Top 100 Quotes About Toilets
#1. There are 41 million people who do not have access to a toilet in Pakistan and as a result they are defecating in the open. And open defecation has significant health and nutritional consequences.
Geeta Rao Gupta
#2. Success is like toilet paper, it only seems important when you don't have it.
Richard Jeni
#3. I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate toilet.
Rose George
#4. I was sorting through my mother's things. All the letters from friends had to go. I don't know why she kept them, and now they meant nothing to anybody alive. Each generation flushes the toilet for the last.
Lucy Ellmann
#5. I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.
Jerry Lawler
#6. The more you stared up crap the more it's going to smell (/)
Mary Sumner
#7. I must break out ...
... start a new life ...
been here for years ...
might be getting into a rut ...
something a bit more exciting ...
more adventurous ...
something with more of a challenge ...
There's not much opportunity for self-advancement in toilets ...
Raymond Briggs
#8. If I accepted, Edmund would be our vampire servant." "Come to think of it, that sounds all kinds-a classy. He could clean our toilets. See you soon, babe.
Faith Hunter
#9. When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'
Dylan Moran
#10. (his house at Stowe, in Buckinghamshire, had nine of the first flush toilets in England),
Bill Bryson
#11. When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back
Robin Williams
#12. Growing up, I had a front row seat to seeing two people work really hard. My dad scrubbed toilets at a private Catholic school for a while, and that was to help me get through school.
Mia Love
#13. We have successfully achieved the target of building toilets in schools.
Narendra Modi
#14. Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.
J.D. Salinger
#15. I'd rather clean my toilet than go to a show-business party.
Shania Twain
#16. When you say you're not a feminist, if feminism hadn't existed, and you didn't live in a feminist world, you wouldn't be saying that, because you'd be too busy scrubbing out the toilets in back while cooking up your husband's tea and dying in childbirth at the age of 34.
Caitlin Moran
#17. It takes a minimum of six people, working in close harmony, to successfully flush a nautical toilet. That's why those old ships carried such large crews.
Dave Barry
#19. I was used to getting changed in pub toilets before going on set. Then suddenly I had studios in L.A. advising me on my hair.
Harry Treadaway
#20. I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.
David Feherty
#21. So if he'd been a plumber, _ _ would've been about toilets?
Left blank to avoid spoilers but this is just too funny
Jeri Smith-Ready
#22. I talk about freedom from the Rat Race, and they focus on toilets. That is the thought pattern that keeps most people poor. They criticize instead of analyze.
Robert T. Kiyosaki
#23. We once installed a $1.49 trap in a woman's toilet and she never had ghost problems again.
Jason Hawes
#24. And it makes you wonder - how can a people incapable of selecting their own lightbulbs and toilets possess enough competence to vote for their own rulers and fill out complicated tax returns?
Mark R. Levin
#25. I loved being in Trainspotting and having to dive into the filthiest toilet in Scotland.
Ewan McGregor
#26. You kids today don't understand. You go into the stalls, and you sit on the toilets, and you read your comic books. But you never think about the brave cleaning supplies that gave their lives so you could have a safe place to do your business.
Beth Labonte
#27. You can't tell what's aboard a container ship. We carried every kind of cargo, all of it on view: a police car, penicillin, Johnnie Walker Red, toilets, handguns, lumber, Ping-Pong balls, and IBM data cards.
Christopher Buckley
#28. Girl scrubs your toilets for twenty-three years, you begrudge her the life she had when you weren't around.
Lauren Groff
#29. Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.
Rex Reed
#30. I think women are really vicious in the work place, they're really jealous, really competitive. Women are emotional, they cry in toilets. The sisterhood only extends as far as the kitchen door. Men talk in logic and rational terms, they don't squark and make a noise.
Katie Hopkins
#31. Well, MacKenzie, YOU'RE the expert on toilets! It's only 8:00 a.m. and your BRAIN is completely CONSTIPATED while your MOUTH has a severe case of DIARRHEA! Please, go FLUSH!
Rachel Renee Russell
#32. I'm a girl who always looks at toilets and thinks Wow, how do we waste that much water when there are people who don't even have water?
Alysia Reiner
#33. We were called The Toilets originally - we were flushed with success.
Mike Peters
#34. Trout said this about all the stories he had torn to pieces and flushed down toilets or tossed into trash-strewn vacant lots, or whatever: 'Easy come, easy go.
Kurt Vonnegut
#35. Tonight the city is full of morgues, and all the toilets are overflowing. There's shopping malls coming out of the walls, as we walk out among the manure. That's why I pay no mind.
