Top 99 Quotes About Me Hilarious
#1. What I think is funny is when people, despite tragic situations, are still hopeful, still trying. It's sweet and sad - and, to me, hilarious.
Casey Wilson
#2. I'd love to do a comedy. Umm, I don't know when that will happen - maybe when I'm, like, 80 or something. But yeah, I'd love to. I'm just waiting for the right person to see my hilarious nature and offer me a comedy.
Lena Headey
#3. Would you be shedding tears for McNab's dead body if he'd been screwing around on you?"
Peabody pursed her lips. "Well, since I'd've been the one who killed him, I'd probably be shedding tears for me because you'd be arresting me. And that would really make me sad.
J.D. Robb
#4. My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.
Noel Fielding
#5. Roz to Amelia (the house ghost): How considerate of you, after trying to kill me, to see that I don't catch a cold.
Nora Roberts
#6. Well, except she didn't tell me about the stealth RainWing bodyguards she put on me. That was pretty hilarious. Everyone should suddenly have the air turn into seven bright purple dragons yelling hysterically whenever she gets attacked.
Tui T. Sutherland
#7. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
#8. It's hilarious to me that by writing an obscene fake children's book I am mistaken for a parenting expert.
Adam Mansbach
#9. I was like, 'Dude, make me look bad. Please. I want to look ugly. I want to wear orange pants.
Evanescence
#10. I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because for many, many years I was the guy whose only contribution to any conversation was, 'There was a funny 'Simpson's' joke about that.'
Joss Whedon
#11. It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.
P.G. Wodehouse
#12. Are you in a suit?' I managed at last, my voice choking up. 'You didn't have to dress up for me.'
'Quiet, Sage,' he said. 'I'll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue.
Richelle Mead
#13. Once you've stopped loving someone breaking his or her heart's just an unpleasant chore you have to get behind you. My God, you really don't love me anymore, do you? No matter your decency the victim's incredulity's potentially hilarious. You manage not to laugh.
Glen Duncan
#14. Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor.
Karen DeCrow
#15. All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.
Sarah Palin
#16. God will forgive me. It's his job. Heine said this on his deathbed (1856). Hilarious. He must have thought that up years before and counted the seconds to use it.
Heinrich Heine
#17. I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.
Kesha
#18. I know this is going to sound really cheesy, but I have the coolest dad in the entire world. My dad is hilarious. He's also strong, smart and makes me feel like he's going to take care of everything. I think those are the qualities I look for in a boyfriend.
Lea Michele
#20. While I'm trying to be a villain, Tyler Posey's just making me break character all the time. It's hilarious.
Colton Haynes
#21. Call laughed bitterly. "So you didn't come near me because you didn't want to blow my cover, and all that time, I didn't even know I had a cover? That's freaking hilarious."
"I see nothing amusing about it." Master Joseph didn't change expression.
Cassandra Clare
#22. I think there is some truth to publicity stunts that might get you press like that. It's so hilarious because now every time I walk by the tabloid stands and look at the tabloids it makes me kind of wonder like what's really going on.
Simon Rex
#23. What are you doing?"
"I'm, uh, acting normal."
"No you're not. You're acting like someone pretending to be normal. Stop pretending and start acting, but don't act like you're not pretending, that'll make it worse.
Derek Landy
#24. Dante.Oh,Dante.Seal me!Seal me so hard!".He grabs my hips and
pumps his toward mine."Oh,Dante! You're so hot when you seal souls."
I shove my idiot-of-a-best-friend off me and laugh."What the hell was that?" I ask.
"My new move.
Victoria Scott
#25. I've been blessed with a lot of things in life, but God did not give me rhythm. Still, I love to dance - which past girlfriends always found hilarious.
Blake Mycoskie
#26. It me birthday and nobody came ... Bigfoot decide do something nice for self for big day and sneak in they house at night and pick out own present and blow out flickering candle of life in they brains. Make a wish, jerks.
Graham Roumieu
#27. Clearly, his winks were some sort of superpower, because I swear that if he asked me to jump from the roof of a tall building and then winked, I'd jump.
