Quotes For My Ex Girlfriend

#1. I left my parents' home when I was 22, I moved to New York with my ex-girlfriend. We did a film together with Raul Julia.

Demian Bichir

#2. My ex-girlfriend said to me, 'I'm surprised at how normal you are since you were homeschooled.' But I was only homeschooled because I wanted to be an actor. My parents are both teachers.

Reece Thompson

#3. When I was growing up, I said to my ex-girlfriend, 'I will not be successful until everyone in Holland knows my name.' And it worked.

Afrojack

#4. I quit my job. I bought myself a real cheap, like, around-the-world flight ticket, and I went to 16 countries for six months just backpacking, living in cheap hostels, looking for stories with a camera and my ex-girlfriend.

Malik Bendjelloul

#5. My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid ... and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

Emo Philips

#6. I crashed my bicycle on the way to my first date with my ex-girlfriend and was cautioned by the police.

James Norton

#7. My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet ... oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

Anthony Jeselnik

#8. I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that's to be expected, since she is a roofer.

Jarod Kintz

#9. Being forced to sit between my mortal enemy and my ex-girlfriend every afternoon made seventh-period math feel like my own private Kobayashi Maru, a brutal no-win scenario designed to test my emotional fortitude.

Ernest Cline

#10. I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

Emo Philips

#11. My ex-girlfriend Lisa once said that every woman wants the same thing in a relationship: to be adored.

Neil Strauss

#12. And I had just kissed my ex-girlfriend, who had cried, while my current girlfriend was in jail. So far, it had not been my best day.

Mark Zero

#13. I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer ... but no one will do it.

Anthony Jeselnik

#14. I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.'

Mike Birbiglia

#15. ATKINSON. Early Apple employee, developed graphics for the Macintosh. CHRISANN BRENNAN. Jobs's girlfriend at Homestead High, mother

Walter Isaacson

#16. I have a girlfriend and she really keeps me grounded. Makes me normal.

Ian Axel

#17. My idea of hell is a girlfriend ringing up and saying, 'Let's go shopping and have cocktails.' I'd rather play cards.

Alison Moyet

#18. There were a couple of times when I hung out with a boy I liked and he paid for me and we were both single so I think those were dates, but then like a week later he had a girlfriend that wasn't me and I was cursing his very existence, so it's hard to say for sure.

Katie Heaney

#19. Are you saying you want to be my girlfriend?" His voice was gruff, almost teasing.
I leaned into him and whispered against his lips. "Are you saying you want me to be your girlfriend?"
"Fuck yeah," he whispered back, and pressed his mouth to mine.

Samantha Young

#20. I'm somebody's ex-wife, and I did things that drove him nuts. And now I'm somebody's girlfriend, for many years, and I've got different things that drive him nuts.

Nicole Holofcener

#21. I want a girlfriend who eats as much as I do, which is a lot.

Niall Horan

#22. If I'm in a relationship and my girlfriend is sleeping with other people, I don't need to know who it is; I just want to know how she feels about it.

Ben Folds

#23. My first girlfriend broke up with me on a yellow legal pad. After she picked me up from the airport one day, she took out a letter that her therapist wrote, and she read it to me. She and her therapists wrote a letter breaking up with me together.

Max Winkler

#24. I tried to go back and talk about what I did know. I told her about one girl he'd brought home from Cornell; I'd asked if she was his girlfriend, and he's said, When you define something, you limit it.

Melissa Bank

#25. When a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend, he breaks the spell that made him once the special one.

Linda Alfiori

#26. If he mistreated and abused his last girlfriend, why would you want to be his new girlfriend?

Karen E. Quinones Miller

#27. The marathon is my only girlfriend. I give her everything I have.

Toshihiko Seko

#28. I don't think your girlfriend likes me." Putting on the most bored face I can muster, I add deadpan, "I'm torn up." Shaking his head at me, he mutters, "Yeah, I can see that.

Belle Aurora

#29. I don't think that we really know our animals. We think we do because we're humans, and we think we can control things like that. We don't know anybody that we love. It could be a girlfriend or a cat. I think we just have to be at peace with that.

Caroline Paul

#30. My first serious girlfriend, when I was 16, was Mormon. I went to her house for 'family home evening,' and I was like, 'Why aren't you people ignoring each other and watching television?'

Trey Parker

#31. I don't like when performers rag on their ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend in absentia. If they're not there, it just feels rude ... I'm never going to say anything personal about myself on stage. That's my new goal.

David Rees

#32. All my life there's always been an ex-wife or a girlfriend.

Ronnie Wood

#33. A demonic reaper asked to be my valentine and then killed his crazy ex-girlfriend to save my life. Tomorrow I was starting up antipsychotic meds.

Courtney Allison Moulton

#34. I always used to say to my ex-girlfriends that I could never take a good photograph of them, because there was too much of an intimacy between us, but actually the real thing is, if there's a proper intimacy between you ... I find it really compelling and exciting - it's quite good foreplay.

Rankin

#35. I couldn't deal with my ex and his new she-devil girlfriend being all up in my face and him trying to be friendly and her trying to poison me with her existence...

Sarah Billington

#36. I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Dana Gould

#37. The burn is my girlfriend, failure is my ex. I'm married to the track and engaged to success.

Andre Bramble

#38. You should change your Password"
"not exactly a priority so I haven't got'round to it"
"I'll do it for you"I offered.
His arms gave me a squeeze and he grinned.
"What'll you chose?"
before I could stop my mouth from forming the words, I said "Shebitchfromhell666

Kristen Ashley

#39. Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

Dane Cook

#40. Most of my ex-girlfriends are still close friends. I guess when you are with someone that long, unless they did something really terrible to you, you remain friends. My real estate business is run by my best friend, who is an ex-girlfriend.

