Just In Case Funny Quotes

#1. I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.

Woody Allen

#2. We all like to think we're pretty savvy when it comes to using our Macs, and in the case of the typical Macworld reader, that's usually true. But there's a funny thing we've noticed when we talk even to veteran Mac users: There's almost always some essential stuff - basic

Macworld Editors

#3. When it comes to being famous, you're usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

Carroll Bryant

#4. *Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.

Pseudonymous Bosch

#5. I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you."

Chic Murray

#6. The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.

Frankie Boyle

#7. Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

Lemony Snicket

#8. Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case.

Carla H. Krueger

#9. A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

Milton Berle

#10. Usually the script is much more funny than the film turns out to be, in my case. The script is almost like a comic book but when you start making it, for some reason the film gets very serious.

Dagur Kari

#11. Men Wanted for Dangerous Expedition: Low Wages for Long Hours of Arduous Labour under Brutal Conditions; Months of Continual Darkness and Extreme Cold; Great Risk to Life and Limb from Disease, Accidents and Other Hazards; Small Chance of Fame in Case of Success.

Ernest Shackleton

#12. Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?"
"In this case, it's a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up.

Jeaniene Frost

#13. You belong in an insane asylum, you know that?"
"Maybe my next case...

R.R. Virdi

#14. WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY:
In your case, ED is not a man's name.

Robin Glasser

#15. He seemed to be staring at the chain hanging from the ceiling fan. Seconds later, he confirmed this by reaching out and tugging the chain.
Light clicked on.
He tugged the chain again.
Light went off.
Oh for gods' sake, he had a mean case of ADD sometimes. "Apollo," I snapped.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#16. Yep those are goosebumps. Or a bad case of arm acne. Or as I call it, armcne.

Daniel Waters

#17. If it winds up earlier, you should have a movie picked out. This is assuming she isn't sending you the 'let's go back to my place' signals. In that case - "

"Don't go there, Bob. Let's just not go there.

Nora Roberts

#18. And I mouth into the phone, I love you, in case some of her cells pick up on the vibrations and it serves me well in the next life. If there is one. If there is a next life, I hope it's in the past; I don't think the future will be any more handleable.

Ned Vizzini

#19. Here you are. Would you like some pickles?"
"Pickles gives me the wind something awful."
"In that case - "
"Oh, I wasn't saying no," Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

Terry Pratchett

#20. If I could ever be on a Missy Elliott record, I could then die. Missy Elliott, Mary J. Blige - I love hearing them interviewed, I love the way they talk about their art. They're very self-assured, they're funny, they're inviting. I love it.

Neko Case

#21. Never met such a Gorgon ... I don't really know what a Gorgon is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one. In any case, she is a monster, without being a myth, which is rather unfair.

Oscar Wilde

#22. Some women were talking about how I put out. And that's just not that case. I don't put out - unless I'm asked very, very politely, and that's not putting out, that's just giving in.

Kristen Schaal

#23. I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

Dannika Dark

#24. I never practice my guitar. From time to time I just open the case & throw in a piece of raw meat.

Wes Montgomery

#25. Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury.

Saleem Sharma

#26. People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and that's not the case.

Christopher Guest

#27. I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Rodney Dangerfield

#28. Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked.
"In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as it were entirely normal.

Cassandra Clare

#29. Nona had been bonkers since I could remember. Dad said it was menopause, but I had looked that up once, and I highly doubted that was the case.

Holly Hood

#30. I feel pretty sure I know why the dinosaurs went extinct. They were waiting for Sam to pick out a cell phone case.

P. Anastasia

#31. You see, in Washington they have these bodies, Senate and the House of Representatives. That is for the convenience of the visitors. If there is nothing funny happening in one, there is sure to be in the other, and in case one body passes a good bill, why, the other can see it in time and kill it.

Will Rogers

#32. I got two stools, in case I want to sit down and sit down again on something else.

Mitch Hedberg

#33. It's so funny castle, you know, at first I loved that he was so busy. It just, it just gave me the opportunity to keep one foot out the door just on case.
But with one foot out the door, it's hard to know where you stand.
And even if I did what does it mean?

Richard Castle

#34. Really, if that's the case, you need to stop letting your mother dress you funny. It's hard to take anyone serious as a killer when he looks like an investment banker. The only part of me that's nervous is my checkbook. (Kat)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#35. The Thieves of Manhattan is a sly and cutting riff on the book-publishing world that is quite funny unless you happen to be an author, in which case the novel will make you consider a more sensible profession-like being a rodeo clown, for example, or a crab-fisherman in the Bering Sea.

Carl Hiaasen

#36. As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Groucho Marx

#37. Either I'm funny or the world's funny. I don't know which. The bottle and lid don't fit. It could be the bottle's fault or the lid's fault. In either case, there's no denying that the fit is bad.

Haruki Murakami

#38. I sneaked out to his house a couple times in the middle of the night to watch over him while he slept, just in case, I dont know, his comic book collection decided to spontaneously combust. This was dumb and admittedly creepy in an Edward Cullen kind of way

Cynthia Hand

#39. I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.

Mitch Hedberg

#40. In case you don't recognize me, I happen to be good friends with Princess Selene. I'm willing to guess you've heard of-"
"Apprehend her."
"I guess you have.

Marissa Meyer

#41. We were ensconced as guests of the exclusive Beverly Hilton Hotel, an edifice so swank that the fire ax in the hall outside our suite said: "In case of fire-break crystal."

Jack Paar

#42. Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

Tallulah Bankhead

#43. I really wanted to find a piano for the farm house. There were so many free pianos on Craigslist, I thought, 'Let's get as many free pianos as we can and stick them all in the barn.' I got eight in a short period of time, only six of which were tunable, but it's still quite funny.

Neko Case

#44. Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Jerry Seinfeld

#45. Just in case you get any ideas, know that I'll be sleeping with a can of Mace in one hand and pepper spray in the other." - Katie
Jorlan's expression turned mocking. "Just in case you get any ideas, know that I'll be sleeping with a feather in one hand and massage oil in the other.

Gena Showalter

#46. One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

Carroll Bryant

#47. In theory, especially in the case of Stone, those who have human hearts would remain cognizant of their behavior and in control of themselves. Those who are Katagaria ...

Sherrilyn Kenyon

#48. I should mention, by the way, that LVR stands for Luminal Velocity Regulator. I suppose it could also stand for Large Venezeulan Rats, but in this case it does not.

Cuthbert Soup