C.P. Smith
#28. (Seth) "So," he said, looking me up and down, "you're what the fuss was all about. I can't say I'm impressed." He sneered at me. "Still riding bulls, cowboy?"
(Weber) "Nope." I smirked at him. "I only ride his cock now.
Mary Calmes
#29. I can't tell you how may beautiful women have broken up with me because they were bored. I can't tell you because it never happened. They all adored me."
"It was your humility, wasn't it?
Derek Landy
#30. One of the saddest sights to me has always been a human at a keyboard doing something by hand that could be automated. It's sad but hilarious.
Boris Beizer
#31. She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it.
Kayti McGee
#32. I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me.
Jessica Simpson
#33. I wanted to be in love like in the storybooks and songs and ballads. Love that hits you like a lightning bolt. And I'm sorry, because yeah, I get that you think I'm ridiculous. I get that you think I'm hilarious. I know, I get that you're mocking me. I get how stupid I am, but at least I know.
Holly Black
#34. Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
Bob Thaves
#35. People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader.
Steven Seagal
#36. Thomas rolled his eyes. "I never said jack about me being braver than anybody. I'm just sick of hearing people's voices. Yours included."
Minho snickered. "Slinthead, when you try to be mean, it's just freaking hilarious.
James Dashner
#37. Cryptic Dad is cryptic,' I muttered ... We'd hung out all day today. Was there no time in there he could have said, 'Oh, hey, meet me at the magical bookcase at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow, cool?
Rachel Hawkins
#38. Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?
John Kennedy Toole
#39. Don't open the door to strangers," said her dad. "Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high.
Derek Landy
#40. I feel like I've had a number of roles in suits, which is hilarious to the people who know me, because it couldn't be further from who I am and what I wear. I think that Aaron Sorkin is, to a certain extent, responsible.
Clark Gregg
#41. It's funny to me because everyone says I'm injury prone. That's hilarious to me because I've never blown a hammy or a shoulder or anything like that, knock on wood.
Bryce Harper
#42. My grandmother, in her retirement home, actually has a picture of me from 'Star' magazine on their fashion police list. I think that's hilarious, but if Grandma approves, then I feel like I am all good.
Brad Goreski
#43. All I can say is I've been reading the lips of bleeped-out words, angry baseball players, and stoned-out rock stars on awards shows for years and it's been hilarious. Everyone is always asking me what the bleeped-out parts are saying.
Marlee Matlin
#44. People will send me tweets or texts, 'Yo, I'm at Red Lobster now and they're playing Mayer Hawthorne,' more of that kind of stuff, which is hilarious.
Mayer Hawthorne
#45. I moved to New York when I was 17 and I had no idea what I was doing. I really thought I was going to take that city by storm and it taught me a lot; it was like the school of life. For me, it was like a series of really hilarious experiences in New York with getting jobs and getting fired.
Dreama Walker
#46. Besides all that, she's hilarious and warm and knows when I need a hug, and just how long the hug needs to be for me to not feel like crying anymore.
Tyler Oakley
#47. My wife, a schoolteacher, very disciplined. If you think I'm tough, trust me, and wait till you see when the children are on the naughty step. It's hilarious. So we decided that I'm going to work like a donkey and provide amazing support for the family.
Gordon Ramsay
#48. I did a shoot for 'Sports Illustrated,' and my grandpa called me and asked when my issue of 'Playboy' was coming out. It was hilarious as well as embarrassing.
Jasmine Tookes
#49. I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic ... That to me was funny.
Christopher Meloni
#50. In the beginning, I would find a character I understood. That was my focus. Not now - but you basically get offered the exact same thing you just did. Which I find hilarious. I did 'The Vow,' and then I had every love story you can imagine thrown at me. And now I'm getting offers for comedies.
Channing Tatum
#51. Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I'm sorry I'm not the guy. It just doesn't fit me. I'm not 20.
Barack Obama
#52. I'm a huge fan of Steve Martin. He's hilarious, but he has this depth to him and this way of dealing with the difficult things in life with a sense of humor that I think has helped me as an actress.