Beck
#36. WHEN SHE RECOUNTED her dream for Percy, the ship's toilets exploded.
Rick Riordan
#37. I wouldn't go in a fast food outlet even to use the toilet.
Jonny Wilkinson
#38. My favorite affirmation when I feel stuck or out of sorts is: Whatever I need is already here, and it is all for my highest good. Jot this down and post it conspicuously throughout your home, on the dashboard of your car, at your office, on your microwave oven, and even in front of your toilets!
Wayne Dyer
#39. Nobody should have to clean up what goes on around the base of most toilets.
T. Cooper
#40. During the 1970s and 1980s, Congress distributed more than $60 billion to cities to make sure that what goes into toilets, industrial drains and street grates would not endanger human health.
Charles Duhigg
#41. All through life there were distinctions - toilets for men, toilets for women; clothes for men, clothes for women - then, at the end, the graves are identical.
Leila Aboulela
#42. I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities - I'm proven to be good. I've still got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left.
Shaquille O'Neal
#43. I won't eat in a restaurant with filthy bathrooms. This isn't a hard call. They let you see the bathrooms. If the restaurant can't be bothered to replace the puck in the urinal or keep the toilets and floors clean, then just imagine what their refrigeration and work spaces look like.
Anthony Bourdain
#44. There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life.
Raegan Butcher
#45. My name is only an anagram of toilets.
T. S. Eliot
#46. If free trade can really turn all these Third World countries into thriving economies full of entrepreneurs and investors, who's gonna clean the fuckin' toilets around here?
George Carlin
#47. Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.
Zach Braff
#48. No organization works if the toilets don't work, but I don't believe that finding solutions to business problems is my job.
James G. March
#49. Whathat!" Tyson gasped. "Those are the stables for the pegasi," I replied, "You know, winged horses?" "Whasthat!" "Um ... those are the toilets.
Rick Riordan
#50. My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up.
Jessica Hahn
#51. Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
Woody Allen
#52. Nature's a funny old thing, it does whatever it pleases. He had always been a little afraid of it. He tiptoed into forests, speaking in a whisper, as though entering a church. Nature was mysterious, incomprehensible, impenetrable, off limits, like the ladies' toilets.
Pascal Garnier
#53. There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling "HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS?"
Dave Barry
#54. Either a municipal bog is a private place or it isn't. If it is a private place in which to shit, how is it not a private place in which to fellate?
Stephen Fry
#55. Writers often have the cleanest windows, floors, fridges and toilets, the most up-to-date filing system or the best record for returning calls or e-mails because, in the moment, just about any task seems more palatable than sitting down to write." (p.136)
Mark David Gerson
#56. I do all my interviews on the toilet.
Slash
#57. There are some things people see in toilets that they wish they hadn't. What Trevor Hawkins sees might even cost him his life.
Rob Johnson
#58. The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
Ronnie Barker
#59. Did you ever notice that America is shaped like one big, giant toilet bowl?
Bret Hart
#60. The opening for solid waste is very small [in the space ship]. It's not toilet-bowl size. And aim is critical. To be honest with you, you don't know where your asshole is pointing within a small circumference.
Mike Mullane
#61. She's nothing more than a pathetic, little half-blood," the ancient woman had continued. "I say send her to the Masters. I'm in need of a little girl to clean my toilets."
Then she had twisted her fingers cruelly.
And I had kicked her shin.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#62. When I'm meant to be standing in the wings, the only way to go is the ladies' toilets. It's the only time I've ever acted in the toilets.
Patrick Stewart
#63. I wrote my first book in a toilet in a factory where I was a floor sweeper.
Geoff Thompson
#64. [Americans] can't understand that the water in our toilet is cleaner than 880 million have access to.
Matt Damon
#65. Unfortunately life has a way of sidetracking one's greatest ambitions. Painters, would-be artists, end up whitewashing walls. Sculptors are forced to design toilets. Writers become critics or publicists. Archaeologists, like myself, can become gravediggers.
Salman Rushdie
#66. Cleanliness and sanitation were closest to Gandhiji's heart. We will launch a 'Clean India' campaign and by Gandhiji's 150th birth anniversary, all schools in the country should have toilets with separate toilets for girls.
Narendra Modi
#67. When you look at the actual data on technological innovation, one thing you see is that what I call the 'low-hanging fruit' has been exhausted. So radio, flush toilets, electricity, and automobiles - a lot of very basic inventions - have spread to almost all households.
