Quotes About Ex Girlfriend

#1. Naturally, every boyfriend comes with an ex-girlfriend, every business comes with competitors, but it is entirely up to you to decide how much time you spend thinking about them.

Sophia Amoruso

#2. Being forced to sit between my mortal enemy and my ex-girlfriend every afternoon made seventh-period math feel like my own private Kobayashi Maru, a brutal no-win scenario designed to test my emotional fortitude.

Ernest Cline

#3. You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.

T.J. Klune

#4. Currently I'm not a crazy ex-girlfriend, but I can't promise I won't be one again.

Miranda Lambert

#5. I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that's to be expected, since she is a roofer.

Jarod Kintz

#6. But if there was a protocol for how to say goodbye to your newly ex-boyfriend's brother, right after you kissed him and probably sent your ex into the arms of his willing ex-girlfriend, I didn't know what it was.

Rachel Vincent

#7. A demonic reaper asked to be my valentine and then killed his crazy ex-girlfriend to save my life. Tomorrow I was starting up antipsychotic meds.

Courtney Allison Moulton

#8. My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet ... oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

Anthony Jeselnik

#9. I don't like when performers rag on their ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend in absentia. If they're not there, it just feels rude ... I'm never going to say anything personal about myself on stage. That's my new goal.

David Rees

#10. If you don't think a mental patient has the right to bring a sawed-off shotgun to the church where his ex-girlfriend is getting married, you're part of the problem.

David Sedaris

#11. When did the government become our psycho ex-girlfriend

Jay Leno

#12. My ex-girlfriend said to me, 'I'm surprised at how normal you are since you were homeschooled.' But I was only homeschooled because I wanted to be an actor. My parents are both teachers.

Reece Thompson

#13. As far as celebrity, people don't stop me on the street and know who I am. It's more like, 'Doesn't she remind you of so-and-so's ex-girlfriend?' It's always somebody's ex-girlfriend. Somebody ex-girlfriend who's 'crazy.'

Michaela Watkins

#14. The less concerned with aesthetics and usability these friends and family members are, the more easily they navigate sites and applications I can't make head nor hair of. Like the ex-girlfriend who mastered Ebay.

Jeffrey Zeldman

#15. President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.

David Letterman

#16. You say your ex-girlfriend left you for someone else. In other words, she found a brighter star in the sky.

Tony Sakalauskas

#17. I crashed my bicycle on the way to my first date with my ex-girlfriend and was cautioned by the police.

James Norton

#18. If you're walking down the street and you smell a scent, it can take you right back to a memorable time in your life, whether it's a moment with an ex-girlfriend or a childhood event.

Chris Evans

#19. My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid ... and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

Emo Philips

#20. If he were ever to break up with me, I would so be that stalker ex-girlfriend who stole his underwear and hid in the hedges outside his bedroom window.

Darynda Jones

#21. I quit my job. I bought myself a real cheap, like, around-the-world flight ticket, and I went to 16 countries for six months just backpacking, living in cheap hostels, looking for stories with a camera and my ex-girlfriend.

Malik Bendjelloul

#22. When I was growing up, I said to my ex-girlfriend, 'I will not be successful until everyone in Holland knows my name.' And it worked.

Afrojack

#23. I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charges him.

Emo Philips

#24. Dash is for sure straight!" Boomer announced. "He has a super-pretty ex-girlfriend named Sofia, who I think he still has a thing for, and also, in seventh grade, there was a game of spin the bottle and it was my turn and I spun and it landed at Dash, but he wouldn't let me kiss him.

David Levithan

#25. I left my parents' home when I was 22, I moved to New York with my ex-girlfriend. We did a film together with Raul Julia.

Demian Bichir

#26. What are you gonna say?" Emma asked. " 'I'm not sure I want you back, but I'm sure I don't want your ex-con ex-girlfriend to have you, either'? Yeah. That'll start this little triangle off on the right foot.

Rachel Vincent

#27. I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.

Demetri Martin

#28. I got caught kissing my dad's ex-girlfriend - at his wedding!

Lee Ryan

#29. I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.'

Mike Birbiglia

#30. I think sensitive is the wrong description of me. I'm British, actually, so quite bad at expressing myself in conversation, as any ex-girlfriend will tell you. I'm probably emotionally stunted.

