Top 45 Humor Mothers Quotes

#1. Professional interrogators should study mothers.

L.E. Modesitt Jr.

Humor Mothers Quotes #1537915
#2. *marissa tries to get her single, working mother's attention by suggesting something outrageous, to which mom replies:*

'You're a smart girl. Use your head and avoid any guy who reminds you of your father.

Camille Pagan

Humor Mothers Quotes #658264
#3. Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Ambrose Bierce

Humor Mothers Quotes #682078
#4. When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

Humor Mothers Quotes #687652
#5. My first words, as I was being born [ ... ] I looked up at my mother and said, 'that's the last time I'm going up one of those.

Stephen Fry

Humor Mothers Quotes #708763
#6. Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your brother?" Wasn't there any change?

Erma Bombeck

Humor Mothers Quotes #848835
#7. One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that , in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.

James D. Watson

Humor Mothers Quotes #861432
#8. Jack Woodson is currently living and working in Dallas, TX. He has forty children, and all of them have different mothers.

John Pearson

Humor Mothers Quotes #1182869
#9. Unbelievable! You are unbelievable! First you ruin my life and then you blame it on my period!

Jane Aire

Humor Mothers Quotes #1244237
#10. Lets ignore our mothers' well-meant advice.

Anne Taintor

Humor Mothers Quotes #1449362
#11. I'm your mother. I see all. Hear all. Know all.

Maria V. Snyder

Humor Mothers Quotes #1459101
#12. Never underestimate the fury of an angry mother, Caspar. They're the most vicious creatures in the world.

Elizabeth Hunter

Humor Mothers Quotes #1496761
#13. [Lynda's mother] You're stupid and you don't know it, that's you're problem. You talk, talk, talk, all the time. No one wants to listen to an idiot.

[Young Lynda] Uh. OK. Thanks, Mom.

Lynda Barry

Humor Mothers Quotes #644802
#14. Our fathers were demons,' Catarina said. 'Our mothers were heroes.

Cassandra Clare

Humor Mothers Quotes #1566580
#15. Mom lied. The crust is the shittiest part.

Brian Spellman

Humor Mothers Quotes #1593697
#16. Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust?
Very nearly everyone, come to think of it ...

Terry Pratchett

Humor Mothers Quotes #1594455
#17. She raised us with humor, and she raised us to understand that not everything was going to be great-but how to laugh through it.

Liza Minnelli

Humor Mothers Quotes #1617077
#18. Mom isn't content taking a stroll down memory lane. She's bought a condo and spends half the year there.

Paula Wall

Humor Mothers Quotes #1620476
#19. Amnesty International should list all daughters as prisoners of war.

Paula Wall

Humor Mothers Quotes #1645969
#20. I resign," says Velvel. He takes off his glasses, slips them into his pocket, and stands up. He forgot an appointment. He's late for work. His mother is calling him on the ultrasonic frequency reserved by the government for Jewish mothers in the event of lunch.

Michael Chabon

Humor Mothers Quotes #1682534
#21. I do not understand what makes mothers think they are walking-talking thermometers.But I think somewhere during the process of giving birth and changing diapers, they actually begin to belive they have this supernatural sense.

Melody Carlson

Humor Mothers Quotes #1705403
#22. Clarity and focus doesn't always come from God or inspirational quotes. Usually, it takes your mother to slap the reality back into you.

Shannon L. Alder

Humor Mothers Quotes #1804125
#23. Mom recognizes only two sources of wisdom
the bible and Hallmark.

Paula Wall

Humor Mothers Quotes #1859333
#24. My mother was either telepathic or she had secret cameras in my apartment, and I hoped for the latter.

Atom Yang

Humor Mothers Quotes #414949
#25. Maggie had learned a long time ago that each day with a child was filled with two kinds of battles: those that won the war, and those that did not.

Sydney Strand

Humor Mothers Quotes #33994
#26. Girls," their mother interjected, "you must both stop being strange - it is unattractive. And don't forget your hats. It would be absolutely the end for me if you two came down with freckles at a time like this.

Anna Godbersen

Humor Mothers Quotes #108915
#27. Englishmen are not usually softened by appeals to the memory of their mothers.

Rudyard Kipling

Humor Mothers Quotes #131305
#28. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Calvin Trillin

Humor Mothers Quotes #140510
#29. You're not by any chance my stepmother are you?" Min said to her mother's reflection. "Because that would explain so much.

Jennifer Crusie

Humor Mothers Quotes #143801
#30. One would think that since Hamilton and Eliza only just got married, our mothers would be satisfied for a while, but instead they seem to have come to the conclusion that everyone needs to enter into the state of wedded bliss. Quite frankly, they've turned scary.

Jen Turano

Humor Mothers Quotes #205127
#31. Once they've borne children, mothers can construct virtually any costume using scissors, felt, Elmer's glue, and a leftover pen spring. They're like the Special Forces of crafts.

Drew Magary

Humor Mothers Quotes #219047
#32. The bride's getting ready to toss her bouquet, so get me up there! Mom said the day after she turned 96.

June Shaw

Humor Mothers Quotes #240178
#33. I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces.For example, I'm petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!!

Tanya Masse

Humor Mothers Quotes #281744
#34. That's your mom, right?" Pathik smiled. "She looks nicer than she did when she was dragging you away the other night.

Teri Hall

Humor Mothers Quotes #300142
#35. You want me to invite him to dinner."
"I want you to invite him to dinner," she agreed.
"You know," he said, "most gay men don't have mothers who are this enthusiastic about their love lives."
"That's probably true," she said. "You're one of the lucky ones.

Matthew Haldeman-Time

Humor Mothers Quotes #15897
#36. I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari - I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful.

Ilona Andrews

Humor Mothers Quotes #465163
#37. Well, this was nice, Mom. I really appreciate your visit. We
should do this again sometime. Should I walk you to the door, or
do you know how to get to hell all by yourself?

Ty Mitchell

Humor Mothers Quotes #473041
#38. This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework.

Ben Aaronovitch

Humor Mothers Quotes #483006
#39. I'm a mother," said her mother, in her foodless flat where the dust did not dare to settle, "and I know what I know.

Neil Gaiman

Humor Mothers Quotes #485666
#40. My rugrats give me gifts that say "#1 Mom" on them and I'm like, bwhahahahaha, joke's on you, I'm more like the #1,297,279 Mom. But they truly think I'm the best mom on earth. And that's all that matters.

Karen Alpert

Humor Mothers Quotes #489649
#41. How do I know you'll keep your word?" asked Coraline.
"I swear it," said the other mother. "I swear it on my own mother's grave."
"Does she have a grave?" asked Coraline.
"Oh yes," said the other mother. "I put her in there myself. And when I found her trying to crawl out, I put her back.

Neil Gaiman

Humor Mothers Quotes #535900
#42. You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.

Cynthia Hand

Humor Mothers Quotes #557276
#43. We have nothing to fear but our mothers.

Anne Taintor

Humor Mothers Quotes #559777
#44. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

George Carlin

Humor Mothers Quotes #567460
#45. Mothers! They promise you they'll never get married again, and next thing you know you're a bridesmaid.

Mindy Schanback

Humor Mothers Quotes #604245

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