Tyler Cowen
#68. Let me speak frankly: separate but equal is a fraud. It is the language that tried to push Rosa Parks to the back of the bus. It is the motif that determined that black and white people could not possibly drink from the same water fountain, eat at the same table or use the same toilets.
David Lammy
#69. With toilet books, people don't review them that much. They don't really pay much attention to them. It's just like, "Oh, okay. I'll put this in your stocking."
Drew Magary
#70. She remembered Scott saying that people shouldn't be allowed houses with more than two toilets to shit in, it gives them delusions of grandeur.
Stephen King
#71. When I have diarrhea I sit backwards on the toilet, because I like to face my enemy before I destroy it.
Sarah Palin
#73. An OBE is what you get if you clean the toilets well at King's Cross station.
Michael Winner
#74. Clean water is only as far away as the nearest tap, and there are taps everywhere. There's a faucet everywhere. But the reality is, the water in our toilets is cleaner than the water that most people are drinking.
Matt Damon
#75. Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
Joey Bishop
#76. There's no place like home. And there's no toilet like your own.
Taylor York
#77. I'd made water shoot out of the bathroom fixtures. I didn't understand how. But the toilets responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing.
Rick Riordan
#78. I am a big fan of long drop, composting toilets - I like the cycle of using waste. When you have experienced one and seen what comes out of the bottom, it is amazing stuff. It's the most beautiful, driest, sweet-smelling compost.
Kevin McCloud
#79. We built everything - toilets included. I think those islands in the middle of nowhere are quite poetic. It's kind of an Oriental Atlantis.
Karl Lagerfeld
#80. I've found that it's actually more of a disability to be tall than short. I have no problem fitting into plane toilets etc, and the adaptations made for wheelchair users - such as the lowering of bank machines - work for me as well.
Warwick Davis
#81. The bearded creatures are quite as eager for praise, quite as finikin over their toilets, quite as proud of their personal advantages, quite as conscious of their powers of fascination, as any coquette in the world.
William Makepeace Thackeray
#82. I tell myself that's what you get when you put thirty-one toilets on the most popular girl's front yard. People tend to treat you a little differently than before.
Kathryn Stockett
#83. 2.6 billion people live without toilets, and 1.6 billion without electricity. How is this possible?, you might ask. And that is a very good question.
Neale Donald Walsch
#84. I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.
Woody Allen
#85. The train resembles the Soviet type and is quite comfortable, but all socialist structures I have ever encountered have toilets stemming from a single model engineered by the Orthodox Church in Tsarist Russia to ensure that man never be allowed to forget the corruption of the flesh.
Arthur Miller
#86. If life is a meal, then diaries are the toilets in which we shit out its vile remnants.
Sarah Silverman
#87. The Universe is picking us off one by one. Yesterday part of the poop deck went, and with it all the toilets.
Stanislaw Lem
#88. I'm here with Howard Millar and Michael Cawley, our two deputy chief executives. But they're presently making love in the gentleman's toilets, such is their excitement at today's results.
Michael O'Leary
#89. Public toilets have a duty to be accessible, poetry does not.
Geoffrey Hill
#90. I used to always sit in church looking out the windows at the boys, wondering if I could make an excuse to go out and, you know, go to the bathroom because all the outdoor toilets. But anyhow, I was only going out to see the boys.
Dolly Parton
#91. Why do I continue making movies? Making movies is better than cleaning toilets.
Klaus Kinski
#92. The wide screen reminds me of a roll of toilet paper.
Yasujiro Ozu
#93. Where do you get lumpy tiles? Well, of course, you don't. But I get a lot of toilets, and so you just dispatch a toilet with a hammer, and then you have lumpy tiles.
Dan Phillips
#94. from the head honcho to the person who scraped shit from the toilets. He always saw the individual person rather than the job. There were only two types of people that mattered for Tom. Good guys and wanks. That was the only measure he took of anyone.
Mark Wilson
#95. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
Peter Kay
#96. There is something reassuring about the toilets. Bodily functions at least remain democratic. Everybody shits.
Margaret Atwood
#97. People can deal with almost anything when their toilets flush.
Lana Krumwiede
#98. The Australian backyard was once built for tradesmen and outdoor toilets. As suburbs spread, it became a playground and source of pride ...
Pete Munro
#100. The guy had literally been through hell and back. Even when he wasn't trying, he made the toilets explode. What would Percy be like if he wanted to act scary?
Rick Riordan
