Humor Kiss Quotes

#1. Sometimes, I feel my breath coming in shorter, quicker, spastic bursts, feel my heart threaten to thunder through my ribs, feel sweat beading on my brow ... and I know it's time to bust out those "chocolate frogs" from Harry Potter.

Shannon Celebi

#2. There is no known cure for severe affection for one's cat. The only way to relieve the symptoms is to go ahead and launch a kiss attack.

Tichakorn Khroopan Hill

#3. Who will ever kiss this encyclopedia of a head?

Elizabeth Gilbert

#4. In the comfort of his embrace I lifted my mouth to his and initiated a kiss. Although calling it a kiss was like calling tyrannosaurus rex a small pet.

Blakely Bennett

#5. Nancy was so thrilled, I thought she was going to kiss me - and I thought I was actually going to have to hit a chick.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#6. Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it's cold."
Question: What's the probability they will kiss?

Jenny Downham

#7. A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

Kristen Schaal

#8. Best surprise ever." I whispered in his face. Then I leaned in and kissed him hard and deep like it was the last kiss I'd ever get.
"Wrong darlin', best hello ever." He grinned

K. Larsen

#9. Then I guess I'll just have to try biting again"
"You wanna try?" He leaned the curve of my cheek. "Let me suggest more appropriate places. I have this piercing.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#10. Well why don't you lean over this counter a little more and give me your best kiss, and then I'll tell you if I want you to take me out to dinner.

Zack Love

#11. I cross my fingers that if a demon dunks me in a vat of boiling lava I'll get thrown together naked with River Phoenix, and that he'll say I'm cute and try to kiss me.

Chuck Palahniuk

#12. Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?

Julie Kagawa

#13. Kiss my foot, sir; my face is for mouths of consequence.

Thomas Hardy

#14. You can't make a person, a human being with a first kiss and a sense of humor and a favorite sandwich, and then expect her to dissolve back into scribbled notes and whiskeyed coffee when she no longer suits your purposes. I think I always knew she would come back to find me, someday.

Tana French

#15. That is disgusting, and I will never kiss you again." "Yes, you will," he said, and proved by pressing his lips to hers. She wanted to squirm away, just to prove the point but God, she loved kissing him.

Rachel Caine

#16. When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly."
"And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in.

Karen Marie Moning

#17. Okay," I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people."
She nodded. "And so ... hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?"
"Oh ... " I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um ...

Rick Riordan

#18. The cocktail filled him with a whirling exhilaration behind which he was aware of devastating desires - to rush places in fast motors, to kiss girls, to sing, to be witty ... He perceived that he had gifts of profligacy which had been neglected.
- chapter 8

Sinclair Lewis

#19. I had a dream about you. You were so cute, and I was holding you for a long time. We went for a walk, happily strutting down the street. We saw a couple others but they weren't having as much fun as we were. We arrived back home and I gave you a kiss on the nose and a bone.

Ashley Kennett

#20. Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun."
"Fun" she said unhappily.
"Blue elephants."
"Blue elephants."
"Kiss me you fool."
"You fool.

Rick Riordan

#21. He bowed over her hand and kissed the knuckles. He'd never despised a glove more in his life.

Kristi Ann Hunter

#22. Is he about to kiss me? Did he eat garlic too or was I the only one? 'Cause if Ric didn't eat garlic then my breath's gonna stink and he'll think ... Oh for fuck sake, shut up internal dialogue!

Zathyn Priest

#23. I judged you unfairly when I met you."
"But you still wanted to kiss me?"
He shrugged, a smirk turning up the right corner of his mouth. "I'm a guy.

Katrina Abbott

#24. I gave him my best cryptic smile. He did not fall down to his feet, kiss my shoes, and promise me the world. I must be getting rusty.

Ilona Andrews

#25. There are those lunatic people who always prophesy the end of the world. I belong to them.

Angela Kiss

#26. In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?

Josh Stern

#27. Uh oh, maybe I'm hysterical. No, the look on his face had been so funny. Did he really think to kiss me into submission? That shit might work in romance novels, but not on me. If he wants to kiss me he'll have to earn that privilege again.

Tamara Hoffa

#28. Wake me for the massacre, okay? Don't want to miss it.

Rachel Caine

#29. I AM ALL ABOUT SELF-DETERMINATION. Will. Control. I determine my path in life. I decide my failures and successes. Screw fate. Destiny can kiss my ass. If I want something badly enough, I can have it. If I focus, sacrifice, there is nothing I can't do.

Emma Chase

#30. Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly,
Laugh Insanely, Love Truly,
And Live With Passion.

Andy Vogt

#31. Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.

Mardy Grothe

#32. But then it was over too quickly and they pulled away. She knew they couldn't stand there and kiss like a couple on the run in a thriller.

Joss Ware

#33. She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

Henny Youngman

#34. Her boyfriend, Camdon or Brandon or whatever his name is, tosses Callie his wallet and says, 'Gotta take a leak.' They exchange a kiss--- which, I mean, why? Is he going to drown in the toilet?

