Top 100 Quotes About Witty
#1. You can look at a person's attitude and know what kind of thinking is prevalent in his life ... It's better to be positive and wrong than negative and right!
Joyce Meyer
#2. Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
Corey Ford
#3. Most people sitting at home aren't cool, successful, witty Hollywood stars, but they all worry about what people think of them when they faux pas.
Ricky Gervais
#4. Every time a message seems to grab us, and we think, 'I just might try it,' we are at the nexus of choice and persuasion that is advertising.
Andrew Hacker
#5. Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.
Augustus Hare
#6. I've often been criticised, but never critically wounded
Johnny Rich
#7. There was tremendous affection in Billy's eyes, or at least they held a tremendous offer of affection, a tremendous willingness to find whomever he was talking to bright and witty and better than most
Alice McDermott
#8. Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?
James Roday
#9. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
#10. This sentence consists of eleven words, twenty-three syllables and seventy-four letters.
Charles Pearson
#11. A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by the fact that the opposite of what it says is equally true so long as it appears to be funny.
Umberto Eco
#13. The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.
Sid Caesar
#15. I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W.C. Fields
#17. I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants
Dave Beard
#18. This is how we court girls in America. We grab them and kiss them. And if they don't like it, we do it again, harder and longer, until they surrender. It saves us hours of witty repartee.
Lisa Kleypas
#19. Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
(quoted in Life After Life)
William Congreve
#20. Dear Friends all, A thousand Christmas pleasures and blessings to you
good resolutions and bright hopes for the New Year! Amen. People who can't be witty exert themselves to be pious or affectionate.
George Eliot
#22. The only sharks I'm afraid of are the ones that wear three-piece suits and write memos.
Laurie Nadel
#24. No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such as this. It
Eoin Colfer
#25. I declare, on my soul and conscience, that the attainment of power, or of a great name in literature, seemed to me an easier victory than a success with some young, witty, and gracious lady of high degree.
Honore De Balzac
#26. ( ... ) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.
Keary Taylor
#27. I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
George Burns
#28. Do you lie awake at night to come up with all your witty replies for the following day?
Sarah J. Maas
#29. A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.
Ljupka Cvetanova
#30. The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures.
Samuel Goldwyn
#31. There are some men who are witty when they are in a bad humor, and others only when they are sad.
Joseph Joubert
#32. Father looked puzzled. My witty repartee was completely lost on him.
Alan Bradley
#33. PU'RIST: one superstitiously nice in the use of words.
Samuel Johnson
#34. He had not the makings of that honest man to whom success comes naturally.
James Jones
#35. She was quick of mind and swift of tongue, always ready to answer a set down with the kind of witty rebuke most of us can think of only long after the moment of insult has passed.
Geraldine Brooks
#36. Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar.
Christopher Hitchens
#37. A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.
Mary Jo Putney
#38. Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.
Erica Jong
#39. My senior year of high school, I was voted 'Wittiest.' So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.
Barbara Park
#40. Now, where does my comedy come from, like, as a human being? Yeah, when I was a kid I was dyslexic and had to go to special-ed every day and felt stupid about that and got very witty to defend myself.
Dax Shepard
#41. Music gives inspiration ... one that sounds windy with humming sound, such can put you in a trance, only to come back and discover some witty ideas.
Michael Bassey Johnson
#42. I wouldn't even dare read the Torah, let alone attempt a witty observation on the Torah.
Charles Grodin
#45. My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony.
Maurice Sendak
#46. Yesterday he had limped, but today there was no part of his feet that didn't hurt, so limping did no good.
Patrick Rothfuss
#47. I am like a Rolls- Royce. I can run without an engine, purely on reputation
Shahrukh Khan
#48. For table-talk, I prefer the pleasant and witty before the learned and the grave; in bed, beauty before goodness.
Michel De Montaigne
#49. The fashionable woman is sexy, witty, and dry-cleaned.
Mary Quant
#50. New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.
James Agate
#51. When we reached the lobby outside the office, moving like a pair of power walkers
no running in the halls of Green Pastures because there was too much chance of knocking over one of the many ethereal, artistic types wandering around in hip glasses with the wrong prescription ... (39)
Susan Juby
#52. I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort.
Daniel Handler
#53. The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.
Florence King
#54. There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden's brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload.
Courtney Kirchoff
#55. As marriage produces children, so children produce care and disputes; and wrangling.
Mary Wortley Montagu
#56. I wish I knew what you were talking about," she returned. "Where's
the pin?"
