Jerk Off Quotes

#1. People think: 'If this photographer's looking like a big jerk-off, maybe it's okay if I do.' I like to catch my subjects off balance a bit.

Mick Rock

#2. Elections are a Western jerk-off.

John Le Carre

#3. Writing to you is like some embarrassing remake of Waiting For Godot. Why don't you jerk off on paper in my direction, as I've done. I am so unhappy it's amusing.

Maryse Holder

#4. I jerk off inside books, and give life to words, leaving concepts stuck together you've probably never heard

Immortal Technique

#5. Hey Diddle Diddle
You can diddle with mystery or jerk off in the unknown,
but when you're screwing with hard facts,
one of you are going to get fucked.

Beryl Dov

#6. Ideology is masturbation, a jerk-off afforded to those few privileged with time on their hands and no wolves at the door.

Rick Remender

#7. I'm going to keep these panties, too. Maybe jerk off with them wrapped around my cock, imagining it's your lips.

Megan Erickson

#8. When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

Andrew Dice Clay

#9. You jerk off feel great you wanna go working out.Keep jerking off and working out life is good.

Elliott Hulse

#10. Grief is when you feel so helpless and stupid that you think nothing will ever be right again, and your macaroni and cheese tastes like sawdust, and you can't even jerk off because it seems like too much trouble. (172)

Sherman Alexie

#11. Jack in and jerk off, kid! You too can save the world ... from those evil, bug-eyed commies from space!

Hal Duncan

#12. You know, I always suspected you were the kind of guy to jerk off to your own reflection, but this is a step too far.

Melanie Marchande

#13. He stopped, finally, and smiled. Honestly? With this thing I think I could get my jerk-off muscles so well-developed that I could rub out a spooge with one pump! If that's not worth $19.95, I don't know what is.

Debra Anastasia

#14. I have heard the most fantastical gossip about myself and each time I thought, "If only my life were that exciting, fun, outrageous, and sexy". Then again my memory wasn't so sharp when I took drugs. Some of what was said about me might be true. At worst it gave me jerk-off material.

Aiden Shaw

#15. That's the thing about slippery slopes. Take that first step, and the next thing you know, you've completed a jerk-off hat trick to your bestie.

Lauren Blakely

#16. It just goes to show you - for every woman you jerk off to, there's a tired husband/boyfriend/significant other jerking off to some other bitch. October

Asa Akira

#17. I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.

Zach Braff

#18. My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.

Kevin Spacey

#19. If you're courting me, you have to tell me something about yourself that no one else knows."
He was silent for a moment. "I'd rather jerk-off to thoughts of you than be with anyone else.

Katie Reus

#20. I was 23 with a mullet doing lots of jerk-off material.I can't look at the old tapes now.

Doug Stanhope

#21. The palm of his hand was a dull red. Not a good sign.
I jerk off left-handed, he thought, at least that's something.

Stephen King

#22. I prescribe a quick jerk off in the shower and a return to sanity. (Dr. Hugo Peralta)

Kate Richards

#23. Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?

Eugene Mirman

#24. If you could jerk off to something else, like a hamburger, could you imagine the delight in being alive?

Jonathan Goldstein

#25. Dangerous, free time on your hands. You can only jerk off so often.

Larry Kramer

#26. I now watch porn, but I don't have the feeling to go to the bath and start to jerk off. It's the world bad idea ever came. I have quite jerk off and I will quit it's not the way I should live, the same is for you!

Deyth Banger

#27. I ate too much and masturbated too recently, you know? It's bad to like jerk off and run out the door, 'cause you run into somebody. "Oh, she knows ... " You got to take some time alone to process the shame.

Louis C.K.

#28. Girls have periods and boys jerk off. Everybody.

Haruki Murakami

#29. THEO: Who do you picture when you think of me?
MORGAN: Papa Smurf.
THEO: Do you have a camera in here somewhere?
MORGAN: Yes, Theo. I watch you jerk off to smurf porn every night.

Con Riley

#30. I'm human and I've played my butt off for ten years. I'm not a loafer, I'm not a jerk, I'm a baseball player.

Reggie Jackson

#31. The British press can be so annoying. They jerk you off with one hand and smack you with the other.

Julian Casablancas

#32. With a sudden jerk of her bulky handbag, Claire Randall had bumped both whisky glasses off the table, showering Roger's lap and thighs with single malt whisky

Diana Gabaldon

#33. They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

Rodney Dangerfield

#34. The fruit will reveal the tree soon enough. And it is likely better to be momentarily deceived by an occasional wolf than to be constantly and impetuously trying to jerk the wool off of every one of the Lord's sheep.

Paul Earnhart

#35. You want to jerk me off, baby? Fine." Sweat had started appearing on his forehead. "But don't you dare put me in that innocent little mouth. I'm warning you, I won't be able to keep myself from fucking it until you know what I taste like.

Anonymous

#36. You betcha. If I get to punch a manic, lanky jerk in the face, my night will be complete." I gave her a fierce grin, still riding off the energy of the crowd.

Alexandra Martin

#37. Shit, I could jerk you up from there, pop you like a whip. Pop you so hard your snatch will snap off and smack the wall."

"So," Vanilla said. "How was charm school?

Joe R. Lansdale

#38. That, I realized, is the great beauty of dreams: the devil may inevitably find a way to jerk you off, but you can always wake up before he makes you cum.

Jim Carroll

#39. If those scientists could come up with some way to turn off the jerk circuit in guys' brains, I'd be all in favor of that.

Ted Chiang

#40. Don't point your accusatory finger at me, unless you want me to wrap my hand around it, grip it tight, and jerk it off. That's how a real politician defers blame.

Jarod Kintz

#41. Gave him my best I'm-pissed-at-you face, but the jerk grinned back at me, showing off his dimples. Those two dents in his cheeks got to me every damned time I saw them.

Aileen Erin

#42. He couldn't even jerk himself off: there was no one to give him permission to come.

Casey K. Cox

#43. I want to rip off your logic and make passionate sense to you. I want to ride in the swing of your hips. My fingers will dig in you like quotation marks, blazing your limbs into parts of speech.

Jeffrey McDaniel

#44. There's nothing more distasteful than an academic having to, like, trot out his credentials. You really come off as a jerk when you do that.

Reza Aslan

#45. Naked and fully aroused, they were both clearly ready to go, and Tate couldn't stop himself from spitting in his palm and starting to really jerk himself off. "You dirty fucker,

Ella Frank