Julie Murphy

#35. Will watched her go with regret. His attraction to the dark-haired lady with her execrable embroidery had taken him by surprise. She'd been laughing at his brothers - that was what had done it. Her eyes had sparkled with humor, her smiling lips just begging for a kiss.

Eve Edwards

#36. A girl's reaction to an offer for her first kiss should not be vomit.

April Erwin

#37. You don't always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one
-Henrietta Barett

Julia Quinn

#38. Drop. Your weapon. And. Come quietly," said a robotic voice.

"Kiss. My ass," said Zita, mocking the robot's tone.

Ash Gray

#39. David Halberstam quoted Lyndon Johnson saying of a staffer: I want him to kiss my ass in Macy's window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses.

David Halberstam

#40. The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before.

F Scott Fitzgerald

#41. Play along, the wink said. I'll get you out of this.
At least Artemis hoped this was what his wink communicated and not something like 'Any chance of another kiss later?

Eoin Colfer

#42. He smiled in a way that made me want to kiss him right on the spot. Or the lips. Whichever was closer.

Shannon Hale

#43. You got style, you got class, you got the lips to kiss my ass.

Stephen King

#44. Sierra, it's Christmastime. Put a stupid mistletoe over his head and kiss him already!

Jay Asher

#45. I hugged him without any kind of fear or self-consciousness, fiercely, with a rush of emotion that almost brought tears to my eyes.
"I could kiss you!" Chubs cried.
"Please don't!" I gasp out, feeling his arms tighten around my ribs to the point of cracking them.

Alexandra Bracken

#46. You always kiss on the first date?"
"Not usually until after the duct-tape.

Leslea Tash

#47. We didn't have a date. A date ends in a
kiss, not blood and broken cartilage.

Cath Crowley

#48. I feel like you're trying to convince me that we don't need condoms, but fuck that. If you impregnate me, I'm going to devour " you like a praying mantis." I pin Zeph against the wall and kiss her hard, because her threatening to kill or mutilate me is always so hot.

Gisele Walko

#49. Rule #1 - Never kiss a stinking mermaid.

John Rafferty

#50. No, it did a lot of other things, too.
[turning down fan who asked to kiss the hand that wrote Ulysses

James Joyce

#51. He looked like he wanted to lean down and kiss me ... YES! ... Come on!!! ... A little more ... more ... just a little closer ...
What's your favorite dog? Gunner asked as he pulled back and stood away from the door.

Kelly Elliott

#52. Lactose intolerant milk?! KISS, MY, DICK!

Lewis Black

#53. Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is.

Jerry Coleman

#54. If I say you're a goatherd's son, you say, 'Yes, Lord Ralon.'"
Alanna gasped with fury. "I'd as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you've been doing-kissing pigs? Or being kissed?

Tamora Pierce

#55. He leaned close, rubbing his bearded cheek against my ear. 'And how about a sweet kiss, now, for the brave lads of the clan MacKenzie? Tulach Ard!'
Erin go bragh,' I said rudely, and pushed with all my strength.

Diana Gabaldon

#56. I always say a little prayer when I put cakes in the oven," remarked Eve, as she stopped to kiss Rose good-bye.
"What do you say?"
"I say, 'Please, God, don't let me forget I've put that cake in the oven.

Hilary McKay

#57. Kill them with kindness, slay them with a smile and murder them with a kiss. ~Caesar~ The Goodbye Man.

A. Giannoccaro

#58. We began to butterfly kiss, which is when you touch your eyelashes to the other person's skin. I was going to respect Edwart's desire to wait, and he was going to respect my desire for winged creatures.

The Harvard Lampoon

#59. I had a dream about you last night, for the millionth time! We did what we always do in my dreams. We talked, but we never made out. How come I still dream about you if we never freaking make out?

Crystal Woods

#60. Well," she said. "I'm frustrated."
"Don't make me angry-kiss you."
"Give me the laundry."
"Tempers rising, faces flushed ... This is how it happens.

Rainbow Rowell

#61. You girls need to work on your fucking happy noises," Ryke says angrily. "They shouldn't sound like someone is being assaulted.

Krista Ritchie

#62. I need to stop saying LMAO because that is precisely what's happening; I wish I could rewind time by two decades, immortalize my derriere in wax, and then kiss it goodbye.

Donna Lynn Hope

#63. Braith lifted his head from her shoulder, kissed him. Centuries and her kiss still made him as weak as one of her fists to the face.

G.A. Aiken

#64. Took you long enough!,' she said, and planted a kiss on his lips.

Jessica Day George

#65. I was tanned, happy, and blowing a kiss to Cary, who'd playacted the role of a highfashion
photographer by calling out ridiculous encouragements. Beautiful, dahling. Show me sassy. Show me sexy. Brilliant.
Show me catty ... rawr ...