Alexandra Daddario
#53. Oh- and grab the plastic bag over by my suitcase."
I slug down the last of the coffee and get up. The bag contains panty hose. I put them on her desk.
"They're for you."
"You want me to look homeless, desperate, but also kind of fabulous?
Holly Black
#54. My husband wasn't put off by it - he thought it was hilarious to see me dressed as Dylan! He didn't particularly want to kiss me with stubble all over my face - it felt a bit odd! But I think he's used to it [the make-up process].
Cate Blanchett
#55. I grunted, hauling the rope hand over hand. A plaintive squeak came from the pulley system with each draw, as if I had strapped some unfortunate mouse to a torture device and was twisting with glee.
Brandon Sanderson
#56. (On the book "Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me") Coming on like the Hallelujah Chorus done by 200 kazoo players with perfect pitch. Hilarious, chilling, sexy, profound, maniacal, beautiful and outrageous all at the same time.
Thomas Pynchon
#57. Its just I fell into a bunch of movies that kind of fit in my life. It made sense to do them in the 80s. Folks who know me think its hilarious.
Rick Moranis
#58. Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars.
Derek Landy
#59. Wise Child: Why don't you beat me then?
Juniper: I can't be bothered.
Monica Furlong
#60. I find it hilarious that whenever I light up, Americans look at me like I'm going to urinate on their children.
Michelle Hodkin
#61. Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.
Zach Galifianakis
#62. When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since.
Sarah Silverman
#63. The heroines in 'That's What She Said' are flawed, messy, damaged, hilarious and culpable and not really concerned about being acceptable to the audience in any traditional sense, which for me is what makes them all the more gorgeous. And the fearless truth of that is what makes it funny.
Carrie Preston
#64. Ear demons are totally real," Cody said. "They're what make microphones like these ones work. They're also what tell you to eat the last slice of pie when you know Tia wanted it.
Brandon Sanderson
#65. This is hilarious. First, people say how so many actresses in Hollywood look anorexic, and now they are criticizing me for looking normal. Body images are too often adopted by young girls and women - thanks to what they are constantly being shown as being attractive.
Jennifer Lawrence
#66. Forgive me. I continue to underestimate the breadth of your ignorance.
Ransom Riggs
#67. I totally consider Fishbowl my full time job - I have to say I freaking love doing this blog. I just enjoy the medium so much; I love the fact that it requires me to read amazing stuff by hilarious and talented people and forces me to know what's going on in the world.
Rachel Sklar
#68. I think it's hilarious when middle-aged white men try to take themselves seriously. It makes me laugh.
Chris Bauer
#69. Like a lot of people, I've always enjoyed commenting on strangers' outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people's hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.
Demetri Martin
#70. Anybody wants to call me the Triple H of Ring of Honor, I think that's hilarious. I would prefer to call Triple H the CM Punk of the WWE
CM Punk
#71. I was a huge fan of 'Arrested Development,' and there's just something it tickles in me and it's bright and it's hilarious.
Keri Russell
#73. My dearest Pudding pie" I read aloud.
"Yes, my little turnip?"
"Hilarious," I muttered. "If you ever call me anything of the sort again we shall have words.
Jordan L. Hawk
#74. But you have so much in common. You're both from strange little backwater planets. You both have odd powers. You're male and she's female. What more do you need? Believe me, buddy, if I were you, I'd go right up there and ask her if she wants to ride on my rancor.
Dave Wolverton
#75. It's often hilarious to me that I'm writing about Tonga or some tropical place and there's a blizzard outside and the cows are on their backs with their hooves in the air.
Tim Cahill
#76. Zack?" Anthony's voice was suddenly serious. "You know, it's not a great idea to seduce a woman you're protecting. All kidding aside, do you want me to send Matthews over?"
"Who?"
"Junior."
"I will shoot him on sight," Zack said and hung up so he could follow Lucy into the kitchen.
Jennifer Crusie
#77. Hmmm ... that's interesting."
"What?"
"There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.
Derek Landy
#78. Rod Cockshutt, Professor Emeritus at N.C. State University called my book, Evidence of Insanity, "an extraordinary achievement" and told me to not change the last 10-15 pages no matter what.