Ryan Kavanaugh

#41. Like my girlfriend Denisha is always saying (she's an Episcopalian), some of Jesus' best friends were sex workers.

Sarah Lotz

#42. I got caught kissing my dad's ex-girlfriend - at his wedding!

Lee Ryan

#43. Dash is for sure straight!" Boomer announced. "He has a super-pretty ex-girlfriend named Sofia, who I think he still has a thing for, and also, in seventh grade, there was a game of spin the bottle and it was my turn and I spun and it landed at Dash, but he wouldn't let me kiss him.

David Levithan

#44. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not proud of it. Even though you didn't have that damn necklace on, as far as I knew, you were still with Del. And I'm not big on making out with another guy's girlfriend.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#45. You can go the route of not living your life at all - and a lot of actors do that, where they just won't even go out of the house at all - but it makes life so unenjoyable. You can't go out, you can't hold hands with your girlfriend, you can't do any of these things.

Austin Butler

#46. Leaving America is like losing twenty pounds and finding a new girlfriend.

Phil Ochs

#47. Wouldn't it be a waste to not try and stay with the one I liked?

Cara McKenna

#48. Parking's expensive, so I walk or ride my bike, which is good because my girlfriend's getting her PhD as an environmental engineer.

Chaz Bundick

#49. I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom.

Bert McCracken

#50. I'm more likely to give you a cuddle than a punch in the face. I have a soft side, especially with my girlfriend. I send her flowers and use my culinary skills to pull off romantic meals. I do great Thai dishes.

Jai Courtney

#51. I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Mitch Hedberg

#52. The irony of talking to animals and an imaginary girlfriend, who keep me sane, even though I know I look like a raving lunatic, isn't lost on me.

Elyse Draper

#53. I'm not a militant lesbian. I carry myself in a way that makes it easier for women to relate to. I can be your best girlfriend.

Jackie Warner

#54. Henry unpacked the car and loaded himself up with everything they'd brought, little bags and big ones, a string tote, a knapsack.
As he started up the driveway, his girlfriend said, "Do you have the wine, Hank?"
Whoever Hank was, he had it.

Melissa Bank

#55. Why is your skin the best feeling in the world?

Kamand Kojouri

#56. I don't date my girlfriend because she's a model. I date her because I love her.

Adam Levine

#57. My last girlfriend was a Showgirl - But we eventually broke up because she wouldn't Tell me anything. Now I'm dating a girl who looks exactly like my grandma, only my girl older.
-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz

James Lee Schmidt

#58. Girlfriends are not wives. I draw the line at married women. Actually, women married to men with guns. If someone's girlfriend wants to make herself available, that's her business. Just don't give my name to your boyfriend.

Jack Dancer

#59. I would like to have a girlfriend who is more mature than my mental age.

Yuki

#60. Did any agents ever put Diane Ladd up for some of the great parts, even though she always got great reviews? No! But do they put up the girlfriend of the studio executive who's gonna do them a favor later? You betcha.

Diane Ladd

#61. A Bridgeport, Connecticut, man presented his girlfriend with an engagement ring and handed her one end of a ribbon; the other end disappeared into his pocket. "A surprise," he said, and urged her to pull it. She obliged. The ribbon was attached to the trigger of a revolver. The man died instantly.

Erik Larson

#62. When I don't have a girlfriend, who I am answerable to, I can go out and hang with people. But whether you go for a movie with someone or a meal or a drive, it is assumed that you are dating that person.

Shahid Kapoor

#63. The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep.

Jake Owen

#64. You want to take me to a movie?" I asked.
"Well, not really," he said. "What I really want is for you to be my girlfriend. But I thought saying that might scare you off.

Sarah Dessen

#65. If you make your best friend and your significant other the same person, you don't have to disconnect to go tell your girlfriend everything.

Niecy Nash

#66. When your girlfriend broke your heart, don't even say a word, just smile because she gives you the opportunity to find someone better than her.

Werley Nortreus

#67. Sookie: Hey, our hair's the same color.
Eric: Sure is, Girlfriend.

Charlaine Harris

#68. People say love is a gift but i say love is a burden, loving someone and having to watch them be in love with someone else.

Joshua

#69. If this were a [Hollywood] studio film, I wouldn't have pushed my father into a table, I would have beat him up. My father wouldn't have kissed my girlfriend; he would have raped her.

Noah Wyle

#70. I never broke up with my girlfriends, they broke up with me.

Manny Pacquiao

#71. The goal of Christian dating is not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend but to find a spouse. Have that in mind as you get to know one an- other, and if you're not ready to commit to a relationship with the end goal of marriage, it's better not to date but simply to remain friends.

Mark Driscoll

#72. I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Jimmy Carr

#73. My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian ...

Jimmy Carr

#74. No relationship is perfect nor will anyone ever be the best boyfriend or girlfriend. Long as you put in the effort and try to make your lover happy. That's all we can ask for.

Kevin McCarty

#75. What would you call your decorating style?" I asked. "Boring-bachelor? Or messy-loner? He looked over at me. "More like distracted-about-my-detainee-girlfriend," he said.

Katie Kacvinsky

#76. In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.

Woody Allen

#77. Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away.

S. Walden

#78. I went to church. It didn't help. In those days that was the best place to meet a girlfriend. In church! All of us praying to be different.

Jeffrey Eugenides

#79. how you would feel if your old girlfriend showed up and she had the IQ of a frog. You'd

Bobby Adair

#80. My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

Steve Jobs

#81. If I don't get a girlfriend soon (number one on the list) I may have to resort to drastic measures like surgery (me) or hypnosis (them).

J.A. Buckle

#82. I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia.

Frankie Boyle