end, hopefully, someday youre sitting with your kid on her bedroom floor, talking about how you screwed everything up too.
Josie Bloss
#18. You know what I know? I know that whenever someone tells you they are doing 'what's best for you', you're screwed. Those are not words you want to hear. It's right up there with 'it's not you it's me'.
Caroline Hanson
#19. answers. I took another swig of water, screwed the cap back on and thought about the next place I must look for Doc. I did not like it
Rolland Love
#20. Finn is God: So much for Earth Day. I totally screwed things up and started celebrating the wrong planet. Now I have to collect all these stupid trademarked dog figurines that I distributed all of the yard. At least it's better than last year's mistake when I had butt statues everywhere.
Jessica Park
#21. The sight of so many guns, mostly deer rifles and duck guns but with a smattering of black rifles and riot shotguns, made him glad that this was going down in a rural area where people still had their heads screwed on right about personal defense.
Larry Correia
#22. My wife always says that I will be stuck with this forever: I am the difficult one. With Jack Nicholson they always said it was drugs. Warren Beatty is supposed to have screwed everything that jumped off the curve. I'll tell you, in reality a few of us had as many girls as Warren.
Dustin Hoffman
#23. Stress level: extreme. It's like she was a jar with the lid screwed on too tight, and inside the jar were pickles, angry pickles, and they were fermenting, and about to explode.
Fiona Wood
#24. Mr. Bucket was the only person in the family with a job. He worked in a toothpaste factory, where he sat all day long at a bench and screwed the little caps onto the tops of the tubes of toothpaste after the tubes had been filled.
Roald Dahl
#25. The great equalizer is health. If you don't have it, you're screwed.
Jami Gertz
#26. In this whole screwed-up town, you're the only thing that's always been right to me," he whispered. "I love you, Claire." She saw something that might have been just a flash of panic go across his expression, but then he steadied again. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do. I love you.
Rachel Caine
#27. Some Pulitzer winners - novelists - have confided to me that getting the prize screwed them up. It messed with their heads. That hasn't been my experience.
Jeffrey Eugenides
#28. Friends are like fiddle strings; they must not be screwed too tight.
Henry George Bohn
#29. I think I've proved that I'm not to be trusted," he said.
"Then why do I feel safer now that I have in my entire life?"
"Because you're just as screwed up as me.
Brynn Kelly
#30. He'd done it again. Screwed up in a social situation and dragged the whole team down with hm. His new team. The ones who were counting on him to be a leader on and off the field. He'd led them, all right, almost into a brawl.
Jami Davenport
#31. Life gets boring, someone invents another necessity, and once again we turn the crank on the screwjack of progress hoping that nobody gets screwed.
Larry Wall
#32. I was once a student in a punk T-Shirt hooked on screwed-up scenarios. That's how I became the esteemed cultural figure that I am today.
Bruce Sterling
#33. I'm screwed up
I'm so full of contempt for everyone and everything. I mean, sure, I like lots of things but ... I don't know. I've just become too goddamn judgmental!
Seth
#34. It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up.
Corey Feldman
#35. What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.
Bill Hicks
#36. Fake trust issues comes from insecurities ...
Real trust issues comes from being screwed over.
Jose N. Harris
#37. So when I hear a guy after a game-winning home run say or gesture that God was on his side, I think to myself, 'He's saying God screwed the pitcher.
Bobby Knight
#38. Given enough time humans will screw up Wikipedia just as they have screwed up everything else, but so far it's not too bad.
Jimmy Wales
#39. That's how screwed up you are, I thought. Your idea of adulthood still comes from picturebooks.
Gillian Flynn
#40. I'm sorry about Finch. He was a good, screwed up kid who should have had more help." "I feel responsible.
Jennifer Niven
#42. I read the story about the loaves and fishes and thought about Jesus gazing at the hungry crowd, saying to his anxious, doubting, screwed-up followers: "You give them something to eat." So we did.
Sara Miles
#43. I want to cast correctly, and then I want them to live on screen. If I cast the wrong actor, I'm screwed. But, if I cast the right actor, it really works out. The casting process is so important.
Andre Ovredal
#44. I have extremely little courage myself, much less than you; but I have found that whenever, after a long struggle, I have screwed my courage up to do something I always felt much freer & happy after it.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
#45. When he looked at me, his eyes positively twinkled. Christ. I was screwed. Eyes were twinkling at me.
J. Lynn
#46. Some of the funniest people I know are not screwed up in the head.
