Top 100 No Laughing Quotes
#2. Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel for example - I mean without looking for something beyond and above living, I mean living must be your whole occupation.
Nazim Hikmet
#3. Sometimes things can be a guilty pleasure, but with 'Idol,' everyone talks about it like it's a real thing; they argue over who's gonna win ... There's no laughing at it.
Andy Kindler
#4. Heart disease is no laughing matter. After my father suffered a massive heart attack, I realized just how serious heart disease can be.
Cheryl Hines
#5. Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.
Leslie Nielsen
#6. Violence against judges and threats of violence against Judges is on the rise and it is no laughing matter. When leaders attempt to rationalize this violence, it only makes the problem worse.
John Conyers
#7. Fire is no laughing matter. In a drunken attempt to appear womanly, my neighbor tried to burn her pubes off when she was fifteen, but it hurt too much to get it completely smooth. My friend had sex with her two years later and said her clit looked like a chestnut. I've been pro-bush ever since.
Brian Celio
#8. There's no talking. No laughing. Nothing but eager hands and sad eyes.
Nyrae Dawn
#9. People make a lot of jokes about the empty nest. Let me tell you, it is no laughing matter. It is really hard.
Michelle Pfeiffer
#11. Fending for oneself alone on a desert island is really no laughing matter. It is no crying one either
Virginia Woolf
#12. I give Finn a wicked smile. "Don't you think a peg leg would be charming? Like a pirate? The first mate of the Calypso had one, didn't he?"
"It would add a certain rakish factor. Have you got a spare eye patch?"
"Be serious, you two. Gangrene is no laughing matter," Mrs. O'Hare scolds.
Jessica Spotswood
#13. A German joke is no laughing matter.
Mark Twain
#14. Maria said, "Penmanship is no laughing matter, Miss Field.
Mark Beauregard
#15. It's no laughing matter being a Republican in these perilous times. Anyone can be a Republican when the stock market is up, but when stocks are selling for no more than they're worth, I tell you, being a Republican - it's a sacrifice.
Will Rogers
#16. I'm a veteran, and I've earned the right to be heard. I'll lead by example and show that gay players are no different from straight ones. I'm not the loudest person in the room, but I'll speak up when something isn't right. And try to make everyone laugh.
Jason Collins
#17. Life makes concessions for no one; it's up to each of us to learn from our experiences; laugh; cry; scream; shout; do whatever it takes to let it out; the important thing is to get it out ... move on ... and live life ... life waits for no one either.
Mary Surratt
#18. The voice gets to the soul of a person more than any other instrument. Because it's the voice. It sings talks, it cries, it laughs, it squeals, it barks, it shouts it whispers, There is no other instrument that can do that. We're born with it.
Bobby McFerrin
#19. If you were not born in this world, there would be no need to die. To be born in this world is to die, to disappear [laughing].
Shunryu Suzuki
#20. We will spend this long afternoon crying and laughing at the same time, so that i can no longer tell which one is the truest form of grief.
Bridget Asher
#21. When I told Mom we were goin' out, she did a grab-and-hold stupid girlie hop."
Garrett started chuckling.
Cher kept talking.
"She called you the last good one standing."
She let that hang, then finished, "No pressure, though."
He burst out laughing.
Kristen Ashley
#22. You'll be so busy with Bridge and what's-his-name that you'll forget all about your English mate, St. Clair."
"Ha! So you are English!" I poke him in the stomach.
He grabs my hand and we wrestle, laughing. "I claim ... no ... nationality.
Stephanie Perkins
#23. Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep.
Rajneesh
#24. There is no flaw or vacuum in the amount of the truth - but all is truth without exception; And henceforth I will go celebrate any thing I see or am, And sing and laugh and deny nothing.
Walt Whitman
#25. If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
George Burns
#26. You - you alone will have the stars as no one else has them ... In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night ... You - only you - will have stars that can laugh.
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
#27. No one in Germany laughs at vice, nor do they call it the fashion to corrupt and to be corrupted.