"Pin?"
"Yes. Pin. To fasten the diaper. The kid can't hold the thing up with
two hands.
Emma Goldrick
#57. If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
George Bernard Shaw
#58. I can see why they named that ballet the Nutcracker. It's gotta hurt having 'em crushed in something that tight.
Mark A. Cooper
#59. When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield
#61. What am I going to do?" asked Ce'Nedra.
"First you ought to go wash your face," Polgara told her. "Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don't have the right coloring for it. You're an absolute fright. I'd advise you never to cry in public if you can help it.
David Eddings
#62. I always love it whenever Rose delivers one of her witty one-liners - particularly when it's a completely serious situation. The contrast always amuses me, but then, I'm biased.
Richelle Mead
#63. May we generally be happy, generally be witty, generally be honest, but above all always be interesting.
Daniel Handler
#65. They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won't arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There's a good chance they will. But the important thing is that I've done nothing wrong.'
'For once.
Derek Landy
#66. I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!
Dave Chappelle
#68. Make the most of What you have, When you have it, Where you are.
Eleanor Roosevelt
#69. Until the day arrives when all women decide that our rights are not negotiable, our future choices will not be secure.
Faye Wattleton
#70. [Agatha Christie] is fond of quoting the witty wife who once said, 'an archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Christie's husband, Max Mallowan, was an archaeologist.
Nigel Dennis
#71. I seem to get into situations that make people laugh, but I don't consider myself that funny of a person. I'm not witty. I'm kind of slow in conversations. I'm not that articulate with jokes. The first time I made stuff and screened it for an audience, I was surprised what people were laughing at.
Nathan Fielder
#72. Alexia found herself surrounded and embraced by a room of such unmitigated welcome and personality that it was akin to being yelled at by plum pudding.
Gail Carriger
#74. The habit of getting up early, which I had formed when the children were young, now became my choice. I am not very bright or very witty or very inventive after the sun goes down.
Toni Morrison
#75. Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
Larry Gelbart
#76. He didn't even know how to talk about it. He had practiced not talking about the things he knew until no man could be called his equal.
Catherynne M Valente
#77. Freud is all nonsense; the secret of neurosis is to be found in the family battle of wills to see who can refuse the longest to help with the dishes.
Julian Mitchell
#78. Not having a moustache, he was in the habit of twirling his eyebrows. "Why do you keep twirling your eyebrows?" a young lady asked him one day. "We all twirl the hairs we have, depending on our age and sex," Tito replied. The young lady thought him very witty and fell in love with him. She
Pitigrilli
#79. The privacy laws are paramount. They come before even common sense ...
Michael Swanwick
#80. The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
Dylan Moran
#81. It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.
Jane Austen
#82. What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.
Dave Barry
#83. Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.
Antoine Rivarol
#84. Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.
William Shakespeare
#85. A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge
Robert Breault
#86. WYTIWYG" (pronounced "witty-wig"): What You Test Is What You Get.
Kelly Gallagher
#88. She's like a cross between an onion and donkey," Farah said.
"Why?" Jason and Connor asked simultaneously.
"Cause she's a piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye." Farah laughed.
Mark A. Cooper
#89. You're not enjoying yourself," Syl said. "You're starting to sound a lot like my mother." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Repetitive." "Captivating?" Syl said. "Amazing, witty, meaningful?" "Very funny." "Says the man not laughing," she replied, folding her arms.
Brandon Sanderson
#90. Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. I'm not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.
Mark A. Cooper
#91. It was great fun to hang around the Beatles. They had amazingly fast minds, and they were incredibly amusing and funny and witty. They were great. There was a very high energy surrounding them.
Pattie Boyd
#93. ...Most attackers aren't going to be dissuaded by a witty remark."
"That's profiling," said Mattheus. "Maybe they're Oscar Wilde fans."
"He did have great clothes."
"Proving that stereotypes can span centuries.
Amy Fecteau
#94. Dead yet?" Gus answered.
I smirked. "Not yet, but the night's still young."
"Here's hoping.
Jessica Shirvington
#95. How come if people keep telling me I'm so smart, I keep doing such stupid things?
George Watsky
#96. It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
Andy Borowitz
#97. I'd sneer and tell him he's got the cerebral finesse of an amoeba and delight in his squint of confusion.
Craig Silvey
#98. Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it's too crowded.
Sol Luckman
#99. Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars.
Derek Landy
#100. I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour."
Finbar rolled his eyes. "And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.
Derek Landy