Darrell Hammond
#47. It's flattering that people think I'm sexy, but it's not the end-all, be-all. The minute I put my self-esteem on what they think I am, I'm screwed, because one day they're not going to think I'm sexy.
Eva Mendes
#48. It was such an easy thing, death. He saw that now: It just happened. You screwed up by a fraction and there it was, something chill and odorless, ballooning out from the four stupid corners of the room, your mother's Barrytown living room.
William Gibson
#49. Okay, you're telling the truth. By the way, Nick, you have the most screwed-up life. You're either boring as all get out, or you're about to die. There's no middle ground with you. You might want to work on that.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#50. my generation's screwed - we're not the immigrant experience, we're not the assimilation experience - we're the first nothing generation, we've got nothing to write about and no one to read it, everyone too busy getting technologized, too harried with degrees.
Joshua Cohen
#51. I admit I'm being paid well, but it's no more than I deserve. After all, I've been screwed more times than a hooker.
Sean Connery
#52. I had the best sex of my life with a girl I had thought was way out of my league and in love with my dead brother. Yeah, Nash was probably right, if anybody could put up with all the crazy I was rocking I should probably lock her in quick because even I could see how seriously screwed up I am.
Jay Crownover
#53. When I was a kid my ol' man give me a haltered heifer an' says take her down an git her serviced. An' the fella says, I done it, an' ever' time since then when I hear a business man talkin' about service, I wonder who's gettin' screwed.
John Steinbeck
#54. I've been screwed and sued and tattooed, and I'm still standin' here in front of you.
Elizabeth Gilbert
#55. Cos a cop asking a guy for a discount on his crack, that's screwed up.
Sign of the goddamn apocalypse is what it is.
Warren Ellis
#56. Don't be so damn hard on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up. You're not perfect, fine. Learn from it. But don't punish yourself. Be kind to you, even when you screw up. You'll bounce back eventually. You'll make up for it.
Stephanie Klein
#57. Look, we know we screwed up when we were in the majority. We fell in love with power. We spent way too much money - especially on earmarks. There was too much corruption when we ran this place. We were guilty. And that's why we lost.
Eric Cantor
#58. If the man screwed like he kissed she was a goner
Amy Andrews
#59. He was Lieutenant again. Which meant he was so screwed. Sam or even Roger would have had at least a slim chance of talking her out of bringing him in, but not Lieutenant Starrett.
Suzanne Brockmann
#60. Everyone is usually screwed up in some way and that is usually where the work comes in - figuring out how to make it believable and make it real to present someone's problems that you don't necessarily actually know anything about.
Anna Paquin
#61. A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.
Jay Leno
#62. It's so screwed up, the standards ... You should like it, but you shouldn't like it too much or talk about how much you like it. You should do it, but you shouldn't do it with too many people or talk about how much you're doing it. It's like there are so many rules, but none of them make sense.
Kody Keplinger
#63. Listen, I would never judge someone who screwed their babysitter for years or knocked up their secretary, so don't ask me to.
Pat Martin
#64. That's what makes a character interesting from an actor's perspective - the more screwed up, the better.
Jeri Ryan
#65. Why do you give me cars?"
"It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?"
"You love me?"
"Yes."
A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way," Ranger said.
Janet Evanovich
#66. I haven't left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis.
Election, erection, election, erection!
Either way we're screwed!
Bette Midler
#67. He'd fallen for her - for her sometimes amusing, sometimes confounding combination of strength, brains, drive, vulnerability, and mile-wide stubborn streak. He'd fallen for the whole complicated package, screwed-up father included.
Samanthe Beck
#68. There's tons of people with talent; it's the system that's all screwed up.
John Kricfalusi
#69. This is where the privileged send their screwed-up progeny; no gluing macaroni to construction paper for us." He paused meaningfully. "They only let us CREATE with RICCIOLINI here."
"I don't even know what that is."
"It's very fancy, I assure you
Michelle Hodkin
#71. Also, the killing of small animals is the entrance ramp onto the serial killer superhighway. Damn. I bet the cat knows that. He picked me because I can't hurt him, or I'd be fulfilling my biological destiny. So I'm screwed. The cat stays. Unless you'll kill him ... How does fifty bucks sound?
Kelley Armstrong
#72. When people in organizations focus only on their position, they have little sense of responsibility for the results produced when all positions interact. Moreover, when results are disappointing, it can be very difficult to know why. All you can do is assume that someone screwed up.
