Top 34 Parent Humor Quotes
#1. My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
Chic Murray
#2. Ah, we shall never have a real aristocracy while this plebeian reluctance to live upon a parent or a wife continues the animating spirit of our youth. It strikes at the foot of the feudal system!
William Dean Howells
#3. People at shows have told me that they've shown my videos to their parents and families to help them come out of the closet. It's very inspiring that comedy can do that and can help people cope with everyday life and challenges through humor.
Margaret Cho
#4. Too much alcohol hampers people's ability to parent. That's why I've chosen to remain childless.
Kyra Davis
#5. My need to parent is so much bigger, sometimes, than my children's need for parenting.
Margot Page
#6. What every new parent needs.a ton of expert advice, presented with humor and zero negativity, from two moms who instantly feel like your best friends. This is the one pregnancy guide that new parents will actually want to read.
Leslie Morgan Steiner
#7. In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child's parent or grandparent.
Don Marquis
#8. It's not the job of the child to make the parent happy. It's the job of the parent to take care of their own happiness.
Art Hochberg
#10. When a child reaches puberty, parents become so curious about their sex lives and whereabouts, put them behind bars to their own detriment. When such a child breaks free, don't be surprised to see him/her in porn movies.
Michael Bassey Johnson
#11. Our parents would not be 'The best parents in the world' (to us) if they were not our parents.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#12. I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!'
Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders.
Celia Rivenbark
#13. The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. "I've never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he's just ruined," he said sourly.
Lisa Kleypas
#14. And so Harry became proficient in the task of cleaning up vomit.
Julia Quinn
#15. Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in.
Terry Pratchett
#16. An atmosphere of trust, love, and humor can nourish extraordinary human capacity. One key is authenticity: parents acting as people, not as roles.
Marilyn Ferguson
#17. My parents and I always put great emphasis on telling stories that appeal to a child's sense of humor.
Mike Berenstain
#18. At the last parent visitation night I'd sorta accidentally watched a majorly nightmarish scene between Aphrodite and her parents. Her dad's the mayor of Tulsa. Her mom might be Satan.
P.C. Cast
#19. I think being a parent is knowing how to love. Sometimes love is discipline, sometimes it's humor, sometimes it's listening.
Melissa Etheridge
#20. Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.
Lemony Snicket
#21. It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#23. I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small rude incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.
Tim Kreider
#24. Keeping a sense of humor about life. My parents divorced when I was 8, and whenever I felt down, my mom would remind me that a sense of humor gets you through just about anything.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
#25. Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent's past, there's leftover booze and contraceptives.
Bauvard
#26. Despite being what would now be called a deprived child in a one parent family, I did not grow up with an urge to smash windows or to bash old ladies over the head in order to steal handbags.
Eva Hart
#27. I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.
Wendy Liebman
#28. Where are all the sour patch parents?
Bo Burnham
#29. I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.
Stephen King
#31. Tummy Time - When a parent lays their baby on their tummy to strengthen and develop physically. Also called forgetting the child on the floor and giving it a name.
Olive Hunter
#32. I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job.
Doug Stanhope
#33. My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
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