Carol Piner
#79. Anyway, it struck me now in a different light, as being yet another bit of personal meaning which had ben taken from me, stripped off like clothes I'd only borrowed or stolen. I had maybe the least persuasive case for self-pity of any human soul on the planet. Or anyway, the most hilarious.
Jonathan Lethem
#80. Sexcastle is a perfect mix of homage and comedy, action and irony, loving tribute and hilarious send-up of the great, good, and ungodly-bad action movies of the '80s. I don't remember the last time a debut book hit me this hard. Literally, this book punched me in the face. It's THAT mean.
Matt Fraction
#81. Give it up, mister! No sex for you!" I yelled at the wall as my girls cackled maniacally.
"Tons of sex for me, sister. None for you!" he yelled all too clearly through the wall.
Alice Clayton
#82. For years, I always thought it was hilarious that I was this fitness guru, because fitness was just a tool I utilized to help people improve their confidence. For me, it's never been about fitness. It's always been about helping to empower people.
Jillian Michaels
#83. Please don't arrest me."
"Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure."
"You could be undercover.
Derek Landy
#84. Everyone calls me 'the male Jennifer Lawrence,' because I just say things because I'm random, and I do things and I don't care what people think. I think she's hilarious.
Colton Haynes
#85. A friend told me about the casting notice for 'Queer Eye.' I was in Chicago and I had a contract with 'Esquire' magazine, so had been coming to New York City regularly and thought I'd catch a cheap flight, crash on a friend's sofa and do this hilarious audition that I had no chance of winning.
Ted Allen
#86. Well," Cinder finally grumbled. "I guess that was pretty fast thinking."
A relieved grin filled up Thorne's face. "We're having another moment, aren't we?"
"If by a moment, you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, than I guess we are.
Marissa Meyer
#87. I believe I've got it covered," Malik said with an admirably straight face and smooth tone. "But I wouldn't mind taking a break before getting to the next round. Grabbing a bite to eat."
Ethan glanced at me, questioning eyebrow arched. Have you infected him?
You're hilarious, I said.
Chloe Neill
#88. I love Queen. Not all of it. Some of it, I can't get into. But "Don't Stop Me Now" is a pretty hilarious song. It's a good pick-me-up in the car.
Charlie Day
#89. Is it just me or do they put the MORON in OXYMORON?
Melissa Cutler
#91. Don't do that? This is your sage advice?"
"Yeah." He burped and blew it out the side of his mouth. "Sorry, the burritos we had for lunch are kinda comin' back on me.
Mary Calmes
#92. Justin Timberlake is the single most talented human being I've ever met in my life, and it sickens me. He is, like, 12 years old or something! He has 0 percent body fat, he is musically gifted, he has a great ear for accents, and he is hilarious.
Mike Myers
#93. If I were related to Monet, I don't know if I would be comfortable becoming an artist because it's too much, the comparison. If I wrote a book and put it out, the comparison to my great-grandfather, the comparison would be hilarious. Every critic, it would be their dream, they'd tear me apart.
Dree Hemingway
#94. You're the best boyfriend ever. You let me ride in elevators and everything."
"Laugh it up, Pet. It'll be hilarious when we get stuck and the smell of unclean tourist is invading your nostrils."
"Don't worry, Sexy. I'll protect you.
C.J. Roberts
#95. Oh, hey, kettle, I'm pot and wow, you're black." - Owen
Olivia Cunning
#96. All the photographers were trying to just get me off, which was hilarious. But it was very, very amusing.
Bella Heathcote
#97. I have to go. Boss has
this weird idea that I should actually work while he's paying
me.
Laurie Halse Anderson
#98. Smart, sharp, and hilarious, Slaughterhouse 90210 is the perfect pick-me-up and never-put-me-down book.
Jami Attenberg
#99. He things we think he's a double agent, working for them but secretly working for us. He doesn't know we know he's a triple agent, working for them but secretly working for us but really he's secretly working for them. Dexter, how's your brain?"
"Hurting.
Derek Landy
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