Peter M. Senge
#73. Tell me I'm a screwed up mess, that I never listen, listen. Tell me you don't want my kiss, that you need your distance, distance. Tell me anything but don't you say he's what you're missing baby. If he's the reason that you're leaving me tonight, spare me what you think and Tell Me a Lie.
One Direction
#74. You're screwed, scum, and not in the way you'd like, either. Irony's a bitch, isn't it?"
"You wouldn't say that if you knew who I am."
Vol's bounty hunter laughs. "Trust me, I've seen an asshole before. Drop the sword now.
Nenia Campbell
#75. Only the passionate were immortal, it seemed. If you fought, screwed, screamed, laughed, or otherwise experienced life intensely, for better or worse, you left a record. Those who lived a quiet, well-behaved, well-tempered life? Gone without a trace.
Magnus Flyte
#76. After a show, I'll get the 16-year-old white kid whose lip is pierced, his head is shaved and his parents hate him, and the young gangster from the screwed-up 'hood, and they say that now they realize there's someone out there who thinks like they do.
Michael Franti
#77. I'm fascinated by the people I grew up with and the mistakes I made - and God, I have screwed up. I like writing about where it all went off course.
Pat Conroy
#78. She was screwed by the fates. Cursed with a mate she wanted but couldn't have.
Susannah Scott
#79. My children are the thing that make life work because, you know, I screwed up my life, and I know it was me, and it was really hard because it was so public, and that was very, very hard.
Kimberly Quinn
#80. I was lousy in school. Real screwed-up. A moron. I was antisocial and didn't bother with the other kids. A really bad student. I didn't have any brains. I didn't know what I was doing there. That's why I became an actor.
Anthony Hopkins
#81. If you have had no tension in your life, never been screwed up by problems, your mortality well within your own grasp, and someone tells you that God so loved you that He gave His Son to die for you, nothing but good manners will keep you from being amused.
Oswald Chambers
#82. Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.
Mitch Hedberg
#83. A century ago, life screwed that poor man and me because we were too young, and now they want to do the same thing because we are too old.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
#84. I never want anything more than what's fair. The problem is, I never want anything less either. In the old-boy school of business, if a woman walks away from the table with what's rightfully hers, the man feels screwed ...
Dolly Parton
#85. I mean, you know how it is. You chase a bottle of sleeping pills with a bottle of Jack Daniel's and life's never the same, no matter how many times you try to tell people it was just an accident.
Courtney Summers
#86. Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else's heart.
Eoin Colfer
#87. For me, writing's the only thing that's always real. I've never regretted a day I wrote a good scene, whatever else I screwed up that day. That's what's fucking real.
Scott Westerfeld
#88. He smelled too good, he looked too good and it was just completely unfair. Villains were supposed to be ugly. Just another way I was getting screwed in this deal. My villain didn't even look like he was supposed to.
Donna Augustine
#89. I think people imagine going back to a time when they knew who they were and they knew what the circumstances were - if you screwed up it was your fault.
Gore Verbinski
#90. No one is a virgin, because life has screwed us all.
Ann Rinaldi
#91. When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.
Albert Brooks
#92. Yeah. She'd manipulated the second most powerful vampire in town into taking her side against a psycho bitch-queen sorority girl. She'd talked rationally about putting people's brains into computers. This was a normal day. No wonder she was screwed up.
Rachel Caine
#93. Gettimg attached to things is pointless. Thats how things get screwed up.People care to much about everything. Let it go. You'll be happier.
Nick Burd
#94. So remember, this is definitely a screwed-if-you-do, screwed-if-you-don't situation. You just remember to say, Screw them.
Jessica Valenti
#95. I want to explain everything to him, show him that it's really not as screwed up as it all sounds, but then I remember that it is.
Jonathan Tropper
#96. No groom.
No electricity.
Stuck in a house with a naked guy.
Screwed.
Jill Shalvis
#97. I don't allow Hollywood to define my joy, my happiness, and my peace because you'll be screwed. You have to be very careful.
Tia Mowry
#98. I'm so totally mesmerized by him.
And so totally in lust with him.
And so totally screwed.
Samantha Towle
#99. I know I've screwed up," I said. "I'm going to have to live with that. But I don't want to lose you.
Jim Butcher
#100. (In response to Java) Anybody who thinks a little 9,000-line program that's distributed free and can be cloned by anyone is going to affect anything we do at Microsoft has his head screwed on wrong.
Bill Gates