Tacitus
#28. I had to make her mine, she had to be mine. Now. Yesterday. Tomorrow. Every fucking tomorrow. No games, no more pain. Just me and her, loving and laughing. Living. Really living. Fuck, I could live if I had her. I could really live.
Lucian Bane
#29. How did you feel feeding doughnuts to a horse? Had a kick out of it, huh? Got a big laugh. Did you ever think of feeding doughnuts to a human being? No!
Robert Riskin
#30. I know I am deathless. No doubt I have died myself ten thousand times before. I laugh at what you call dissolution, and I know the amplitude of time.
Walt Whitman
#31. I'm not the comedy police, but you watch a movie, and everyone's laughing, and then you shake it out, and you realize, 'There's no joke there!'
Maria Semple
#32. Just take Germany and the suffering of Jews during and after the Second World War. It would be legal to ridicule and to laugh at this suffering, but since it was such a trauma on the European conscience, no one is going to do it. It is an open scar, an open wound, an open reality.
Tariq Ramadan
#33. What a strange creature is a laughing fool,
As if a man were created to no use
But only to show his teeth.
John Webster
#34. I nearly broke out laughing when the wrteched soothsayer warned Caesar: "Beware the Ides of April." I thought it a miracle (and a relief) that no one in the udience had snickered or yelled out a correction. How could such an error be made by an actor? Had my ears deceived me?
Seth Grahame-Smith
#35. Bleeding for a decade
For a decade,
We bleed like there is no hell but the earth
We bleed like we were born to dare
We bleed like there is nothing alive inside.
We find a clue
After a decade
Bleeding is just to breath
Simply keeps us alive.
Arzum Uzun
#36. Begin laughing too, though they have no idea why. Which
Richard Russo
#37. We had a teacher called Fanny Menlove, and I remember once when she was out of the room Nancy went up to the blackboard and wrote it backward - Menlove Fanny - and we all fell around laughing. She got into big trouble, but she didn't seem to mind. She had no fear.
Peter FitzSimons
#38. Are you afraid of falling, baby?
No, I'm afraid of landing.
[He's laughing, and I'm smiling.]
Stupid idiot smile, don't you know what comes next?
Ann Aguirre
#39. No one can tell if I'm laughing or weeping.
I wonder myself.
Rumi
#40. Fun is fun but no girl wants to laugh all of the time.
Anita Loos
#41. Since attaining the full use of my reason no one has ever heard me laugh.
Lord Chesterfield
#42. Mirrors reflecting
Doubling the laughing crowd
Lies set in glass
I see no bright eyes
Peering out from this jeweled mask
I, too, am a lie
Miriam Forster
#43. Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.
Robin Williams
#44. Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.
Chris Hardwick
#45. Love is messy. It means arguing and making up and laughing and crying and struggling and sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. But it is. And at the end when you're in love, no matter what happens, you forgive each other.
Anon
#46. When anything doesn't hit with a huge laugh, as comics, it feels like, Oh no, oh no, we're sinking.
Tim Heidecker
#47. I'm more of an older school comedian so Tommy Davidson still makes me laugh a lot no matter how many times I've heard his jokes or not. He's just an animated comedian that I don't mind seeing over and over again.
Joe Torry
#48. That's the nice thing about doing stand-up. There's no development, you just go out there and get an immediate response as to whether something is good or bad. Getting a laugh is the best measure of how well you're doing.
Paul Reiser
#49. I'm not a child. (Zarek) No, you're not a child. You never were. Children are supposed to be protected and cared for. You had no one to hold you when you cried. No one ever soothed you. They never told you stories or made you laugh when you were sad. (Astrid)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#50. I know, I pick up the roles other actresses don't want [laughs]. When there's movies where there are two sisters and one's the uglier sister, there's always no actress that wants to go for it. I'm like, why not! They're the best roles!
Rebel Wilson
#51. Just once, I'd like to find a boy. And I like him and he likes me. And we have a laugh and the kissing's really good and there's no-one getting in the way of the laughing and the kissing. Is that too much to ask?
Sarra Manning
#52. No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
#53. It's no use crying over spilt evils. It's better to mop them up laughing.