James Blunt

#31. You think ancient soul-eating demons are terrifying? Try a run-in with Renn's crazy ex-girlfriend if you want a real scare." (July Henry)

Megan Applegate

#32. ... sitting on the sidewalk outside of his workplace like some creepy stalker ex-girlfriend, waiting for him to come out so I can ambush him with love.

Cynthia Hand

#33. I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer ... but no one will do it.

Anthony Jeselnik

#34. Most of my ex-girlfriends are still close friends. I guess when you are with someone that long, unless they did something really terrible to you, you remain friends. My real estate business is run by my best friend, who is an ex-girlfriend.

Ryan Kavanaugh

#35. Now how about you man the fuck up, put your big girl panties on and go get your fucking ex- girlfriend back.

Karina Halle

#36. I don't like vampire movies or zombie movies. I went to see 'I Am Legend' with an ex-girlfriend the other day, and I immediately realised it was a zombie movie! You know what I mean? There are certain rules, and those rules are things that you've seen many times.

Michel Gondry

#37. There will come a time in every girl's life when she realizes that your ex-girlfriend wasn't crazy. Actually, she was right (about you).

Nakia R. Laushaul

#38. Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

Aristotle.

#39. My ex-girlfriend Lisa once said that every woman wants the same thing in a relationship: to be adored.

Neil Strauss

#40. You actually fucked her? What, did her forked tongue feel exceptionally good on your dick or something? - Keely to Jack after meeting his ex-girlfriend.

Lorelei James

#41. And I had just kissed my ex-girlfriend, who had cried, while my current girlfriend was in jail. So far, it had not been my best day.

Mark Zero

#42. Not godlike at all, but more like a sociapathic, bipolar ex-girlfriend who loses her shit, burns all your jeans and then blames you for making her do it.

Heather McVea

#43. I've been insane for a long time. An ex-girlfriend of mine once asked, "Is it true that all comedians are depressed?," and I said, "Every one I know is."

Jason Gann

#44. Our lives were now worlds apart, separated by time, circumstance, and the unbridgeable chasm of money.

Travis Luedke

#45. I'm really only capable to two emotions at this point: lust and hunger. I lost revenge a few years back, and even then, it was reserved only for ex-girlfriends and particular football games that caused me to lose a lot of money.

Jason Mulgrew

#46. I was seventeen all over again, falling into intrigue with the boy who was an exquisite contradiction.

Blakney Francis

#47. I ask a lot because I'm very curious - especially about ex-girlfriends. I'm pretty good at getting the answers, too.

Brittany Murphy

#48. Every time I thought to, I wrote about you.

Crystal Woods

#49. I always used to say to my ex-girlfriends that I could never take a good photograph of them, because there was too much of an intimacy between us, but actually the real thing is, if there's a proper intimacy between you ... I find it really compelling and exciting - it's quite good foreplay.

Rankin

#50. I couldn't deal with my ex and his new she-devil girlfriend being all up in my face and him trying to be friendly and her trying to poison me with her existence...

Sarah Billington

#51. I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Dana Gould

#52. When you are not missing something, longing for something, you don't really think about it that much. It's like that girlfriend you don't want to have anymore. You don't think about her anymore. Or ex-husband. You just don't.

Danica Patrick

#53. The burn is my girlfriend, failure is my ex. I'm married to the track and engaged to success.

Andre Bramble

#54. You should change your Password"
"not exactly a priority so I haven't got'round to it"
"I'll do it for you"I offered.
His arms gave me a squeeze and he grinned.
"What'll you chose?"
before I could stop my mouth from forming the words, I said "Shebitchfromhell666

Kristen Ashley

#55. Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

Dane Cook

#56. I'm not known for having great relationships with ex-girlfriends, but I've been able to continue one with (Gwyneth Paltrow) that's really valuable.

Ben Affleck

#57. All my life there's always been an ex-wife or a girlfriend.

Ronnie Wood

#58. Does that new man in your life call his ex "a slut", "a whore", "a bitch", "psycho" , "crazy", "a nutter" etc etc. Chances are, whatever he's calling his ex right now, he'll be calling you when things don't go his way. Be warned.

Miya Yamanouchi

#59. I'm somebody's ex-wife, and I did things that drove him nuts. And now I'm somebody's girlfriend, for many years, and I've got different things that drive him nuts.

Nicole Holofcener