Sylvia Day

#66. My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

Christopher Hitchens

#67. Some girl named Eva has him convinced that you put out after one beer."
"What?" My voice was as shrill as the ringing tardy bell
"I personally don't believe it" he went on blithely, "and I have a Porsche. Not as much leg room as a Beamer, but so much hotter, I'm told.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

#68. You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

Rachel Caine

#69. No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you.

Rhett Butler

#70. Tip #4
Skinny-dip at will!

(Idea)
When single boast about finding your inner most happy place and hold on to it Odds are once married you can kiss personal space Good-Bye.

Hazel Cartwright

#71. When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!

Julie Halpern

#72. So you love me," said Petra softly when the kiss ended.
I'm a raging mass of hormones thet I'm too young to understand," said Bean. "You're a female of a closely related species. According to all the best primatologists, I really have no choice."
That's nice," she said ...

Orson Scott Card

#73. I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie's cheek.
"FUCK," he shouted, wiping it off. "What if you killed me!" He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead.
"Ow!"
"Taste the rainbow bitch.

Michelle Hodkin

#74. Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.

Suzanne Collins

#75. That was like watching my dad French-kiss a raccoon-I feel violated on so many levels.

Sarah Cross

#76. My first kiss as a single woman. It sent a tingle sprinting down my spine like a tingle panther.

Rosen Trevithick

#77. I have one important question to ask you before I kiss you."
Kiss her? Her eyes had possibly bulged out of their sockets. Not good. "What?"
"Are you allergic to calamari?

Cari Silverwood

#78. Yes!" Narissus unslung his bow and grabbed an arrow from his dusty quiver. "The first one who get that bronze, I will like you almost as much as I like me. I might even kiss you, right after I kiss my reflection!"
"Oh my gods!" the nymphs squealed.

Rick Riordan

#79. Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is."
"It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook."
"Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me.

Cassandra Clare

#80. Close your eyes, and think of someone you physically admire, and let me kiss you.

Morrissey

#81. I wish I could print up a sign and tape it on my forehead. I OFFICIALLY DO NOT WANT TO KISS ETHAN WATE. NOW PLEASE LET ME BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.

Kami Garcia

#82. I'll have that someday, thought Peter. Someone who'll kiss me good-bye at the door. Or maybe just someone to put a blindfold over my head before they shoot me. Depending on how things turn out.

Orson Scott Card

#83. Well, I'm not kissing the mundane," said Jace. "I'd rather stay down here and rot."
"Forever?" said Simon. "Forever's an awfully long time."
Jace raised his eyebrows. "I knew it," he said. "You want to kiss me, don't you?

Cassandra Clare

#84. Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.
Good things come to those who wait.

Jess C. Scott

#85. What red lips you have," he said in her ear. Did she dare say it? "All the better to kiss you with, my dear," she replied. And then their lips met.

Annette Curtis Klause

#86. He shivered. His coat was thin, and it was obvious he would not get his kiss, which he found puzzling. The manly heroes of the penny dreadfuls and shilling novels never had these problems getting kissed.

Neil Gaiman

#87. At some point, our lips met and it was perhaps the most wonderful thing I'd ever experienced. And truly, I guess there wasn't just one kiss, but several. A polite frenzy. A mass migration of delicate wildebeest kisses. I remember them as one transcendent event, though.

Dean Hale

#88. I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you."
"A combination of both is usually the best," Prophet advised.

S.E. Jakes

#89. So why did you want to kiss me?"
"We're friends aren't we?" Callum shrugged.
I relaxed into a smile. "Of course we are."
"And if you can't kiss your friends who can you kiss?" Callum smiled.

Malorie Blackman

#90. I mean, I kind of feel alphas are the romance equivalent of an impulse buy. It looks great in the shop but then you get home and it's like where am I going to put this thing? It doesn't go with my furnishings and it keeps trying to kiss me punishingly.

Alexis Hall

#91. The no-kiss rule starts when we're home and I've found you a class,' Sky said smugly. 'Read the small print.'
Zed folded his arms and pushed back his empty plate. 'She won't last.

Joss Stirling

#92. And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass.

Elizabeth Eulberg

#93. I can't believe you grew up and ate a monkey. Worse, I can't believe I let a guy who ate a monkey kiss my mouth.
Honey,I kissed more than your mouth.

Rachel Gibson

#94. A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.

Helen Rowland

#95. I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

Frank Carson

#96. Any requests on the kind of car?"
"Something with armor?" she said. "Oooh, and headrest DVD. Bonus for surround sound."
"Rocket launchers," Michael said.
"One hot yellow Hummer with optional mass destruction package, coming up.

Rachel Caine

#97. You've got an awfully kissable mouth.

F Scott Fitzgerald

#98. His princess was dusty.

Sarah E. Morin

#99. Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:
1. To kiss
2. To sip coffee
Too bad both are a luxury.

Saleem Sharma

#100. He kissed me for a long moment, holding my shoulders, perhaps to keep me from pressing my whole body against his. Then he tried to lift my bag.
"My God," he said. "What happened?"
"I found out one may check out twenty books at a time from the school library.

Laura Whitcomb