Eleanor Farjeon
#54. I felt that there was no irony, it was a real compliment. Then she added with sudden harshness: "I don't want to read anything else that you write." "Why?" She thought about it. "Because it hurts me," and she struck her forehead with her hand and burst out laughing.
Elena Ferrante
#55. I love you, Morgan," Drew whispered to my lips.
"I hope so, we've been married for eight years," I teased.
He wasn't laughing. "I mean it, Morgan. I love you more than I ever thought possible, and no matter what happens, I'm telling you now, how sorry I am while you love me too.
Jettie Woodruff
#56. No fear. Now is for laughing. The truth is a joke and they're good in Supply.
Hugh Howey
#57. Walking out of an A level paper isn't funny."
"It's not that I'm laughing at."
"So what is it?"
"No one ever tells you when you're doing all that course work and revision and timed essays and study skills that it's an option."
"But it isn't an option."
"It is, because I just took it.
Rosamund Lupton
#58. Of course one worries about getting older - we're all fearful of death, let's not kid ourselves. I'm simply not panicking as my laugh lines grow deeper. Who wants a face with no history, no sense of humor?
Cate Blanchett
#59. I think the reward for doing comedy is doing the comedy itself. You get to go to work everyday and laugh and make other people laugh and to me there's no greater reward than that.
Ashton Kutcher
#60. We can consciously end our life almost anytime we choose. This ability is an endowment, like laughing and blushing, given to no other animal ... in any given moment, by not exercising the option of suicide, we are choosing to live.
Peter McWilliams
#61. Censors are dead men set up to judge between life and death. For no live, sunny man would be a censor, he'd just laugh.
D.H. Lawrence
#62. No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
Red Skelton
#63. Ben," Max said, leaning back in his chair with a giant grin. "It's finally happened."
I groaned, resting my head on my hand.
"You got your period?" Bennett asked. "Congratulations."
"No, you twat," Max said, laughing. "I'm talking about Will. He's gone arse over tits for a girl.
Christina Lauren
#64. As laughter is one way of appraising the serious, so the comic must be taken seriously if it is to be rated at its true value. No one understands a joke by laughing at it; he laughs at it because he understands it.
James Walsh
#65. You're such a mut!"
He laughs. "I'm a mut? Jesus, what you? Twelve? And don't throw insults at me. I wasn't the one perving on my hot body."
"I was not perving!" I cry with indignation.
"So, you admit I'm hot."
"I, what? No, I don't admit anything!"
He's laughing at me now.
Samantha Towle
#66. What have you done to your eyes? They're all red. Have you been crying?' 'No,' he answers, laughing, 'but I've been staring into my fairy tales, where the sun is very strong.
Knut Hamsun
#67. Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh?
Leslie Stephen
#68. There's no way to cheat a sensualist like me, somebody who can die laughing for hours over the pattern of the carpet in a hotel lobby.
Anne Rice
#69. I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I'm trying to do is make them and their parents laugh.
Michael Ian Black
#70. My friends and I sometimes laugh at each other that there is so much maintenance of a body. I paid no attention when I was younger.
Lynne Tillman
#71. America has no north, no south, no east, no west. The sun rises over the hills and sets over the mountains, the compass just points up and down, and we can laugh now at the absurd notion of there being a north and a south. We are one and undivided.
Sam Watkins
#72. And suddenly that we were laughing out loud, laughing as if there were no power left in us save laughter.
Ayn Rand
#73. He must not laugh at his own wheeze: a snuff box has no right to sneeze.
Keith Preston
#74. I have just committed the mortal sin of laughing in the Members' Library. No-one around here has done that for a while.
Nadine Dorries
#75. No one has nicer teeth than me. Why would anyone laugh at my lovely teeth?
Ronaldinho
#76. Fool, not to know that love endures no tie,
And Jove but laughs at lovers' perjury.
John Dryden
#77. Christianity has a distinct, 'No, you can't sit with us,' vibe. When Amy says loving a woman will tarnish her soul, she means it. And when Elise laughs, she's laughing at the people who don't have a seat at their table. I
Will Kostakis
#78. No female - young, old, black or white - could ever play the knight-on-charger with meager experience. If she presented herself as the human embodiment of national unity and world peace, everyone would have fallen down laughing.
