Joey Bishop Quotes

#1. Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

Joey Bishop

#2. I love Chicago. I got on a bus and asked the driver, Do you go to the Loop? He said, No, I go beep-beep!

Joey Bishop

#3. The other day I started to take a course in psycho-ceramics. What is psycho-ceramics? It's the study of crackpots.

Joey Bishop

#4. A woman driver went through a red light. The cop stopped her and said, Lady, didn't you see that red light? The woman said, You've seen one, you've seen them all.

Joey Bishop

#5. I don't consider success doing a show for 30 years; I'm sorry. To me, you're successful when you graduate from something. I did a series, I did a talk show, I did movies, I replaced Mickey Rooney on Broadway in Sugar Babies. You understand?

Joey Bishop

#6. My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

Joey Bishop

#7. The kick of comedy is to think quickly. It's a great kick.

Joey Bishop

#8. There are many things that I find attractive about a woman. Foremost to me, of course, would be a sense of humor-but that doesn't come in a bottle.

Joey Bishop

#9. You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.

Joey Bishop

#10. You know how Van Nuys got its name? Well, one day my little old Jewish mother was visiting me, and I took her to the top of the Hollywood Hills and had her view the valley below just at sunset. Well, mama, what would you call that? And she said, Ver nize.

Joey Bishop