Froma Harrop
#79. Okay, no more talk about other people. I think we should talk about how great I am and how hot you are for me." I burst out laughing. "You know it's true.
Suzanne Wright
#80. Chicken Little change my life when I was younger. I had no idea chickens could talk *laughs*.
Thom Yorke
#81. It was strange and amusing ... and, honestly, a bit embarrassing ... to realize how much being near Bella had softened me. It seemed like no one was afraid of me any more. If Emmett found out about this, he would be laughing for the next century.
Stephenie Meyer
#82. History's best thinkers eventually concluded that our flaws were too powerful to trust with freedom. Thus we've been groomed as hamsters in a wheel that benefits a laughing few. No more great works will be accomplished under the regime, because beauty is not democratic or profitable.
D.B.C. Pierre
#83. My earlier poems were sadder than my poems are today, perhaps because I wrote them in confusion or when I was unhappy. But I am not a melancholy person, quite the contrary, no one enjoys laughing more than I do.
Anne Stevenson
#84. People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.
Steve Harvey
#85. Our neighbors turned to stare at us, because Miles Richter laughing was one of those things that the Mayans had predicted would signal the end of the world. He wasn't particularly loud about it, but it was Miles laughing, a sound no mortal had ever heard before.
Francesca Zappia
#86. No symphony orchestra ever played music like a two-year-old girl laughing with a puppy.
Bernard Williams
#87. I don't like stand-up comedy that requires a lot of props. I really respect people who can walk out onstage alone and with no other tool but their own minds and can make you laugh and maybe even think a little.
David Letterman
#88. Anymore, no one's mind is their own. You can't concentrate. You can't think. There's always some noise worming in. Singers shouting. Dead people laughing. Actors crying. All those little doses of emotion.
Chuck Palahniuk
#89. You've got to be pretty confident that you're good. If I do a show and for whatever reason no one laughs, I'll be like, 'Wow, those people are weird'.
Aziz Ansari
#90. When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
#91. He has always been the kid who cries too easily and laughs too easily, the kid who begins giggling in church for no reason at all, who blinks hotly in shame and frustration whenever he misses a question in class, living in an otherland of sparkling daydreams and imaginary catastrophes.
Kevin Brockmeier
#92. He shook his head and gave this laugh, a good laugh, and just looked at me. "You always this happy?"
"No," I said, laughing. "It's you. Every time I see you, I just ... I don't know. You make me smile.
Laura Wiess
#93. I tend to look at the world more from Voltaire's perspective. Incidentally, if you haven't read Candide lately, it's a fabulous book. It's riotously, laugh-out-loud funny in a way that no Shakespeare comedy will ever be.
George Meyer
#94. m sorry about that," O'Connell apologised.
"No problem. She seemed nice," I replied.
Both boys burst out laughing
R.J. Prescott
#95. I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now
Bob Monkhouse
#96. Why have they been telling us women lately that we have no sense of humor
when we are always laughing? ... and when we're not laughing, we're smiling.
Naomi Weisstein
#97. A flush of anger crimsoned the old lady's pale face. It looked dead no longer. "Hold your tongue," she said. "You are rude." And Miss Gladwyn did hold her tongue, but nothing else, for she was laughing all over.
George MacDonald
#98. She wanted to wake up like Dorothy and see Michael's face peering over the side of the bed, laughing. WHY, YOU JUST HIT YOUR HEAD. But it was not a dream and there was no Kansas and he was never coming back.
Janet Fitch
#99. At these the fellow-passengers laughed, except the solitary boy bearing the key and ticket, who,
regarding the kitten with his saucer eyes, seemed mutely to say: All
laughing comes from misapprehension. Rightly looked at there is no
laughable thing under the sun.
Thomas Hardy
#100. Okay, that one's pretty good," Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about the baker's wife?"
"No," Kyra said.
"Rumor has it, she married him for his buns." Fred burst out laughing.
Kyra groaned. "Okay, that was just bad.
Bridget Zinn
